Phased
by restlessxpen
Summary: Driven away from his home by the sight of a wedding invitation, Jacob Black has fled far from the boundaries of La Push. He has lost the ability to Phase, but it seems like a small price to pay in consideration of keeping what is left of his heart.
1. Somewhere Outside of Marital Bliss

The sky was a pale, cloudless blue, and the sun glared down, unguarded. A few gulls wheeled lazily above me, chattering amongst themselves. They'd been scouting me out for an hour, but I only had a beer in hand, which made them tough out of luck if they were hoping to play scavengers after I forfeited my spot in the sand. I glanced up at them occasionally, wondering if they had the capacity to know when it was a good time to give up.

I snorted, wedging my feet into the sand. I didn't have much room to talk there. It'd taken me a long time to realize I'd missed the right time to give up. Maybe I'd deserved the slap in the face of a wedding invitation to bring me to my senses. It had worked either way.

And maybe that wasn't as bad a thing as it had once felt like it had to be.

It had, after all, brought me to the sunny beaches of Panama City Beach, Florida. It'd given me a new life, a place to start over, a house—albeit small—close to the beach, and a steady-paying job as a mechanic. Best of all—miles and miles away from the Cullen's—I'd stopped phasing.

That was right. No more fur or fleas for me. I was normal again.

A heartbroken, twenty-two-year old runaway, but fucking normal.

There was something to say for normalcy when you'd lived half your life in the bizarre world of mythological creatures, and had been one of those creatures yourself. My body temperature no longer escalated into dangerous degrees, I didn't have to involuntarily share my private thoughts with anyone anymore, and I didn't have to be burdened with the task of protecting a reservation. In exchange for that, I hadn't minded aging a bit.

In fact, maybe aging some had been a blessing in disguise.

A few years spent on a beach miles away from La Push had given me space. Space to grow and heal. Space to help me forget Isabella Swan.

I grimaced, taking a pull from my beer. Isabella _Cullen_ now.

Maybe I felt guilty for ditching my friends and family like that, but leaving La Push had been the best idea for me. Otherwise, I would have wound up doing something stupid. Whether that would have been committing the murder of a vampire or simply continuing to play the lovesick fool, I didn't know, but I was glad to have avoided both.

Though I enjoyed the freedom, the guilt of leaving my dad behind had almost made me leave once. I'd stayed in contact by payphone for awhile, and occasionally conversed with my friends during a few, short seconds in wolf form. I didn't allow the possibility of being located in either method of contact.

While the pack had given me my space, my dad's patience hadn't stretched as far. Two years after I had left, he began to tell me, in no uncertain terms, that he needed me to be home.

Despite the fact that I had healed in Florida, that I'd created a life and a partial sort of happiness for myself that I knew would never last in La Push, I would have went back when he asked it of me.

I would have.

Except for the fact that, when I went to phase to carry myself back home on four paws, I hadn't been able to.

At first, I'd been a little stunned. I'd stood outside my house in the middle of the night for at least an hour, just staring at nothing, my face all scrunched up in concentration, but nothing had _happened_. It had been the strangest feeling I'd ever felt—not being able to phase. It had never been hard to do before, but, suddenly, it was like I couldn't remember _how_.

I'd waited a few more hours and tried again, thinking maybe I just wasn't focused enough, but I still hadn't been able to.

It was the next night—after having spent all my energy trying to phase—that I realized that my body no longer could. Phasing had been a defense mechanism triggered by the appearance of vampires and the threat of harm to the people my tribe had always been sworn to protect.

In Florida, there were no vampires threatening me, and I was the only person I had to protect. The time of peace had shut down my ability to phase.

I was no longer a wolf. I was just Jacob Black.

Despite my father's wishes, I'd realized then that it was time for me to live my own life, and that La Push was no longer a place I could return to. There was nothing left there for me except the ghosts of what could have been. From my limited conversations with my pack, I'd learned that Bella had married Edward.

That was all I wanted or needed to know. I didn't ask about her again.

She had moved on, and I was determined to do the same. That was why I now spared only one phone call a month—as heartless as that felt—for my dad. He stopped asking for me to come back after I told him about my phasing problem, and turned instead to the idea that maybe I _did_ need some time to grow on my own. He told me in his most theatrically prophetic voice that I would know when it was time to come home.

I didn't have the heart to argue, even though I knew that I _was_ home.

I proved that to myself by buying my first place with the cash I gradually saved up from working as a mechanic—a damn good mechanic.

It was a small place, but it was still mine. I'd painted it the same color of blue as the sky, and I'd become content. It wasn't decorated with photos of family and friends, but I filled the voids of my life with trinkets from the beach or some of the small shops that lined the streets. I ignored what I had none of and made due with what was available to me.

It helped me forget—or at least ignore—memories of Bella.

It worked so well that I actually got to the point where I could see other women. I dated. Not a lot, but enough not to come off looking like a lonely old hermit. The girls I took to the dance clubs and bars, and sometimes just for a stroll on the beach, were all beautiful in their own way, and, after awhile, they stopped looking like Bella to me.

They became Mia and Amy and Kendra, or whoever, and they had their own voices and faces and texture. They were all brief flings, but they all helped me over the gigantic, unpleasant hill in my path that was Bella.

Granted, some days like these—my off days—when I took to sitting on the secluded section of beach a short walk from my house, I lapsed into thoughts of my life in La Push as I watched gulls circle me and tasted the bitterness of beer on my tongue. Occasionally, the gentle crash of waves riding to the beach would stir old memories of a day when I'd pulled Bella from the depths of angrier waves, and I would linger over the what-ifs of my life, but it was all easily brushed aside now, because I could get up, and I could shake myself out of those memories, and I could remember that I was miles and miles away from that girl and that past, and I didn't have to face them anymore.

I was a different man, Bella was married, and I was going to be fine.

Really.

Rolling my eyes at myself, I unearthed a shell from the sand beside me. I rolled it between my fingers for a second before tossing it toward the water. One gull dove for it automatically, anxious for any sliver of leftover he could get from me, still not aware that I wasn't carrying anything edible. He gave a squawk and arced back into the sky as soon as he realized he'd been duped.

Dumb bird.

I wedged my beer bottle into the sand beside me, leaving it half-full. I really wasn't a big drinker, but I occasionally pulled a bottle from the fridge to accompany me for my lonely beach-sitting time. Maybe I just couldn't survive without having something to do with my hands. Even now, my left was tapping my leg restlessly while my right scooped up sand just to feel it drain through the gaps between my fingers. I smirked at myself.

Even as my werewolf genes grew dormant, I was still as restless as ever. I decided to ebb my surplus of energy by going for a swim. Might as well enjoy the beach before a few stragglers found their way to my end, only to be disappointed—as it was usually couples—that this end of the beach still wasn't completely empty. No necking for them.

I pushed to my feet, took hold of the bottom of my t-shirt, and pulled it over my head. It took less than a second to do, which was why I was a bit startled to find that a straggler already _had_ made their way to this end. Surprised, I dropped my t-shirt into the sand and squinted at the small figure in the distance.

They'd stopped walking a bit too far away to make them out clearly, and I thought they must be angled away from me anyway, staring at the ocean. It wasn't that it wasn't typical to see a few people wander over this way, but it struck me as odd that this person was alone this far from the public beach. Especially since I was pretty certain they were female. The shapely outline of their body was too pronounced to think otherwise, though the bronze curls might have given them away regardless. I could see the ringlets waving gently in the warm breeze.

I strained to see her, and struggled with wondering if it would be rude to walk in her direction just for a better look. I had no idea why I was suddenly so curious about this one person, but something… something…

What?

Making a noise of annoyance at myself, I shook my head and pulled my thoughts back in. Hadn't I got past thinking that every girl I saw was Bella by now? She was way back in Forks with Edward, and, besides, this girl had curly bronze hair and skin that was a bit too much like alabaster to be Bella Sw—_Cullen_.

It was just some random chick on the beach, probably thinking the whole solitary stroll thing was romantic. She wasn't any of my concern unless I decided I felt the need to warn her to wear sunscreen with skin like that. Which I didn't.

To prove this, I aimed myself in my original direction, trotted down the beach, and waded into the ocean. The waves caressed my ankles and knees before I waded far enough out to envelope my entire body. Sinking momentarily beneath the surf, I washed away the sweat and sand and allowed myself to be carried by one wave before I resurfaced. Now that I was no longer a wolf, I actually had the ability to cool myself off with a dip into the ocean, and I regularly enjoyed it. It was nice not being a space heater.

Slicking my hair back and rubbing salt water from my eyes, I glanced in the girl's direction again before I was totally aware that I had planned to do just that. I didn't know whether to be grateful or disappointed by what I saw.

She was gone.

Well, wasn't that just as well? I had given in to enjoying the occasional fling, but there was something about that girl that had unsettled me. I didn't want a fling with her. Not that one had been offered to me, but for some reason, some little survival instinct was telling me to beware. Maybe it was because I had looked at her and had seen Bella—something I hadn't done with anyone in awhile.

A wave hit me in the back, and I no longer felt like swimming. I scowled. If nothing else, the girl had definitely ruined my mood. I started back for the shore, weaving a little as the tide sucked at my ankles. There was something seriously wrong with my brain.

Maybe I should go to a doctor and ask them to surgically remove Bella from the folds.

If only things were that easy.

I released a small growl as my feet reached the warm, sun-baked sand. It was just a momentarily lapse. I would be fine once I retrieved my beer, finished it off, and retreated into my house to lose myself tinkering with my sink.

Fixing the leak was something I had been meaning to do anyway. Maybe I would have the motivation to do it now. Losing myself in mindless work would surely get my thoughts away from Forks.

Too bad it would be put off once again as, instead of steering myself back in the direction of my house, I veered to my left toward the place where the girl had stood. I didn't know what the hell I was doing, but something in me needed to prove that I hadn't just imagined the bronze-haired girl standing there.

Though I couldn't explain to myself why I needed to know whether or not she was a figment of my imagination. The fact that I was curious at all should have been my first clue to run in the other direction. Curiosity never got me anywhere pleasant. Especially when it started with a female.

I pulled up short as I closed in on the place where she had been. There were, indeed, tracks in the sand, and only one pair. They were the size and shape that could easily indicate a delicate female foot. I stopped to stare at them, but lingered over them even after I had them to confirm that a girl really had been standing here.

I didn't know what it was—I could have been imagining it—but something about the air _tasted_ different here. My senses had dulled back to those standard for normal human beings over the years, but it was like a tiny part of them had flickered briefly back to life just long enough to tell me that something was amiss.

Stupid.

As if it would help, I waved a hand in front of my face, churning the air in hopes of dispersing the scent or taste or whatever it was. As I did so, the air shifted, and I could have sworn—if only for a second—that I smelled _strawberries_.

It scared the hell out of me, as ridiculous as that sounded, because there was only one person I associated with strawberries.

"No," I hissed. "No way."

I turned on my heels and booked it back up the beach, barely resisting the urge to full out run back to my place. I must have been out in the sun too long. I was hallucinating. No way was I imagining Bella on my beach. Bella and her familiar scent of strawberries. To hell with the mysterious bronze haired girl. If anything previously had given me a hint that she was not someone I wanted to deal with, this little kicker had definitely been the neon light flashing in my face telling me to back off.

I didn't need to be told twice.


	2. Definitely Seeing Things

I didn't sleep easy that night. It was embarrassing that the mere scent of strawberries—easily the scent of choice for numerous females, I was sure—could set me off, but it could. It induced a whole slew of dreams that rotated between the past, the present, mournful wolf howls that translated roughly into a summoning that I could no longer answer, and vampires that lurked through the shadows, hissing occasionally and swallowing the image of Bella into their darkness. As much as I yelled—as furiously as I swung my fists at empty air—I couldn't win her back. Sometimes I'd listen to her begging me to save her, other times she quietly told me to let her go.

I woke up pissed and hurting. My heart was throbbing unevenly, like the broken trinket it had become. I rubbed my knuckles against my chest, as if to press the pulsing thing inside it back together. It was ridiculous. I'd thought I'd gotten past this. I rolled out of bed, stubbed my toe on my nightstand, and stumbled, cursing, into my miniature, adjoining living room, and from there into the kitchen that was all but part of the living room with the sink practically on the couch.

The sun was beginning to peak through my crème colored blinds, slanting golden light across the pile of dirty dishes and empty takeout boxes piled in my sink. I glanced at them with a wary eye, once again telling myself I'd get to cleaning and disposing them eventually. Just not this morning. Not right now.

The only problem was that the majority of all the dishes I owned were in that sink, as I came to find when I nudged open a cabinet looking for something to host my food. That might have compelled me to do at least a few of them had I not next went to the fridge and found that it was pretty barren as well, leasing its space to a mere pack of cheese slices and a couple of shriveled grapes.

So much for the breakfast of bacon and eggs I'd fantasized about during the short walk from my bedroom to my kitchen. I was more than a little put out by the realization, as I'd fantasized drowning my dream-induced unhappiness in a generous amount of bacon strips and a mound of scrambled eggs.

I didn't know why finding my kitchen empty was a surprise. I must have lapsed back into the past with my dreams, imagining that I still lived with Billy and his fridge that was, at least, always stalked with Sue Clearwater's fish. Well, I could make the best out of my situation anyway. No reason to go getting nostalgic over fish and the spoiled fantasy of bacon and eggs. I really wasn't that great of a cook anyway, which probably contributed to the fact that I had an empty fridge. I was a take-out sort of guy, or, at the very least, hopelessly dependant on microwavable meals.

It was a bad habit. I needed to break it, and why not today? Maybe it'd erase the bad karma I was getting from continuously neglecting the dishes. Hell, maybe having food to cook would influence me into doing the dishes.

It was worth a shot, and it was obviously better than sitting around here, wondering about the bronze-haired girl on the beach, which would then coerce my thoughts back to the dream I'd had. All in all, it was unpleasant territory, and I definitely didn't want to start my day out that way. I knew from experience how those days went.

Settled, I got dressed, left my home, and decided on going to one of the few remaining ma-and-pop grocery stores left after the "strip" had swallowed the others with tourist attraction stores like one devoted to Elvis Presley with a life-size statue propped on the sidewalk, and at least a gazillion restaurant chains that blazed their neon lights all times of the day and night.

_Bonnie's_ was the grocery store I took to for the fact that, given my own experience, I was prone to rooting for the underdog. Fortunately for Bonnie, her grocery store was a little luckier than I had been fighting the big dogs.

Maybe I just wasn't as imposing as Bonnie. The woman was made like the shell of a coconut—impossible to break with the same tanned skin that was as rough as a cob though it was wrinkled after all the stress she carried around and the forty plus years she had behind her. I spotted her as I closed in on her store, having taken to foot after leaving my place, needing the walk. She had a few stands set up on the sidewalk. It was a pretty decent way to bring the customers in, as she, unlike so many others, was open to letting people sample some of her best tasting fruits before they decided to purchase, which, of course, they would after they'd tasted that kind of sweet nectar.

For instance, I was probably going to have to buy a portion of the gigantic watermelon she was trying to push onto an obvious outside—judging by his palm tree print t-shirt and lack of tan—and she didn't even have to try to make me taste a slice first. I was a sucker for Bonnie.

Maybe if I'd been twenty years older, Bonnie could have filled the crater Bella had burned into me.

I raised my hand as she lifted her faded green eyes momentarily from her victim and caught sight of me. A crease of a smile touched her face, and she gave me an acknowledging wink. I circled a few of her stands as I waited for her to finish up with the man who now had a mouth full of watermelon. He was definitely a goner.

I pretended to eye a stand of oranges as I watched the man eventually concede to Bonnie and her fruit, dig out a few bills from his pocket, and walk away with an arm around his bountiful new watermelon, looking slightly dazed. Bonnie definitely knew how to work them.

"I've been saving this for you, Mr. Black."

Materializing at my side, Bonnie extended a triangle of cut pineapple to me. Hell, Bonnie definitely knew how to work _me_. I grinned at her, accepting the yellow fruit and popping it into my mouth. A sweet gushing of juice pooled inside my mouth, and I released a sound of approval. Bonnie beamed, straightening her spine as she reached up to push back a few wayward strands of grey-laced black hair.

"I knew you would like it."

I swallowed the last of the pineapple with remorse. "You know everything I like, Bonnie."

She laughed, making me smile. There were plenty of things about Bonnie that were intriguing. The fact that she still had the laugh of a young woman was one of them. It wasn't like the tinkling of bells. It was more of a rolling, velvety sound. Too bad she wasn't younger. Too bad she'd sort of become something like my mom over the past couple of years.

"I'd say it's just business, but I think I have a genuine liking for you."

It was my turn to laugh. "You don't have to flatter me, Bonnie. I'm already going to buy more than I can afford from you."

She shook her head. "Pick out what you want, but, for you, things are always half priced."

Running my hand around the slick mound of an orange at the top of the mountain of its comrades that had been stacked on the stand, I started to object. I wasn't the richest guy in the world, but I paid for what I wanted, or I didn't allow myself to get it. I didn't want to be indebted to anyone. Of course, Bonnie knew this, as I'd told her many times before, but I opened my mouth to reiterate my stand once more.

My argument tangled in my throat, however, as I caught a glimpse of movement over Bonnie's shoulder. Two stands away, a young woman was picking through a pile of blood red apples. A woman at Bonnie's stand wasn't anything unusual, of course, but something about this woman made me do a double-take. Her eyes were hidden by large, oval shades, and her hair was pulled back and masked by a pink scarf tied loosely around her head. She wore shorts and t-shirt and had bag slung over her shoulder. Maybe it was the scarf, or maybe it was the sunglasses, or maybe it was just the weird way she was holding herself, but she looked a bit out of place.

My heart stumbled once, strangely, in my chest, as I looked at her.

I knew, even though her face was hidden behind the shades, and her hair was covered with the scarf, that it was the same, mysterious girl from the beach. I knew it if only for the way I reacted to her. Again, I felt like something was off or unusual. Something about her was _different_.

I was gawking at her when she happened to glance up and catch me.

"Ah," Bonnie murmured. "You've seen something you like."

"Huh?" I choked, blinked. "What?"

I looked over at her, and Bonnie was smiling smugly. I felt my cheeks heat, and was glad that my face was too tanned to see the red that probably spilled across it. I couldn't explain why, but I felt like, there for a second, I'd let everything I was thinking become way too readable.

"The girl," Bonnie informed me. "Who is she?"

She jerked a thumb over her shoulder, turning her head to look. I looked with her, and I was instantly disappointed.

"Oh," Bonnie said in surprise. "She's gone."

The apple stand was now occupied by a middle-aged couple who were chatting amongst each other. The girl was gone, just as quickly and as unexpectedly as she had disappeared the day before. I might have thought I'd imagined her appearance if Bonnie hadn't obviously spotted her as well. I shook my head, not really sure if I wanted to know what was going on here.

"Yeah," I said, "but no, I don't know her. She just—ah—looked familiar. I think I've seen her before."

Bonnie smirked. "It looked like you wanted to see her _again_."

Bonnie was sharp and not shy at all. I shook my head in amusement at her. If no one else would, she would always call me out on my bluff. I shrugged instead of attempting to deny what I knew had been written all over my face.

"Yeah," I admitted. "I guess I wouldn't mind if I did."

A calloused hand patted my cheek.

"I would like to see you choose someone. You're too lonely in that house of yours, so far away from your family."

I fought the frown that tried to push its way to my mouth. I had told Bonnie bits and pieces of my past when she'd questioned me a year after I'd moved here. For the most part, the things I had told her were true: I had lived with my dad on a reservation, everyone had been very close knit, and I'd left when I'd decided I needed to establish myself outside of that unified image. Bonnie had claimed to understand, but Bonnie, after all, only knew half the picture. Bonnie didn't know that I had once been a werewolf, that I had been burdened with the curse by my ancestors to spend my life fighting vampires, and that I had lost the love of my life to one of those vampires.

"I like the solitude," I told her. "After years of living in a pack, it's nice."

Bonnie shook her head at me, though I knew she wouldn't catch the irony of terming my past relationships as a pack. They weren't my pack anymore, though. They were Sam's, as they would have been even if I had stayed. I definitely didn't want that responsibility.

"You're making all the pretty girls frown, Black," she chided me. "Like Anna, for instance."

"Who--?"

"Jacob!"

Oh. I felt a hand slide through my arm, nails gently pressing into my skin. Wishing I could have ducked out of sight, I turned slightly to find Anna Morris at my side. She was tall, slender, brunette, and one of the first substitutes for Bella that I'd hooked up with after coming to Florida. I hadn't seen it then, but Anna wasn't anything like the girl I'd tried to imagine her as. Though her eyes were the same color, and her hair was only a fraction off the right shade of brown, Anna was tanned from the sun, long, limber, and graceful. She radiated confidence and coordination. She was a dancer, I'd come to find after our first date.

It was an intriguing profession for a girl you found yourself dating, but I'd all but ran for the hills after our first date. The thing about Anna was that she was strong, determined, and hard-headed. She didn't understand the meaning of "no," and she'd scared the hell out of me when all I'd been looking for was a quick, meaningless fling, only to find out that she was already calculating our future. She was a gorgeous girl, but I just wasn't interested in love anymore.

"Ah—hey, Anna."

Dressed in a light pink halter and a pair of blue jean underwear that someone must have mistaken for shorts, Anna definitely knew how to show off and wield her form for her male audience. I heard Bonnie clucking her tongue quietly behind me. My thoughts exactly.

"Jay," she purred to me, and I winced. I hated that nickname. "What happened to you? Take a girl out on a romantic date by candlelight and then never call her again? I know you have more class than that."

That was definitely exaggerating. Unless, of course, Anna found the fluorescent bulbs of a local fast food joint reminiscent of candlelight. It'd hardly been romantic. I hadn't had the capacity for romance at the time, as I had only been looking for a quick fix for Bella, and I hadn't put much effort into the impromptu date that had really just spawned from an offhand conversation I'd had with Anna upon running into her in a grocery store.

_"Hey, want to grab a bite to eat?"_

_ "Sure! That would be great!" _

_ "How about a burger?"_

_ "Definitely!" _

Not exactly a world class romance, but maybe Anna was a hopeless romantic. I almost snorted. Yeah right. The girl had priorities. Priorities never had time for romance. Anna was too smart, too talented, and too ambitious to fall into those trappings. I would have almost envied her had I not been so annoyed with her at the moment, cropping up out of nowhere and latching onto my arm like she had.

"Yeah… Sorry about that," I apologized, not at all pulling off sincerity. "I've just been caught up…with work."

"Aw, Jay, you working man." Her nails dug in a little as she laughed. "Well, let's make up for lost time, shall we? There's a live band playing tonight at the club."

"I—"

"Oh, shit!" Bonnie cursed loudly behind me, surprising me so much I turned to look.

I'd never heard Bonnie cuss. She could be stern, and sometimes it was easy to see when her temperature was rising, but I had never heard her actually verbalize her annoyance. She'd turned away from me, and was already walking in the opposite direction to the apple stand.

Where, I saw, the mysterious girl in the scarf had reappeared, and, by the looks of it, had somehow knocked the pyramid of apples over. They were bouncing away from the stand in all directions, wheeling warmly in the sun as they tumbled past the feet of customers who looked on, surprised. I could see scarf girl lifting a hand to her mouth, and, though I couldn't hear her very well from where I was at, it looked like she was saying that she was sorry.

I watched Bonnie reach her, waving her off. I could imagine she was telling scarf girl not to worry about it, wanting her just to get lost so she could rebuild her pyramid and hope that another klutz didn't wonder by. Scarf girl apologized at least three more times, and, just when I expected her to rush off, embarrassed, into the crowd, she looked my way—directly at me—and _smiled_.

Something went through me—straight down my spine—and that was when I realized that Anna's hand had fallen away from my arm.

"Actually, I already have plans with someone," I told Anna, keeping my eyes on scarf girl to make sure she didn't disappear again.

"With who?" Anna demanded, sounding more annoyed than disappointed. She wasn't the

type that liked being turned down, or even the type that took it well.

"With her," I told her, tipping my head toward scarf girl,

I started to walk toward her, suddenly sure of what I wanted to do—what I should do. I forgot about Anne. All I cared about was the girl behind the shades right now. I didn't even hesitate as my mind cautioned me, recalling the strawberry scent from the day before.

I was going to introduce myself and see what this girl was all about.


	3. Who's Behind Those Shades?

As soon as scarf girl saw me coming, she turned and started to walk away, but she was going too slow for me to think she was trying to get away from me. In fact, I thought she _wanted_ me to follow her.

I left Anna standing by the orange stand without a second thought, making a beeline for my mystery girl. Who was this girl? Anxious, I quickened my pace, closing in on her. Her scarf had come loose. I spotted a bronze curl peeking out from beneath the pink material.

Scarf girl was definitely the same girl from the beach. She wasn't a hallucination. She was apparently just really good at disappearing fast.

"Hey," I called to her.

She stopped automatically, twisting just slightly on her heels to glance back at me. She was still smiling, and she arched one brow high over the rim of her shades. I had a fleeting urge to pull them off of her face to see her eyes. I didn't like this. All these strange urges and uncomfortable feelings she was giving me—I should have turned and ran the other way.

"Yes?" she answered, and I knew I couldn't turn away.

Her voice was pleasantly low-pitched—the sultry type every guy wanted to hear whispering to him over the phone line, except she wasn't faking it to get some guy off. The fact that it was, in appearances, her natural voice made it even better.

I opened my mouth to reply, and the situation seemed to catch up to me.

What the hell was I doing? I never pursued anyone with this much interest. This much interest was dangerous. She was just some loner girl that happened to be in the same place as me on two occasions. So what if I thought she might be a little beautiful even though I'd only seen her from a distance and hidden behind shades and a scarf? Whatever it was that I was feeling in the pit of my stomach and making wary circles around my heart could not be attraction. Subtle attraction was fine, but I hadn't… I hadn't felt this much stirring of interest since…

"Thanks," I blurted out to avoid my own thoughts.

"Hmm?" she murmured. "For what?"

"For saving me back there."

"Saving you?" she repeated distractedly.

I should have done the smart thing and played it off as a joke. It would have saved me from embarrassment after learning I'd misread the signals, but, at that point, I'd grown oblivious as the scent of strawberries wafted over me, and I had a momentary lapse in judgment.

"Yeah," I went on, stupidly. "You knocked the fruit over to give me a chance to escape."

She smirked, tilting her head to the side. I had a feeling that she was giving me a long once over behind those shades, and, once again, I was struck by the urge to remove them. Instead, I stuck my hands in my pockets, not trusting myself with my newfound, overly-enthusiastic interest in a girl I'd only seen in brief passing.

"No, I didn't," she chuckled.

"You didn't?"

She chuckled again. "No, but you're welcome, nonetheless."

But… she had looked directly at me and _smiled_. She'd walked with a purposely slow step to let me catch up to her. She'd appeared at the stand entirely _for me_. I frowned at myself. The latter part of my reasoning had no grounding in fact. Where had that thought even come from? It had been a public fruit stand, and she didn't even know me. Why would she have been there for me? Way to make myself look like an idiot.

Feeling like a fool, I stared at her in several seconds of silence and considered whether or not it wouldn't be better to cut my losses and run away with my pitiful first impression.

"Oh. Sorry, I guess I misunderstood," I told her. "Maybe I was just over-glorifying what you did, because I was so glad to get away. You know how it is when an ex-flame doesn't know when to let go."

I was trying to joke and failing. The girl's next response was proof of that.

"No," she said, simply and so matter-of-factly that it took me off guard.

"Oh."

Why did she keep staring at me like that? Even blocked by her tented lenses, I knew that her gaze was pinned to my face. I could feel it. It tightened the hand that had started to loosely grip my heart, and something of my dream from the night before resurfaced.

_Bella_. She reminded me of _Bella_.

It was the way she was standing and the tilt of her head. I could almost even hear Bella in her voice. That was why I had singled her out. Something about her had clicked with Bella, and that part of me that continued to search for a believable replacement had started awake. I inhaled, thinking that I was crazy. I had to stop seeing Bella's face in the crowd. I had to stop looking for her.

"I'm sorry. I'll just…ah…leave you alone then. My mistake."

I made to swing away, but a hand caught the crook of my elbow. That hand—cool, slender, and yet somehow strong—froze me to my spot, but it wasn't the grip that kept me. It was the electricity that sparked up my arm, transferring from her flesh to mine and skittering through my veins like warm steam. It backed the air up in my lungs for a second, before I could recall how to breathe again.

"It was an honest mistake," she told me, "but I didn't mean to chase you off. I'm new here. I've been trying to meet people, and it would figure that I scare away the first person to approach me. Why don't I buy you breakfast?"

It was a perfectly harmless question. It was also one I'd used and had allowed to be used on me over the past few years to segue my way into my help-me-forget-Bella flings. I could let the girl buy me some eggs and toast, I could feel out her personality and see if she was worth the effort, and then I could go on and have an innocent fling with the closest look-alike I'd found to Bella yet. It would be easy.

It would have been, at least, until scarf girl removed her shades. I stared into two pools of rich, warm chocolate. No—I _fell_ into those two pools, head first. It was a short fall, but a painful one. There were plenty of girls with brown eyes, but these were so familiar. My stomach twisted into knots. Pain gathered between my brows. Maybe this was why I'd been pulled forward, yet had instinctually felt the need to run away.

I'd found the perfect Bella.

Scarf girl offered me a slightly quizzical smile, as if she couldn't quite comprehend why I had suddenly gone silent. I probably looked a little stricken too, which couldn't have made much sense to her. My expression was probably one of having just seen a ghost.

"Okay, let me try this again," scarf girl said, giving a nervous laugh. "I'm Ren—ah—just Ren. Would you like to have breakfast with me, Mr.--?"

"Jacob," I answered dumbly. "Jacob Black."

If I hadn't been so torn up at the moment, so overwhelmed by seeing such a close resemblance to Bella's face, I might have noticed that that face was registering a bit of shock of its own. Why? I had no idea, because, unlike me, she apparently had the ability to quickly regain her composure, and it made me wonder if I'd simply imagined the mirrored expression.

"Oh. Jacob," she repeated, and I did not care for the way I quivered at the sound of her speaking my name. "Well, what do you say? Breakfast?"

Here was my Bella look-alike. Here was the embodiment of my lost true love that I had been searching for, but, now that I'd finally found her when I'd believed all along the mission was impossible, I didn't feel relieved at all. Instead, the vision of her face fading between her own and Bella's was making me weak and hurt. I hadn't expected to find someone so… perfect. I'd set myself up, on a mission I'd known I would, lose hoping that I'd never find my new Bella.

"I-I can't actually. I'm really in a hurry. I-I have to work in about an hour. It was nice meeting you though, Ren."

"Oh." She frowned. "Oh. Okay. Nice meeting you too, Jacob."

_Stop saying my name_.

"Yeah," I said, avoiding her gaze. "Nice meeting you too."

And then I got the hell out of there before I could reconsider how much I'd like to be in the company of Bella's face.

~!~!~!~

The pressure against my chest increased as I let myself sink below the surf. A wave crested over my head, pushing me toward shore, and I let my body roll with it. My knee skimmed the sandy bottom, and I sensed the small school of fish darting past me on my left. Eyes closed, breath held, I tried to think of nothing but the suction against my body, pushing and pulling me. The water was cool as it rushed past, feeling like lukewarm bath water. Unlike the surf in La Push which had always been so frigid and unyielding.

A face floated behind my lids—tinted blue and, at first, unresponsive. I jerked in response to the unexpected and unwanted recollection of the day I had saved Bella from the waves when she'd leapt, in what I had first suspected as a suicide attempt, from the cliffs. The fear I had felt then returned like an echo of its former self.

I rolled, pushing my feet toward the sand beneath me. The balls of my feet sunk in, and I shoved myself toward the surface, breaking through just as a wave crashed past. I exhaled loudly, stumbling forward as the next wave hit me in the back.

Why couldn't I stop thinking about her? Why couldn't I be free from the past?

I gritted my teeth in the darkness, caressed only by the cold spill of moonlight from the full orb overhead and the occasional wave that slapped against my back. I had decided on the midnight swim to clear my mind, and I had just failed. I wasn't even sure why I had tried. Escaping Bella was never something I had been good at, even when I tried to force myself by thinking about how she was Mrs. Cullen now, and, probably, made of cold marble by now. The heartbeat I had cherished was dead.

Edward Cullen had murdered her.

I felt cold—inside and out. The heat of the night didn't seem to touch me any longer, as if I was isolated in a lonely bubble of chilled air. Wounded by the persistent ghosts of my past, I started to make my way toward shore as the waves fought against my knees.

Just when I'd found the ability to seal thoughts of Bella and my past away, Ren had had to appear in my life with the same eyes as Bella, the same scent. It was enough to trigger a relapse, because I was just pitifully weak like that. Some random girl could knock me off my poorly built wall with but a flick of her finger.

I slicked a hand through my hair as I took to the shore, feeling the grains of sand cling moistly to the bottoms of my feet. I should have just cut my losses and went to bed. Then, at least, I'd have an even chance of not thinking of Bella as it was always a toss-up as to whether or not she'd appear in my dreams.

Damn it.

I was starting to think that maybe I should have taken Anna up on her offer. At least there would have been the likelihood that I would have spent the night with her rather than alone, which usually kept my demons at bay. As long as I had something else to focus on, I could separate myself from her for a few hours at least. It might have even been worth it to sit and listen to Anna dominate the conversation with her visions for her future, and, sometimes, mine as well, just to have been given peace of mind for a while. Well, aside from the anxiety I knew I'd start to feel as my thoughts were occupied, instead, by the clingy woman in my house and avoiding whatever plan was formulating in that calculating mind of hers.

All right, maybe I'd rather face the nightmares, but it wasn't like Anna was the only girl around. There were others I could have easily called that would have gladly gone out to eat with me, at the very least. The problem was that I didn't want Anna or Sarah or whoever the hell else I'd used as temporary substitutes. None of them had filled the voids. They'd simply glossed over the wounds for a short period of time. The emptiness always crept back in. Bella had taken everything from me, including my dignity, it seemed.

I trudged toward my house, lagging a little as the sand sloped upward. I felt weary, all of a sudden, like I'd been fighting the waves for hours rather than the thirty minutes, at most, I'd spent in the ocean. This was ridiculous. I really needed to—

I looked up as my skin abruptly prickled, as if sensing danger. For a moment, I forgot that I'd lost my werewolf abilities as I attempted to taste the air, going on my gut feeling that something was amiss in the shadows by my house. I couldn't say what it was that warned me, but something felt…wrong. Something smelled….wrong. I couldn't pin it, as my senses were now weak and normal, but something deeply ingrained in me still had the power to alert me.

I stopped walking, narrowing my eyes as I studied my surroundings, but I heard nothing but the waves rolling in behind me. There was something—or someone—there. I could _feel_ it. But where?

"Someone out here?"

No reply. There was just that steady roll of waves behind me still. I started walking again, stepping slowly toward my house. For the first time in a long time, I missed my werewolf genes. I felt vulnerable—a feeling I wasn't accustomed to—because I didn't have my four-legged shield. I couldn't phase anymore. I couldn't scent out my foe, and I was no longer the superhuman strong guy I used to be. I was defenseless.

Annoyed by the thought, I demanded again, "Is someone out here?"  
Something rustled near the side of my house. I started forward, determined to seek out the source of my ill-ease if for no other reason than because I didn't want to acknowledge my weakness.

"_Jacob Black_."

I tripped and nearly fell flat on my face as my heart took a direct plummet to my feet like an elevator dropping straight down a shaft. It squeezed on its fall, so tight it felt like it burst, spilling its contents through me. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't see. Everything spun wildly, tilted, and threatened to unload me into a black pit where I might fall forever.

I had heard, distinctly, the sound of someone speaking my name. The voice had been feminine and familiar and too real to have been imagined. _But how could it be real_?

My knees buckled, and I dropped to them on the sand.

"Bella?" I breathed, as stupid as that was.

Of course it wasn't Bella. I was hearing things. Or someone out here was messing with me. That had to be it. Someone was here messing with me, probably thinking they were funny. _But who could know about Bella_? Stupid. I was just linking everything to Bella. But then who was it? And why were they hiding?

"Who are you?" I yelled.

No reply. The feeling was gone as well. I was alone now. Maybe I had been alone all along. Maybe I was really cracking up. Maybe I had really just been idiotic to think that moving miles and miles away from my old life would separate me from it. I couldn't escape, no matter how hard I tried. I was doomed to be an empty shell of wasted space for the rest of my life, despite the facades I tried to hide behind.

"Go to hell," I growled to empty air, probably to someone that had never existed at all.

This was it—the last straw. I avoided sleep, I couldn't look at anything without drawing parallels to Bella, and I'd ran away from an attractive, perfectly dateable girl that had _just wanted to buy me breakfast_ in the market today, because she'd had eyes the same color as Bella's. I had to get my life together before there was nothing left. I had to move on. No more looking for substitutes. No more self-pitying. No more seeing Bella everywhere I looked. Kneeling on my knees in the sand, I told myself that I was going to let go once and for all.

Somehow.


	4. Minnow Eats Shark

"You look like shit."

I scowled, ducking under the hood of a silver Honda Civic. Josh Pullman stood beside the left front tire of the car, attempting to get another good look at my face to no avail. I had finished the Civic already, but I had seen Josh inspecting me just before he'd made his way over, and I was determined to stay where I was until he got the hint that I was busy and went on his way. Really, he was worse about poking around in other people's business than Edward Cullen was, and that fucker could read minds.

The six foot two, bulky dirty blonde with gapped teeth and a shark tattoo on his right forearm was also bad at taking hints. It didn't help that the guy had been looking for something to hang over my head all but since the day I had started at Jim Biggs' auto body shop and turned out to be a better mechanic than anyone in there, including Josh.

From under the cover of the hood, I watched Josh flex his arm, and I knew he was looking at his tattoo, imagining that his poorly sketched shark was swimming toward the minnow he'd tattooed near his elbow. I had no idea why the hell he thought his tattoo was impressive, but I thought he probably used it as a focal point to try and pretend that he wasn't actually just trying to get people to notice his muscles. As if those puny sticks were impressive.

"You always look like shit," I muttered in retort, and Josh laughed.

Dumbass.

"No need to get smart about it, Black," Josh told me. "Just trying to have a conversation. What's gotten you all worked up?"

_The love of my life is married to a vampire, and probably a vampire herself. A girl showed up on the beach and in the market, and she looks just like Bella, but she can't be Bella. No one can be Bella. Bella's a million miles away with marble skin and blood-red eyes and no heart. I'm slowly going nuts again just because one girl had the right color of brown eyes_.

_That about sum it up for you, Josh? _I thought to myself. _No, of course not, because you're an idiot, and you also have no idea what kinds of freaks exist outside of your oblivious bubble. _

I clanked my wrench against a few things to make it sound like I was doing something, all the while thinking about the nightmare I'd had the night before. I'd been holding Bella in my arms, feeling her heart beat against mine, when, abruptly, it had stopped. Everything had gone quiet and still. Bella had looked up at me, her brown eyes quickly devoured by red, a small, sad smile on her face. There were teeth marks on her neck.

_"Forget me, Jake," _she had whispered and faded away.

Didn't she know that that was exactly what I had been trying to do the last several years?

"I didn't get to sleep until late. That's it. Nothing to talk about, Josh."

Josh clucked his tongue, wiggling the shark on his arm again. He thought he was a tough guy with the entire world figured out. I imagined if he stepped into _my _world he'd wind up in some corner, curled into himself, sobbing while he sucked his thumb. Anyone could get into bar fights and tattoo themselves up. Try fighting a vampire and being a wolf in your spare time.

"I hope you'll say you spent the whole night awake with company of the female variety, or else I'm bound to be disappointed in you, Jacob."

"Prepare to be disappointed," I muttered, because I didn't figure he'd count the female in my dreams, nor did I want to share her with him.

Josh made a sound as if he was preparing to speak, but he trailed off, and I was thankful to whoever had just pulled up to the garage for diverting his attention. Sounded like something sleek and fast, by the purr of the engine. I didn't pull out of my hiding spot to check, but I thought it was probably something that would keep Josh entertained for the rest of the day and out of my hair since I couldn't convince him we'd never be buddy-buddy. He liked working on sports cars, and, judging by the appreciative whistle I heard to my left, I was guessing that was what we had.

Josh thumped the hood. "Here's you a pretty little thing to help make up for lost time."

All right, maybe Josh found the owner more interesting than the car. I rolled my eyes. Whatever. That was why he was a piece of shit mechanic. I remained where I was as the engine cut off behind me, and, unfortunately, so did Josh. A door opened and closed, and I heard the driver walk in our direction.

"Well hello there, what can we do for you?" Josh called.

"I've driven a long way. I just wanted to have everything checked out."

I nearly cracked my skull against the hood of the car as my whole body seemed to jerk in response to the sound of the voice behind me. Before I could even think to stop myself, I pulled out of my haven and turned to face the driver of what I found to be a yellow Porsche.

It was scarf girl, Ren, who I realized only then hadn't provided a last name.

It was Bella's eyes staring at me, but another body entirely. Her hair was loose and down, forming long, bronze ringlets. Her shapely body was clad in shorts and tank, but it was her legs that really got me. There were miles of them. I gawked at them longer than necessary. It was the first time I had seen her up close without any barriers or an ex-fling to distract me. She was a beautiful girl, but obviously not from around here with skin as pale as that.

"Hello, Jacob." She smiled at me, her brown eyes warming. "I didn't know you worked here."

I could feel Josh staring at me in apprehension, not quite able to believe that I was on a first name basis with the beautiful lady that had stepped out of the Porsche. I felt like that little minnow on Josh's arm, floundering as I stood in awe of another. How could anyone be so damn gorgeous? Why did I have to keep running into her?

Josh cleared his throat.

"Oh...uh…yeah. Yeah, I do."

Josh snorted with no attempt to cover up his obvious contempt for my lack of ability to successfully communicate with a female. I felt my face heat. I wasn't usually this awkward, but I felt like I was on uneven ground with this female, like one foot was balanced on the ledge and the other was uselessly attempting to find footing to no avail. I didn't like the feeling. I hadn't felt anything like it in a long time.

_She's not Bella, _I reminded myself, even as her chocolate brown eyes stayed quietly on mine.

"Jacob here's the best," Josh informed her, surprising me by taking up my side and clapping me on the shoulder.

I jolted slightly as his hand came down on my back, jarring me back to reality, making me realize that I'd been staring a little too intently at Ren. I started to drop my gaze, but saw that Ren's eyes seemed to be lit now with amusement, as if she could sense how awkward I felt. She inclined her head.

"Oh really?" she mused. "Could I talk to you then?"

"Sure you can," Josh agreed, taking the hint before I could even register it.

Giving me a shove in Ren's direction, Josh turned and strolled away. I glanced after him, wondering how she'd managed to get rid of him so easily when I'd been trying in vain for at least an hour. I heard Ren chuckle. It tied up something inside of me—that airy, pleasant sound. Apprehensive as to why I was reacting to her, I reluctantly returned my attention to her.

It wasn't just Josh that she had strange powers over. It was me too. She was making me see ghosts. She was making me feel…

She seemed to sense whatever it was that she was making me feel. "Are you all right? Would you rather I ask your friend for help?"

"No," I responded automatically. "No, I'm just… Sorry. You said you just wanted us to take a look at everything, right?"

I started toward her car automatically, and she followed suit. She barely made a sound when she walked, almost as if she was walking on air. She couldn't really weigh all that much though, could she? She was a small little thing with those big eyes of hers, those soft bronze curls, little waist, and slender, shapely legs. That was my problem. I was physically attracted to her, and I was taking things way out of proportion just because she was the closest match to Bella I'd ever been attracted to. It was reconnecting all those old lines to my best and stirring ghosts.

It was my own fault. I was the one looking at a beautiful girl and seeing another. I was an idiot, ruining all my chances with other nice girls searching for the one most like Bella, and, having found that one, I was going to waste that chance too, because she looked _too_ much like Bella. I really was impossible to please.

"Yes, that's right," she agreed.

In an attempt to regain my composure and save some face, I concentrated my attention on her car. It was a beauty—an expensive beauty—a car I'd often fantasized about working on, but hadn't gotten much opportunity. We were a good mechanic shop, but not exactly the most upscale one in Panama City. Cars like Ren's usually went to the more widely reputed shops, but she was knew and wouldn't know much about this place, would she?

I was indulging myself way too much to think that she'd come to this shop for me. She'd said herself that she hadn't known that I worked here. It was just coincidence. Just like the market. Just like the beach.

"It's a beautiful car," I told her. "You must be a doctor or something, right? Or married to one?"

I shouldn't be asking leading questions about her marital status. It was none of my business, and I wasn't interested in the Bella look-alike, was I? I thought I'd already established with my panic attack that it was dangerous territory.

There were just some things about my male genetics that I couldn't shut down.

"Oh, no," Ren laughed. "I'm just from the family of one."

"Oh."

"I'm not married either."

"Oh."

Had she picked up on the fact that I'd been trying to get that piece of information from her? I glanced sideways at her. She was smiling at me. I cleared my throat and tried to remember what we'd been talking about.

"Are you?"

I snorted. "No."

"You act like it's a ridiculous concept."

"It is."

Not exactly the conversation I wanted to have with a girl I hardly knew, but I _had_ started it. I was also going to end it, because there was just no explaining as to why marriage was never going to work for me. I couldn't tell this girl, or anyone else in my new life, about how the girl I wanted had married a vampire, leaving me a bachelor for the rest of my life, because I was definitely not going to fall in love again.

Ever.

Love put too much at stake, and I didn't have anything to gamble with anymore. I closed my eyes momentarily. Christ, I was going to be a hermit for the rest of my life on this train of thought. When had I become such a whiney girl? How could I let Bella break me like this? I couldn't date. I could barely even look at a girl with same color of eyes. I was a pathetic mess.

"Hmm," Ren murmured, looking away from me toward her car.

If I had had any plans to indulge my interest in this girl, I had definitely just killed it. A little line had just developed between her brows, and I could tell by the purse of her lips that she was considering my response and was probably pegging me as a bitter recluse with lots of baggage. Totally unappealing.

Long awkward pause courtesy of my own stupidity.

"So, should I just leave it here then?"

I really had repelled her fast.

"You don't have to leave."

I sounded as dejected as I felt. I didn't have the right to though. I was the one that had just completely shut down our conversation. I was the freak with the unrequited love in my closet. I could have kicked myself.

I saw her clasp her hands together in front of her, shifting her weight from one foot to another, as if she had grown as uncomfortable as I had.

"Look, I can tell I make you uncomfortable," she started, abruptly, "and I guess I can't blame you. I was trying to flirt with you at the market the other day, and I completely ruined it. You called me out on it, and I was a bit embarrassed. I didn't know what to say. I shouldn't have asked you to breakfast. You don't even know me. I'm sorry. I'm a little aggressive sometimes."

Saying this caught me by surprise was an understatement. I looked at her. I didn't think we would discuss our first awkward meeting. I'd been happy to let it go unmentioned myself, considering I'd ran away from her like an idiot.

"So you did knock that over? To get me away from Anna?"

Ren smiled sheepishly. "Yes."

"Why?" I asked, dumbly.

Ren looked slightly taken aback. "I—I just told you. I was trying to flirt with you."

Trying to flirt with me? I felt a strange ping in the pit of my stomach. I shifted slightly away automatically, as if I was afraid of the response I felt to her admittance of attraction, even though I sort of thought that it was what I wanted to hear. I was attracted to her too, wasn't I? I had had flings before, hadn't I? This was how they always started: with playful flirtation. So why was I freaking out here? I could tell by the look on her face that I'd somehow managed to hurt her feelings as well. I drew a hand through my hair.

"It's not… It's not that…" How the hell could I phrase this? "I'm just no good at this sort of thing anymore."

She frowned. "Oh. Oh, ok. I'll just—I mean, I can just take my car somewhere else. I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come here. I knew it was stupid."

"Wait, you knew I was here?"

Ren turned red, those brown eyes widening in horror as she realized I'd caught on to the underlying meaning of what she'd said. She _had_ come to the shop for me. I should have been flattered that the girl had gone out of her way to get my attention at the market and drove here to find me, but I felt…cornered.

"I'm going to go," she said, turning on her heel.

_Let her go, Jacob. You'll only get yourself into trouble. _

I stepped forward, caught her by the elbow.

"I shouldn't have just run off like that at the market," I blurted out. "You caught me by surprise too."

Ren turned her head, eyeing my warily over her shoulder, her cheeks still burning red. How had I gotten myself into this situation with a girl I barely knew? Why did I want to know her better?

"Let me make it up to you. You're new here. I'll take you to get some lunch."

Lunch was safe. Dinner would look like a date, but lunch could be shared between friends. No one said I had to do anything but be friends with the girl. She probably wouldn't be in town for long anyway. She'd have to be returning to that doctor family of hers at some point, and after all the time I'd spent pining after my Bella look-alike, wasn't it wrong to turn her away? All right, that was a bad explanation.

"All right." A smile bloomed slowly, prettily, on Ren's face. "Sure."


	5. Out of My Element

"This isn't your type of place, is it?"

I looked up from the steaming mug in front of me, having been staring helplessly at it. Ren held her own between her hands, eyeing me over the rim with a look of amusement. I'd brought her to the café thinking it was the type of place a girl with a Porsche would go, and, having had no previous idea that there were different_ types_ of teas other than sweet and unsweetened, I'd ordered the same as Ren, and was now facing a mug of a flowery-scented, hot tea that I was almost afraid to try.

I was trying to make a decent impression on the girl, though I still felt like something about her had me tiptoeing on eggshells—something I couldn't describe but felt like I knew. I had volunteered the date, and if I was going to submit myself, I had to carry through with it. The problem was that I had never dated someone as classy as Ren, and, by principle, I didn't indulge in day dates, which marked off my usual haunts that involved candles and tablecloths that girls so seemed to enjoy.

The café and its tiny oval tables and thick, coffee scents had seemed like the only logical choice available to me, but the problem was that I wasn't much for tea or coffee or bagels.

"No," I admitted, frowning at my mug.

It should have been the final piece of evidence I needed to conclude that I shouldn't be attempting anything with the girl that set off all my warning bells. She came from a doctor family. She drove a Porsche. She smelled like _strawberries_. She was upper class. I was a middle class mechanic with no perception of how to treat a girl that obviously could afford the finer things in life.

"Me neither."

I looked up, and Ren laughed, as if amused by the expression of surprise that had crossed my face.

"It isn't?"

Ren shook her head, dislodging her bronze curls so that they bounced around her face, stirring the air with strawberries and some other mysteriously tempting fragrance. I felt a prickle of desire dance up my spine, a need that felt almost innate. I swallowed it, a little off balance at the sudden emotion. I felt my skin heat as chocolate eyes caught mine.

"Not at all."

Great. Not only had I gone to the lengths of torturing myself by sitting in a café when I so obviously wasn't the typical type of character, but I had completely misread her.

"Oh. Sorry." _I'm an idiot_. "I just… I guess I thought a girl that drives a Porsche and has a doctor in their family wouldn't appreciate the Quick Grub diner I usually take to."

Ren laughed again. "Well, the Porsche isn't mine. It's my aunt's, but you're fine. We don't know much about each other yet, and I'm really just glad for the company, Jake."

I stiffened. The reaction was so automatic that it surprised me.

_Forget me, Jake._

_ How can I when you keep cropping up everywhere?_

I drew in a breath, and blew it out as if to dispel the ghost in my head. Why did Ren have to sound like Bella when she called me Jake? Why did she have to call me Jake at all?

I frowned at myself. That was just being moronic. Plenty of people had called me Jake before and after Bella. It was my name. Had I lost even that to Bella? I wanted to think that I wasn't yet that hopeless.

"Are you all right?"

Ren was looking uncertainly at my right hand that had tightened around my mug. I must have jerked it a little when I'd stiffened, because tea had sloshed over the lip of the cup. I withdrew my hand abruptly and knocked a spoon off the table for the effort. It clattered loudly onto the tile floor by my feet.

"Yeah, yeah," I grumbled. "Sorry, I—"  
Wiping one hand on my pant leg while ducking to use the other to retrieve the spoon, I hadn't noticed Ren going for it at the same time. Our hands brushed, causing both of us to jolt as if a line of electricity had momentarily raced from her body into mine. I looked up. She was already looking at me, her brown eyes widened in confused surprise.

Uh-oh.

I was all too aware of how close the movement brought our faces, our mouths. Ren released the smallest of breaths, and it brushed against my bottom lip, a small taste of what I could have if I leaned forward but an inch more. I felt hot. My heart was thumping too hard against my ribs while the remnants of that jolt of electricity continued to dance against my nerves. I'd felt tension like this before, on numerous other occasions, on a handful of other dates, sated only with the first kiss, and quenched with a quick roll in the sheets. Something about this tension, however, seemed to be more imposing, more dedicated. I felt…like I was being pulled toward her, like we were too damn magnets attracting one another with a powerful sort of force. All my limbs seemed to be magnetic, like they were all straining towards her.

I could see my reflection in her eyes, my dumbfounded expression as I warred between submitting and fighting. I jerked back, straightened. Ren, taking only a second longer to recover, followed suit.

I cleared my throat. She carefully set my spoon on the table between us, as if she wasn't quite brave enough to hand it to me. It was a good thing, I thought, considering what one touch had just done. There was a slightly anxious look on her face, a faint rose to her cheeks. I swallowed.  
It was suddenly very apparent why I had asked Ren to go out to eat, why I couldn't turn and run like my instincts were telling me to. She was too damn attractive. The voice, the face, the eyes: combined with her personality, they were reminding me of all the qualities I had admired in another girl a lifetime ago. They were drawing me back in like an old friend, asking where I'd been all these years.

"I'm sorry."

Nothing had happened. I had no idea why I apologized.

"Don't worry about it."

She slid her hands around her mug again, lifted it to her lips and took a sip, looking to the right, pretending to study a menu tacked to the wall. Feeling foolish, I lifted my own mug and took a long drink. I was careful not to make a face as the sweetly flavored tea washed over my tongue.

I cast a look at Ren's face, feeling slightly guilty, though I hadn't shared that awkward moment with her by choice. Still, I had initiated the date, and it was my fault if it failed. I didn't want it to fail, though it would have been much easier, much safer. I was already too far in, as stupid as that sounded. I was hooked.

"I'm not usually such a horrible date, I swear," I spoke suddenly, drawing Ren's gaze back. "I have to go back to work soon, but…why don't you come back to the shop around five? I live on the beach. We could go for a walk or something."

I was stepping out of casual territory into definite date. A stroll on the beach was considered romance. Did I want romance? I hadn't had it in awhile. Maybe it would be a nice change. If I could even remember how to do it. I'd have to figure it out now, retrace those old steps I'd forgotten, because I seemed to be interested in Ren. There was something there now that had me intrigued.

"Oh…Oh, are you sure?" Ren asked, and I couldn't tell if she was surprised or trying to think up an excuse.

"Uh… yeah. Yeah I am. Just as friends, you know. I'm not trying to…"

Ren peered up at me from under her lashes. "Okay. If you're sure."

"All right. I'll see you at five then."

I fished a few dollars out of my pocket, dropping them onto the table. I slid out of my seat, stood, tried to think of something witty to say in parting, but ended up just waving before I decided to leave to avoid doing anything embarrassing.

"Hey wait!"

I turned just as I put my hand on the door.

"I drove here. Do you need a ride?"

I didn't know if being caged up in that little car together again would be so smart after our close brush at the table. I shook my head, smiling.

"I'll walk. See you, Ren."

The walk would be good. I needed to clear my head before I saw her again later.

-----

**Renesmee POV**

I took out my cell phone the second he was gone, pressing the cool plastic to my ear. I listened to the hollow ring as I dialed out of state, drumming my fingers on the counter as I stared at the door that Jake had just disappeared through. I had almost expected him to run. I was beyond humiliation that he seemed desperate to get away from me each time we met, and especially this time after we had brushed underneath the table, and all those little sparks had danced across my skin.

"Yes?" my Aunt Alice's musical voice jingled across the line.

I smiled to myself, some of the tension seeping out of my shoulders. My aunt was my favorite person outside of my parents. Even now, embarrassed by the fact that Jacob Black would rather run from me than sit in a café with me, the sound of her voice could make me smile.

"You were wrong. This was a horrible idea," I told her.

"Wrong? Oh, Nessie, you know I'm never wrong."

I rolled my eyes. Sometimes Alice's confidence was grating.

"You might be now, remember? You can't see the future with Jacob around me."

There was a pause before Alice released a gusty sigh.

"You're right, I can't see him, but I'm not wrong. You're safe there with him. _Safer_. They know how to find us, but we covered your scent, and they don't know about him."

I wondered if it would be worth it to tell Alice about how being with him was harder than we had anticipated. It was starting to look like we'd gone through all this trouble to find him for nothing. Maybe that was for the best. I couldn't say why, but I didn't exactly feel safer with him. It wasn't physical danger I sensed, but… something else. It tasted like temptation.

No one had told me that Jacob Black was so attractive.

"It's a fine _idea_, Alice, but Black doesn't want me around him."

Alice scoffed. "What? What do you mean he doesn't want you around him?"

I closed my eyes momentarily. I didn't really want to admit that I was repelling a man like I had the plague or something.

"He seems terrified of me," I grumbled. "I don't think he's much for company. He keeps looking at me weird. Like he's seen a ghost."

I hadn't expected him to have the slightest inkling of who I might be. Alice had told me that it had been years since any of them had seen him. Though he had been my mother's best friend, he had left before she'd married my father, and before I had been born—the vampire/human anomaly that was causing so many problems for my family. Still, he had looked at me that day in the market like he'd recognized me. Was he seeing my mother? Was he recalling his friend?

I made a face. If they had been such good friends, then why did my resemblance to my mother seem to terrify him? Once again, I wondered what had destroyed the friendship that my mother would never explain to me.

I was puzzling over this secret when I realized that my aunt had become unresponsive.

"Alice?"  
"Oh--! Sorry. I… I was just thinking." She cleared her throat. "Look, Nessie, just stick to it. Your mom swears by Jacob Black. You can trust him, but if things don't work out, you can come back, and we'll figure something else out."

"No," I refused instantly. "No way. I'm not putting you guys into danger. I'll figure out a way to work this out. He invited me to the beach later. I'll make a better impression."

"He did?" Alice mused. "You must have already made some _sort_ of impression on him if he did."

"Alice," I warned, my cheeks heating.

She laughed. "All right. All right. Just be careful, okay? I know you'll be safe there, but just keep me updated, all right? And stay close to Black."

"Sure thing," I sighed. "Bye."

"Nessie?"

"Yeah?"

"Your parents are worried about you."

I winced. "I know, but you promised, Alice. Don't tell them where I'm at. This way is better for everyone. I'll talk to you later. Goodbye."

I hung up my phone before she could say anything else. I'd known that leaving like I did would hurt my parents, but it was better this way. My family thought that they could protect me, but I was putting them all in danger. Alice had seen it. She had admitted that I was right, that I had to find somewhere else to hide. Whether for my own safety of my family's, leaving had been the best choice. I'd decided that months ago, and it had been Alice that had suggested I go to Jacob Black.

Though I knew only that he was a werewolf, like the other men in La Push, Alice had assured me that he would defend me if anything should happen. All I had to do was find a way to stay close to him.

Maybe it was selfish and reckless, but I didn't have any other choice.

Being hunted by the Volturi left very few options.


	6. Is It Hot Out Here?

"Don't provoke it!"

"It's fine."

"You're making it angry! It's going to attack you!"

"Like it could hurt _me_!"

I grinned up at Ren, wagging the little crab around from its midsection. One claw—larger than its tiny body but hardly bigger than my pinky—waved in protest, pinching thin air in hopes of latching onto my flesh. I laughed as Ren winced away from it, making a face.

"It's just a tiny crab," I told her.

She was eyeing its pincher. "Famous last words."

"All right, all right," I sighed, rolling my eyes. "Here."

Crouching down, I deposited the crab back onto the sand. It danced sideways, waving its claw at me like it had something to prove, and then it scuttled away, as if realizing that its opponent was far from intimidated. Smirking, I straightened, glancing at Ren.

She'd pulled her bronze hair back into a ponytail, but a few ringlets had escaped and were dancing in the lazy breeze. I was glad that she'd removed her sunglasses and perched them on top of her head when she'd stepped out of that little yellow Porsche an hour earlier. As much as they haunted me, I wanted to be able to see her eyes.

As they drifted toward me, seeming to sense I was thinking of them, I noted that it was slightly easier today to look at them, to realize that they belonged to a different person. A person, I was coming to find, that I liked considerably. After greeting her outside my house and leading the way down to the beach, we'd hit it off pretty well; maybe even better than I'd hit it off with anyone in a long time. She was smart, funny, and surprisingly sharp. Not to mention that she _was_ beautiful. Alarmingly so.

I hadn't expected to become so comfortable around her so quickly. After all the tension we'd shared, I was surprised we could even stand within three feet of each other, but something about Ren seemed to calm me, to center me after years of floating outside any sort of gravitational pull. It should have freaked me out, but it didn't.

"It's all right now," I teased her. "We've narrowly escaped, but I think we'll be fine."

Ren gave me a sour look before tossing her ponytail over her shoulder and marching off toward the shore. She was such a little, delicate-looking thing, but she seemed strong-willed enough. She had to be, coming to Florida all alone. I didn't know her story, but I thought it was pretty strange for a girl to travel on her own, especially one that probably came from a rich, snobby family. They had to be missing their little heiress by now. But that wasn't my concern. I didn't know anything about Ren, and I wasn't going to ask. All I was concerned about was why she made me feel like this.

I followed after her, laughing.

"Hey, I was just kidding!"

"No, you were terrorizing a poor, innocent baby cra—"

She'd stopped abruptly, swinging around, probably preparing to point an accusatory finger at me, I figured, seeing as how when I all but crashed into her that hand became pinned between us, one finger jabbing my chest before it folded back into her palm. I had a split second to think about how ironic it was that we kept touching involuntarily, kept accidently jumping into that fire pit between us, and then I thought of nothing at all.

It was a lot like getting kneed in the stomach during a fist fight: you kept waiting for the guy to slug you, and somehow his knee ended up in your gut while you were watching his fist. I lifted my hands automatically, holding Ren by the shoulders to steady her.

She tilted her head back, looking up at me from beneath long lashes. I didn't know what I had expected to see there, but it sure as hell hadn't been desire. Something inside me responded to it, so fast and so ready that it surprised me. The hand caught between us turned over, and I felt her curl her fingers around the material of my shirt.

"Jake…"

I swallowed. There were two ways to take this. One would be to respond to the lust in her eyes, and the other would be to ignore it, brush it off like it was nothing. The latter was safer, and, for the time being, I wanted safe. I wasn't ready to tread into dangerous territory again.

I released her and stepped back.

"So, you want to build sandcastles or go for a swim?"

It took her a second to register that I was backing up, avoiding the fall. I watched her reign herself in too, licking her lips once before blinking away what could have happened. She brought a smile to her face that I could appreciate.

"You like building sandcastles?"

I laughed, half out of relief that she was going to play the it-didn't-happen game too.

"Sure. I'm a master sand architect."

The corner of Ren's mouth tilted up in a cat-like grin.

"All right. Let's see what you've got," she agreed. "I expect a real castle."

"Sure, sure," I waved her off, kneeling down onto the sand, "but if you're going to be picky, I expect to be paid for my labor. People pay big money for castles, you know."

Ren knelt down a few feet in front of me, shaking her head at me.

"Fine, but I expect a draw-bridge."

"Sure thing, princess," I complied.

I hadn't planned on spending an hour on the beach building a sandcastle with Ren. Really, I hadn't had a lot of expectations for the day, not knowing what I was going to come to find that Ren liked to do. I'd figured that we'd swim, attempt polite conversation, and maybe gather shells—girls liked that type of thing—but Ren seemed pretty content to kneel in the sand with me, scooping up mounds of sand and carefully carving out our windows and towers.

After our previous awkward encounters, I also hadn't expected it to be so easy to talk to Ren, but it was. Though neither of us discussed anything incredibly personal, our conversations about our favorite things to do, the foods we liked, why we liked warm weather, and other unimportant little details about our lives were interesting to me. Particularly because Ren seemed to have all the qualities I admired in females.

Though I shouldn't have been comparing her to my mental check-list. That was being too serious about something I wasn't even sure about. I still didn't know why Ren was in Florida, nor did I know how long she planned to stay. The girl could disappear tomorrow, taking Bella's brown eyes with her.

I shifted slightly, feeling uncomfortably warm. The sun was high in the sky, beaming down onto my back, but it was a different kind of warmth I was feeling. It was one that seemed to resonate from the inside.

"Why do I make you frown so much?"

I jolted. Ren was staring at me over the top of our tallest tower, onto which she'd just inserted a narrow stick to represent our flag.

"What? No. You don't—"

Ren laughed. "You're a terrible liar, Black."

I winced. I was going to have to brush up on that skill.

"It's not you," I told her. "I was just thinking…"

Ren sighed, pressing a seashell into one of our castle's walls for decoration. She then moved on to scooping back the sand around the castle, forming what I expected to be the beginnings of a mote.

"You're the dark, mysterious type, huh?"

It was not the description I would have chosen for myself. It made me sound like some romantic character I could never even pretend to be.

"No, I—"

Ren held up a hand. "No, it's all right. You don't have to explain. We all have our secrets."

Her eyes flicked up to mine, a strange expression reflecting in them before they quickly dropped back to the castle. I wondered what her secrets were, and if she was going to stick around long enough for me to figure them out. I wondered if I'd regret finding them out later. I pulled the back of my hand across my forehead, surprised that I wasn't sweating.

It'd gotten really warm over the past few minutes.

"Well, since we're not going to talk about anything interesting, you up for a swim now?" I suggested.

Ren lifted a brow, pointing at the second tower we'd made that was only half-constructed.

"I thought you promised perfection?"

I shrugged. "Nothing's ever perfect."

Ren's smile wavered. "Sure, let's go for a swim."

I stood, dusting off sand. I started to offer Ren a hand up, but her face was turned away, and I saw that she was drawing something in the sand in front of our mote. Reading upside down, I watched her curve the bottom of an "e", before she leaned back.

She'd written, "Ren's castle," in tidy, elegant script. I smiled as she pushed to her feet.

"As these things go, the castle's pretty close to perfect, I'd say," she told me, grinning as she lifted a hand and pulled her hair free of the rubber band.

Bronze curls cascaded forward. I inhaled automatically, hoping to catch her strawberry scent, but I smelled…something else.

It was a strange combination of strawberries and something almost pungent. It was sickly sweet, making your mouth want to water while your nose wrinkled in distaste. I made a face, inhaling again just to try and identify the scent though I didn't really want to smell it again. It was just as unpleasant as the first taste of the scent, and as it prickled through the inside of my nose, I felt that uncomfortable, pressing warmth again. My chest ached slightly.

"Actually, can we go inside instead? I don't feel like swimming."

At my side, Ren had frozen. I caught the expression on her face before she could shift it into something more indifferent. It was almost the look of fear, of apprehension, as if she could smell that same foul odor I did. Something wary danced up my spine, and I took another look around the beach. We were alone. It was my solitary slice of paradise.

But I had the feeling—the sinking feeling—that someone had invaded it.

Frowning, I turned my head away from the sun. I wanted to ask Ren if she felt as hot as I did as well, but I didn't. It felt like something more than just the sun heating me, like the heat was coming from the inside and radiating out. The beach no long felt as welcoming, and, I had to agree with Ren, the idea of a swim was less appealing.

"Sure," I agreed. "Come on. I'll get us something to drink and we can sit inside."

On the venture back up the beach, I had just enough time to wish that I'd cleaned up my place a little more. The dishes would still be in the sink, bills would still be scattered across my counter, stacked into lopsided piles that only I would understand. I should have lit a couple of candles or something to chase away the male scent of unkemptness. But it was too late to do anything about any of that now. I could only hold the door open for Ren when we reached my tiny house and hope that she didn't hold the décor inside against me.

I watched her walk to a kitchen chair, only noticing then how rigidly she was holding her body, as if she was walking on glass. When she slid onto one of my old wicker chairs, I caught the shadow of anxiety underneath her eyes. I realized, again, how little I knew about Ren and how she'd come to end up in Florida.

I went to the fridge, hoping that I actually had something suitable to drink, and wondered if maybe that weird smell outside had triggered some sort of unpleasant memory for Ren like strawberries did for me. I couldn't explain the sudden tension in her any other way. After all, it had been her idea to come inside and be cramped into close quarters with me. I thought of how to properly word a nosey question.

"So, where are you from?"

As I turned, two bottles of soda in my hands, I felt a twitch in my back, like a string that had been plucked and reverberated with an echoing sort of pain. I winced automatically, letting out a small grunt of air.

"Are you all right?" Ren asked, seeing the look on my face.

I nodded my head with my teeth gritted behind my lips, waiting for the pain to subside.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," I assured her, once I'd caught my breath again.

Careful not to twist in the wrong direction again, I went to the table and deposited Ren's soda in front of her while taking a seat on the opposite side of the table. Maybe I was suddenly falling apart. Maybe that was why I was so unexplainably hot and achy. I stared across the table at Ren, a half-formed, idiotic notion that it was her fault in my mind. Dismissing it, I decided on a new angle. If Ren was going to be around, and I was really going to pursue this despite the landmines I knew were buried before me, then I had to have some idea of who she was.

"All right, no questions about where you live," I said, noting that she had avoided my question.

She gave me an almost apologetic smile.

"Do you like your family?" I tried instead, wondering if she was running away from an unhappy home.

The question seemed to surprise her. I watched it register on her face, her lips parting slightly. Then she shook her head, letting out a small tinkling of laughter. It lit up her eyes, chasing away the darkness of whatever she'd been thinking about on the beach.

"Yes! Of course," she told me. "I love my family. I just…needed a vacation. They'll understand whenever I go back."

It was just enough for me to work out that her family didn't know where she had gone, and that they hadn't known that she'd even intended to go. I wondered what exactly it was that she was running from then.

"Do you like your family?" she threw the question back.

It was my turn to be surprised. At the mention of family, the faces of not only my sisters and father came to mind, but there was Quill, Embry, Sam, and the others as well. I'd left a whole pack behind. I usually tried not to think of them, afraid that I might cave and go back if I dwelled too long. Having them brought up unexpectedly made it easier for their faces to crop back into my mind. I wondered what they thought of me, running off the way I had.

"Sure," I answered, finally. "We just had different views. I was looking for something else, so I came here."

"Will you go back?" she asked me.

It was the one question I tried not to think about.

"I don't know," I answered, honestly, though I had always told myself that I would.

Some day.

"Sometimes we just need to find our own way," Ren told me.

"Yeah, I guess so," I agreed.

I didn't feel much like interrogating her after that, considering she was turning it all back on me, and I had plenty of ghosts I didn't want to air out, even to a stranger who knew nothing about my life. Ren shifted in her seat. I wished that I hadn't brought the subject up. It made me notice, again, that Ren had eyes just like Bella's. I had to let that go.

It was Ren that broke five minutes of awkward silence.

"I'm sorry. I know you're just trying to learn more about me," she apologized. "I just take awhile to open up, but I'd like it if we could take that time and get to know each other. I'd like to hang out with you again."

I smiled slightly. "Yeah, I'd like that too."


	7. Aches, Pains, and Runaways

There was fire in my veins, sizzling through them, evaporating the blood in a puff of smoke that hissed as it fizzled out of existence. I wanted to scream, but my jaw had locked, all the muscles contracted so hard that I felt my teeth might shatter. The world was a screaming black hole around me as I knelt in the shadows of silhouettes I couldn't quite make out. Some looked like people, others were less well defined. Everything seemed to be leering at me, baring its fangs.

Fangs?

_Jesus, Bells, how can I stop?_

But it wasn't Bella that materialized from the meaningless darkness around me. The woman that stepped forward had a head full of bronze curls, skin so pure and smooth like alabaster, and those haunting brown eyes that engulfed me. I wanted to call out to her, but my jaw had stitched itself shut. I couldn't read her eyes from my spot on the ground, on hands and knees, my fingers digging at the darkness beneath me as my back arched like a bridge. The fire had licked away all my blood and was now crawling its way up my spine.

"Jacob Black."

Ren's voice was a haunting echo of Bella Swan's. I felt it pulsing around the outsides of my heart, squeezing and poking and prodding. I could feel it even under the fire and pain. I could feel it closing up my throat.

"What do you want from me?" I wanted to demand, but nothing could push past my clenched teeth.

Ren's pretty face contorted, lines appearing to disrupt the smooth alabaster, to create crevices between her brows and across her forehead. I squeezed my eyes shut, thinking she was preparing to scream.

"Help me."

Her voice was a terrified whisper instead, but I could hear it through the thundering inside my head. I looked up in response, and there was Bella again, though it still looked like her face was wavering between Ren's.

But the pale skin had gone a deathly shade. I wanted to wince against the way Bella's skin lit up like diamonds, even in the darkness of this place that held us. The beautiful eyes I had always loved were a deep, crimson red. I wanted to reach out to her, but I was on fire, and I would burn her alive.

I heard her whimper.

I felt every bone in my body crack.

"BELLA!"

I must have pushed hard against the nightmare, wrenching myself awake so forcefully I physically moved myself. I hit the ground beside my bed hard on my knees and gasped as pain shot through them and up my legs. Sunlight was just beginning to spill through the blinds, and I had to close my eyes against it.

I felt the world spin and tilt uneasily. The pain in my knees didn't stop but seemed to stretch through every part of my body. I felt remnants of heat in my veins. What the hell was going on?

I bumped against the nightstand beside my bed as I pushed to my feet, toppling over an empty water glass that bounced once against its surface and rolled to the floor. I didn't have any time to pick it up. The second I was on my feet, my stomach began to gurgle in protest.

I sucked in a breath, attempting to swallow some air, but nothing would budge as my insides attempted to surge upward. I stumbled to the bathroom, my head still reeling. I had to close my eyes again as I flicked on the light. It seemed to glare like the light of the sun, bouncing into my eyes in the reflection of the mirror over the sink. I wrapped my hands around the edges of the sink in an attempt to keep myself on my own two feet.

"Bella," I muttered.

And then I felt it.

The burning heat in my veins, the wave of nausea that ensued. I heard the echo of bones cracking, a memory from my dream, and then I wretched in the sink. It hit me so abruptly that I barely had time to jerk forward, my head bowing down, one of my hands hitting a medicine bottle and my toothbrush holder and knocking them to the floor.

I hadn't thrown up so violently in years. It seemed to tear up through my body as if it was coming from my toes and scratching and tearing a little piece of everything it passed. It burned like the fire in my veins and took everything I had. By the time the heaving stopped, I was surprised I managed to stay on my feet.

"Shit," I muttered in disgust.

I held to the sink with one hand and used the other to twist on the tap. I listened to the water as it ran against the porcelain, cupping my free hand to begin washing away what I'd done. I grimaced as vomit swirled with water and disappeared down the drain. Was I getting the flu? Surely I wasn't so weak that a dream—a stupid dream—had managed to make me sick. I was letting Bella and my past control me again.

It was even blurring my reality, making ties between Ren and Bella that didn't exist. Brown eyes or not, Ren wasn't Bella. Ren wasn't connected to Bella in any way. My brain was delusional. My heart was screwing up everything. I couldn't even have a relationship—or even think to have one—without my past coming back to bite me in the ass.

I cupped my hand, letting water pool so that I could rinse my mouth out. I took two more handfuls before turning off the tap. I used the hand towel folded on the back of the toilet to wipe my hands and mouth before I tossed it into the hamper.

There were smudges of shadows beneath my eyes, my face paler than I'd ever seen it. I still felt hot. Maybe I _was_ getting the flu.

It was actually preferable to the idea that a nightmare had made me sick, but upsetting because I had been hoping to go out and run into Bel--

I frowned. _Ren_. I had been hoping to go out and run into _Ren_ today. We had spent a few hours the night before, talking about anything and everything that wasn't remotely related to important, private facts about our lives. We'd both agreed to hang out again, but we hadn't made any set plans. She'd told me the hotel she was staying at, and I had planned to show up there today under the pretense of showing her around the city.

So much for that. I looked like hell, and all I wanted to do now was crawl back into bed and go back to sleep. Minus the nightmares.

It was a legitimate excuse, I told myself, as I ascertained that my legs were finally sturdy enough again, and I headed back to my bedroom. I was sick. Avoiding seeing Ren today was because of that, and not because I was still subconsciously pining for Bella Swan.

I was going to close the blinds, pull the drapes, and sleep this off. Tomorrow, I'd go back to the idea of entertaining Ren, of possibly starting the foundation of a relationship that could drag me out of the hole I'd burrowed into. The one the felt like it had a tombstone nested near my head.

It was beginning to get ridiculous. Maybe it always _had_ been ridiculous.

Probably, I decided, as I pulled the drapes against the sun. I was hiding in my room, going back to bed, because I was hot and achy and panicked after a nightmare. If Bella was a vampire, it didn't have anything to do with me. It was her own choice, she'd made that clear. I couldn't save her now regardless.

I frowned, realizing I'd reverted to thinking about her again.

It was over. It was the past. I _could_ stop loving her. I just had to figure out how.

I had just pulled the sheets back on my bed when the doorbell rang. I made a face as the bell—having broken somewhere toward the middle of my first year here—started off with a perfect chiming noise before ending in a squeal. I needed to fix that. I'd have to put it on my long list of things I should be doing rather than thinking of Bella Swan.

Casting a dark look around my room, I located a pair of shorts on the floor and pulled them on before heading to the door as the bell squealed again. I had half a second to recall how bad I looked after my long night of idiotic nightmares before I opened the door to Ren.

But maybe it wasn't something I would have to worry about, as Ren wasn't looking as up to par as usual either. She seemed jumpy and on edge as I pulled open the door. She was wearing a sundress, and each little breeze that rippled the end of her skirt seemed to have her casting a nervous glance over her shoulder.

Her eyes—as I had started to notice them first—seemed troubled, a little less bright. She was still beautiful: her hair was fixed, her makeup expertly applied, but she seemed vulnerable.

"Hey," I greeted her, slightly uncertain. "What's up?"

Though my original plan had been to see her that day, I wasn't so sure that I was up for it now. Still, I couldn't really just shut the door in her face and hide. Especially not when she looked so upset.

"Can I come in?"

"Uh...sure. Sure, come in. I was..uh..just getting ready to make breakfast," I lied. "You hungry?"

Ren stepped in past me, brushing against me, as I'd barely had a chance to move out of her way before she'd shouldered in.

"I'll cook." She didn't leave room for objection.

All right. She was a little upset today as well, it seemed.

"Is something wrong?" I ventured a guess, as I followed her into my kitchen.

She was walking with a clipped, decisive gait, her heels coming down a little harder than necessary. Ren cast me a glance as I slid into the kitchen behind her, wavering.

"I just... I'm a little stressed. I needed some company. I know you don't know me all that well, but you're the only person I've met here so far." She seemed to draw back, as if she hadn't realized what she'd been doing. "I'm intruding."

"You're fine," I disagreed. "I like company."

She smiled a little. "Thanks."

And then it was back to business.

She began pilfering through my cabinets without questions or permission until she located a skillet. Then she turned to my fridge and ducked in to find whatever ingredients it was that she needed before I could embarrassingly inform her that I didn't do much grocery shopping.

I apparently did, however, have eggs, which was what she began to cook up wielding my skillet and a spatula that she found tucked into the towel drawer.

I sat on a chair at the kitchen table, watching her work, thinking all my encounters with Ren so far had been a bit bizarre in some way or another. I wondered where her tension was coming from.

"Is everything all right?" I asked.

Ren's hand paused in the middle of scrambling eggs. She sighed.

"I didn't come here with my parents' permission."

I shrugged, forgetting she couldn't see me with her back turned.

"I think you're old enough to make your own choices."

Ren looked over her shoulder at me. "It's complicated."

I wasn't really sure how to respond to that, since it wasn't exactly any more enlightening about Ren's situation.

"Did they tell you to come home?"

Ren frowned and turned back to the eggs. "They don't know where I am or how to reach me."

"Oh."

I could relate to that, but I wasn't exactly any more willing to discuss my own circumstances than she seemed to be. It was different for me though. I couldn't exactly tell her I ran away from home because I was a wolf, and I was in love with a girl that was probably a vampire by now. I doubted that a doctor's daughter could relate to that sort of thing.

"So what's the problem then?" I pressed.

"I'm just..."

She paused long enough to give me the suspicion that whatever she was about to say was a lie. I didn't know why I thought it would be, but I just knew that whatever explanation she was about to feed me was bogus. Ren, it seemed, was as protective of her past and secrets as I was.

"I'm running low on funds, and I can't go back. My parents and I aren't seeing eye-to-eye anymore."

It seemed an inadequate scenario to explain the tension that clouded the air around her. I'd had the same problem when I'd moved here, and the solution had been to get a job—even a part-time one. Besides, why would running low on funds make Ren jumpy? Edgy enough to keep looking over her shoulder? She'd seemed anxious enough to get into my house. She was lying through her teeth.

Maybe it was time to stop beating around the bush with this one. If I was going to put myself out there, risk my sanity with these stupid Bella nightmares, then I had to know if it was worth it. For all I knew, Ren was a fugitive.

I almost snorted. I couldn't see that.

"You're lying," I called her out flat.

"What?" she snapped, almost dropping the spatula.

I waited until she swung around to look at me. For just a second, I felt an old wound tear open. It stung, oozed a little. Her glare—the face she made when she was mad—looked just like Bella. I hissed under my breath.

She wasn't Bella.

"You're lying," I repeated.

Ren opened her mouth, closed it. She pursed her lips until they formed a small, white line. I thought she was going to yell at me, but she only managed a sound of annoyance. Because she _was_ lying, and I had called her on it. It was as close to an admittance as I was going to get. I'd seen Leah Clearwater balk up like that plenty of times. The girl hated to admit that she was wrong or lying.

I blinked back the thoughts of my pack that thinking of Leah forced into resurfacing.

"Why?" I asked. "What do you stand to lose if you tell me the truth? You said it yourself, we're practically strangers. Who am I going to tell your secrets to?"

Ren didn't answer. She stared at me instead, intensely. I felt like a bug under a microscope with her, as if she was examining every inch of me physically and then going further and seeing inside of me too. I didn't squirm. I leveled her with an even look instead, waiting.

If Ren didn't turn out to be a fugitive—some whacked out ax-murderer—I was beginning to think that I would be interested in trying out a relationship with her.

For the time being, however, she wasn't fessing up very fast.

I could hear the eggs sizzling behind Ren. I could smell them too. Maybe something about being around Ren made my senses more acute—as most of them were alive and humming around her, it seemed—but I could smell the eggs so well I could almost taste them.

"Those are burning," I told her.

It took her a second to realize what I meant, and then Ren let out a small breath, as if she'd completely forgotten the eggs. She turned off the stove with a twist of her wrist, and then went back to ignoring the eggs and studying me. Sort of like she was just beginning to see me.

Finally, she sighed.

"I think someone's after me, or following me, or something, because of who my family is," she confessed.

I hadn't expected _that_. It took me a full minute to find a voice to respond. It took me another minute to compute what exactly that meant. What little Ren had told me of her family suggested that they were wealthy. Who knew what kind of occupation they held, other than the one doctor in her family, but money alone was enough to drive people into doing all sorts of crazy things. So Ren was on the run—maybe for something she herself had gotten involved in—and she felt that someone was chasing her.

"For what?" I questioned.

Ren stared at me. "My family has special...power. There are people that want that power."

"And what? They're going to use you for ransom to get that power?"

Ren shrugged. "Maybe. I don't know. I just came here so that they couldn't. I thought I could hide and keep everyone safe. Something like that."

Ren's story was only making sense in a vague, outlined sort of way. She still wasn't giving me enough details, but at least now I knew_ something_. She had seemed jumpy on the beach the day before, and jumpy when I'd answered the door. She was obviously someone who felt followed. So she was telling me the truth in small snippets.

What kind of power did her family have? Ren didn't seem willing to share that.

Why was it that I always got mixed up with girls with problems? I nearly sighed myself, looking at Ren standing at my stove. Her annoyance with me had dissolved into the same anxiety I had sensed earlier. Whoever the people were that she thought was after her, she was obviously afraid of them.

"You really think they're here?"

Ren frowned. "I don't know for sure, but I think so."

"Do you think they'll hurt you?"

Ren blanched. "Possibly."

"Then it looks like you'll be staying here."

That took her off guard. "What?"

I shrugged. "It's not a big deal. You can stay here for a few days."

"But... you don't even really know me."

"If you think someone is going to hurt you, I can't just let you wander around Florida alone."

Ren went quiet, looking at me as if she wasn't quite sure what to make of me. I wasn't really sure what to make of myself, as far as that went. Ren was right, we barely knew each other, and I was mixing myself up with all sorts of problems by the sound of it. But, then again, I'd never managed not to help someone when they needed it. I couldn't just shut her out.

Stranger or not, I liked Ren, and, if something happened to her, I'd be partially responsible.

"Are you sure?" Ren asked. "You might get caught up in this."

"I'm sure," I told her. "I've been caught up in plenty of things before."

She smiled faintly. "It'll just be for a couple of days."

I nodded.

It'd be for as many days as it took for me to make sure that Ren wasn't in danger.


	8. The Demons that Chased Us

"What kind of power is it that your family has?"

Ren looked up from her plate. My question was one she obviously hadn't wanted to hear. It made her anxious, I could tell, because her wrist turned just slightly and a few of her eggs rolled off of her fork and back onto her plate. I tried to keep my face as friendly as possible, hoping that she would trust me.

If I was going to offer my home as a fort to the girl, I had to know what I was up against. Though Ren didn't seem to share the same feelings on the matter.

"I've told you as much as I can."

She looked back down at her plate.

"I'm just trying to figure out what I should be prepared for."

Brown eyes momentarily flicked back up to my face.

"Be prepared for anything. They're unpredictable."

That certainly felt doom and gloom-ish. I stirred my own eggs around my plate, watching Ren. Her head was bowed, curls falling forward over the sides of her face. She scooped eggs onto her fork carefully, lifting them to her mouth as cautiously, as if letting them fall off was a life or death matter.

The quiet I lapsed into must have surprised her when she was expecting me to ask more questions, because her eyes flicked back up to me once more and then away. The look was like a well-planted kick to the chest, and I felt myself falling backward before I even had time to prepare for the landing.

I was in my garage with Bella, a young teen who'd lived all his life in the La Push reservation, oblivious to the legends and fables that walked around me, to the fact that they could be real. All that mattered was the brunette crouched beside me as I cranked away on the piece of shit motorcycles she showed up with, attempting to pump life back into the dead.

I could still smell her strawberry scent as she knelt so close to me that our arms occasionally brushed against one another, sending little jolts of electricity through me that would make my heart turn over. I remembered the times when we had made mudpies, when I had thought Bella had a strange bug called cooties that girls gave to boys when they stood too close.

Cooties were a thing of the past then when all I could think of was how it might be the dumbest, yet smartest, thing I'd ever done if I could just get the courage to duck sideways, to catch Bella's unsuspecting lips against mine and kiss her until she forgot her vampire boyfriend.

But I hadn't. I'd sat in that garage, repairing the ancient mechanical monsters she'd retrieved, hoping that I could slowly win that kiss that I was too coward to take as I stole glances at Bella Swan as the dying sunlight of the day spilled into the open garage door and turned Bella's hair to dark gold.

"I'm sorry. I just can't tell you much." Ren's voice stirred me back to the present. "I can still go, if you want. It's stupid of me really. This isn't your fight."

I looked across the table and remembered the promise I'd made to Bella to protect her, the one I had miserably broken. Part of me started to think that if I could keep Ren safe—this bronze-haired girl that was such a strange mirror of Bella—that maybe I could put the past to rest, bury my grief, and pretend like I didn't still love Bella Swan once and for all.

"No," I agreed. "It's not, but I'm willing to help. Don't feel bad. Maybe I'm being selfish too. Maybe I could use the company. Think of it that way. Besides, I wanted to be your friend before you told me any of that."

"Really?"

"Yeah. It's crazy, but you remind me a lot of the things I left behind."

I hadn't meant to let it slip, but, once it was past my teeth, I didn't think it mattered. I might as well be fair to Ren if I was going to use her too. Maybe I was getting greedy for these glimpses of Bella she was bringing me. Maybe I really was just lonely.

"What'd you leave behind?"

I staked an egg and then shook it loose. I should have gotten up, or changed the subject, or did something to avoid how close the past had suddenly gotten. But Ren had also confessed a bit of herself, and I was the one, after all, who had said that telling secrets to a stranger didn't hurt, because there was no one significant to your secrets that they could tell.

"A girl."

A pack. A father. An entire life that I couldn't manage.

"A girlfriend?"

"No."

"Fiance?"

I snorted. "No."

"But you loved her?"

Love_d_?

"Yeah."

Admitting it was like tearing open a scab that had just crusted over. I felt it bleed, but, fortunately, it felt like there was no one around I had to shield it from now. Ren didn't know Bella Swan. She hadn't been a part of my humiliation, the common knowledge of my love for Bella, and the fact that Bella had chosen someone else.

"Did she love you?"

"Not enough," I said, miserably. "She loved someone else more."

"Oh," Ren breathed quietly.

Why the hell couldn't I stop talking?

I looked up. "I didn't mean to tell you any of that."

I hadn't. What was I doing? As incredibly unusual as our situation was, Ren was still a stranger. There were too many things we didn't know about one another, and the girl was on the run. She could be here today and gone tomorrow, and I was whining out my sob story like we'd been friends for years.

"It's easier to tell your secrets to strangers," she reminded me. "It's like an imaginary friend. No one else will ever see them."

I smirked despite myself. "Yeah, but my original plan was to flirt with you, not unload my baggage. But, then again, my original plan also consisted of a date that brought you to my house, and not some thugs that want to hurt you."

Ren looked as surprised as I felt for having blabbed the truth.

"You wanted to flirt with me?"

I shrugged. "You're pretty. A new face. There's something about you that I liked."

"Too bad I have so much baggage too, huh?"

I felt like she might be teasing, but her voice sounded just as serious. I stared across the table at her, and felt united for the fact that we were both runaways, both running from something that was beyond our control. Maybe it would have all seemed crazy, but, then again, some dormant part of me was a werewolf, and I wasn't above feeling that that sort of thing topped the crazy charts.

Nothing was surprising when you could transform into a four-legged animal.

"Yeah. Too bad we both have too many secrets we don't want to share."

Ren lifted a glass of milk she'd poured before we'd sat at the table together.

"Isn't that the truth?"

And I felt it again: that small, almost unnoticeable tug as if a chord between us had snapped taut, like something I couldn't understand was trying to rotate forward on gears that had grown too rusty to function smoothly. I felt it working against me as I tried to strain away, knowing that, whatever it was, I didn't want to feel it again.

"The absolute," I agreed.

Ren paused and then said, "There was something I liked about you too."

Her expression was serious again, and I knew that, whatever my answer, it would define where we went from here. Too bad I was so mixed up. Too bad I really couldn't tell what the hell I wanted anymore. I was already tottering dangerously on the line that separated us. One toe had nudged forward over that line when I'd asked Ren to stay at my house.

The whole foot would follow, and probably the other one too, if I went with what I wanted to say in response. After one near fatal brush with a female, I could tell when a relationship had the warning signs of one that could be equally as dangerous. Ren wouldn't just be a casual fling. Even if she hadn't had all these secrets, these mystery bad guys following her. I'd felt it when I'd seen her at the fruit stands.

It was all bound into that chord that was tied to us both. I could tighten it or make it go slack.

But Ren had secrets too, secrets she didn't want to share, and what would our relationship be like with all the ghosts and lies and bullshit between us? It hadn't even started yet, and it was already hard enough.

"Too bad for all the baggage," I said again. "Too bad for all the secrets."

I stood as Ren's face creased with a frown and nodded my head in the direction of the living room.

"Feel free to watch some t.v.," I offered. "I'm going to take a shower and get dressed. Make yourself at home."

I walked away from the table and closed myself into my bathroom, because the truth was that I still loved Bella, and Bella wouldn't let go of me, and I couldn't let go of her first. I would help Ren out, but I couldn't get any more involved. There was too much that I wasn't willing to deal with.

-----

The shower was hot, and it washed away some of the aches that I hadn't realized had remained from my nightmare. It made me notice the fact that my muscles felt unreasonably sore, that I still felt a little hot in the inside that had nothing to do with the shower spray. I wanted to say again that it was the flu, but how could it be when I had forgotten it the second Ren had walked in?

It didn't make sense.

But, then again, it had seemed that sense hadn't meant much since Ren had showed up.

Who was she really? And where had she come from?

I toweled off and dressed and went back in the living room to find Ren standing at the window. Her stance was rigid again, and she was peeking through the blinds like an overly-paranoid or nosey neighbor. How serious were these people after her?

"You see something?"

Ren gave a little gasp and jolted, her finger slipping off the blind so that it folded back up into place between its companions. Apparently, these people were pretty serious. Which only left me with the question: why? What was Ren's family into?

It was the first time in awhile, standing there watching the fear slowly melt out of Ren's gaze, that I might have wished that I was still a werewolf. Then I could look at Ren and say without a single doubt that she was safe with me.

Not that I was anywhere near ready enough to allow her, or anyone, the ability to make me a werewolf again. I was done with that gene. It could lie dormant forever, along with my past. Still, I stepped into the room.

"I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was going to startle y—"

I stopped, making a face.

"What's that smell?" I demanded.

Ren didn't say anything, but stared at me with a strange expression. I wrinkled my nose in disgust. Stepping into the living room, I'd inhaled to apologize, and I had breathed in a smell that was a lot like something rotting. It burned my nose.

"What smell?" Ren asked, finally, her voice quiet.

"I don't know," I admitted, still making a face, "but it smells horrible. Do you smell it?"

I glanced toward the kitchen, wondering how long it'd been since I'd taken out the trash, and then wondering what exactly could go bad and smell like that.

"I-I guess so. Yeah. It smells like--"

She paused.

"Rot," I filled in.

She nodded hurriedly. "Yeah, I do smell that."

I waved a hand in front of my face, but it didn't help.

"Maybe it's the trash."

"I think it's coming from outside," Ren said, at the same time.

I lifted a brow. "Why do you think that?"

Ren faltered for only a second. "It didn't smell like that a second ago."

"I'm going to go out and see."

Ren fell into step behind me wordlessly, as if she was afraid to be left alone. I figured it was something I would have to get used to during the duration of her stay. She had a lot to be jumpy about, it seemed.

Opening the door, I stepped outside to find that it was definitely the location of the smell. It was five times stronger out here, and it made it almost painful to breathe. What was it? A sewage leak or something? Out here on the beach? My neighbors were a considerably distance away on either side, and we weren't exactly in the city.

Maybe some fish had washed ashore somewhere. A whole boatload of dead fish, because one definitely couldn't smell this bad.

"It must be something out here," I told Ren and started to turn around. "I guess there's nothing I can do about that."

The bright sunlight reflected off of Ren's yellow Porsche parked in my drive as I moved to go back inside. It flashed like a camera catching me in a quick portrait, drawing my attention back. It was a really great car. It was the car of a doctor's daughter or niece or grandchild. It probably ran smoother than my own beat-up vehicle, and it looked twice as nice. And it--

I paused and did a double-take.

It had a really long scratch running down its side, creating a silver road from the driver's side door to a place just above the rear tire. It looked like it had been keyed, and I didn't remember that from its short visit to the shop I worked at.

I moved away from the house, toward Ren's car. I could hear her follow behind me and stop only when I stopped to trace my finger down part of the line.

"It was there this morning," she said.

"Is this why you think those people found you?"

Ren inhaled. "Yeah."

"Maybe it was just some random idiot. People get jealous of nice cars."

"Maybe," Ren said, unconvinced.

Keying a beautiful car was a wicked act in any circumstance. It was the scarring of a beautiful body that hurt me to look at it. It could be fixed, but it was the thought that mattered, the thought that someone had dug into the flesh of a vehicle with ill-intent. I stared at the silver line, scarring the yellow paint, and I smelled that rotting smell that must have been fish carcasses in some unseen section of the beach, and I was as unconvinced as Ren.

It felt almost like violence.

I glanced toward the girl at my side. Her gaze was downcast, a worried frown tugging at the corners of her mouth.

"It could be nothing," I tried to assure her again.

Ren nodded.

"I'll drive it to work tomorrow and get it fixed."

"Thanks."

"Let's go back inside," I told her. "It smells awful out here."

I wanted to get away from it, away from the evidence, too, that was obviously upsetting Ren. Mainly though, it was the stench of something rotting away.

It was a dead smell. A scent I could have sworn I'd smelled before.


	9. He Wants to See the Future

It seemed that my life was plagued with nightmares anymore.

I'd yielded my bed to Ren the previous night and slept a rough sleep on the couch. I'd woken up choking out Bella's name, my whole body on fire, and I'd thrown up in the bathroom again. This time, however, I'd made it to the toilet, knowing what was coming. My joints had felt worse than an 80-year-old man's, and my bones were feeling pretty brittle. I felt like I had aches and a fever and probably the flu.

I'd went to work anyway, because I couldn't stay cooped up in my house with Ren with Bella on the brain and all those secrets to swimming between us. I'd needed some time to think, to bathe my hands in oil and sink my thoughts into an engine so that I could clear my head. I'd opted to let Josh fix Ren's car, and I'd set my sights on a random one in the shop.

I didn't care whose it was, so long as it wasn't anyone I knew. I needed the indifference.

Unfortunately, it didn't do a whole lot for me. The fatigue continued, the heat as well, accompanied by sweats and a strange smell I couldn't get out of my nose. I must have looked as shitty as I felt, because it wasn't long before Josh noticed and told me to go home.

I'd looked at him for several seconds in silence, considering refusing, but, for once, Josh was right. I wasn't well enough to do my job. My consolation was that, when I got home, I could tell Ren that I was sick and go to bed without feeling guilty, because it was true.

I'd offered her a place to stay. I didn't have to entertain her with conversation every second of the day to fulfill that promise. She could have her share of my house until she figured out what was going on, and I'd do what I could for her until then. In all likelihood, the thugs following her would give up unable to follow Ren in any way to my house, and Ren would finally wise up and go home.

And then I'd no longer have to face the attraction, the annoying desire to act upon it and threaten the bachelor status I was beginning to decide to live with permanently. I didn't need anymore problems, and Ren obviously had several.

I left Ren's car in the shop and called a cab. I sat in the back on a ripped up bench seat, trying to inhale as little of the stale smoke still hovering in the car as possible. It was making my new-found sickness worse. My stomach was rolling, and I could feel sweat pearling and sliding down my spine. I wasn't sure if I was going to make it home before I lost my lunch again.

I was starting to shake by the time the cabbie pulled up my drive. Not just regular shakes, but convulses that rattled my teeth. I noticed the cabbie shooting me nervous glances in the rear-view mirror, and I could tell that he felt he couldn't get rid of me soon enough, as he didn't pull all the way up to my house before he parked to let me out.

I tossed him a few bills for the fair and didn't stick around to get my change. As he backed out of the drive, I dry-heaved at the side of my driveway. The ground beneath my feet seemed to twirl in a drunken dance. I felt my body threaten to tilt with it.

_Just have to make it into the house._

It was a lot harder than usual, considering that I was shaking from head to foot, dizzy and nauseous, and not to mention unbearably hot. I tried to lick my lips, but there didn't seem to be any moisture left except the sweat running down my back.

"HELP ME!"

I stumbled to a stop, the world swaying to the side. For a split second, I saw Bella's face, heard her quiet voice mingling with Ren's. Was I hearing things now? Were my nightmares of Bella becoming that real?

I might have believed I was that desperate if I hadn't heard Ren scream. It would have frozen the blood in my veins if it hadn't already been molten hot lava. It was stupid to waste time standing there as I listened to another scream rise from the beach behind my house, thinking about how I had only been gone two hours.

Two hours, and whoever had been looking for Ren had found her in that short span of time.

I inhaled a breath, trying to calm my stomach, but something in the air stung my nostrils, and almost made me gag in reflex. This time, the smell seemed to connect with some lost memory, jarring it loose, and I was jogging toward the back of my house before I realized what it was.

My brain made the connection the same time as my body. I felt everything align so smoothly, flattening out all the wrinkles that separated me from the past, but the discovery was bitter sweet as the lava in my veins seemed to flame into licks of fire so hot I could have roasted the sun. My joints, so sore, seemed to tear apart, and I could feel—I could actually _feel_—my bones breaking, splitting, and reconnecting.

_How could I have not known what the sickness was?_ I wondered, as I rounded the last corner of my house, my haven that had been discovered and soiled. _How could I not remember this pain?_

The man's skin was a sickly sea of diamonds, sparkling grotesquely in the sunlight. The vampires I had known had hid in shadows, and it might have been the first time I'd seen one of them lit up like a disco ball.

He had Ren by the hair—_the fucking hair_—and was dragging her across the beach away from my house. She was still putting up a fight, though I could see she'd been beaten around. Her alabaster skin was bruising.

The fury I felt seeing that Ren had been beaten was instantaneous. It was the spark that lit my short fuse, that reignited the gene inside of me that had gone dormant as I inhaled the disgusting, rotting smell of the dark-haired vampire on my property.

I was running through the screaming pain in every part of my body, through the throbbing in my head and the cracking of my bones. I felt it coming, as I had felt it coming a thousand times before. I could feel my body mutating, my human side receding into the heat and anger of the wolf.

Ren spotted me, howled my name as I howled hers.

My clothes tore at the seams, shredding into oblivion as I tore free of their boundaries and the boundaries of my human flesh. The dark-haired vampire spotted me then as I landed on four legs and howled Ren's name again in a tongue only I could understand.

_"Jacob?"_

_ "Jake? Hey!"_

_ "Where the hell are you? Where did you go?"_

Leah. Quill. Embry.

All a million miles away, an entire galaxy away at this exact moment as I phased, tearing back into wolf form my only thought of Ren.

My _every_ thought on Ren.

I had been prepared to lunge, to take the leech down by the throat, but the first thing I had laid eyes on upon phasing was Ren, and I had frozen as my world rocked for the millionth time in the past couple of days. This time, however, it was incredibly different.

This time, it rocked me over and let me fall. The only thing that stopped me was the chord between Ren and me, the one I had felt before, the one, I realized now, that was unbreakable and taut and all-powerful. I felt my heart stumble, stop, and then beat again in rapid succession, throbbing Ren's name with each pulse.

_Mine. Mine. Mine._

I could feel the possessiveness squeeze my chest so tight that I felt each of my ribs would break. I wanted to reach out to her, to envelope her, to fall right down into her so that nothing could or would ever separate us. She was mine. Forever. Everything I ever had or ever wanted had grown, it felt, from her.

Nothing else existed.

Not my pack or their voices still rioting questions inside my head. Not my life before her, or the love I'd had for Bella. Not my goals or dreams or career. Nothing had the slightest drop of meaning unless it involved her.

I stared at Ren, who I knew so little about, and I felt the all-encompassing emotion I feared the most devouring me though I might have tried to scream in protest. Her gaze held mine from her sprawled position in the sand, the vampire's hand still wrapped into her hair though she seemed not to feel it, as if she felt only what I felt for that one horribly glorious second. As if we were connecting for the first time, discovering each other, realizing our fates.

"What the hell?" I heard the vampire hiss.

I hadn't realized I'd howled again. I wasn't sure why I had. In pain? In loving? In fear?

Christ, _it hurt_. Not the bones breaking, or the joints realigning, or the fire in my veins that burned everything as I phased, but the love that was bleeding through me, burning in a way that the fire had not, scarring me beyond all repair.

"Jacob," Ren whimpered.

And I felt raw fury consume me. I wasn't sure what was worse: the fact that I was in love by force or that a vampire was hurting the woman I loved. I growled loudly, pulling back my lips so that my sharp, dagger-like teeth were exposed. I was going to kill the leech, and then I was going to rip out my own heart.

I couldn't feel this much. It was going to kill me.

The vampire, however, seemed to have other ideas.

"Shit," he hissed. "Where the fuck did he go?"

He looked around quickly, as if searching for someone. Another leech? I inhaled the salty air, recoiling. Yes, there had been two of them. The vampire didn't want to face me alone.

I waited as leech number one glanced down at Ren, waited to see if he would make a move, hopefully jarring me into motion. He seemed to be weighing his chances and finding them less than pleasant.

"Another time, Nessie dear. I'll be back, and he won't be able to help you."

The vampire released Ren's hair after one more meaningful tug, and then he disappeared. I watched him go, more than capable to detect his movements that were so incredibly fast, but I didn't follow. I let him go.

If he had stayed to fight, I might have lost. I'd never felt weaker in my entire life.

Ren lay in the sand staring uncertainly at me.

"Jacob?"

I felt a shudder jar my whole body as the sound of her speaking my name washed over me.

_Mine._ I felt the squeeze in my chest. _Mine, mine. Mine forever._

Everything inside of me pulled to her. Everything inside of me fought against it. I started towards her, and wasn't sure if it was the need to touch her or the need to escape from the voices of my pack still dimly demanding answers in the back of my head that changed me back, but I was human when I dropped down into the sand beside her.

All the awkwardness of strangers fled. There was nothing between Ren and me. Not according to that chord between us, that certain way that Ren had suddenly become the one thing I rotated around, pulled by something more intoxicating and dangerous than gravity.

She was propped onto her elbows. I touched her face, slid my fingers across her skin to cup her cheeks in my hands. She stared at me with her dark brown eyes looking helpless and completely at my will. But I felt like _she_ was the one controlling _me_.

"Ren," I breathed her name.

It felt like shards of glass coming up my throat. I was almost too greedy to speak it. I wanted to contain it forever.

She said, just as quietly, "Renesmee."

My heart swallowed her real name, her whole name, imprinting it into the fibers of my being.

Imprinting? _Imprint_?

I stared at Renesmee in horrified disbelief. This was imprinting. This was my soul's recognition of its mate. This was the chain clasping my ankle to hers. _This was my loss of freewill._

No. No way!

There were so many questions, so many secrets. Why didn't that matter to me anymore? How could I fall in love with a stranger? How could I be forced to be her prisoner?

Why was there a vampire after her?

"Who the hell are you?" I demanded.

Ren opened her mouth, but I swallowed her response, desperate to taste her lips. They were soft against mine, and warm. Her gasp of surprise was delicious as I flicked my tongue across her bottom lip and then explored her mouth.

I felt her hands climbing my back, her fingers digging into my shoulders.

I felt Bella Swan dissolve into oblivion as if she had never existed.

My heart pulsed with Renesmee, with love and desire and horrible, weakening need for her. Everything else inside of me screamed in pain and torment and denial.

_I did not make this choice._

----

**RPOV**  
I had thought that death would be only seconds away. I had thought that I was destined to die on the beach behind Jacob's house, staring up at the sun until I was blinded and gone. Liam had promised death if given resistance, and I had refused to become part of the Volturi.

But death had not come swiftly, as he had promised, and, then, it had not come at all. I hadn't felt the pain of Liam's hand in my hair anymore. Not after that first angry howl. The howl had seemed to shake me right down to the soul, like it was calling to me specifically.

Liam had frozen in surprise, and I had just a split second to turn my head. I hadn't realized that the first howl had come from a man, because Jacob had seemed to be more wolf than man as he had raced to my aid. When he exploded into fur, phasing right before my eyes, I had never seen anything more glorious.

The second howl had quaked inside my heart.

All the sizzling chemistry I had felt below the surface the past couple of days had seemed to explode into full-blown lust. As the wolf form of Jacob Black had watched me, I had been consumed by need, by love and desire so strong I could have been driven to the brink of insanity. The bruises no longer ached, my scalp was numb. I felt only my need for Jacob.

It was absurd and unexplainable, my sudden feelings. They seemed to grow from nowhere, thought it felt like they had been there all along. I watched him bare his teeth, and felt nothing but awe at the massive creature he was.

When Liam released me and ran, I barely noticed. I couldn't blame him, but I felt no fear at his threat to return. I felt no fear at all with Jacob in my view. I was enveloped in a warm cocoon of protection. I knew nothing would harm me with him near.

The second most glorious sight was Jacob as a man. I couldn't move when he came to me. I could barely breathe. When he touched my face, I thought I melt dissolve into the sand in bliss. I told him my name thoughtlessly, wanting to hear it rather than the nickname.

His question, I knew, was an accusation in disguise. I might have tried to explain, helpless to do anything but tell the truth underneath his searching gaze, but he muffled my response with his lips, and I didn't protest. I reached for him instead, knowing that any further living without him was a waste of my existence.


	10. The Wolf at the Door

It seemed that my life was plagued with nightmares anymore.

I'd yielded my bed to Ren the previous night and slept a rough sleep on the couch. I'd woken up choking out Bella's name, my whole body on fire, and I'd thrown up in the bathroom again. This time, however, I'd made it to the toilet, knowing what was coming. My joints had felt worse than an 80-year-old man's, and my bones were feeling pretty brittle. I felt like I had aches and a fever and probably the flu.

I'd went to work anyway, because I couldn't stay cooped up in my house with Ren with Bella on the brain and all those secrets to swimming between us. I'd needed some time to think, to bathe my hands in oil and sink my thoughts into an engine so that I could clear my head. I'd opted to let Josh fix Ren's car, and I'd set my sights on a random one in the shop.

I didn't care whose it was, so long as it wasn't anyone I knew. I needed the indifference.

Unfortunately, it didn't do a whole lot for me. The fatigue continued, the heat as well, accompanied by sweats and a strange smell I couldn't get out of my nose. I must have looked as shitty as I felt, because it wasn't long before Josh noticed and told me to go home.

I'd looked at him for several seconds in silence, considering refusing, but, for once, Josh was right. I wasn't well enough to do my job. My consolation was that, when I got home, I could tell Ren that I was sick and go to bed without feeling guilty, because it was true.

I'd offered her a place to stay. I didn't have to entertain her with conversation every second of the day to fulfill that promise. She could have her share of my house until she figured out what was going on, and I'd do what I could for her until then. In all likelihood, the thugs following her would give up unable to follow Ren in any way to my house, and Ren would finally wise up and go home.

And then I'd no longer have to face the attraction, the annoying desire to act upon it and threaten the bachelor status I was beginning to decide to live with permanently. I didn't need anymore problems, and Ren obviously had several.

I left Ren's car in the shop and called a cab. I sat in the back on a ripped up bench seat, trying to inhale as little of the stale smoke still hovering in the car as possible. It was making my new-found sickness worse. My stomach was rolling, and I could feel sweat pearling and sliding down my spine. I wasn't sure if I was going to make it home before I lost my lunch again.

I was starting to shake by the time the cabbie pulled up my drive. Not just regular shakes, but convulses that rattled my teeth. I noticed the cabbie shooting me nervous glances in the rear-view mirror, and I could tell that he felt he couldn't get rid of me soon enough, as he didn't pull all the way up to my house before he parked to let me out.

I tossed him a few bills for the fair and didn't stick around to get my change. As he backed out of the drive, I dry-heaved at the side of my driveway. The ground beneath my feet seemed to twirl in a drunken dance. I felt my body threaten to tilt with it.

_Just have to make it into the house._

It was a lot harder than usual, considering that I was shaking from head to foot, dizzy and nauseous, and not to mention unbearably hot. I tried to lick my lips, but there didn't seem to be any moisture left except the sweat running down my back.

"HELP ME!"

I stumbled to a stop, the world swaying to the side. For a split second, I saw Bella's face, heard her quiet voice mingling with Ren's. Was I hearing things now? Were my nightmares of Bella becoming that real?

I might have believed I was that desperate if I hadn't heard Ren scream. It would have frozen the blood in my veins if it hadn't already been molten hot lava. It was stupid to waste time standing there as I listened to another scream rise from the beach behind my house, thinking about how I had only been gone two hours.

Two hours, and whoever had been looking for Ren had found her in that short span of time.

I inhaled a breath, trying to calm my stomach, but something in the air stung my nostrils, and almost made me gag in reflex. This time, the smell seemed to connect with some lost memory, jarring it loose, and I was jogging toward the back of my house before I realized what it was.

My brain made the connection the same time as my body. I felt everything align so smoothly, flattening out all the wrinkles that separated me from the past, but the discovery was bitter sweet as the lava in my veins seemed to flame into licks of fire so hot I could have roasted the sun. My joints, so sore, seemed to tear apart, and I could feel—I could actually _feel_—my bones breaking, splitting, and reconnecting.

_How could I have not known what the sickness was?_ I wondered, as I rounded the last corner of my house, my haven that had been discovered and soiled. _How could I not remember this pain?_

The man's skin was a sickly sea of diamonds, sparkling grotesquely in the sunlight. The vampires I had known had hid in shadows, and it might have been the first time I'd seen one of them lit up like a disco ball.

He had Ren by the hair—_the fucking hair_—and was dragging her across the beach away from my house. She was still putting up a fight, though I could see she'd been beaten around. Her alabaster skin was bruising.

The fury I felt seeing that Ren had been beaten was instantaneous. It was the spark that lit my short fuse, that reignited the gene inside of me that had gone dormant as I inhaled the disgusting, rotting smell of the dark-haired vampire on my property.

I was running through the screaming pain in every part of my body, through the throbbing in my head and the cracking of my bones. I felt it coming, as I had felt it coming a thousand times before. I could feel my body mutating, my human side receding into the heat and anger of the wolf.

Ren spotted me, howled my name as I howled hers.

My clothes tore at the seams, shredding into oblivion as I tore free of their boundaries and the boundaries of my human flesh. The dark-haired vampire spotted me then as I landed on four legs and howled Ren's name again in a tongue only I could understand.

_"Jacob?"_

_ "Jake? Hey!"_

_ "Where the hell are you? Where did you go?"_

Leah. Quill. Embry.

All a million miles away, an entire galaxy away at this exact moment as I phased, tearing back into wolf form my only thought of Ren.

My _every_ thought on Ren.

I had been prepared to lunge, to take the leech down by the throat, but the first thing I had laid eyes on upon phasing was Ren, and I had frozen as my world rocked for the millionth time in the past couple of days. This time, however, it was incredibly different.

This time, it rocked me over and let me fall. The only thing that stopped me was the chord between Ren and me, the one I had felt before, the one, I realized now, that was unbreakable and taut and all-powerful. I felt my heart stumble, stop, and then beat again in rapid succession, throbbing Ren's name with each pulse.

_Mine. Mine. Mine._

I could feel the possessiveness squeeze my chest so tight that I felt each of my ribs would break. I wanted to reach out to her, to envelope her, to fall right down into her so that nothing could or would ever separate us. She was mine. Forever. Everything I ever had or ever wanted had grown, it felt, from her.

Nothing else existed.

Not my pack or their voices still rioting questions inside my head. Not my life before her, or the love I'd had for Bella. Not my goals or dreams or career. Nothing had the slightest drop of meaning unless it involved her.

I stared at Ren, who I knew so little about, and I felt the all-encompassing emotion I feared the most devouring me though I might have tried to scream in protest. Her gaze held mine from her sprawled position in the sand, the vampire's hand still wrapped into her hair though she seemed not to feel it, as if she felt only what I felt for that one horribly glorious second. As if we were connecting for the first time, discovering each other, realizing our fates.

"What the hell?" I heard the vampire hiss.

I hadn't realized I'd howled again. I wasn't sure why I had. In pain? In loving? In fear?

Christ, _it hurt_. Not the bones breaking, or the joints realigning, or the fire in my veins that burned everything as I phased, but the love that was bleeding through me, burning in a way that the fire had not, scarring me beyond all repair.

"Jacob," Ren whimpered.

And I felt raw fury consume me. I wasn't sure what was worse: the fact that I was in love by force or that a vampire was hurting the woman I loved. I growled loudly, pulling back my lips so that my sharp, dagger-like teeth were exposed. I was going to kill the leech, and then I was going to rip out my own heart.

I couldn't feel this much. It was going to kill me.

The vampire, however, seemed to have other ideas.

"Shit," he hissed. "Where the fuck did he go?"

He looked around quickly, as if searching for someone. Another leech? I inhaled the salty air, recoiling. Yes, there had been two of them. The vampire didn't want to face me alone.

I waited as leech number one glanced down at Ren, waited to see if he would make a move, hopefully jarring me into motion. He seemed to be weighing his chances and finding them less than pleasant.

"Another time, Nessie dear. I'll be back, and he won't be able to help you."

The vampire released Ren's hair after one more meaningful tug, and then he disappeared. I watched him go, more than capable to detect his movements that were so incredibly fast, but I didn't follow. I let him go.

If he had stayed to fight, I might have lost. I'd never felt weaker in my entire life.

Ren lay in the sand staring uncertainly at me.

"Jacob?"

I felt a shudder jar my whole body as the sound of her speaking my name washed over me.

_Mine._ I felt the squeeze in my chest. _Mine, mine. Mine forever._

Everything inside of me pulled to her. Everything inside of me fought against it. I started towards her, and wasn't sure if it was the need to touch her or the need to escape from the voices of my pack still dimly demanding answers in the back of my head that changed me back, but I was human when I dropped down into the sand beside her.

All the awkwardness of strangers fled. There was nothing between Ren and me. Not according to that chord between us, that certain way that Ren had suddenly become the one thing I rotated around, pulled by something more intoxicating and dangerous than gravity.

She was propped onto her elbows. I touched her face, slid my fingers across her skin to cup her cheeks in my hands. She stared at me with her dark brown eyes looking helpless and completely at my will. But I felt like _she_ was the one controlling _me_.

"Ren," I breathed her name.

It felt like shards of glass coming up my throat. I was almost too greedy to speak it. I wanted to contain it forever.

She said, just as quietly, "Renesmee."

My heart swallowed her real name, her whole name, imprinting it into the fibers of my being.

Imprinting? _Imprint_?

I stared at Renesmee in horrified disbelief. This was imprinting. This was my soul's recognition of its mate. This was the chain clasping my ankle to hers. _This was my loss of freewill._

No. No way!

There were so many questions, so many secrets. Why didn't that matter to me anymore? How could I fall in love with a stranger? How could I be forced to be her prisoner?

Why was there a vampire after her?

"Who the hell are you?" I demanded.

Ren opened her mouth, but I swallowed her response, desperate to taste her lips. They were soft against mine, and warm. Her gasp of surprise was delicious as I flicked my tongue across her bottom lip and then explored her mouth.

I felt her hands climbing my back, her fingers digging into my shoulders.

I felt Bella Swan dissolve into oblivion as if she had never existed.

My heart pulsed with Renesmee, with love and desire and horrible, weakening need for her. Everything else inside of me screamed in pain and torment and denial.

_I did not make this choice._

----

**RPOV**  
I had thought that death would be only seconds away. I had thought that I was destined to die on the beach behind Jacob's house, staring up at the sun until I was blinded and gone. Liam had promised death if given resistance, and I had refused to become part of the Volturi.

But death had not come swiftly, as he had promised, and, then, it had not come at all. I hadn't felt the pain of Liam's hand in my hair anymore. Not after that first angry howl. The howl had seemed to shake me right down to the soul, like it was calling to me specifically.

Liam had frozen in surprise, and I had just a split second to turn my head. I hadn't realized that the first howl had come from a man, because Jacob had seemed to be more wolf than man as he had raced to my aid. When he exploded into fur, phasing right before my eyes, I had never seen anything more glorious.

The second howl had quaked inside my heart.

All the sizzling chemistry I had felt below the surface the past couple of days had seemed to explode into full-blown lust. As the wolf form of Jacob Black had watched me, I had been consumed by need, by love and desire so strong I could have been driven to the brink of insanity. The bruises no longer ached, my scalp was numb. I felt only my need for Jacob.

It was absurd and unexplainable, my sudden feelings. They seemed to grow from nowhere, thought it felt like they had been there all along. I watched him bare his teeth, and felt nothing but awe at the massive creature he was.

When Liam released me and ran, I barely noticed. I couldn't blame him, but I felt no fear at his threat to return. I felt no fear at all with Jacob in my view. I was enveloped in a warm cocoon of protection. I knew nothing would harm me with him near.

The second most glorious sight was Jacob as a man. I couldn't move when he came to me. I could barely breathe. When he touched my face, I thought I melt dissolve into the sand in bliss. I told him my name thoughtlessly, wanting to hear it rather than the nickname.

His question, I knew, was an accusation in disguise. I might have tried to explain, helpless to do anything but tell the truth underneath his searching gaze, but he muffled my response with his lips, and I didn't protest. I reached for him instead, knowing that any further living without him was a waste of my existence.


	11. I Won't Be Your Prisoner

Somehow, I'd managed to release Ren. Maybe if for no other reason than that I was horrified by what I felt for her. The taste of her on my lips was like a living, breathing thing. It was calling me back already as I made hasty excuses and escaped into my house. I could feel her following me in, but I refused to look back as I hurried into my room to find clothes, to think, to _breathe _without inhaling her.

She had seen me completely naked, but, even as I pulled a pair of jeans on, I didn't feel any embarrassment. There was nothing between us. She had always been a part of me, and there was nothing to hide.

I hissed out a breath as I tugged a t-shirt over my head. Where the hell were these thoughts coming from? I sounded pathetic, like some lovesick idiot. I didn't know Ren. I didn't even know her last name or where she was really from. I wasn't in love with her.

To hell with imprinting.

"Jacob?"

Shit. I inhaled a breath, staggering back a step. I could damn imprinting to hell and back, but the second Ren was within touching distance, my brain went on the fritz. That irrational sense of loving and possessiveness seemed to crowd the room with me. I could barely move at all, unless the direction I took was straight to Ren.

I wanted to smooth out her bronze curls still in horrible disarray from her encounter with a vampire. I wanted to kiss the bruises, to hold her and tell her that I wouldn't let her get hurt like that again. I'd tear that leech to shreds if he ever touched what was _mine_ again.

"Who are you?" I demanded. "What the hell is going on?"

Why was every thought in my head filled with her? Why could I feel the curve of her name on my tongue? These feelings weren't mine. I hadn't chosen this. I was the runaway from La Push with dormant werewolf genes and a serious disease of unrequited love for Isabella Swan.

I dug into myself, but I felt nothing at the thought of Bella's name.

There was a blank void where there had once been a scar.

For the first time ever, I wanted to be in hopeless love with Bella, to know that feeling of desperation again, that knowledge that I'd never have what I truly wanted. But I couldn't, because everything inside of me was telling me that what I wanted was Ren.

Ren, the mystery woman who'd shown up on my doorstep. Coincidence? Nothing involving a vampire was ever coincidence. While my heart thumped with her name, I stared at her in bitter accusation. She had brought vampires back to my door. She had brought my past back to my door.

She had woken the wolf and started all those old gears in motion.

Everything I had worked so hard to forget had found me.

"Jacob, I--"

"Don't lie," I snapped. "No more lies."

I didn't deserve this. I couldn't withstand feeling such an intense mix of hatred and love. My spine wanted to curve with it, dropping me to the floor where I could writhe in agony, torn between two extremes. Instead, I glared at Ren, doing everything I could not to reach for her.

"My name's Renesmee."

"What's your last name?"

Ren flinched, her dark eyes shadowed. "It's better that you don't know."

Didn't she understand? I _had_ to know. I had to know everything about her. I needed it to live, to exist. I wanted to integrate everything about her into me and who I was.

I sucked in a breath. I was losing it. I was losing everything to this girl, to the imprint. Her name wasn't important. The only thing that mattered was why she was here, why a vampire was after her, and why she had chosen to involve me, to ruin my life.

"Why is there a vampire after you?" Better question, "How did you survive that?"

For the first time, it struck me how bizarre it was that she had stood against a vampire. She had bruises, sure, but I'd seen what a vampire could do. But she was human, wasn't she? I'd touched her hand before. I'd felt the warmth. Even now I could feel the rhythmic beat of her heart fluttering in the air between us. She smelled human too, didn't she?

I breathed in. She was covered in the honeyed scent of life, sure, but, now, with my senses back up to par, I thought that there might actually be something else there. Something was underlying in her human scent that I hadn't been strong enough to taste in the air before.

The sleeve of Ren's shirt had been torn jaggedly, but the skin it had exposed was unblemished. Most of her clothing, in fact, was in the same sort of disrepair, but, other than the bruises and the fatigue that was evident in the way she stood, Ren looked unharmed. It was more than any human could hope for when faced with an angry vampire.

Ren couldn't quite meet my gaze. I ignored the fact that it hurt that she couldn't look at me. That was just being stupid. She _shouldn't _be able to look at me, not after the lies. Not after involving me in something that could change my life so drastically. I should have sent her on her way when I'd had the chance.

"It's the Volturi," Ren told me.

I felt myself stiffen. The Volturi were the bad vampires, I remembered enough of the things Bella had told me to recall that. They were half the reason that my pack in La Push couldn't stop phasing, if not the whole reason. Blood-suckers like them were dangerous enough to keep us around.

They had followed Ren to Florida. They had forced me to phase.

Now I was a werewolf again, and I had imprinted.

I would deal with that later, whenever I felt like I could manage to face it with a level head. Who knew when that would be?

"I'm... I'm a hybrid."

"A hybrid?"

Ren nodded slowly. "Half human, half vampire."

I felt like I'd been socked roughly in the gut. I could feel all the air leaving my lungs with no ability to draw it back in again. Ren was half _vampire_? I had imprinted, _fallen in love with_, a vampire? Ren had finally decided to look at my face, and I thought she looked slightly ashamed of what she saw there, which must have been something close to horror as I realized my fate. My fate, that was, unless I could change it. And I would, wouldn't I? I wouldn't let this become my life. I wasn't going to be forced into doing anything. Especially not loving a vampire, the source of all the pain in my life.

"They..." I swallowed to moisten my mouth that had suddenly gone dry. "They want you because you're a hybrid?"

"Yes," Ren said. "Among other things."

I closed my eyes. "Why did you come here?"

Ren went quiet. I couldn't bring myself to open my eyes again. There were too many things I didn't want to see, figuratively and literally. Besides, I didn't have to see her to feel her. She was in every corner of the room now and in every pore of my body.

The tension in the room was thick. I wondered what she was thinking. Probably the best way to explain without lying but not telling the entire truth. Was that what she was like? A liar? I couldn't love her. No way in hell. Beautiful or not, she--

"I was told that you could help me. I knew that you were a wolf. I knew you were here."

I opened my eyes, frowning. "How?"

Ren was frowning as well, shifting her weight from one foot to the other, wincing as she leaned to heavily on her bruises.

"Does it matter? I'm the only one that knows—or knew—that you were here."

But now a whole legion of leeches knew that I was here too. All thanks to Ren, the love of my life, according to an irrational, infuriating imprint. I wanted her out of my system. Right now.

"Who?" I growled, lowly. "Who told you about me?"

She lifted her chin. "I know Bella Swan."

I suddenly couldn't feel my legs. I collapsed onto my bed purely by luck. If it hadn't been behind me, I would have went straight to the floor. Ren could have knocked me over the head, and I wouldn't have felt any less stunned. Bella? Ren knew Bella? How could my life become any more distorted? If I had despised the thought of loving Ren before, I hated it with true passion now. I couldn't... I couldn't do this. I didn't want anything to do with my past, especially not a girl that was tied to the only other person I had ever loved.

The only other person I had loved by _choice_.

Bella Swan. Dear God. I dropped my face into my hands, still drowning in my new-found feelings for Ren. I would never survive this, whatever it was.

I wanted to ask Ren how Bella was, what she was doing, what had become of her. If... If she had married that disgusting leech. I swallowed bile, feeling sick. Why did I want to know? An old, gut reaction to Bella? I couldn't feel the things I felt before, after all. Ren had overruled them, steam-rolled them right out of existence.

"She was who you were talking about then," Ren said, quietly.

I looked away from her, scowling at a patch of carpet on my floor. Ren must have cleaned while I'd been at work. I hadn't seen that spot of floor in a long time. I scowled harder at it and didn't answer.

I let Ren stand uncertainly in the doorway instead. I hoped that she felt guilty, sorry for the fact that she had invaded my life, rocked my only newly constructed foundations for a new life, and destroyed them completely. If I wanted to be alone and miserable and pining after Bella, I should have been able to.

"She doesn't know that I'm here," Ren told me, and then straightened. "Your living room window is broken. I'm sorry. I'll pay for it. I'll send you the money. I'll just... I'll leave you alone now."

I was on my feet. I didn't mean to get up. I didn't mean to call her back. I wanted to let her go, but I couldn't.

"You can't leave."

Ren stopped, turned. "Why not?"

"Because..."

I floundered. The truth threatened to surge up, but it was the forced truth. Not what I really felt, not what I'd ever really willingly feel. I did not need her to stay because I couldn't live without her. I did not need her to stay just so that I could see her, feel her, talk to her.

I had nothing to say to her. She had ruined my life.

"Because that guy is after you, and now it's my problem too," I told her, irritable. "I told you I'd help. I don't break my promises."

At least, not any more.

"You don't owe me anything," Ren told me.

"Are you ever going to tell me the whole truth?"

Ren shrugged. "I don't know."

I wanted to take her by the shoulders and shake her. I wanted to explain to her that her secrets were no longer acceptable, that they would kill me in the end. I needed her to understand that space between us, no matter how small, felt like a gigantic crevice I was about to fall into. She didn't understand my desperation, the force and power of an imprint. I had no other choice.

"Jacob."

I looked up.

"What is_ this_?" She lifted a hand, gesturing between the two of us.

I paused. Did she feel it too? Did the imprint work both ways, or was I the only freak here?

No, of course I wasn't.

_ Remember, Jake? Ren's a vampire_.

"It's nothing."

"You kissed me."

I wanted to do it again, too. I wanted to curl her bronze hair around my fingers and taste her lips again. I wanted to hold her against me, hearing and feeling her hybrid heart beat. I wanted to ignore the voice that told me it was wrong to love someone I didn't know, whose whole name and family was were a mystery to me, someone who wouldn't tell me the entire truth.

"I told you before that I was attracted to you," I reminded her. "I haven't been a wolf in a long time. Things are kind of confusing right now, all right?"

Ren looked hurt. "All right."

"I'm exhausted. I need to sleep for awhile, okay? Just... do whatever you want, but stay inside."

Ren nodded. "Sure. Whatever."

I waited until she left the room, resisting the urge to chase after her, and collapsed onto my bed. I hadn't been lying. I really was exhausted. Today had felt a lot like phasing for the first time. Everything was sore and aching.

I wanted to sink into my mattress and disappear. There was suddenly way too much to deal with in my life. Not only was I a wolf again, but I was in love with a vampire hybrid of indistinct origins. I owed my pack an explanation. I'd understood that even as my whole world had broken apart and then begun pivoting around Renesmee. I'd heard their voices. I understood their annoyance with me.

I couldn't go into hiding again, because my genes were obviously not going to go dormant a second time when vampires were most likely circling my house at this very second. Thinking this, it took everything I had not to get up and go check on Ren. She was still in my house. I was certain.

I could smell her. All of my senses were fine-tuned to her now.

Who the hell was Renesmee? How did she know Bella?

Why did I feel like I was being used by Renesmee and several different people I wasn't aware of? I didn't like being a puppet. I _refused_ to be one.

Nothing about this added up. The woman I was fated to be with had just happened to show up at my house? Directed by others or not, it was too much of a coincidence. Had I really imprinted, or was Renesmee more than just a hybrid? Maybe she had talents like the Cullen's had. Maybe she was manipulating my emotions.

I closed my eyes. I just needed a nap, just an hour, and then I would figure out how to get my life back.

My dreams were filled with Bella.

As somewhere outside of the land of slumber my heart had begun to pick up the rhythm of Renesmee, what was left of me from before the imprint mourned the loss of Isabella Swan, of the woman I had wanted and had lost, who was out there somewhere now and no longer the same.

But I dreamed her back into who she once was: a human girl with perfect skin, pale but warm to the touch. I drank in the chocolate of her eyes, the richness of her smile as we sat in the past, inside my garage, kneeling beside a motorcycle. I let her work the wrench, keeping my hand closed over hers in guidance.

But really all I wanted was that chance to touch her, to feel the warmth of her hand inside of my own. I wanted to bury my nose into her hair as the sun glinted off of it and warmed it. I wanted to tell her that I would always only love her.

Maybe it was a lie now, but in my dreams I had the courage to do what I had failed to do in reality.

"Bella," I whispered, my voice still the voice of the youth, of a young man not yet a wolf.

She looked up, and I saw in her eyes all the things I had always only imagined existed there. In my dreams I could adequately fill the holes Edward Cullen had left, and I could become the only man she ever needed or wanted. In my dreams, Bella reached for me, and I lifted her into my arms.

I remembered there had been a bench seat sitting in the back of the garage, pulled from some hopeless Chevy that had no chance of running again. I gently placed her onto the seat. Knowing what I wanted, wanting it too, Bella worked the button of her jeans, slid free of them, and waited for me.

I couldn't get mine off fast enough. Around my ankles was as far as they got.

Her voice was faint, "Jacob."

Why couldn't I remember the sound of it more clearly?

I hooked my finger around her panties, pulling them aside.

"Don't forget me, Bella. I can't forget you."

"Jake."

Why couldn't she say that she wanted me? I wished she'd say something other than just my name. I needed to hear her ask me to take her. I wanted to hear her tell me that she loved me. Just once. Even if it was only in a dream. Even if it'd never really mean anything.

I hovered over her, desperately yearning to push into her, to fill her, to feel her close around me. I wanted it more than I had ever wanted anything. I wanted to ride into oblivion with her wrapped around me, disappearing forever to live with her somewhere secret and private.

I didn't want to be a wolf. I didn't want to imprint. I just wanted to be Jacob, and I wanted Bella Swan to be mine.

The edges of my dream began to blur. Everything felt so indistinct, the quality of Bella, of my arousal, going bland and unimpressive. Even in my dream world, I couldn't touch her. I couldn't be with her.

"Jacob," Bella called my name.

"I love you." It was Renesmee's voice.


	12. Seeing the Beast

**RPOV**

I stared at my cellphone in quiet rejection, running my fingers over the buttons without applying pressure. I knew that I was supposed to call Alice. She had specifically said to keep her updated, meaning that she would want to know all about my short-lived meeting with Liam. I lifted my free hand, gingerly touching my throat. It was bruised, but it wasn't anything that wouldn't heal.

Really, there wasn't much to tell her. Liam had found me, just like I'd known he would, and Jacob had saved me, just like Alice had promised. Did Alice really need to know that? It was all I had to tell her, and wasn't it unexciting?

Compared to what else had happened on the beach, which I didn't think I could or would ever be able to explain to Alice. I had been attracted to Jacob from the start, but neither my aunt nor I had expected what would happen when I saw Jacob phase.

I still wasn't sure what exactly _had_ happened.

Had my heart always had a secret affection for wolves? Some sort of excruciatingly painful obsession? Forget the bruises and the tender scalp, my heart was the real wounded victim here. I dropped my hand from my throat to my chest, rubbing my fist above the pulsing thing. I had never been in love, but none of my preconceived notions had equaled out to anything like this. I had never expected love to hurt, but maybe that was because I hadn't expected to be rejected either.

From my spot on the couch, I turned my head just enough to see Jacob's closed door down the hall. Was he feeling this too? He had to be. Even despite the staggering effects of...whatever it was that had happened, I could see the twin of my emotions reflected in Jacob's eyes. So what had happened? Why did I suddenly feel like I couldn't live without Jacob? I wanted to ask Alice, but any phrasing of the question already sounded stupid inside of my head.

_Alice, what does it mean if I suddenly fall in love with Jacob? _

_ Do werewolves have magical powers to force people to fall in love with them?_

_ Alice, I think I'm going crazy. Apparently, I've had a severe werewolf fetish I never knew about._

I wasn't sure what any of those would be faced with. Alice had never ridiculed me, so I wasn't afraid that she wouldn't believe me, I was simply convinced that she wouldn't be able to understand. It would be typical of Alice to think that I had been struck by a bit of hero-worshipping that had forced me into realizing the attraction I had for Jacob all along. But that wasn't it.

Whatever it was like to hero-worship, this wasn't it. I had never heard of anything that could be this toxic or all-consuming. I could barely breathe when I stood in the same room as him. When he touched me—I thought of our kiss on the beach—I felt like I would break into a million pieces and scatter to the four winds.

Whatever this was, I would have to figure it out myself. I sighed at the background on my cellphone, now a default picture of silly blue swirls. I had thought it best to remove what had been there before: a picture of my mother, my father, and I. I missed them, but even they wouldn't be able to help me with this. Whatever had gone on between my mother and Jacob hadn't been like this, or else she would have never ended up a Cullen.

I scrolled through my contacts until I found my aunt's number, deciding to keep her updated through text messaging until I thought I could manage to keep my voice level enough for a phone conversation. As it was, Alice would probably see right through me if she heard my voice. I felt shakey all over, and I knew it would translate across the telephone line well enough to my overly-perceptive aunt.

_Hey, Jacob's home from work. Everything's fine so far. I cleaned the house, and now I'm thinking it's time for a nap. I'm exhausted. This guy sure can make a mess. Love you._

I pressed the send button, feeling only a little guilty for lying. Even if Jacob hadn't suddenly wrenched my heart right out of my chest, I probably wouldn't have told Alice the whole truth. Informing my aunt how close I had been to death would have only forced her into motion, and it would have been no time before she'd been at Jacob's doorstep with my mother, father, and probably the rest of the Cullen family, in tow.

Telling myself I was doing the right thing, I set my cellphone on the coffee table next to Jacob's wolf statues and pushed to my feet. Alice couldn't help me here, so that meant that I was going to have to find my own answers. I had given Jacob at least twenty minutes to himself, and now it was time to figure out what was going on here.

Somehow I managed to make myself walk down the hallway to his room, though my resolve felt less and less sturdy with each step I took. It became harder to breathe the closer I knew I was getting to Jacob. Would I feel it again when I saw his face? That deep desperation to reach out and touch him? It had been so powerful last time I thought it might kill me if I didn't get out of the room.

I inhaled, forcing oxygen into my lungs, and lifted a tentative hand to the door. The sound of my knuckles against wood was quiet, but it felt like the loudest noise in the world. I waited for Jacob to answer, leaning forward to listen against the door.

I counted to ten and knocked again, but Jacob continued to remain silent. Was he ignoring me? Even if he was just afraid of this as I was, what good would hiding do? I wanted answers. I wanted to know what about Jacob's phasing had turned my entire life upside down.

I tried the knob, surprised he hadn't locked it, and poked my head in.

Jacob was sound asleep on the bed. I pushed the door open and stepped all the way in. He was snoring softly, one arm thrown over his face. I watched the steady rise and fall of his chest, touched by the serenity on his face, the ease in his body in the careless way he was sprawled across the bed. His beauty, I realized, stung. It was almost painful to look at him, knowing how much I needed him, though I couldn't explain why.

I thought about stepping back out of the room and shutting the door behind me, allowing Jacob his nap while I tried to figure out how to approach him without melting into a puddle at his feet. But I couldn't figure out how to do that until I knew why this was happening to me to begin with. I took a step forward, and Jacob mumbled something in his sleep.

I rose onto tip-toes to cross the room to him as his arm slid away from his face, and I saw that he was frowning. He mumbled again, but it wasn't until I was right next to the bed that he spoke clear enough for me to understand.

"Bella."

It felt like a slap to the face to hear him say anyone's name other than mine. The fact that the name he spoke was my mother's name was even worse. I stared down at Jacob, frowning now too, and I wondered, again, what had happened between him and my mother. He said her name again, and I had an idea.

He was dreaming. Could I enter an unconscious mind? Surely it was the same thing as looking into someone's thoughts when they were awake. The same concept, at least. If I could just know something about his past, maybe it would be easier to deal with the present.

Ignoring the fact that this was an extreme invasion of privacy, I decided to use my one vampire talent on Jacob Black: looking into his thoughts, though I would avoid planting any of my own. At the moment, it was Jacob's past that held the key, not mine. I'd tell him about myself when and if I found the appropriate time to spill secrets.

Taking a deep breath, I placed my hand on Jacob's forearm. Entering into his thoughts was almost as intoxicating as the simple act of touching him. I almost forgot my purpose as my fingers wrapped around his arm.

And then, he sucked me in.

Jacob was dreaming about my mom. I saw her, through his thoughts, as I had never seen her before: young, brown-eyed, and human, quaking with the vitality of life. I could feel how it drugged him, how he yearned to touch her, to kiss her, to be the male in her life that could overshadow my father. He was young himself, his now short-cropped black hair then long, straight, and dark silk. I watched him greet my mother with a beat-up truck, listened to his thoughts as he realized that Bella Swan had grown up in a very interesting way since the last time he'd seen her.

I stood beside Jacob as he jumped around in the past, watched my mother as he watched her, listened to his thoughts and his emotions as he thought and felt them. I saw my mother at prom on the arm of my father, noticed, as Jacob did, the cast on her leg, felt the first stirrings of alarm that he felt.

He was thinking about how he hadn't noticed the scar where she'd already been bitten by a red-eyed vampire, how he hadn't even been aware then that the legends could be true, and that the guy taking my mom to prom could really be a vampire. Fast-forward to the next year, when my father had disappeared—disappeared? I wanted to linger on this, but my father's absence wasn't important in Jacob's dream—and Jacob had stepped into Bella Swan's life.

I watched him watch her, the hollowed out shell that he wanted to fill. I watched that happen, and, though it was a fast process in his head, I could feel how gradual it had been, from fixing up motorcycles to taking her to the movies to...

Jacob's dream suddenly became dark, and it took me a moment to focus, to realize that he'd just crossed over into his first days of becoming a werewolf. I stood with Jacob as he was forced to become accustomed to the change quickly, forced to assume the same duties as the rest of his pack, forced to live a life he had never wanted because people like my father had shown up in Forks, and they were disrupting life as everyone knew it.

It was Jacob's job to defend the unsuspecting humans, though the only human he could focus on was Bella Swan. I cringed against the pain I felt from Jacob at my father's return, at the realization of what Bella meant to do all along: become a bloodsucker, the thing he hated the most.

He hated my father and everyone like him, but he couldn't give up on Bella. He fought for her, against Edward and any other vampire that showed up to challenge Bella's existence, but he had lost. I, of course, knew this before it had ever happened.

I could feel the way he loved her. I could feel the way his heart broke when he heard her promise to marry Edward as they camped in the snow. It hurt me even though I was just an invisible witness to the past. I could feel my heart break with his as I watched one of his last, desperate attempts to have my mother, forcing her to give him the kiss he had longed for by promising that, otherwise, he would find a quick death.

I wanted to be furious that he would sink so low, but somehow I understood his last ditch effort to have what he wanted. With my own feelings for him hammering against my chest, I thought I might have done the same. I wanted to cry for what he had lost, despite the fact that, if he had won, I wouldn't exist, but Jacob's dream changed one last time, to the time when my father had been gone, and he had sat in his garage with Bella.

I watched the way he handled the motorcycle, noticing the care he put into each touch, knowing that, by my mother's expression, she was noticing too. Jacob wasn't thinking about the motorcycle though, or how much he had wanted one himself for several years. His every thought was on Bella. He was sneaking glances at her face, her lips, the dark gold of her hair as the dying sunlight outside caught it through the open door. He was waiting for the second when he would finally find the courage to kiss Bella.

I waited too, sad because I knew from his other memories that he had only kissed my mother once, and this was not that time.

However, as I watched, I felt Jacob pull away from the reality he was dreaming of. I could almost feel him physically straining to change what had actually happened. His need to was so strong that he actually accomplished the feat.

For a second, I felt everything strain, and then the dream continued on, and I turned my back in embarrassment as Jacob picked my mother up into his arms and carried her to a busted up old seat from some unknown vehicle. With my back turned to what Jacob was seeing, I saw nothing but gray in front of me. It wasn't my dream, so I couldn't change the surroundings like he could. I thought about pulling away from him, leaving his thoughts in peace, and going off into the living room to nurse the wounds that had been created when I found out how much Jacob had loved my mother.

_Had_? I searched Jacob's thoughts, but "love" continued to surface in the past-tense, as if he didn't still feel this same crushing need for my mom. I must have been mistaken though, because I had witnessed the dreams, the reliving of his past, and I knew love when I saw it. I felt enough of it now to recognize it. I closed my eyes as I listened to Jacob saying my mom's name, listened to his thoughts as he wished she'd say the words she had never spared him in the way he wanted to hear them. My mother didn't answer him, and I could feel his dream blurring as he lost control of even this.

My new feelings for Jacob made me want him to be happy, but I didn't mean to answer him. It was just a dream, and my mother, unbeknownst to him, was not that same girl, nor would she ever be. It would be better if he accepted that now.

But my own feelings were so close to the surface that I couldn't deny answering the call when I heard it.

"I love you," I whispered into his dream.

Jacob seemed to recognize that the voice he heard was not Bella Swan. I could feel him swiveling his attention away from her toward the image of another brown-eyed girl standing on the beach, her bronze curls floating weightlessly in the breeze.

I felt the word as he thought it, his mind growing dark and hostile:_ Imprint_.

Coming out of Jacob's thoughts was like swimming up through water from very dark depths. I could feel myself pushing, but didn't realize I was close to the surface until I'd broken back through it. It was so abrupt that I could feel everything spinning around me, my lungs gulping air as if I'd really been submerged the whole time.

Unfortunately, I had little time to reacquaint myself with reality, because Jacob came out of his dream the same time I did. The first few seconds were a flurry of motion. I released Jacob's arm automatically, but he caught my wrist before I could begin to pull away.

My presence had startled him, and he must have thought I was out to get him or something, because he rolled off the bed in one fluid motion and had me pressed against the wall with one arm cranked behind my back before I even realized what was happening.

"Ow!" I hissed, as he pushed my arm up my back.

Did he always wake up ready to fight? I tried to glare at him, but couldn't manage it as he stood pressed against me and panting, like he'd already been fighting. All my new emotions that told me I was fatally in love with him were right there between us, bumping around so painfully inside of my skull that I almost leaned forward and kissed him.

Maybe I would have if he didn't have my arm.

"What are you doing in here?"

He scowled, but I could see the way his gaze went to my mouth. My stomach was a flurry of movement. I could feel it dancing. It almost made me queasy. Was he staring at me now with the same thoughts he'd had for Bella in his dream? Could he see me in that same light?

Or was he looking at me and seeing my mom?

"We need to talk," I said, my voice almost sad.

"Yeah, we do," he agreed irritably. "I want to know why you're really here, why that vampire is really chasing you, and why I feel like--"

Jacob stopped talking abruptly, his face going skillfully blank. I watched the transformation, a bit startled by the sudden change of expression from hot to impassively cold.

"Feel like what?" I asked.

I recalled the word he had thought about waking: Imprint.

What did it mean? And how could I ask him without giving myself away?

"Nothing. It doesn't matter. Just tell me the truth. I deserve to know why you're here."

He did deserve that, but it didn't mean that I was going to tell him. At least not until I got answers of my own.

"I was told that you were a wolf. I needed some help. I can't fight against the Volturi alone."

Jacob looked incredulous. "So you just decided to involve me without asking?"

It was embarrassing. It wasn't as if I was proud of the fact that I had used him. In fact, I was beginning to think that if I had known the outcome, I would have just taken the chance of facing Liam alone. At least then I knew what I was up against. I had no idea what to expect from Jacob or my new feelings. It was starting to feel more dangerous than the threat of the Volturi.

"Isn't it your job to fight against vampires?" I snapped back.

I wished I could have bitten my tongue directly afterward. Jacob recoiled a bit, loosening his grip on my arm so that it didn't hurt as bad as it had seconds before.

"How did you know that?"

I couldn't tell him that I had learned it through spying on his dream, but my only other explanation was as unappealing.

"I told you, I know--"

Jacob's eyes went dark as he cut in, "Bella Swan."

I pursed my lips and nodded, trying to not to look him straight in the eye. There was pain there that I didn't want to see. Especially because it was recognition of a love that wasn't for me, and I wanted Jacob Black to only love me.

"Didn't you think there was a reason I left La Push?"

"I don't know. I don't know anything about you," I reminded him.

A crease appeared between his brows. "But you knew enough."

Enough to involve him? Yes, but not enough to know him like I wanted to now, to know why I was in love with him.

"Will you please let go? You're hurting my arm."

Jacob stepped back automatically, releasing my arm so quickly that I figured he must have forgotten that he'd had it in his grip to begin with. I was almost sad to lose the connection of his skin against mine, but my aching arm wasn't. I blew out a breath, sliding back down onto the heels of my feet, only just then realizing that I'd pushed myself up onto my toes when Jacob had pressed me into the wall.

"You're a vampire."

I scowled. "I still feel pain. I'm part human."

"How?"

_Because my mother was still the human you loved when she had me_. I wanted to say it—to just tell him and be done with it—but I couldn't. I had seen into Jacob's thoughts, and I was fairly certain that exploiting any of the knowledge I had about Bella Swan would destroy him. I couldn't destroy the man I loved.

"I'm the product of a vampire and a human."

I thought even that might be too much information, but, despite the considerable amount of confusion and pain on Jacob's face, I didn't think that he'd put two and two together yet. I still wasn't equaling Bella in his mind.

"How is that possible?"

"I don't know," I admitted.

I was an abomination, just like Liam had said. I shouldn't have existed. I'd tried to puzzle out how I'd came to be all my life, and I still hadn't discovered an answer, except for the plain and simple fact that my parents loved each other. I couldn't exactly tell him that.

Jacob ran a hand through his hair, and I felt my heart turn over despite all of the hostility in the room.

"I answered you, now you tell me what happened out there on the beach."

Jacob made a face at me, looking away, and I watched his self-constructed wall fall in between us. He was a closed book, just like I'd told myself before. Jacob Black wasn't interested in opening himself up to anyone anymore.

"I changed into a wolf."

"I'm not talking about that," I told him, growing impatient in my need to figure out what was going on.

Jacob looked back at me, and I caught surprise in his eyes.

"What are you talking about then?"

I shifted my weight from one foot to the other. I hated having my own questions turned against me, especially when I didn't want to be the first one to admit my feelings. Especially because, as far as I knew, Jacob's feelings for me were nonexistent. I didn't want to put myself on that thin ledge only to be shoved off alone.

"You kissed me," I reminded him again.

There was that scowl again. "I was confused."

"Why are you lying?"

Jacob was defensive. "Who said I'm lying?"

"Because you—I mean I.... Oh, I don't know!" I huffed, throwing my hands up.

I was getting nowhere fast with Jacob. He just wasn't willing to open up. He was a big ball of bitterness, and he was into blaming everyone but himself for that. I wanted to shake him, to tell him to get over my mother, because she was married and a vampire and probably not thinking about him at all. His denial was infuriating.

"Forget it, I'm leaving," I told him, though I didn't think I had the capability to physically leave Jacob now. "I can't take all these secrets."

I turned to go, and Jacob caught me by the wrist. I released a small breath as electricity danced up my arm, engulfing my heart in under a second flat. The desire to turn into him, to nestle my head against his chest, was almost undeniable. If I hadn't been so annoyed with him, I might have caved to it.

"You're keeping just as many secrets," he reminded me, "and you're staying here."

I turned back to him, glaring in response to his command.

"You can't tell me what to do."

His grip on my wrist tightened by a fraction. "That vampire's afraid of me, not you. He'll kill you without my protection."

"Maybe," I agreed.

"Why? Why is he _really_ after you?"

I lifted my chin, pushed to the brink.

"I'll tell you," I told him, "when you tell me what happened on the beach."

I wasn't just a human, so I had the strength to pull out of Jacob's grip, and I did. I left him alone in his room, glaring after my retreating back. If he wanted to play stubborn, I would too.


	13. Touching is Dangerous

What had come to pass in the span of just a handful of days was unbelievable. I had gone from hating the fact that Bella remained a toxic drug in my system, pulling me down every time I thought I might climb free of her, to wishing that I could feel that same sense of abuse again. Bella was familiar. Loving Bella was a choice I had made. I hadn't had one choice since Ren had shown up. Everything that had happened after I'd seen her in the market, on the beach, and in the garage of my employment had been set into motion by actions she had chosen. I was at her mercy, and I didn't even really know who she was.

And Ren's true identity was now the least of my problems. My house had been found by a bunch of vampire nutcases, I had been forced into phasing again, and I had, for just a short expanse of time, been reconnected to my pack.

Even human, I felt them long into the night. Leah, Quill, Embry, Seth, Sam, Paul—all of them—they were like a physical presence inside of me. I could feel them nagging at my conscience. I could feel all those chains that bound us together demanding that I return to all the responsibilities I had shook off. After years of separation, I owed them an explanation.

By birth, I was fated to be the alpha, and I had deserted them. It wasn't that Sam wasn't more than a capable leader. It was the fact that I_ knew_ that I had been meant for the position and so did the werewolf genes hardwired inside my body. Maybe I could ignore my obligations easily enough when I had lost the ability to phase, but it was back again now, thanks to Ren, and I couldn't keep hiding from it forever. Besides, the way things were looking, it might be better to let my pack in on what was going on. I might need them. Not that I had the right to ask them for anything after shutting them out.

Still, as Ren stormed off to hide somewhere in the living room holding out whatever futile hope she thought was going to get me to tell her about what had happened between us, I slid my bedroom window open and slipped out. The sand was cooling beneath my feet, because the sun had disappeared on the horizon about an hour ago. The breeze was warm and salty, and the palm trees were swaying quietly, as if rocking themselves to sleep. I looked around at it all, took it in, wished that things hadn't gone so incredibly wrong.

I couldn't move far from the house. Not only because I was fairly certain the Volturi hadn't left Florida, but also because the imprint was refusing to let Ren get too far out of my senses. I tried to shake it off, but my new feelings for Ren seemed to have already integrated themselves into my system. I could still hear her voice in my dream, shattering my fantasy of Bella. My hand still seemed to burn from where I had held her arm.

I had been furious to wake up and find her there, in my room, invading my space and dreams, and the anger had made it easy to cover up the desire for her. She couldn't have guessed that, as I held her arm behind her back, I was suffering from the way our bodies were grazing one another. I had wanted to kiss her, to hold her, to forget the fact that I _hated_ being controlled by my imprint, to pretend like abruptly losing all feeling for Bella Swan had been something I had planned.

I slid around to the back of the house, irritating myself into phasing before I had actually meant to. I wasn't even fully aware that I had sunk into the wolf until a chorus of voices began chattering inside my head, and none of them were my own.

_"Jacob! Where have you been?" _It was Leah first.

And then Quill, _"Seriously, buddy, what were you thinking? We've been worried about you!"_

I heard Embry and Paul agree with him, and, beneath them, I could feel Seth, who was being slightly more perceptive than the rest of them. I could feel him nosing around in my brain. The kid had a penchant for sniffing out just exactly what you didn't want to talk about.

_"What _is _all this junk in your head, Jake?"_ Seth was seeing Ren.

I balked against it, attempting to do my best to shield those thoughts from him and the others. I could only hope that the others were too preoccupied with scolding me—which Leah took to immediately—to take notice of what Seth had just pointed out. Thankfully, I didn't have to suffer through waiting to see if that was the case. Sam quickly called everyone to order.

_"Jacob, what's happened? You phased again."_

_"Yeah," _I grumbled. _"I did."_

_"Oh, what are we? Chopped liver? Is it really that depressing to be like us again?"_ Leah snapped.

Sam spoke over her, _"What triggered it?"_

I had hoped to make contact with my pack short. All I had really wanted to do was tell them a modified version of the truth of what had happened, warn them that at least one vampire was giving me trouble, and then phase back, sneak back into my house, and plot out my next course of action on how to handle Ren.

However, Sam's simple question automatically tripped my brain into spewing a whole variety of thoughts. My memories over the past couple of days leaked right out into the open in colorful intensity, giving the pack a movie reel of the most recent events of my life.

_"Who's that?" _Seth demanded, as bronze hair filtered into my vision.

I slammed on the brakes, swiping up all thoughts of Ren and jamming them back into the privacy of my head so forcefully that I could tell that I had taken everyone in my head by surprise. As they sought to see Ren's face, I guarded it aggressively, blurring the features until they were indistinct. Paul gave a grunt of surprise as he came up against a brick wall the second he tried to recall the color of the strange girl's eyes, and Embry was only certain that the girl in my head's name started with an "R" before I blacked out everything I knew about her.

_"Jacob,"_ Leah called to me in disbelief. _"Did you—Did you imprint?"_

It felt like someone had picked up a hammer and started knocking just behind my eyes. I hadn't imprinted. I wasn't meant to imprint. Bella was the only woman I would ever love, and some unknown genetic dysfunction had overlooked her with the imprint. Not that I needed to imprint to love someone. Imprinting wasn't even love. It was a taking away of freewill. It was anti everything love.

_"No,"_ I hissed.

They didn't believe me. I could feel them searching and prodding and sniffing around. I could tell exactly which one of them was thinking what and where they were searching inside my skull for the mysterious girl I was hiding from them. I closed my eyes and growled, the fur on the back of my neck rising up.

I didn't imprint, and, even if I did, it sure as hell wasn't anyone else's business!

I could even feel Sam in there poking around.

_"Get out!" _I commanded angrily, and, just like that, they were gone.

For a full second, I thought they'd just gone quiet again, but as I searched for them, I found that they really were gone. I was the only one inside of my head. It was the first time it'd ever happened since before I'd become a wolf.

_How_ had it happened? Surely it wasn't.... I hadn't really... had I? Had I just given an _alpha_ command? No way. I wasn't alpha. Sam was. Still, what other explanation was there? I drew in a breath through my long snout.

_"Come back," _I thought to myself.

_"What happened?"_ Leah demanded immediately.

_"Did you do that?"_ Seth wondered in disbelief.

Sam was equally as puzzled. _"Where did you just go, Jake?"_

_"I--"_

I swallowed. I wasn't the alpha.

_"I phased back for a second. Sorry. I'm just... I'm irritable, all right?" _

I could tell that no one believed me, but they also weren't going to argue. Sam was considering mentioning something about being alpha, but reconsidering when he thought about how fortunate it was that I had phased to talk to them at all. The others were thinking along the same lines, and, though I felt my fur bristle in annoyance, I was saved from yet one more conversation I didn't want to have for the time being.

_"So what's been going on?"_ Sam asked instead.

I kept my thoughts skillfully away from any part of Renesmee that I didn't want to share with the pack, though I couldn't subtract her from the entire equation, considering that she was the reason behind everything I was about to explain to them.

_"This...this girl showed up here. She seems to be having some problems with vampires. They came looking for her, and I phased. Scared them off. That's about all I can say for now."_

_"That's not very enlightening," _Leah commented dryly.

_"Leah," _Sam warned.

"Jacob?"

I gave a start at the sound of a voice outside of my head. It was whisper-soft, but I could hear it from here. I felt my heart tug hard as it reached me, ordering me to respond, to go to the voice. I listened against the breeze that continued to blow the palm trees, and I heard her call to me again, this time a little louder. I didn't realize that my pack had gone quiet inside of my head, probably listening to what the sound of Ren's voice alone was doing to me, how it was squeezing my heart and pulling at everything inside of me.

_"Who is that?"_ Quill asked quietly.

I released a soft growl. _"It's no one. I'll be in touch."_

I pushed back into my human form with more speed than usually, grimacing as my joints pulled and my bones reformed. It was never a pleasant experience, but it hurt more than usual. Maybe because I was so desperate to get away from my pack before they saw any more of Renesmee than I wanted them to. Or maybe it was because the sound of her voice alone hurt me. It hurt me in a way that I wanted it, but that I was fighting against it.

_I'm still in love with Bella_, I told myself as I stumbled to my feet and hurried—like a dumb puppy—toward the voice that was calling my name again. _Bella still exists. She's just lost in the black hole that Ren created in my life. _

I came around the side of the house to find Ren's face peaking out of the bedroom window I had snuck out of. It was framed in the pale moonlight, searching the beach for me. Worry was etched into her pretty features, but, as she caught sight of me, the worry changed into something else. Not just relief. I felt it hit me too, though I tried to dodge it. I nearly tripped as I crossed to the window, finding that my feet had gone leaden.

She stepped back as I took hold of the windowsill and pulled myself in. When I dropped to the floor on the other side, however, she was closer than I had expected or wanted, and I could plainly see the dark expression in her eyes as she studied me. I tried to scowl at her, to warn her to stop whatever was going on inside of that head of hers, but as I attempted to step around her to retrieve a pair of shorts I'd left on the floor, she spoke my name again.

"Jake."

I could feel it slide right down my spine.

"I was worried."

_Mine_, the little voice inside of me hissed, constricting my chest so that I could barely breathe. There wasn't enough space between us. I could practically feel how little there was, and everything inside of me was taking notice. I had half a notion to back away, but my feet wouldn't quite register the warning my brain was trying to send them.

_Step back. Get away. Before I touch her. Before I lose everything._

I wanted to tell her to get out of my room, out of my space, out of reach so that I couldn't even breathe her in, but my teeth had clenched together in protest of anything that would send her away from me again. Even the living room felt like a million miles away.

"You shouldn't be."

Ren sighed, stirring the air. My skin seemed to ripple with it, and I could feel something deep in the pit of my stomach that was as innate and as primal as anything I had ever felt in the form of my wolf. I couldn't drink in enough of her. Her eyes, dark and brown and somewhat wary, and her hair, that was bronze spun silk. Her skin was creamy pale and looked as smooth as satin. I could hear the waves rolling in outside the open window at my back. I was filled with way too many images of Ren and I on the beach, in the waves, underneath the ghost-light of the moon.

I could feel the heat creeping through my veins as I took a step toward her. She looked confused as I closed the distance, as if she was expecting me to move away, like she was buying into the act I was forcing to pretend that I didn't want to be anywhere near her.

Couldn't she feel this? This chain between us? I couldn't break away. Every time I tried, it tightened around my throat.

"What are you doing?" she whispered.

She was watching my hand, and so was I. It moved on its own accord toward her face. The tips of my fingers grazed her cheek until it rested in my palm. I watched Ren's eyelids flutter closed. I furrowed my brows, wanting to draw away, but I was too far in now. I could feel the silk of Ren's cheek, and it was driving me crazy. The imprint was pounding inside of my head, demanding to be satisfied. I couldn't keep taking it away from Ren. I had to cave.

_I had to cave._

"Renesmee."

I felt her shudder. I could feel the throb of her heart as it skipped a beat, wavering quietly in the air before it drummed on again. It was almost as loud as my own. She tilted her face upward, her eyes still patiently closed, but her lips parting in invite. I knew I was had. Staring down at her perfect mouth, I felt her breath against my cheek, and I knew that I couldn't step back. I was stuck in quicksand.

I was sinking down.

I wanted to swear, out loud and viciously, but I ducked my head. I pressed my lips to hers. She sagged against me automatically, releasing a soft groan.

Fuck.

I slid a hand down to her side, clutching the material of her shirt like a lifeline, staggering forward into her so that I had her pressed against the wall. Ren bumped against it, and then seemed to come alive.

"Jacob."

I could feel her push against me, her lips searing into mine as one hand went into my hair, tugging unmercifully, and the other went to my chest, straight over my heart.

"I have to," she panted. "You have to know first."

I had half a second to growl against her mouth in confusion, and then I felt a little explosion underneath the palm pressed against my chest, and my skull was filled with images and thoughts, faces and voices, that didn't belong to me. I could hear Ren draw in a quick breath through her nose, but our lips were still locked, our hands still on each other, and neither one of us could pull back, as if we were glued together.

For a full minute, I had no idea what was going on, or what I was seeing, but then a face flickered into my vision, and I felt every fucking thing in my life fall completely apart again.

Bella Swan.

I could hear her voice, muffled as if coming through a wall. It sounded like she was comforting someone, assuring them that it would be all right, that she would protect them. I could feel the pain that this caused Renesmee. I could feel the pain too as I heard something a lot like a bone snapping and the sound of Bella screaming.

What the _hell_?

The thoughts jumped around until there was a dazzling light. I felt blinded. I wanted to shield my eyes, but Ren held me, and I kept on seeing the images that had forced themselves into my brain. As the light dimmed, I saw Ren, but it wasn't as I knew her.

She was tiny—just an infant. I knew it was her anyway. I could feel it, even if the little bronze curls and happy chocolate eyes hadn't been proof enough. My imprint recognized her, and my world rocked on its hinges, as if I wanted to dive right into the reality of this memory and be there at this moment, at what I was fairly certain was Renesmee's birth. I wanted to hold and cradle her, to protect her from everything an infant should fear.

And then I saw who _was_ holding her. His face was drawn, the shadows underneath his eyes were deeper and more profound than I had ever seen them. He looked like a man standing in the midst of hell, no longer that beautiful god Bella had once seen. In disgusted disbelief, I stared at Edward Cullen, the bloodsucker that had stolen _everything_ from me. For whatever reason that he suffered, I wanted him to suffer more.

_"My father,"_ I could hear Renesmee tell me.

Someone had punched me in the gut. I couldn't breathe. I felt the lack of oxygen wither my lungs, I felt moisture burn my eyes. Ren spoke to me again, identifying the Cullen's that materialized around Edward to study the new baby as her aunts and uncles and grandparents.

_Renesmee Cullen_.

I felt sick. I knew, with horrid clarity, where this was going next, but even as I tried to fight against it, to beg Ren not to make me look, I felt myself turning with her to stare at the mother she had to wait forever to meet.

Because her mother was a newborn vampire, and Renesmee was part human.

_"No!"_ I hissed.

But it was Bella that stepped into view anyway, in all her new glory. I could see the differences, how her body had achieved physical perfection when it had already been perfect enough for me. The eyes I had loved were gone. They had been engulfed in flame, burned red into the color of a killer, the sign of the creatures I hated the most. I strained against the old memory that Renesmee was showing me, desperate to hear a heart-beat.

But the only steady pulse in the room came from little Renesmee.

Everyone else here was dead.

I'd had enough. I lifted my hands to Ren's shoulders, and I shoved her away. Her eyes were shining with tears, but I barely saw them. Someone was beating my head with a hammer, and I was about to drown in the ocean of Ren's memory. I sucked in a ragged breath, and then another, stumbling away from her in disbelief. I could feel a dark square of the Earth falling away underneath me. I wanted to fall with it. I wanted to fucking disappear forever.

But I couldn't, because I was Renesmee's prisoner, and as she stood in the shadows of my room, I was pinned to whatever existence she had planned for me. I was her prisoner now. Everything I had depended on her.

"Bella's your--"

"Mother," she said, quietly.

How could I have been so blind not to see it all along? The eyes should have given it away the second I had seen her. They didn't just _look_ like Bella's eyes, they _were _Bella's eyes. Ren was Bella's daughter, and the spawn of Edward Cullen. That meant everything I had ran away from had come true. Bella was married, and Bella was dead.

"She's a vampire."

I stared at the floor, not sure what I was seeing.

"Yes," Ren said. "She would have died giving birth to me. My father saved her."

I looked up. "_Saved_ her?"

I choked out a horrified laugh. "He killed her either way."

I heard Ren release a small sob. I remembered the pain she had felt in the memory. The pain she felt because she had been killing Bella slowly but surely, and Bella had tried to do nothing but protect her. I felt my heart swell with sympathy. I felt my arms tense in need to circle Ren's slender body to comfort her.

But I fought against it, and, this one time, I won. I dropped myself onto my bed, tucking my face into my hands. I had been living with Bella's daughter. I had _imprinted_ on Bella's daughter. What the hell was wrong with me? Could I get any more screwed up?

"You wanted to know," Ren reminded me. "You deserved to know."

I wanted to dissolve into the floor. I couldn't stop seeing Bella's face, but it wasn't the same as all of my memories before. Now her eyes were crimson red, and I felt sick each time they looked at me. I had broken my promise to Bella. I had let her die.

"I need to be alone."

Ren sniffled. "All right. Fine. I'll be in the living room."

"Sure."

I fell back onto my bed. I felt everything I had ever known fall with me.


	14. The Miraculous Sinking Ship

I had morphed from werewolf to zombie overnight. Everything felt like it was hanging from rusty hinges, waiting to crumble away and drop in some random location while I was looking in the way. I could practically picture my disembodied hand laying palm-up on my bedroom carpet, fingers wriggling in dismay as I wandered off without it. I didn't feel like I'd notice.

I couldn't concentrate on anything except...

Renesmee.

_Renesmee, _my heart breathed. _Renesmee, Renesmee, Renesmee. _

Though my brain continued to make the feeble contribution of murmuring, "_Bella_", any opportunity it received, which wasn't much. Unless it was tied to the idea that Bella was Renesmee's mother, which was still not exactly something I wanted to link together.

Ever.

But it was there, and I must have been blind and stupid not to put it all together to begin with. The eyes were Bella's, I knew. As I stepped into the living room, finding Ren sleeping soundly on the couch, I felt guilty for not having offered up my bedroom again the night before, but I had needed the solitude, the four walls to close myself into by shutting and locking the door. I needed to feel cut off until I could sort all of _this_ out.

I had been _really_ stupid to think that that could be accomplished overnight.

Looking at Ren tucked into the faded cushions of the couch, I wasn't certain if I'd ever figure any of this out. How could I explain why I felt like gravity itself was pulling me toward Ren? The imprint? What did that even mean? It was a poor definition to explain away why everything in me pivoted around one girl. I'd known her maybe a week, and I knew that I would die for her.

The entire Volturi army could try to come for her, and I'd fight them until I was dead. It was insane. I barely knew her.

All I knew was what she had told me—all of it seeming less than the entire truth—and the fact that she had her mother's brown eyes and...

Her father's bronze hair.

I rejected that idea the most. I didn't want to look at Ren and see Bella, let alone Edward. Maybe I had been in denial about all the features that were key to linking her with Bella, but I refused to see anything of Edward. He was the core to everything in my life that was screwed up. He had murdered Bella, one way or the other, and he had driven me away from everything I had been meant for.

Hadn't I?

I stared down at Renesmee. The curls, as bronze as her father's, were draped over the side of the couch, a few lying peacefully over her forehead. I could feel the gentle beat of her heart in the air. Mine was slowing in rhythm to match. I couldn't stop it. It just happened. Like we were two pieces of some intricate, crazy puzzle fitting together after a long separation.

Had I ever _really_ loved Bella?

The question cropped up into my skull before I knew it was coming. I scowled. I refused to believe that I had somehow linked myself to Bella with the foresight that she was going to have the child that I would one day imprint on.

That alone didn't make any sense. Ren wasn't a child.

I sucked in a breath through my nose, holding it as Ren's lashes fluttered open. I saw the glaze of sleep covering her irises before gradually clearing, her pupils focusing on me immediately, as if she had already zoned in on me in her sleep. Maybe my presence was as difficult for her to ignore. Maybe she felt me like I felt her—practically listening to me breathe a room away like I had been listening to her.

"You're my age."

Ren didn't answer immediately. I could see her calculating the best answer to this question, her lips pursing so slightly that she might not have even realized she was doing it. But I noticed it. I noticed the purse of her lips and the slight indentation between her brows it created. I wanted to trace my finger down that indentation, down the bridge of her nose, and rub away the pout of her mouth with my thumb.

_What the hell was wrong with me? _I wondered in disgust. I'd turned into some creepy, poetic stalker during a few short minutes of watching Ren sleep.

"Yes."

I frowned. "Physically."

Ren frowned back. "I like to think _mentally_ too."

She pushed herself up slowly, sliding her legs over the edge of the cushions so that she could sit up. I was glad for it. Seeing her curled up on the couch like that had done all kinds of things to me that I wasn't up for dealing with at the moment. I'd gotten too close to breaking the night before. Now, I wanted a few more answers before this whole thing spiraled out of my control.

"But...I've only been gone a few years."

Ren took a deep breath, pushing her fingers through her hair. I wished she wouldn't. It was filling the air with her. Like it wasn't already hard enough for me to keep my thoughts straight, to keep from thinking about how desirable she looked rumpled from sleep, sitting on my couch, in my living room, almost glowing from the warm sunlight that peeked through the cracks of the blinds.

"I'm a hybrid," Ren said. "I've told you that already. I'm part vampire. I don't grow like other people. I was fully matured when most babies were just learning the alphabet."

I knew plenty of shit about the world was strange. I was a werewolf, for crying out loud. But wrapping my head around the concept of Ren's existence was almost beyond me. It didn't help that htat little voice in the back of my head kept trying to insist that it didn't matter, that I loved her regardless—would have loved her even if she'd still inhabited the body of a five-year-old kid. If that wasn't messed up, I didn't know what was.

"Vampires can't have babies."

I was still trying to fight it, trying to rationalize away the inevitable. Physical boundaries that should have existed didn't matter, because all the proof I needed were the eyes on Ren's face. They were screaming Bella at me from the beginning.

I could tell what I'd said had made Ren uncomfortable. She fidgeted, dropping her gaze to her hands that had clasped together on her lap.

"Female vampires can't," Ren agreed, "but my mother was human when I was conceived."

I felt sick. I had already been told as much, but I'd been hoping I had dreamed that conversation instead of having actually witnessed it. It was easier than accepting the images it painted in my head of Cullen with his damn hands all over Bella, bruising and hurting her. As despicable leeches--

I grimaced, staring at Ren.

_Vampires_, I amended, because I wasn't quite capable of tarnishing Ren's name.

As despicable as _some vampires_ went, Edward Cullen was the worst. He had filled Bella's head with all that fake remorse he pretended to have about turning her in order to knot her up in his web, so that he could keep her until there was no turning back. He had as good as murdered her.

"You still think he...he _destroyed_ her," Ren said. "I can see it on your face."

I looked away and didn't answer.

Ren pushed herself up higher onto the couch, as if she was trying to straighten her spine until any trace of a curb was nonexistent, like it would make her look intimidating to me. Despite the fact that I was twice her size.

"Whatever you think," Ren went on, "I wouldn't exist if they didn't love each other. I've—I've seen my father's thoughts, Jacob. He doesn't know it, but I _have_. When he knew that my existence was going to quite possibly kill my mother, he tried to convince her to get rid of me."

I stiffened, the tears I could sense underneath Ren's tone drawing my eyes back to her. I didn't see them on her face yet, but I knew they were there, teasing the weak surface that kept them hidden. I could practically feel my whole body wanting to lurch forward, to reach out and draw her in and comfort her. But how could I? I couldn't just accept this—whatever it was—because I hadn't chosen it. Ren was not my choice. The was the wolf's choice, and I was pretty certain I'd decided a few years ago that I was completely happy not existing inside the same body with that monster.

Ren continued, "I don't hold it against him. When you love someone, you'll do anything to keep them safe. Luckily, my mother was able to give birth to me and still survive, and _yes_, that meant her becoming a vampire, but she'd already chosen that path. Everyone knew that. Even my father."

Pain was twisting up my spine, because, back then, I had known it too. I'd known it from the second my body had ripped in half during my first phase, and I'd gained that extra sense of awareness that told me that every human I had ever met had the potential to be not quite what they seemed. I had seen it on Bella's face when Edward had left her for those few glorious months that I'd had her. I looked right into the shell of her, and I'd _known_. I had done everything to fight against it, and I had failed.

If I hadn't failed, I would have never imprinted.

_Had I been meant to fail?_

What a moronic question. I hated my imprint for making me wonder.

"You knew it too," Ren seconded what I was already thinking. "I know it. I saw it in your thoughts."

Her eyes were dark, reflective with the moisture that had gathered, shimmering as she held back the tears. Again, I thought of the guilt she had felt when she'd realized she'd been killing her mother. But I hadn't blamed her, had I? I'd blamed Edward. If he'd had any sort of morality, he would have stayed gone all those years ago. He would have realized what kind of treasure Bella's beating heart had been.

"She wasn't being rational," I muttered. "He'd already cast his spell over her by then."

Ren shifted, drawing herself to the edge of the couch. I tensed again, afraid that she was going to push to her feet and cross to me. Then my brain would melt into a useless liquid mess, and I would forget that I was supposed to be fighting this imprint.

"You want to see that, because you loved her," Ren disagreed, "but she loved my father. It's easier to think that she didn't. I know how much you loved her."

I clenched my teeth together. I couldn't stand the way she was looking at me, like she was seeing straight into my soul. I didn't want to hear the things that she was saying. They'd haunted me for years. I'd relived my last few months with Bella a million times. I'd considered every angle of the situation. It had hurt then, and it still hurt now, despite the imprint.

But I didn't want to talk to anyone about it, let alone Ren. Bella was my secret. She was my skeleton to keep locked in my closet to view whenever I chose but to never expose to anyone else. Letting the memory of her out to breathe only threatened the possibility that someone, like Ren, would make me see all the things I didn't want to see.

I changed the subject, "So, is that what you do then? You read minds, like—like your father."

I could see Ren considering fighting the redirection of the conversation, but I was glad that she decided against it. If I didn't get away from the topic of Bella, I was going to shut down completely. I was going to implode with all this need for Ren and the hurt that I no longer felt anything for Bella.

Not even a flicker.

"What I do is different. I can see into people's thoughts by touching them, and I can also project my thoughts into other people."

"Like you did to me."

Ren nodded. "Yes."

That meant that any physical contact with Ren was dangerous on more than one level. Not only did it threaten my sanity, but it opened up the possibility for Ren to see exactly what she was doing to me, putting me at her mercy. I didn't want anyone to see how pathetic I was on the inside.

"Do you want to know anything else?" she asked me. "Or have I passed the test yet?"

I stared at her, feeling her existence in the center of my soul, like she was an entity inside of my body as well, along with the wolf. I listened to her breathe. I felt her pulse in the air. I now existed because she existed, and for no other reason. Had she passed the test?

Yes. The basic one. The one I was hardwired to accept.

The problem was that I didn't want to accept that test. I didn't want to be a part of whatever it was that loved her. She was beautiful, intelligent, and pleasant enough, but she wasn't my soulmate. She couldn't be. Because Bella had come first.

"_This_," I paused, gesturing between us with my hand. "What you feel between us, is called an imprint."

Ren lifted a brow.

"Every wolf in my pack imprints. It's our way of choosing our mate. It's not a conscious decision. We don't even make it. It just happens," I told her, knowing my voice held a trace of desperation. "It only happens _once_. We only imprint on _one_ person."

I licked my lips. My mouth had gone dry. Ren remained quiet.

"When it happens, your whole world turns over. You live and breathe for that person. It's like love at first sight. It's stupid and improbable, but it happens, and the two people involved don't have a choice. It's—It's _fate_. Whatever that is."

I could feel it at the pit of my stomach: the horrible knowledge of the imprint, the truth I was fighting to deny. It lay there like a dark pool, making my stomach uneasy and sick.

I was staring at the woman that fate had picked for me. The woman I was now eternally bound to. I was a prisoner.

How could I fight against something I couldn't see? Like a disease, it had spread and infested, and there was no anecdote.

"We only imprint on one person," I repeated, "and we mate for life."

I could feel the prison bars slamming closed. I was desperate for escape. I wanted to get out from underneath Ren's searching gaze. I wanted to breathe again and not inhale her.

"I'm your imprint?"

_No_, I wanted to yell. _No! _

All I could do was nod. Nod and lie and hope that I could wedge some distance between us. Just enough distance to let me gulp in a few quick swallows of fresh air.

"The problem is: this can't work," I told her, my voice flat, "because I still love Bella."

Ren recoiled, as if she'd been slapped, her eyes going dark and confused, hurt and upset. I could feel the lie laying heavily between us. I didn't want it to be a lie, but that didn't make any difference, because it was. As much as I searched, there wasn't even a small pocket inside of me left to hold any feelings for Bella. There was a void where all those feelings had once been, and it was being rapidly consumed by Ren.

Ren's voice was quiet, "You're lying."

It was my turn to wince. "What? No, I'm not."

"I've seen inside your head, Jacob," Ren reminded me, her gaze lifting to mine, curtained. "You want to love her still, but you don't."

"Yes, I do."

Ren shook her head. The air came alive with her again.

"I can feel it too, you know," she told me. "Do you think I wanted to feel this either? For a stranger? A stranger already carrying more than his fair share of baggage? Maybe I had plans for my life too, Jacob."

I frowned against what she said. "Then why did you come here?"

I watched one of her dainty hands close into a fist on her lap.

"If I'd known this would happen, I wouldn't have. I would have let you keep hiding in your little hole."

"I'm not—I'm not hiding," I snapped. "I chose this. I didn't choose you."

"I didn't choose you either!" Ren reminded me, and she finally rose to her feet. "I didn't come here hoping to sweep some disgruntled hermit off of his feet. I came here looking for help. The Volturi are after me because of what I am and what I can do. You were my last hope."

I wanted to be that hero she had come looking for. The hell if I should have, but I did. Every fiber of my being wanted to wear the armor she had painted onto me and fight for her, but she wasn't mine to fight for. She was the object of my predestined fate, not the object of my true love.

Besides, I wasn't _anyone's_ hero. I had failed miserably in all previous attempts, and I wasn't game to risk my sanity just to lose again.

"You were mistaken," I told her, darkly.

"If you want me to leave, then tell me to," she hissed. "Prove that you still love my mother, and tell me to go to hell and get out."

Oh, I _wanted_ to. I could feel my anger surging upwards, bubbling and hissing as she provoked it. I could see the fire in my eyes reflected in the fire in hers. I could taste that angry command on the tip of my tongue, but I couldn't speak it. I couldn't lift my hand, curling my fingers until only the index remained pointed outward to gesture her to the door.

I wanted to tell her not to let the door hit her perfect ass on the way out.

But I couldn't. And now she knew it. Why the hell had I thought telling her what the imprint was would be a good idea?

"I'd like to."

Ren stepped forward, putting us toe-to-toe, but she'd pissed me off so several that, for once, I wasn't all that tempted to reach out and touch her.

"All right, then let me help!" Ren spat. "I'll leave of my own accord. Right now. I'll solve this problem for both of us."

She went to step around me, and I did touch her then. I caught her around the elbow and held her in place. I watched her gaze flick to my hand and then back up to my face. I felt the muscles in her arm contract, and, for a split second, I wondered if she was thinking about hitting me. I almost wished that she would. I needed some sense knocked back into me.

"I can't let you."

"Why not?"

"Because the Volturi will get you."

Ren scowled. "Why can't you let me go, Jacob?"

She was trying to push my buttons now. I gritted my teeth.

"Because I--"

_Love you_.

Hell no.

"--imprinted on you. It won't let me let you go."

Ren wrenched her arm away in disgust, and I let her.

"When are you going to wake up and realize that Isabella Swan fell in love with Edward Cullen, not you?"

She might as well have hit me.

"That was low," I growled.

"I'm not going to sink on this ship alone," Ren warned me.

"We'll see."

"Yes. We will," Ren agreed. "It's time for you to open your eyes again. You're stuck in the past."

I straightened, glaring at her as she glared right back at me. I wanted to ignore the part of me that was aroused by the light of war in her eyes, but it was persistent, and it was coupled with the physical attraction I had felt for Ren before the imprint had ever worked its magic.

Damn it.

Through gritted teeth, I told her, "I like it there."

Ren snorted. "You should get out more often. There are new sights to see."

She reached up a hand, surprising me, and touched my face. It was a brief, almost curious touch. Her fingers caressed my cheek, trailing back until they combed through a tiny portion of my hair. I felt the touch all the way to the balls of my feet. I wanted to dip into it, and that pissed me off.

But, before I could retort, Ren brushed past me. I would have went after her if she'd headed for the front door, and there was nothing I could do about that.

However, she curbed to the right and went for the bathroom instead.

"I'm going to take a shower," she told me, "while you attempt to remove your head from your ass."


	15. Taking Orders from The Kid

**Liam POV**

The mutt hadn't left the house for more than a quick jog to the mailbox since we'd encountered one another, and Nessie, our little gem, hadn't so much as poked her head out to sniff the air. Not that she needed to. I was certain that that was exactly what the dog was doing each time he surfaced. He was scenting me out, the little shit, and he was keeping Renesmee Cullen under close wraps.

Didn't they realize how impatient of a man Aro could be? I was relatively new to this underbelly side of the world, but even I could tell when I was on a tight leash. Aro wanted Renesmee, and he wanted her now.

Though I supposed I should have been marginally grateful that wolfboy had halted my first attempt. Even though Nessie's death was inevitable if she refused to work for Aro, I had been instructed to bring her back alive, which wasn't something I'd thought to honor at our last meeting. The problem with that was that the vampire overlord found himself ridiculously persuasive, and, if he failed to convince her, then murdering her would be acceptable only then.

I had only thought to help him out by making the choice he should have made to begin with. Renesmee's existence was a form of blatant disobedience on the behalf of her parents. By law, she should have never come to exist, and her parents should have been mercilessly punished for the rules they had broken. Allowing Renesmee a choice was allowing others to find weakness in your mercy, in my opinion.

But who the hell was I to say anyway? I wasn't the head honcho around here. I was just the guy that liked to track and play with his food.

I took another drag on my cigarette, puffing out a ring of smoke that I watched float lazily in the air before going shapeless, and considered the cellphone sitting on the nightstand. Because I hadn't figured out what I was going to do about that yet, I turned my attention back to the cigarette clamped between my fingers.

I smirked, watching smoke furl out of the end and slither out the window I'd left open a crack in the cheap hotel room I'd rented. There weren't any fire alarms in this piece of shit joint, and I wasn't all that worried about being reprimanded anyway. Smoking was just my own little personal joke anyway. It had no effect on me one way or the other.

It couldn't kill me, and I could stop at any time. There wasn't a level of addiction for me, but only a form of amusement. Before I'd joined the dark side and lost my soul, everyone I had known had told me that smoking would kill me one day.

Smoking, it had turned out, had been the least of my worries.

I rubbed my free hand over my left shoulder, as if the wound where I had been bitten would magically crop up again, appearing through the cold, hard perfection of my new skin. I didn't care that my life, or lack thereof, had taken this path. I had always figured my soul was damned anyway.

I was a convicted murdered and wanted for kidnapping. Or, I would have been, if the police had ever had the chance to catch me. Fat chance now. I chuckled.

Bullets, lethal injection, the electric chair—none of that could kill me now.

Drawing out the last bit of life from my cigarette, I flicked it into a crummy decorative bowl that was considerably chipped on one side. The potpourri that had once filled its belly had long since been emptied out, but vague flowery scents were still lurking inside of it.

I sneered at the meaningless human concoctions to clog the air with something other than the smell of their own sweat, piss, and unhappiness. Maybe I had always been meant for this life. I had always been so far removed from the human population in general.

I was too smart, too fast, too good-looking to live amongst the unimpressive people. The Volturi had seen all of those characteristics in me. They had pulled me out of the filth and given me a greater purpose when my own kind would have locked me up and waited for the day that I'd find my end on death row.

I did what they wanted. I didn't ask questions. Aro was a man of unmeasurable wisdom. If he'd felt there was a reason to let Nessie Cullen live, there must have been a damn good one.

Too fucking bad that my plan to track and return her had been blown to shit by a werewolf and my own idiot accomplice. Kenny was a younger vampire than even I was, and he'd gone a little more than weak in the knees when he'd seen Black burst into a gigantic ball of fur. He'd split with the car, left me alone to deal with something I hadn't even been aware had existed, and, well, I'd had to split too.

Aro had been understanding on my behalf—I had _tried_ to do the job—but he hadn't been so kind to Kenny when he'd located him. The last I'd heard, Kenny had been on a one-way trip to finding out whether or not the soul—or being, or entity, or whatever it was that took up all that space inside of us—really was damned. Whatever. I could work alone.

Or, could have, but I didn't know the first thing about gigantic dogs, and Aro had seemed surprised himself. He'd told me to wait it out, to see if I could get Nessie alone again. Aro had not before dealt with Jacob's kind, and he hadn't wanted to risk any unnecessary attention an all out vampire/werewolf fight could bring to our kind if it got out of hand. He wanted to keep things simple and orderly.

It didn't appear that Jacob Black was going to play ball as far as that was concerned.

So how to smoke him out?

I scowled as my cell phone chimed next to me. I had wanted to call Aro, not be called by him first. I still needed time to think of how to explain why I still hadn't shown up with Renesmee. Regardless, even with bad news, it was better to answer Aro than to ignore him. I picked up the cellphone and flipped it open.

"Hello?"

"Open the door."  
"Who is this?"

"Open the door, Liam. I don't like to wait."

The speaker put extra emphasis on the "T" in "wait", and it was about at that second that I realized who I was dealing with. It was Jane. Fuck. And I'd thought dealing with Aro was going to be rough. Who the hell wanted to deal with a vampire in the body of a little tyke that could bring you to your knees in less than two seconds flat? It was embarrassing, despite the fact that Jane's reputation was well-known and feared.

I pushed off the edge of my frumpy, cheap bed, went to the door, slid back the chains and opened the door, simultaneously flipping my cellphone shut. I couldn't tell her to screw off, but I didn't have to play like I had manners, so I didn't bother with the, "Of course, ma'am," I knew she was expecting.

It pissed her off when people didn't go around bowing until their dirty little noses brushed the ground just to greet her when she walked by. I had been instructed from Day One to treat her with respect, but I considered it "respect" when I refrained from spitting at her feet every time I saw her. I knew despicable company when I saw it, but I thought little Jane really took the cake.

I lifted a brow at the sight of her on my doorstep.

Jane made a sound of annoyance deep in her throat and pushed past me, helping herself inside before she could be invited. Not like I expected her to ask. She was a bit of a bitch. Knowing I was in for something unpleasant, I shut the door behind her and waited.

"You've taken an excessive amount of time," she told me.

"It's only been a few days. Two, at most."

Jane pointed her nose in the air. "Someone of your...reputation should have taken one day, Gray. If Aro had listened to me about who to send, it would have taken one _hour_."

I scowled, stiffening at the insult. What the hell did she think I'd been doing here? Painting my toenails? Little twit. She was only so confident, because she was Aro's prized pet and could do weird, painful things with her twisted, sick mind.

"I'm working on it," I snapped. "The wolf posed a bit of a problem I wasn't expecting."

The corner of Jane's mouth twitched. "Yes. I bet that was a surprise to you. _I'm _surprised you didn't run away with your friend, Kenny, since you're obviously so intimidated."

I could feel my temper begin to boil, but none of the things I wanted to say to Jane would result in an ideal outcome for me. If I insulted Jane, she would have a plausible excuse for Aro when he asked her why she'd killed me, because I wouldn't be able to fight back against her mind trick.

"It wasn't like that," I argued through clenched teeth.

Jane tilted her head to the side. "Wasn't it?"  
"No."

"Then why haven't you gone back? Why haven't you brought Renesmee back?"

"He hasn't left the house."

Jane laughed. "You need his permission to take her? Or are you afraid, Gray? Afraid of the big, bad wolf?"

_Fuck you_. "No."

"Then what are you waiting for?"

"Aro told me to wait until he left her alone."

Jane drew in a little breath and blew it out to show her impatience, like I was the little, ignorant child, and she was the adult attempting to teach me something. I wanted to hit her, to wipe that condescending expression right off of her face. But where would that get me?

Twitching and screaming in a heap on the floor.

"Well, waiting is obviously not going to work. Jacob Black obviously does not plan to leave, and Aro obviously contains only so much patience. You're lucky I showed up when I did, Gray. You obviously need help."

I didn't want her help. I didn't need her assistance. I was one of the best damn trackers in the business, and I never lost a mark or was unable to retrieve them. Maybe I was being inexcusably slow about it this time around, but I wouldn't fail. I could handle my own business, and I could do it better than Jane. What did she know of the game? Her tiny behind sat on a plush cushion at Aro's side all day long. She hardly ever got her hands dirty.

She _never_ got her hands dirty. She flattened people like flies with a twitch of her mind.

"How are you going to help me?" I asked, dryly.

Jane's mouth split into a smile that made my eyeballs want to roll back into their sockets. It was a slow spreading thing, like water pooling out from a slowly dripping faucet. I might have half-expected to see fangs if I hadn't known any better. The smile seemed to come from nowhere and grow endlessly wider, her teeth straight and white and deadly.

"I'll _show_ you."

I almost felt sorry for that poor sonofabitch, Jacob Black.


	16. She Knows All the Tricks

**RPOV**

I lied to Jacob.

I went to the bathroom, locked the flimsy wooden door, turned on the shower, and then sat on the lid of the toilet with no intention to shed my clothes and step underneath the spray. The tiny space filled with steam within minutes, but I sat in the sauna it created, put my face in my hands, and I wondered what to do next.

I had been mean—maybe even bordering cruel—when I'd told him to get over my mother, but how was I suppose to react? He told me that he was the man that I had been fated with, but that he was in love with Bella Swan, not her daughter. He was lying. At least, a little. Maybe some part of him desperately yearned to love her, but after whatever happened when the imprint took hold, Jacob had become absolutely mine.

How did I know this?

Because I felt it too.

I felt the all-consuming need to be with him, to love him forever. It was the worst feeling I had ever felt in the world, but now everything seemed to pivot on that one center. Jacob was the center of everything now.

How did people survive this? How could anyone ever be stupid enough to fall in love? I dropped one hand to my chest, pressing my palm into the flesh just above the swell of my left breast.

I had seen—through images stolen by a touch of my hand—the way that my mother had loved my father, and the way that he had loved her in turn. Now, I wasn't quite sure how either of them had managed to continue to function when everything inside of you only wanted to break apart without that other person within touching distance.

My mom and dad were lucky. They wanted each other.

Jacob didn't want me. Or, at least, he wouldn't let himself want me. I could see it now: he was going to deny everything between us for as long as he could. How long would that be? I had no idea. Maybe forever. I didn't know how stubborn Jacob could be. I was only beginning to understand.

But didn't _he_ understand that I wasn't any more willing to succumb to something I hadn't chosen? I had believed that, yes, a relationship like those between my mother and father, aunt and uncles, and grandmother and grandfather would happen to me, but I had always saw it as something that developed gradually and then blossomed into blinding warmth.

That was not what had happened.

Falling in love with Jacob had been like getting ran over by a truck. There had been nothing, and then, all of a sudden, there had been everything. No choices, no looking back, no fighting. Except on Jacob's part.

However, I didn't have any former love to cling to. Jacob was it. I could practically see the seal closing the deal.

Steam rolled over me, reminiscent of the heat I had felt radiating from Jacob's body each time we'd gotten perilously close to one another. I refused to believe that heat came only from the internal oven that kept him cooking at above average temperatures.

There was more to the heat between us, and it went deeper into the physical and chemical levels, gaining all the steam it needed to obliterate our defenses as it drew from the source of Jacob's imprint—whatever that was.

I was facing it now, that invisible nemesis that was Jacob's imprint. The only question now was how I would deal with it. Fighting, as Jacob did, seemed futile. Maybe for more reasons than one. Maybe partially because I had been attracted to Jacob beforehand, and because, I, for one, was weak and found myself caving to it each time he was in the same room. There was no way that I could beat it, especially when I was hardly sure if I _wanted_ to.

So what did that leave me with?

I could feel the answer knotting my stomach with anxiety and anticipation. Maybe Jacob hadn't been, but I was an easy target for the imprint. How could I resist the glossy blackness of his hair, the sometimes frigid determination in his eyes, or those finely sculpted pecs? I wanted to melt right into the man.

He was meant for _me_. I couldn't dismiss the tiny voice that had cropped up in the back of my head since I'd seen him sprout fur. It kept insisting. _He was meant for me_. Whatever he thought—whatever I wanted—I was his fate, and he was mine, and, as those things went, I, for one, thought it could have been a lot worse.

Maybe it was _worse_. After all, Jacob wasn't convinced.

I nearly slid off of the toilet lid at the sound of a brisk knock on the door. I gave a quiet yip and righted myself before I actually did end up in the tub. I had a half-formed picture of myself falling through the navy shower curtain, soaking my clothes in an impromptu shower.

"Ren."

My skin rippled with the sound of his voice. I lifted my face from my hands, using those hands, instead, to cup my elbows as I wrapped my arms around myself. Like that could keep Jacob out.

"Ren, I'm sorry. I handled that poorly."

"Nessie," I said, not knowing why. "Everyone calls me Nessie."

He was silent on the other side of the door. I could practically see his face scrunching, creating all those little lines between his brows and around his mouth and just a few dimpling his chin. I could practically hear his brain rotating its gears, thinking of how he didn't want to become so close as to refer to me with a nickname that only those I considered intimate used.

I wanted to tell him to stop being so thick-headed. I wanted to tell him that I hated him for making me love him with his stupid wolf voodoo.

Most of all, I wanted to make him love me too.

It was too fast and reckless and just...senseless, but I hadn't expected to find my soul mate by force. All those things I had once dreamed of—of being courted and showered with gifts and doted on—seemed unimportant, as if I'd been given all of those things in a matter of two or three days and was ready to move on. I didn't need those things. My heart already plead for him.

Asshole.

"Ren--"

"No."

The soft growl he released made me fidget where I sat.

"Nessie," he amended.

I could have sunk right into his voice. I was hopeless. I had already lost to this.

"Nessie."

I heard something thud softly against the door. I wondered if he had rested his forehead there. I closed my eyes and pictured him. I wanted to smooth away those lines that creased his face with the ghosts of his past that he wouldn't shake loose. I wanted to be the reason he lost the rigidness in his shoulders and the defensive way he held himself.

"What?"

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry that this all happened, that you got sucked into this imprint thing."

"Am I that unappealing?" I hissed.

Another thud. Perhaps he'd thumped a closed fist against the wood in agitation.

"It's not that. I _told_ you."

I listened to him draw in a breath, but I already knew what was coming.

"I told you that I'm in love with Bella."

I ground my teeth together to keep from making a sound. The spray of the shower was the only noise from my side of the door. I listened to it hiss as it pelted the porcelain tub. How could he be so careless? His words made me weak, as if I wanted to fold into myself with the misery of him insisting that he loved someone else.

Because of this, I forced myself to stand. I forced myself to go to the door, and I forced myself to open it.

Jacob all but fell in on top of me. He _had_ been resting his forehead against it.

"You _were_."

He drew himself back onto the safe side—the carpeted floor in the hall rather than the tile of the bathroom. I watched him take a second to register that the sound of the shower had been a stage prop to fool him, watched him note, with a flick of his gaze, that I was still dressed. I watched him reel himself back as I was suddenly right before him, as everything I felt mirrored itself inside of him and wanted to pull him toward me. I felt that same pull. I could see that he felt it too.

But when he said, "I _am_," I was not surprised.

He would not come willing. He might never come at all. Maybe he would leave me stranded on this island alone forever. Maybe. If I didn't do something. Jacob was underestimating me. He was not taking into consideration how much I felt as well.

"You imprinted on me. You feel this too."

Jacob balked. "Maybe I find solace in the fact that you're part human, part Bella."

"I'm _not _Bella."

"I love Bella," Jacob said.

It was such a pitiful, quiet exclamation that I almost felt my heart break for him as his gaze fell to the floor between us. I denied myself the need to be gentle with him, to let him believe whatever it was that made him happiness. I couldn't do that, because it would keep him from me.

"No."

Jacob looked back to my face. I saw that he was still ready to fight about it.

"If I asked you to kiss me..."

Jacob's expression grew dangerous. "Don't."

I stepped forward. "If I_ told _you to kiss me..."

I watched his hands flex and then close into fists at his sides. I felt my pulse skitter wildly. Just an inch closer, and his presence was electrifying to me. I wanted to step into him, to touch him, to hold him. I needed to feel his arms circle me. Otherwise, I was teetering dangerously on the edge of nothing.

"It wouldn't mean anything," he told me. "It would just be the imprint."

I frowned. "You talk about it like it's some foreign virus inside your body. It's not that. I feel it too, you know. It's part of you. It's part of me now too. Whatever it is, can it really be that horrible?"

I saw Jacob's jaw tighten. "Yes."

I would have to show him, I realized. I would have to make him see that I wasn't some vile being that had trapped him with something that he was not acknowledging was beyond my control as well. It was up to me to do something unless I wanted to go down alone.

I took one more step, and I was against him. I felt the air shift between us. I felt how it made a difference to him as well as I lifted my hands and pressed them to his chest. All of this—love, attraction, physical togetherness—was foreign to me, and frightening, yet somehow... normal. This, my little internal voice was telling me, was what I was meant for.

I had been here before. I had always existed with Jacob.

"Kiss me."

Jacob's mouth came down onto mine with no hesitation. It took me off guard, and I stumbled back, but Jacob moved with me, one hand snaking its way behind my back and up my spine until he could pull me in against him again. I could feel the kiss straight to my toes. I could barely breathe around it. I thought, maybe, this was what it was like to be hit in the head: an explosion of lights, sound, and feeling that was so strong everything else faded momentarily.

"Nessie."

The hand not on my back found the hem of my shirt, and I felt—somehow through the haze of what was happening between us—apprehension. I pushed back.

"Jacob. Wait."

Did I really want something he wouldn't give willingly? I knew I should have considered that before. Before I had provoked him.

"I can't," he choked out. "Not now."

I stepped back, but he followed, pinning me into the small square of the bathroom, steam rolling between us. It had already been hard enough to breathe. Now I was panting, my eyes locked with Jacob as I read every emotion that passed through his. Each one seemed to send a jolt of need through me.

"Let me, Nessie. Just let me."

I had reached the lip of the tub. I felt the back of my knees press into it. There was nowhere left to go. When Jacob reached me, his hands found my shirt again. The rip of material chased everything else out of my brain. I sucked in a breath, biting my bottom lip harder than I intended.

"Jacob."

He dropped the remains of my shirt to the floor.

"Wait."

His hands found me again, but they met with no resistance the second time around. His palms were rough and anything but gentle as they brushed against my stomach, up my sides, and cupped my breasts. I felt ridiculous in the bra I had chosen: simple white, no lace or frills or anything remotely sexy. I groaned despite the humiliation trying to surface as Jacob slid one hand under the bra.

I tried to study his face, to see if he realized how he was tearing me apart, making it incredibly difficult to resist what I now knew I shouldn't have started. I saw only his own determination there, his own need to touch and explore and have.

"Jacob, stop."

I tried to step away, forgetting that I'd ran out of room. Jacob, however, caught me, but, though I thought he would pull me back, he followed me in, scooping me up and over the lip of the tub, shoving past the thin shower curtain, and forcing me directly under the spray.

The water was hotter than I had thought. I gave a small cry of protest, but Jacob swallowed it. He swallowed it and my resolution to stop this before it got carried away. I didn't know how our clothes managed to dissolve from our bodies, but they were there one second, and then they were a sopping wet pile on the bathroom floor the next.

There was nothing there between us, as there had never been. Just Jake's body pressed against mine. Just the heat between us. Just the hot spray of the water, the warm, greedy kisses we shared that were slick and fast and needy. I felt his tongue search my mouth, and I greeted it with my own, arching into him.

I thought maybe I had slid right into him, dissolving into my other half, but it turned out that, as I arched, Jake lifted me. He lifted me, pressing my back into the cold wall of the shower that directly contrasted the heat of him in front of me. I sucked in a breath, and sucked it in and in and in, because I couldn't expel that breath as I hooked my legs around his waist, as he, groaning, cursing, and angry, took me the first time. I felt him, sliding, pushing, delving deeper. I shuddered with it, twisting my fingers mercilessly into his hair, tightening my legs around his waist until my every muscle screamed in protest.

And then he was there. We were linked. I closed around him, welcoming him into my own warmth, my own desire for him. I blew out that breath I had held, drops of hot water sliding into my opened mouth. But the victory was short-lived, exploding into hundreds of other victories as Jacob began to move.

Slow. Too slow. An almost torturous sort of slow.

And then, faster, angrier, harder, until he was pumping into me, bruising me in the best sort of way, his tongue brushing my breasts, my neck, my lips. I couldn't do any more than hold on, to sob out his name, to think of how this was what the imprint had been fighting for: this union.

He was going to hate me for this.

But, for the moment, he _needed_ me.

"Nessie."

His face sunk into the base of my neck, turning to press his lips to my throat just over my pulse.

"Jake," I gasped. "Jacob. I'm sorry."

I felt his hands tighten around me at his next thrust, felt the anger in the way that his mouth pressed into my throat. I could feel it building in him, that horrible bitterness that he kept on endless supply—even in this moment, when we were together, two strangers linked by something neither of us had chosen.

"You're going to be," he warned, darkly.

_It would be worth it_, I told myself, _for this one moment of bliss, for this one moment that Jacob was mine. _

For that one moment when he reached his climax and said my name.

"Renesmee."

~!~!~!~

When it was over, he sagged against me in the shower. For a few seconds longer, he held onto me, and I held onto the fact that he did. I could feel his heart hammering against mine. I could feel the heat that was his alone and had nothing to do with the temperature of the shower. I held him. I couldn't explain any of this. I couldn't do anything about it.

But I could enjoy it.

For all I knew, the Volturi would come back for me tomorrow, Jacob might fail, and I might die. As lives went, mine had been painfully short, so why couldn't I steal this one small treasure? Even if the giver didn't think that it was mine to take.

When Jacob finally pulled away, I felt him pull part of me with him. I let my arms slide away, falling to my sides, watching him carefully though I knew that nothing had changed for him—at least in the way that he was still determined to ignore it. Something _had_ happened. He was acknowledging it inwardly, but he wouldn't admit it to me. That would be succumbing to the imprint.

"I'm sorry." I didn't know why I was apologizing.

Jacob shook his head, looking carefully away. "Don't be."

I opened my mouth. There were plenty of things I wanted to say, to ask, but only one seemed to matter at the moment.

"So what does this mean?"

Still be so careful, Jacob lifted one shoulder and let it fall. "It was just sex."

"Oh," I murmured. "I see."

I would have rather he had told me that he loved Bella again. This, instead, was a direct blow to my already fragile heart. He shattered it to protect his own. He was such a selfish, stubborn asshole. Couldn't he see? Couldn't he see what that sort of thing could do to me? I sucked in a breath through my nose, fighting the tears.

"I'm going to get dressed. I'll find you something else to wear."

I nodded. "Okay."

When he left, I sunk to the bottom of the bathtub. I wrapped my arms around my knees, and I knew what I had to do.

This had never been my sanctuary to seek.


	17. Swans Always Fly Away

She didn't leave any traces of herself when she left.

She was just gone. A lot like how my feelings for Bella were gone, my distance from my pack was gone, and my decision to be separate from all things vampire was gone. I didn't want to look for her. I didn't want to feel that deep-seeded need to find something left of her in my house.

I had chased her away, just as I had hoped to from the second I had imprinted. The words I had spared her after sex had been cold and impassive for a reason. I hadn't wanted her to know what it had done to me to touch her, to kiss her, to fill her.

I was ashamed, I realized, that I had been so rough and careless. She had provoked me, but I had taken the bate, and I had destroyed that last barrier between us with anything but the finesse she deserved. Even if I had wanted to chase her away, I hadn't wanted our first time to be like _that_.

Jesus. When I had I ever expected that there _would_ be a first time?

From the moment I had seen her? On the beach? Across the market place? From the second I had seen her smile at me over a mound of apples, her expression cool and confident and calculating. I didn't want to say that I had felt the pull then, but I had. It had been primal and basic—an honest form of attraction.

But had it been the dim effects of the imprint buried inside of me all along?

I didn't know. It was impossible to tell. All I could say was that it hurt like hell when I jarred awake the morning after our first time, and I had _known_ that Ren was gone. I could feel her absence like a gaping hole in my chest. All the little fibers that made up what I was wept her name in grim realization that I had succeeded: I had gotten rid of her.

I had forced her away. I had hurt her, and I had been cruel.

I could walk circles inside of my tiny house as many times as I wanted. She wasn't there. She hadn't spared me the mercy of leaving even a sock behind.

_Why the hell did I want a sock?_

_Why the hell had I been such an asshole? _

It was better this way. It had to be. Despite what she might have thought, Ren couldn't have wanted to be trapped into a relationship anymore than I did. It wasn't right to have the love of your life chosen for you. She had to know that. She had to understand.

The love of my life, no matter what the imprint said, would always be Bella. I had been stupid, thinking I could find a replacement in Florida, because, I could see now, I was meant to be alone. This was my punishment for thinking that I could replace her.

I sank onto my sofa after my fifth aimless lap around the inside of my house. The cushions were cold and firm, which meant that Ren had been gone for some time.

She had left me.

And all I could think about was the softness of her skin, the innocence of every groan that rubbed past her lips, and the way that she had seemed to mold into me, around me, like she was made for me. I wanted to touch her again, to feel how it had felt to know that she had needed me. I had felt that certainty as I had held her in the shower. It had been so easily translated in the grip of her hands and the way that they had latched onto my shoulders.

I had never made love to Bella, and Renesmee was not my first, but being with her had surpassed my expectations of what I had imagined it would be like to be with Bella, and it had _felt_ like the first time. At least mentally. Physically, I hadn't been stumbling or awkward. I had been rough and selfish, taking everything that I wanted and expecting her just to hold on.

Regardless of what I felt about the imprint, I had been in the wrong to handle Renesmee like that. I wished that she would have at least stuck around long enough for me to apologize.

_Apologize_, I told myself,_ and that was it. End of story. It was still over. It had to be._

Eventually, I would forget how much I had enjoyed sinking right into her. Eventually, the need for her would fade, the feeling that I would die if I didn't go after her would become quiet and ignorable. Eventually, I would learn to live with the gaping hole in my chest just like I had learned to deal with the one that Bella had inflicted.

The imprint couldn't really kill me, could it?

The anger came before I had the chance to expect that it would. I felt it surge through me in one hot, pulsing movement. It was heat and ache and guilt and denial meshed into one toxic ball that rolled through my veins in such an all-consuming way that, for about three seconds, all I could see was fire engine red blurring my vision.

I felt the shudder rack my body, the one that always warned I would phase if I didn't calm down, but I ignored it. I had no other choice. As strongly as it had made me love her, the imprint made me feel hate for myself, for how I had let her run.

_Get her back_, I felt the answer hiss through my skull. _Go after her_.

How could I face her again after what I had done? I sank forward, running my hands through my hair, pulling until I felt pain. If I _did_ go after her, what then? If I went after her, if I brought her back, that would mean I was caving to the imprint. There wouldn't be a second chance to break away from her.

I couldn't hide from what I felt forever, no matter the reason that I felt it, because I did feel something. I felt a lot of _something, _and it seemed to be dangerously close to being something I felt more of for Ren than I had ever felt for anyone. That alone was terrifying knowing the damage that my feelings for Bella had done.

But... at the very least, shouldn't I find her to apologize?

I almost felt myself respond, _If that's how you want to rationalize it. _

It was safer to rationalize, to be in denial. That way, there was still an option to turn back. At least, I hoped that was the case. Either way, it looked like I was going to have to find her, and, whether I liked it or not, the only place I knew to start from was Forks.

I had to force myself off of the couch with that thought. There were too many things in Forks that I didn't want to face or deal with. I had no idea how I would handle seeing Bella. Especially in her...current condition. The reluctance to see her, to be forced to acknowledge the reality of what had become since I had left, was only remedied by the fact that I _had_ to apologize to Ren. I wouldn't be able to rest until I did.

I wouldn't be able to rest until I knew that she was _safe_.

That alone was what it all boiled down to. My feelings aside, Ren had left my house, and she had put herself in danger, and it was my fault. I had failed to keep her mother safe like I had promised. I had promised Ren the same. Would I fail her too?

I didn't bother to pack anything. I was just going to make sure that she was all right, and then I was going to come back and go on with my life. Whether or not I brought her back with me was yet to be seen, and it all depended on how well I could continue to hold my own. The fact that I was even considering bringing her back was news to me.

I should have never unbuttoned my pants.

_Had_ I unbuttoned my pants? I couldn't remember. I only remembered the need to shed the restrictions. My clothes had all but evaporated after that.

I _had_ to stop thinking about that.

I was never going to get anywhere otherwise, and the imprint would kill me if I didn't go after her.

If I needed clothes, there would be some to scrounge up in La Push, I was sure. I had my wallet in my pocket and plenty of cash to buy my way to Forks. I'd call the shop somewhere along the way and let them know that I wouldn't be around for work for a few days.

All of that could be worried about _later_. Every second that I was away from Ren, she was in danger and so was my sanity. Whatever boundary I had crossed with her the night before had done a number on me. I would have to worry about reestablishing that boundary after I found her.

I'd find her, I'd apologize, I'd make her see why we couldn't work, and we would figure out a way around this. I would not kiss her again, and I would stop envisioning her naked.

"Fuck." I blew out a breath and made myself turn the knob of my front door.

I was so preoccupied by my thoughts of Ren that I didn't realize my mistake until I made it. I had been so careful the last couple of days, and I had just walked out the front door without so much as taking a peek first.

"Oh, good. The puppy has finally decided to come out and play."

A granite fist caught me across the chin. I felt my skull ring with the pressure as my head snapped to the side. The punch lifted me off my feet and sent me sprawling, and I was on my back and seeing stars in the front hall in a matter of two seconds.

And though the pain was enough to make me wonder if my teeth had shattered, I smelled him immediately afterward. The stench of Liam filled my house like a few hundred fish had decided to tip-toe up from the ocean and die inside of my home. I winced against it as it burned my senses, fighting to blink back the stars and pinpoint Liam's location.

He snickered, and I finally saw him materialize above me.

As soon as I figured out how to piece my skull back together, I was going to phase and rip the leech apart. I started to roll onto my side with that intention when I felt a sharp, splintering pain at the base of my spine. I hissed out a breath, seeing red and feeling the fire of it in my spine.

"Bloodsucking bastard," I growled, practically feeling the imprint his shoe left on my back where he'd kicked me.

"I'd tell you to get up and fight, but my friend here has other plans."

I shoved my knees up underneath me, attempting to gain my feet, but the second I started to lift my body, I felt pain again.

And not like the pain of being punched in the jaw or kicked in the spine. I had never felt pain like this before. It was worse than white hot, and it spread through every part of my body. I tried to suck in a breath, but my lungs had constricted as my whole body convulsed. My knees locked, and I landed face-first on my floor again.

I felt my jaw lock, holding back the scream I could feel burning in my throat. Any thought to retaliate was blinded by the fact that, whatever was happening, it felt like my body was being stabbed, torn, and beaten by a sledgehammer. The only redeeming thought that could force itself into my brain was that, if the vampires were here, they weren't hurting Renesmee.

I had never been attacked from the inside. I had no idea how to fight back.

Somewhere above me, I heard the sound of feminine laughter. I felt a shoe nudge my side hard, rolling me over, and then I saw the source of the laughter. It came from a blonde child—a child with red eyes. A vampire?

"Jacob Black," she spoke my name, and, abruptly, the pain stopped.

I sucked in a breath, nearly gagging. The notion to take the chance to fight back should have been immediate, but it hadn't managed to connect in my brain. I wasn't even positive that I could still move my arms.

"Who are you?"

"Jane."

I had a feeling that she was the one behind the pain, sort of like how Edward could read minds and how Ren could touch me and tell me what was going on inside of hers.

"What the hell do you want?"

Jane smiled. Volturi. She had to be. But how? I had never seen a child vampire. I didn't know that even vampires could sink to killing children. I had a feeling that maybe they made an exception for this one. Maybe they had sensed a kindred spirit in her, even when she'd been human. I could tell that she was particularly wicked, the fact that she had taken me down without even touching me proof enough.

"What do we want?" Liam repeated. "Buddy, we already have what we_ want_."

"What _he_ wants," Jane corrected, sneering. "This, Black, is what I want."

She inclined her head slightly, her sneer spreading in contempt. I felt her pushing her power against me. It started as a prickling in my brain and strengthened until it felt like she'd reached into my skull and raked her fingers across it. I lifted my hands to my face, growling in pain. I pulled at my hair.

"I'll... kill you... both."

Jane laughed. The pain spread.

"This is your warning, Black. Stay out of this. Do not go looking for Renesmee Cullen. This is no longer your affair."

Even underneath the torture of Jane's power, I could feel the imprint squeeze my heart.

Renesmee. They were after her. What would they do to her? How could I stop them?

_Hurt me instead_, I wanted to say. _Don't touch Renesmee. Don't hurt Renesmee. _

If anything happened to Renesmee, I knew I would die. I could feel the truth of it. Whatever I felt by will or by force, it was a fact. Something inside of me had united with her on more than one level and losing her now was not an option. I would save her. I had promised to protect her.

I couldn't fail this time.

I hissed through clenched teeth, "I won't let you touch her."

The pain intensified to show Jane's displeasure at my refusal. My body convulsed with it, curling into itself as my joints shrieked in pain. My vision blurred, but I could see Liam crouch down beside me, studying me with a grin on his face.

"You don't have a choice, pal," he told me. "Renesmee is mine now."

_Mine_. I could feel the possessive pull that held me to Ren snap taut. I could feel the jealousy that ensued burning through me, fighting to make me move underneath Jane's hold. I would kill the sick fuck before he ever touched Renesmee.

My Renesmee.

Mine.

"You'd like the things I have in mind for her." Liam rubbed his hands together. "She'll like it too. Have you touched her yet? I'll have to show her how a real man does it."

I didn't know how I did it. It wasn't something I had planned. Laying plastered to my floor by an infliction of Jane's mind, I hadn't been able to rationally plot out any course of action. But as Liam taunted me, speaking of the things he would do to _my_ Renesmee, something inside of me snapped.

My arm, feeling like lead seconds before, shot out, my hand clamping around Liam's throat. The sudden movement startled both vampires, and, for a moment, Jane's power over me slipped completely. I didn't feel my body's cry of agony. I moved, because I had to move, because I had to keep Ren safe, and because I would murder the first man to try to touch her.

It was like the first time I had seen Edward Cullen with his arm draped around Bella's shoulders, his nose pressed into her hair so that he could whisper directly into her ear. The swell of jealousy then had been unbearable. Now, it threatened to tear me in two.

Renesmee was _mine_.

Jane stumbled back as I lunged to my feet, tackling Liam in a flurry of movement that sent us both into a wooden table. The keys and bills and a little glass fish I had set on top of it, went flying. The legs of the table snapped in half.

I had half a notion to reach for one of the broken legs and ram it into Liam's chest, staking him like in one of the old Dracula flicks, but the vampire had finally caught up with what was going on, and he rolled out from underneath me, expelling a breath as he went, as if he hadn't expected to get away clean.

He was lucky. Two more seconds, and I would have tried the stake method.

"Mutt!" he snapped, like he was offended that he was outmatched by me.

I'd show him mutt. I was already more than pissed enough to phase. The only reason I hadn't before was because of what Jane had held me under. Without the restraint of her power, I felt the change rip through me with one hot, volatile motion, with the knowledge that I would murder whoever went after Ren. The vampires were forced to shuffle backward again as I gave myself over to the anger I felt, growling until I howled with the quick, hot burst of pain that ripped through my body as I phased. As a wolf, I took up the majority of the space in my front hall. Jane and Liam were like little porcelain dolls compared to me now.

I saw Jane's appreciation of this fact wash slowly over her face, contorting her expression until a small frown tugged her lips downward.

"Well," she said, quietly, "that's slightly impressive."

I spread my front paws, growled. I felt the fur raise along my back as I ducked my head down. There smell was so well-defined to me in this form that it was almost unbearable. I wanted to get this over with fast. That way I could go find Renesmee before more of their kind caught up with her.

_"Jake? What the hell is going on?"_

I was still so unused to the connection with my pack that Leah's intrusion into my head startled me. As had always been the case for me, I cursed the line that held us all together. I didn't want to deal with the others right now. I had other things to deal with.

But now Sam was there too.

_"Are there...Are you fighting vampires?"_

His voice was incredulous. I couldn't blame him. The whole reason I had left La Push was to get as far away from leeches as possible, and now, in less than a handful of days, I'd resurfaced as a werewolf and engaged in combat with the living dead.

_"Not now," _I growled in way of explanation.

I returned my focus to the vampires before me, which, unfortunately, left my mind unguarded. I could feel the pack digging around in there—not entirely on purpose, but they still happened upon all the things I least wanted them to know anyway. Every single one of them tuned into my thoughts of Renesmee.

Not that that was preventable. Every single thought in my head right then was pretty much of Renesmee.

Jane cleared her throat. She'd taken my few moments of inaction to assess the situation, and she seemed to have come to a conclusion. She shifted slightly, her backward step toward the door almost unnoticeable, but I could hear the faint brush of her shoes against the wooden floor. I peeled my lips back, growling again.

I couldn't let her run.

"Not that it wouldn't be interesting to see what tricks you've learned as a puppy, but I believe our time here is done." She glanced toward Liam, who didn't seem as willing to give up without a fight. "I would just like you to remember that, as I said, Renesmee is no longer your concern. If you continue to interfere, you _will_ suffer."

I could feel my heart pounding in my chest. I didn't have much time to consider what I would do—what I had to do—to keep them here and away from Renesmee. I could feel the pack in my head as they listened to the conversation as I considered each thing that was said. I felt their anxiety mingle with mine as they began to piece together what little of the puzzle they had.

I didn't care if I had to suffer as long as Renesmee would remain safe. The imprint made that clear to me. I would sacrifice whatever it took to stop them. As long as Ren survived, I could die happy.

Fuck, that was _depressing_. This wasn't what I wanted, but there was nothing I could do about it.

I winced as Leah spoke again, her tone almost disbelieving, _She's your imprint._

I wanted to balk against it, but there was no denying this fact now. I would deal with it when I dealt with it. Until then, there was nothing to do but to go along with it.

"Don't worry, Black. We have special plans for her," Liam assured me.

And as he grinned in my direction, flashing his perfect white teeth, all of his intentions reflecting in his deadly eyes, I felt that line of sanity inside of me snap again, destroying my restraint at the thought that anything could happen to Renesmee.

I lunged for his throat as the pack drew and held a collective breath inside my head.

"Sit, boy," Jane snapped.

I fell like dead weight to the floor, my body a live wire of pain, twitching and convulsing as Jane hit me with her hardest wave of power yet. I had only one clear thought, and that was that I was going to die right here, right now, and I would not be able to stop them.

_Get up. Get up!_ I could hear the imprint hissing. _Renesmee_.

My paws had gone numb. My vision was growing dark.

This was it.

_Jake! _I heard Leah whimper as the vampires laughed and disappeared into the haze.

And then everything went black.

---

_Jake!_

I was watching Ren being pulled across the beach by her hair. I could see the bruises forming on her alabaster skin like ugly, brutal smudges smeared in ink. I could see the fear in her eyes and also the growing awareness as she began to concede to her fate. I felt the fury bubbling through me like molten lava sizzling my veins and scarring me on the inside. I wanted to howl in rage, to destroy everything until Ren and I lived in a perfect world of white nothingness.

_Jacob! Wake up!_

I saw Ren in red, draped from head to foot. I saw coldness of her face, and the way that her eyes were faintly growing dark and distant and hungry. I could see the other vampires flanking her sides. They didn't look like the Cullen's. They wore old clothing and had slick hair and smiles. One stood before the others, and, as I looked closer, I saw that he held Jane's hand in his left and a chain in his right. The chain draped down across the floor and disappeared into the growing crowd of vampires. I heard someone crying and realized that it was Ren.

_Can you hear us, buddy?_

I felt the warmth of her lips against mine, slick with the spray from the shower. They pressed against mine in question and then in answer. I parted them with my tongue, snaking my hand into her hair. I liked the way she lifted her hips to me, the way her hands toyed with my hair. I felt the silk of her skin, and I was thankful that it was warm. I could feel her pulse. Her heartbeat was as real as mine.

She said my name, and I knew bliss. The imprint snaked around my heart.

It _was_ my heart.

_"Jacob, please! Answer us! Wake UP!"_

_"You're such a needy bitch, Leah,"_ I growled.

I opened my eyes slowly. I was on my stomach in the front hall. The door to my house stood wide open, but there was nothing outside except the long expanse of the beach and the distant blue of the ocean. My house still reeked of vampire, but the scent was growing stale. They were no longer here. It was just me and my busted up furniture now.

_"Kiss my ass, Black. At least I don't faint like a little girl!"_

I laughed and then stopped, wincing at the remnants of pain that danced across my ribs. I didn't understand how Jane's power worked, but it was, I thought, even worse than being physically beaten up. I started to lift a hand to my chest, and then realized that I was still a wolf.

I was still a wolf. I had just fought with vampires, and those vampires were no longer here. That meant that they were already on their way after Renesmee.

Shit.

_"Hey...Are you talking about Renesmee--?"_

_"Yes,"_ I answered Seth, _"Renesmee Cullen."_

I felt the entire pack wince, and I followed their trail of thought.

_"I know. She's Bella's daughter."_

_"And Edward's,"_ Leah point out.

I scowled inwardly. _"No shit. She's my imprint." _

_ "Jacob--" _Sam started.

_ "I don't have time to explain." _I interrupted. _"I'll tell you guys when I get there."_

_"You're coming back?"_ Embry spoke up. _"Now? How?"_

_"I'm coming back,"_ I told them. _"In a car, on a plane. I'll run the whole fucking way there if I have to."_

I glanced toward my broken table, frowning, hurting with the mere thought that those two vampires might reach Renesmee before I did. No way I was going to let that happen. No way.

_"Keep an eye out for Renesmee for me. I'll be there soon." _


	18. Alpha Rules

The fastest way back to La Push was by plane. It felt like I had to use my whole life savings to pull that off, but it was the same thing that had gotten me off the floor at my house that kept me moving regardless the cost: the thought of what they'd do to Ren. My gut was telling me that Jane's little mind trick was only a small teaser of the Volturi's power as a whole.

It was a small wonder why Ren had felt the need to run away from home, to seek shelter in the one place that might show more than a little opposition to the Volturi. Too bad she'd overestimated my ability.

I had the whole plane ride to think about how it might have actually been better that Ren had split that morning rather than sticking around. Now, she at least had a fighting chance if she kept on the move. If she'd still been at my place, she would have been an easy score for Jane and Liam. I kept staring out the tiny window beside my seat, watching the fleece of clouds, waiting for the second we'd dip down below them and Washington would come into view. The anxiety kept me tapping one foot for nearly the entire duration of the trip, which might have been gradually wearing on my neighbor's nerves.

The guy, however, decided to best me by slipping headphones over his ears and watching the in-flight movie to block me out. All the same to me. I was already somewhere down there beneath those clouds, racing to find Renesmee before Liam and Jane.

It was probably too much to hope that she would be in Forks, and maybe I should have been thankful for that. It was probably going to be the first place that Jane and Liam looked too.

The unease that began rolling in my stomach from the second that it was announced that we were an hour away from our destination continued to disturb my insides even after we'd touched down and was found in the idea that I would soon have to face Bella and... the rest of the Cullen's. If Renesmee wasn't with them, then they were my next best chance at finding her.

_Could I face Bella? What the hell would I say to her? _I wondered as I hopped in a cab and headed for home.

I practically envision the result of starting out with a, "Hey, Bells, guess what? I imprinted on your daughter."

As I entered the La Push reservation, I was resolved that I wouldn't even mention to Bella that Ren was my imprint. I would keep that out of the picture for as long as possible. Everything was already going to be awkward enough, and, seeing as how I still hadn't figured out what I was going to do about the imprint, I knew that it was best to leave it for later discussion.

I paid the cab to drop me off at Embry's place. I had told the pack to meet me there, because I wasn't ready to deal with my dad yet, and I knew that if I went to the Clearwater's, Sue would feel obliged to tell him that I was back. He deserved more of an explanation and an apology than I had time to give right now.

Embry's place was the safest bet with that in mind. He had moved out on his own a year after I had left, so we weren't in danger of being eavesdropped on. Plus, his little cabin was situated near the outskirts of La Push, so there wouldn't be as much of a chance that I would be spotted before I wanted to be.

Despite the fact that the pack had, for all intents and purposes, become like my family, I felt my pulse trip up a few beats as I walked up to Embry's front door. I knew that I deserved to be less than welcomed home considering how I had ran out on everyone, and, though we had had a few short conversations since then, I didn't know what to expect from them. Except maybe from Leah. She never missed a chance to give someone shit.

I sighed as the first few drops of an approaching evening shower fell onto my head, remembering how much I didn't like the shitty weather of La Push and Forks as I knocked on Embry's door. I didn't wait for an answer, but I stepped in directly after. Even after all this time, old habits were hard to kick. We'd never bothered to be let into each others houses. We had all usually known when we should be expecting company.

I found everyone sitting in Embry's kitchen which was directly off of his front hall. They were crowded around a tiny wooden table and grew immediately quiet the second I walked in, all eyes turned to me. Seth was the only one who smiled as he lifted what was left of a sandwich he'd been eating to wave at me.

I let the silence carry for a few minutes as I studied them all, slightly stunned by the differences I saw. I had been gone only a few years, but there wasn't a single person in the pack that looked exactly the same. We had all been prone to early growth spurts, but our bodies had finally fully caught up with those spurts, and their faces had become aged as well. Each face was still young and undeniably strong, but Sam's face seemed slightly more shadowed, Embry's was shadowed with a beard and lined in places it hadn't been before, Seth's was still surprisingly bright yet refined, and Leah's...

Leah's caught me off guard. She'd always been pretty, but age had made her beautiful. Her eyes were wide and expressive as always, but there was a certain sort of knowledge in the way her lips smiled and frowned. It gave me a feeling that she would be more difficult to handle than ever.

"Sit down, Jake!" Seth beckoned me over.

I took the only empty seat obediently, cramming myself between Quill and Paul's massive bodies. They shifted to give me a little room, as if they weren't quite as comfortable with me as they had been.

I caught Sam's eye across the table, and I decided that I didn't have time to smooth out the awkwardness yet. Later. Everything could wait until later.

"So, is she here?"

Sam shook his head. "No. We checked Forks. We know her smell. She's not here."

I felt my spirits mingled between rising and falling. Her absence could mean either that she was safe or that the other vampires had gotten to her already. I fought the urge to rise and go find this out for myself. There were some things I needed to know before I went to speak to the Cullen's.

I took a breath and asked the question I didn't want to know, "What happened after I left?"

Sam's face grew automatically dark. Leah looked carefully away, staring at a picture hanging on Embry's wall that I didn't think that she was really seeing. Seth continued eating his sandwich, and Quill picked one up from a pile on a plate in the middle of the table.

I waited them out, and, as I figured, Sam was the one to tell me what I needed to know.

"Bella and Edward got married," he started, and I tried not to flinch. "We watched them carefully, but they left for some time. We figured it was for a honeymoon of some sort. They were back for two days before we even knew that they'd returned."

"Why?"

Sam drew in a long breath. "Because Bella was kept in their house. You know the rules, the treaty. I had to go and see for myself if Bella had been changed. I found that she had, but that wasn't all. She'd also had a child."

I saw Leah's mouth twitch, one corner seemed to desire to pull down, but she disallowed it.

"The Cullen's acknowledged that they had broken the treaty. They claimed they understood if we felt that we had to act upon this."

I stared at Sam. "But you didn't. Why not?"

Leah finally looked away from the picture, fixing her gaze directly on me. I almost felt like shrinking underneath it, because it took on the edge of a glare. I thought that the others turned to look at me as well, all of them with the same sort of expression. Like I had broken all the rules myself.

"You're feelings for Bella have never been hard to guess," Leah said, wryly. "For some reason, Sam respects you."

Sam shot her a quieting look. "It seemed irrational to fight with them. Bella _did_ choose that life, and we did not admire the idea of harming her or an innocent child."

"Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, or something like that," Paul added.

Sam shrugged. "Something like that."

I looked down at the table for a moment, silently grateful for Sam's consideration. He had spared Bella, because he had known the extent of my feelings for her, though he had no other reason to show mercy toward her or the Cullen's after the treaty had been broken. Though Bella had been what had chased me from La Push, Sam had acknowledged what it would have done to me to see Bella hurt. Inadvertently, Sam had also protected my imprint.

I closed my eyes, not knowing what to say other than, "Thanks."

Leah snorted. "So, your turn, Jacob. What is going on here?"

I opened my eyes, looking at no one in particular.

"I'm still not completely sure," I admitted. "Renesmee showed up at my house. I didn't know who she was at first. She just needed help, so I helped her. Before I knew it, my house was being stalked by vampires, I phased, and I imprinted. I found out they're after Renesmee, because she's a hybrid with fancy powers."

I saw Sam frown and gave him a questioning look.

"That must be why the vampire activity became stronger around here after her birth," he thought out loud. "Keeping our treaty was especially difficult after that."

I nodded. "They're after her all right. The problem is, we got into a fight, and she left. I don't know where she went, but I have to find her before they do."

"Have you talked to the Cullen's yet?" Seth asked.

I scowled. "No."

Sam seemed to sympathize with the bitterness in my tone.

"Whatever you find out when you do, whatever you decide to do, we'll be behind you, Jacob. Just let us know how we can help."

The others murmured their agreement. Quill patted me on the back.

Just like that, we were a pack again.

----

**Sam POV**

The change in Jacob, physically, was almost as enormous as the mental change. He'd grown, as the rest of us had, developed telling lines around his face, and seemed like he might now be an inch or so taller than me. The most noticeable difference, however, was that Jacob's drive had changed focus, lifting from one Swan to the other.

Seeing some of the men from my pack imprint on children had been an odd enough occurrence. Knowing that one of them had imprinted on a vampire half-breed was mind-blowing and difficult to swallow. The vampires had always been our natural enemies, and even our relationship with the proclaimed vegetarian vampires was often strained at best.

Though he'd seem less than pleased about the ordeal, Jacob would, one way or the other, eventually cave to all of the things his imprint stood for, and a vampire hybrid would be added to our pack. I could understand his apprehension, his internal struggle with the idea that his mate had been chosen for him.

I had felt those same feelings when it had come to Leah and Emily, unable to understand how my heart could go from loving one woman so completely to falling in love with another almost instantly.

I sighed, waving to Paul as I backed out of his drive and headed for home in my beaten up Chevy. Jacob was already on his way to the Cullen's. He had left almost immediately after informing us the bare essentials of his predicament. I knew how he would be feeling: almost crazed with the idea that he had no idea where his imprint was, or what condition she might be in. Even if Jacob didn't like the idea of the imprint, something _had_ brought him back here, and I knew that it wasn't the guilt for shedding his responsibilities to the pack.

I did not hold it against him. Any bitterness I might have felt upon receiving his job as my own had passed with little time.

But the fact was that Jacob _was_ the alpha—the _true_ alpha. Whatever sort of command I had inherited when he'd let the duty pass over him paled in comparison to the command he still had. I knew that he was aware of this, that his alpha power was just waiting to be called upon. It had reared its head just a few days ago.

And would he accept it?

Admittedly, he was in over his head at the moment, consumed with Renesmee Cullen as his imprint fought to make him realize and accept the inevitable, but what would happen once the dust settled? Once he realized that the alpha was fated and not chosen? When Jacob's werewolf genes had torn back to life, I had felt it. I had felt my alpha power tug away. The strength of it in me now was considerably weak, as if the majority of it had transferred to Jacob the second he'd reunited himself with us.

I wasn't entirely certain how the alpha power worked, but I wasn't above believing that it could leave me completely, forcing Jacob into his natural position. Would he accept that anymore than he was now accepting Renesmee? If he didn't, what then? What would I do if Jacob went back into hiding and left us all again? A broken pack was not much of a pack at all.

I had given him his space. Once his ordeal was over, it would be time to show him that he had to face the facts. Even without the idea that the alpha command might be trying to transfer back to him, I had finally reached the point in my life where I was beginning to feel the strain of it. The ominous presence of new vampires in the area—the ones that must have been looking for Renesmee—was wearing on me.

I was beginning to crave what little normalcy I could manage if I didn't have to be alpha. Besides that, Jacob was more suited for the job, even if he didn't think so. He was now the one that would have a bond with the cold ones that could prove enormously useful to our pack. I had never known how to deal with them.

It would be his actions now that determined the relationship between us and the vampires.

I pulled into my own driveway to find that it was Leah, not Emily, who stood on my front porch waiting for me. I felt the customary knot of unease, and could-have-been's tying up my stomach. Despite the imprint, looking at Leah always brought back memories and the faint, ghostly stirrings of feelings I no longer knew, the tug at the base of my heart that murmured incoherently about Leah and what once was.

I cut the engine, but was reluctant to get out of my truck. Leah and I no longer reacted well together. She was a ball of bitterness that had not quite faded over the years, and I was the one feeling awkward about the fact that I felt nothing at all. She saw me lingering behind the wheel, and I saw her, through my windshield, folding her arms over her chest and glaring impatiently at me.

I had to wonder if she wanted to fight. It was usually the only reason she ever sought me out. It was a tiring experience interacting with Leah, and so different from what it had once been like. I could still remember the days when she would have reached for my hand, pushed onto her toes to kiss me.

Now, she'd rather spit at my feet.

I moved slowly to get out of the truck, sliding carefully out onto the ground and drawing in a deep breath before I turned to approach her.

Emily was not home. She had a part time job in town and worked day shift, but I knew that she was gone anyway. I could feel her absence as if part of myself was with her, making me incomplete. Because I didn't want Leah to know that she unnerved me, I walked straight up onto the porch and stood just before her.

I waited for her to speak, and she obliged almost immediately.

"This whole thing feels bad, Sam."

I nodded, knowing her concern was with Jacob's current situation, which was our situation in turn. I could relate to her feelings. It was my job to protect the pack, but if the true alpha decided he wanted to do something, I couldn't stop him. If I thought the whole ordeal should be handled differently, Jacob didn't have to listen. He could plow straight ahead however he liked, even though his affairs were now involving a wider range of vampires.

His description of Jane and Liam disturbed me greatly.

"I know."

Leah scowled. "I can't believe his imprint is Renesmee Cullen."

I was used to bitterness from Leah, but as it leaked into her tone at that moment, it drew my attention to her face. I studied her for a moment, though she had lifted her gaze to stare above my head, her mouth pursed in agitation. Was she...? Had I detected jealousy?

I had never considered that Leah's affections might turn away from me the longer they went unrequited. Least of all had I expected they might realign in the direction of another member of my pack. Why would Leah feel anything for Jacob? His attention had always been for Bella, and, now, Renesmee. She had never done anything but bicker with Jacob, as she bickered with everyone.

And all of this time he had been gone...

I decided I must have imagined the jealousy, and, in turn, I smothered my own.

"It_ is _unexpected," I agreed.

"She's bringing an unnecessary amount of attention to our area from the vampires."

"Yes," I agreed again.

Leah looked annoyed as I failed to contribute to the conversation. She was annoyingly pretty when she was angry.

"What are you going to do about it?"

It was my turn to make a face. "What _can_ I do about it, Leah? You and I both know that Jacob can, technically, do whatever he wants."

Leah huffed. "He's being irrational."

"She's his imprint," I reminded her.

It was the wrong thing to say. Leah stiffened automatically, her expression going dark and angry. I wanted to eat my words, knowing that I had opened up a conversation I did not want to be in. I didn't know if Leah would bring up the topic of herself, Emily, and me, but she would make up for it by glaring holes into my skull either way.

"I'm_ aware_ of what that means."

I looked away. "All we can do is wait it out and stand behind him. If he needs us, all we can do is be there and be on our guard at all times. Don't worry. I'll make sure we get through this."

Leah snorted.

"I'm not worried," she said. "Leeches don't scare me. I know we can handle them. I just wish it wasn't necessary."

I spoke from experience when I said, "I imagine Jacob wishes the same thing."

I stared, again, at Leah. If anyone could relate to what Jacob was feeling, it was me. Living proof of that stood in front of me. I wished that I could have made things different for her. It had all gone unfairly for her, and I had never wanted to hurt her, though she would never believe that.

"Bella has never been anything but trouble," Leah grumbled.

I gave her a faint smile, because I had often thought the same thing.

"I can't say you're wrong," I told her, "but there's nothing to do about it now. We'll just have to wait and see."

I paused, debating, and then said, "Do you want to stay for dinner? I'm sure it would make Emily happy."

I saw something painful flicker across Leah's face. She had once been incredibly close with her cousin, almost like sisters, and then she had stepped in my path, and everything had altered drastically. The two no longer had much to say to each other. Leah had been uninterested in even acknowledging that Emily existed anymore after the imprint.

I wished that I could bridge that gap between them, but it was impossible, no matter how much I regretted it.

"No," she said, and it didn't surprise me. "I need to get home. I have some things to take care of. Goodbye, Sam."

She stepped around me, cutting our conversation short in her haste to get away from my attempt to fix what had gone wrong. I turned to watch her go. She strode off across my yard with a determined gait, heading for the woods. I imagined that once she got through the first line of trees, she would phase and run the rest of the way home.

I had half a notion to follow her as she stepped out of the bright sunlight and into the shade of the trees, though I wasn't quite sure why.

I felt an immense amount of sympathy for Jacob as I watched her go.


	19. Into The Vampire Nest

I didn't want to knock.

I stared at the oak door that led into the Cullen's house, and I imagined all those people standing on the other side of it. They were the perfect, pale-skinned demons, and one of them was Bella.

I listened to the rain falling lightly behind me, not much more than a misting, but it felt cold and as bleak as the gray sky. I felt its emptiness, felt the distant call of a bird beating around in the hollow of my chest where I was searching for Bella where she no longer existed.

What was I doing here, back in Forks? Why was I chasing Renesmee? Why couldn't I turn back now, forget that all of this ever happened, and disappear into my hideout in the sand and sun in Florida? I wanted to wish away the imprint. I wanted to feel nothing at all rather than be forced into feeling _this_ much.

The problem was that I couldn't turn away now. For whatever reason, I _did_ have feelings for Renesmee. I could feel her absence. It was like a phantom limb—gone, though it still seemed to be there.

I took in a deep breath, inhaling the scent of pine and rain and my own nerves. I stepped forward, forced my fingers to curl into a fist that I could knock my knuckles against the door, but I hadn't even touched it when it opened and there stood Bella.

The breath I inhaled seemed to go on forever until there was nothing left, and I was like a fish attempting to suck a breath out of water, and nothing would give. I had known that I would see Bella, but I had hoped for the chance to prepare. Looking back though, I didn't think anything could prepare me for the sight of her, though I had been aware that there would be differences, and I had known what those differences would be.

She looked as stunned to see me. I thought that maybe she had just been getting ready to go out, because she'd opened the door in motion, like she already had a predetermined destination in mind, and I had been an obstacle she hadn't expected to find. I watched her freeze to her spot, her eyes—all liquid gold and remote now—widening in disbelief.

She looked impossibly young, stuck forever in that sweet limbo between her teen years and adulthood. I felt the old memories tugging at me, attempting to draw me back into her face, into the vision of the girl I had loved so painfully.

But "love" was no longer a present tense word in my vocabulary of Bella.

As I stared at her face, reconnecting with the past in a strange, discomforting way, I didn't feel the overcoming, almost numbing sensation of love that I had feared would kill me if I ever laid eyes on her again. It was just the void now—the big, blank empty space that I wanted to be filled but no longer had anything to fill it with.

And maybe it wasn't even really _that_ big anymore. Maybe it was just a tiny pocket at the back of my heart as my feelings for Renesmee had now consumed all else.

I didn't feel that, if I had decided to, I could reach out and touch Bella's face—the almost plastic flesh in its perfection—and feel that sizzling of electricity that had danced up my arm the few times I had touched her before.

There was nothing there but the shock of seeing a ghost, the awkward sensation that would have overcome anyone during a chance encounter with someone that had once meant a great deal to them many, many years ago. I felt almost like I was obliged to feel something, like I was doing even the memory of Bella an injustice by not feeling the slightest of stirring other than what I was trying to make myself feel.

It was just Renesmee. She was in my blood stream now, in the tiny sighs of my heart each time it pulsed, mingled with every scent I tasted.

And that was why I knew, almost immediately, that she _wasn't_ here.

I could still feel the distance separating us like an endless sea of darkness with only dim vibrations to tell me whether I was hot or cold in my direction. There was nothing but coldness here and dead hearts. There was nothing but the shell of Bella Swan and the vampires she so dearly loved.

"Jacob?"

Maybe it did ache a little to hear her voice and know that it hadn't changed, and to hear it saying, above all else, _my_ name. It had haunted me so many times in my dreams, always calling my name, but never telling me what I really needed to hear, and now it was too late. Now, I was a world away from Bella.

I wanted to reach out and touch her, hold her by the shoulders, shake her or draw her against me. I wanted to feel that she was real, to try to translate to her in any way that I could that I was sorry for having missed my chance, for having failed her, and for the burden that I was now going to unleash onto her.

But I couldn't, because my burden was that I was now in love with Renesmee. Whether that love could be considered true or false didn't matter. It existed, and it had never been more obvious than right now, while I was staring directly into Bella's disbelieving face and feeling nothing at all.

"Bella."

She blinked and took an instinctive step forward, as if she would reach out to touch me just to make sure that I was real, but I took a step backward, an instinctual move of my own, as Bella's scent washed over me, and I inhaled the sickly odor of the undead. I missed the smell of strawberries and soap. I missed the things that were gone forever.

She withdrew her hand immediately, letting it fall back to her side in faint rejection as she realized that I was recoiling from her. She looked almost embarrassed, looked a little like she wanted to explain.

The time for explanation, however, was gone. At least as far as Bella and I were concerned. We had both waited too long. We had both made our own choices.

For the most part.

"Where is Renesmee?" I asked, because it was the only question that I wanted answered.

Bella's mouth opened and then immediately closed, her brows drawing together, perplexed, as if she had thought I had intended to ask something else and had been thrown completely off when I had tossed her a curve ball she hadn't expected.

I could practically see the cogs in her brain turning, trying to figure out how I knew about Renesmee, how I could _possibly_ know about Renesmee—her secret, her daughter, the one I shouldn't know existed as I lived hundreds of miles away in my own little hole. I waited impatiently, uncomfortable so close to Bella's nest of vampires, and fearing, all the while, for the safety of my imprint.

Bella studied me in quiet curiosity, looking at me, then, as if I was a stranger to her, and maybe I was. She seemed a lot like a stranger to me now too.

"Why do you want to know where Renesmee is?" she asked me, finally.

I shifted from one foot to the other. This was the question I still hadn't decided how to answer, though I was still going with my initial hunch that telling Bella, flat out, that her daughter was my imprint was not the way to approach the subject.

"Look, she's been staying with me," I began.

Bella's brows went up at that, suspicion clouding her eyes. I watched her go from young woman to young mother, protecting her cub. It was such a different side of Bella to me—one that I had not had a chance to acquaint myself with—that I felt even more like an outsider than I had before.

Somewhere along the way, when I had been obliviously hiding in Florida, Bella had become a wife and a mother. She had grown, though her body had not, into new roles and had filled them in the way that I had always imagined she would.

Except, in my version, it had been with me and not Cullen.

"She told me she needed a place to stay. I didn't know who she was at first," I tried to explain. "I didn't know that she was _your_ kid."

Bella frowned, and I knew that my story wasn't quite descriptive enough to erase her suspicion. I was embarrassed, standing there on her porch, fidgeting underneath her hard stare. This wasn't how I had planned our reunion in my head when I had envisioned it so many times before. This was all wrong.

"Bella?"

I started at the sound of Edward's voice, going as rigid as Bella had went as he suddenly stepped into view, crowding the space of the open door beside Bella. Whatever Bella had been heading to do when I had shown up shouldn't have, apparently, taken as long as it had, and Edward had come looking for his wife and found, to his evident dislike, me: the big bad wolf at the door.

Though Edward had come out the victor of our battle for Bella, I could sense how he immediately went into protective mode. His face—expressive and kind as he'd appeared at Bella's side—turned hard and slightly angry as he saw me. The pair of them—Edward protecting Bella, Bella protecting Ren—looked like two stone statues standing in the doorway glaring down at a trespasser.

I felt my own spine stiffen, straightening my back, and I stared with as much dislike at Edward, though a tiny, stupid voice in the back of my head kept muttering about how I should probably try to get on Edward's good side right about now, considering that it was _his_ daughter that I had imprinted on.

That was easy enough to say, but another thing entirely to try to pull off. There wasn't a single fiber in my body that felt like it could ever hold compassion for Edward Cullen.

"Edward, Jacob's here looking for Renesmee. He says that she's been staying at his house all this time."

Edward's voice was as cold as his wife's, "_What_?"

I scowled. "Not the _whole_ time. She just showed up not that long ago. I mean—Whatever, that's not important! What I want to know is where she's at now."

"Why do you want to know? What's been going on?" Edward demanded, going from the guardian of his wife, to the fierce protector of his daughter.

I wasn't impressed. He didn't even understand half of what I was willing to do to keep Ren safe.

"She came to me looking for help. She told me all about the Volturi. They even paid me a visit."

I caught how, as I said this, Bella gave a small jolt, her face going from cold to slightly panicked, apprehension shadowing the perfect beauty of her face. I wondered, vaguely, if her fear was actually for me, or if this was just a customary reaction for when the Volturi were mentioned.

"We had a small...disagreement." I paused again, this time out of my own feelings of awkwardness.

I knew that Edward, even now, was probably poking around in my head, and it took a concentrated effort to keep all the things I didn't want him to know out of view.

For starters, I sure as hell didn't want him to see how I had had sex with Ren in my shower and then been a cold, heartless bastard to her. I would make up for that in due time.

"She left, and now I'm trying to find her before they do. I thought this was the best place to start looking."

For a moment, I could tell that even Edward was brought out of his cloud of dislike for me and grounded by what I was saying, by what it meant when I told them that I was trying to find her before the Volturi did. As Ren had assured me, her parents were obviously aware of the Volturi's intention.

"So you're looking to protect her?" Edward asked.

A small, pleasant voice answered for me, "I knew he would."

Both Edward and Bella stepped aside to see who had spoken behind them. Alice Cullen stood there, her hands clasped together in front of her, her thin, pixie face smiling almost sadly at me. She was the smallest Cullen—almost child-like in a different way than Jane—and she completely unnerved me with that smile and her constantly prophetic talk. I didn't think anyone, let alone vampires, should be able to see the future.

"You _knew_, Alice?" Edward prodded.

Alice only nodded and, gesturing to me, turned and led us into the house. I followed before Bella or Edward had thought to move, instinctively following my only lead to Ren's whereabouts. She guided me to the Cullen's living room, and the four of us were its only occupants for the time being. I didn't care where the other Cullen's were though—just Renesmee.

"Before we speak, Jacob, I have to assure my brother that it was very important that he didn't know where Nessie was, that no one did. It was dangerous enough that I knew."

She turned on her toes, facing us. I stood waiting, as Edward did, staring at Alice with a mix of curiosity and annoyance. Bella, however, sank onto the couch, and it was only then that I realized how weary she looked, despite how her vampire genes fought all signs of imperfection. I shouldn't have been surprised. Ren had told me that her parents had been clueless about her whereabouts. Of course Bella had every right to be upset.

"Just explain to us, Alice, please, what is going on here," Edward said in way of reply.

Alice inhaled a little breath. "All right. We all know that we could defend Nessie, but she's hard-headed, like Bella, and she didn't want to endanger us. I thought this was silly, but Nessie also had a point. This is the first place the Volturi would look. They would expect Nessie to be with one of us."

Alice shot a look of inquiry at Bella, as if to ask her whether or not she was following along, agreeing that Alice had done the right thing. Bella, however, seemed to weak to be agreeable, and she blinked and then stared fixedly at the floor, like she needed to draw strength from somewhere to keep afloat right now.

I felt the dimmest tug to go to her and comfort her, wondering, in agitation, why Edward didn't. It was a thought I didn't conceal, and I could tell Edward heard it as soon as I thought it, because he scowled darkly at me and then went to sit on the couch beside Bella, draping his arm over her shoulders.

I almost smirked. I liked the fact that I had gotten better at hiding and showing my thoughts selectively. Living with a pack full of werewolves constantly in my head had helped that.

"Anyway," Alice decided to go on when no one answered, "I tried to think of somewhere safe for Nessie to go, and I thought of Jacob. She was supposed to keep her identity secret and stay just close enough so that, if something did happen, Jacob would be able to protect her. I haven't heard anything from Nessie in a few days, so I'm guessing that something _did_ happen."

I felt every eye turn toward me, Bella's eye in particular feeling very beseeching. I rebuffed the stares, however, because Alice's short explanation had annoyed me more than the one I'd gotten from Ren.

I had been a pawn all along. No one had considered whether or not I had wanted my life effected by their troubles. Like a dog, they'd expected me to do my duties when I'd been called upon. For a split second, my dislike spread to even Bella, though Alice had apparently been the mastermind behind Ren's plan.

Now, I was a wolf again, and I was in love with the daughter of vampires.

"Yeah, something _did_ happen. Your vampire friends found her, and yeah, like you planned--"

I shot a glare at Alice.

"--I _did_ protect her. I scared the fuckers off, and then I found out who Ren really was, and we fought. She took off in the middle of the night, and now I'm here trying to fix your guys' problems again."

I folded my arms over my chest, glaring at nothing in particular.

"You came to protect her," Alice said, softly, like she was trying to provoke me.

I made a face. "I came to carry out my promise and apologize, and then I'm gone."

Alice pursed her lips at me, but whatever she had thought to say was lost as Bella released a little gasp and slid over onto Edward, as if she couldn't hold herself up. It was just as well. Alice was too good at pushing buttons, and I wasn't sure what I'd do if she pushed the wrong one right now. Besides my annoyance and anger, there was also the cold fear that I continued to feel for Ren.

"I've been so worried about her," Bella confessed. "I should have went after her. _We_ should have tried to find her."

Edward lifted a hand to brush a few strands of hair out of her face, but Bella abruptly pulled away, shifting to her other side so that could lean, instead, on the arm of the couch. I felt an almost gloating sort of satisfaction at the faint flicker of hurt that crossed Edward's face.

Maybe that war was over, but I was still counting casualties.

"It was unfair to put this on you, Jake," Bella said, surprising me. "I'm sorry, but thank you."

Edward didn't agree. I figured that he felt like I would have in this situation, like he would have bitten off his own tongue before he thanked me for anything. It was just as well. I might have told him to stuff his apology.

"I haven't really done anything," I reminded her. "Ren's gone again."

Alice stepped forward as Bella made another gasping noise. I wondered if this was how vampires expressed pain since I didn't think that they could actually cry. I felt foolish wishing that I could see a few tears on Bella's face to trick myself into believing that she was still human, but the tears didn't come, because Bella _wasn't_ human.

"Yes, she is, but we'll find her," Alice assured me. "She's incredibly smart. I'm sure she's all right."

"Can you see that, Alice?" Edward asked in a flat tone, not looking at his wife.

Alice frowned at him. "No. Not yet, at least, but I'm sure I will. I'll try to see."

Bella looked up. "Can you? Please?"

Bella's desperate tone seemed to fluster Alice, as if the petite vampire wasn't too sure about her own talents.

"Just... Just give me a few minutes."

She waved a hand at him, like she was embarrassed by having been called out. I couldn't blame her. I was surprised her little psychic talents hadn't been provoked out of her before by her family. I could blame her, however, for turning and hurrying out of the room, leaving me with the very two people I didn't want to be alone with as she sought a quiet place to attempt to peak into the foggy, distant future.

I turned to stare at Renesmee's parents. In particular, I stared at Bella. She stared, in turn, at the empty hall that Alice had fled down, her gaze almost blank in its distance. I wondered how long she could sit there like that, so perfectly immobile. The Bella I had known before had been all about movement. Maybe it had been uncoordinated movement, and often accident-prone, but it had been full of energy and life.

Now she looked like a statue, like all the life had been drained out of her and stored into some place that I couldn't find. My gaze flicker to Edward, and I felt my long-stirring hate for him. He had killed Bella and left the world with this hollow replica.

And still I tried to search for the part of me that loved her, because, I was certain, I would have loved her, even as a vampire, if Renesmee hadn't existed. I had loved Bella that completely, and surely something that strong couldn't just cease to exist like it had never happened to begin with.

It was stupid to hold onto it. Anything I might have felt for Bella would have obviously been unrequited and pointless. I should have been glad to have shed that skin, but I wasn't. It felt like my loss of love for Bella had robbed me of my humanity too, because something that had not been based on the steady build of emotions and a slowly blossoming relationship had abruptly decided to tell me that I was in love with Renesmee Cullen.

Maybe I was. At least, that part of me, because I had come back. I had done the one thing that I had sworn never to do: to return and speak to Bella, to acknowledge that she was married and undead. I had done this for Renesmee, in an effort to make sure that she was safe. Before the imprint, I had felt the basic forms of attraction for her, I had been genuinely interested, and she had been friendly and kind and attractive. Remembering this reminded me that she was alive—mostly--and just as full of feelings as I was.

She hadn't deserved the things I had said to her, and, at the very least, I had to keep my promise to protect her. I was in this now, and I had to see it through to the end. I had to make sure Renesmee was safe, and I could deal with everything else afterward.

"Do you think she's all right, Jake?"

I stared at Bella, unsure as to why she would ask me this and not her husband. It seemed just as disconcerting to Edward, who studied her face with the slightest of frowns, but she was looking at me and didn't see him. I remembered a day when that would have thrilled me to be noticed before him.

"Yeah," I said, because I believed it, and not just because I wanted to reassure her. "Ren is obviously smart. I saw that in her. She'll be fine until I find her."

Bella's brows knitted. "You call her Ren."

"She told me that was her name when we met."

"We call her Nessie," Bella told me, and then snorted. "You know, like the Loch Ness Monster."

I smiled a little to appease Bella, because I knew it was what she was waiting for, though I was starting to feel a little worried about her.

"I know. She told me to call her that when I figured out who she was."

"While Alice is looking, will you tell me about the her stay with you?"

I frowned automatically, feeling the shutter close over my own mind, as I thought of all the things that had happened between Ren and I in a short span of time, and about how I didn't really want to tell _any_ of those things to Bella. I especially didn't want to even hint around our final entanglement before she'd split. These were not grounds I wanted to tread on with Bella, or anyone, for that matter.

"There's not much to tell," I said.

Bella glanced at Edward, and I could tell, immediately, that she was misinterpreting my reluctance to talk. Of course she would think that I was still hung up on the fact that Edward had gotten her and I hadn't, that I would be unwilling to speak in front of the enemy at any length, because I was still bitter. I _wished_ that I felt those things, that those were the reasons behind my silence.

I wanted to be able to stand there and tell myself that I was being quiet, because I was in love with Bella, and I wanted to deprive Edward of every single thing that I could.

Maybe, for just a second, I could lie to myself, I could be smug about what Bella requested next.

"Edward, can I speak to Jacob alone? There are some things I want to discuss with him."

Edward looked at her with suspicion barely hidden, and then he looked at me, and I could see that he was trying to search my brain again to no avail. I wondered if he decided, as Bella had, that I was holding my tongue because of his presence, which I had always, openly, despised. I didn't care right now. If he wanted to oblige Bella, I'd be more than happy not to be around him.

"All right," he said at length. "I'll go check on Alice. Let me know when you're done."

The pair of us watched him leave, and, when he was gone, I suddenly decided that maybe his presence hadn't been all that bad. That rash change of thought could have very well been spurred by the sight of Bella's expression when it changed the second that we were alone.

"Jacob," she said, and I could practically feel her whisper-soft voice speaking in my ear as I stood across the room, "I need to talk to you."

Coming here, I knew, had been a bad idea.


	20. I Still Feel Her

**Bella POV**

I led Jacob into an adjoining room, one with little more occupying its space than a plush, almost blindingly white sofa with blood red pillows and Edward's piano. The former was pressed against a far wall. The latter took up the bulk of the center of the room, looking incredibly expensive and prestigious. I had seen Edward's fingers ghost across those keys many, many times, musing out songs he wrote for me.

I frowned momentarily at it, and then I led Jacob to the sofa. I gestured for him to sit, but, when I didn't make a move to first, he didn't either. We stood, instead, regarding each other uncomfortably. The room had dim lighting for the affect it produced, but, as I stared at Jacob's face cast in warm light and dark shadows, I didn't care for whatever affect the lighting had intended. It made Jacob look even more like the ghost of my past than he was.

I saw Jacob match my frown with one of his own, and I had to wonder what he was really doing here, what he really _thought _he was doing here. Alice had sent my daughter to seek shelter with my childhood companion, my close second to Edward. I understood that. I understood his explanation, as well, as to why he felt responsible to continue to pursue my daughter's safety, but I also understood that it was, for the most part, a grand act of concealment.

I knew Jake too well for this. Did he really expect me to believe that he hadn't come back for me? After all those months of fighting for me, of doing everything humanly possible to make me stay with him, after fleeing to the other end of the country just to get away from his loss, did he really think I wouldn't see his underlying intentions?

I felt a small stirring in the pit of my stomach as I stood there watching Jacob frown at me. I studied the planes of his face, the downward pull of his mouth and the lines it etched in turn. I could feel his heat from where he stood. I wondered if he could feel the cold that seemed to emanate from me now. I wondered how it was affecting him: this drastic change to my body and soul. He had fought so hard to keep my heart beating.

I almost reached up to brush a hand over my chest, to ascertain that it wasn't still there, fluttering with the dying life of butterfly wings beating fruitlessly against the wind as the sight of Jacob Black stirred it briefly back to life. He made me remember the years I'd put behind me, the life I'd left behind. I couldn't think of anything but those long afternoons in his garage and the pain screaming across his face on the day I'd said goodbye in the long, eloquent script of a wedding invitation.

I'd made my choice. I had never regretted it. Whatever this strange feeling was, whatever made my chest ache, was not regret or guilt or remorse. I had Edward and Nessie and a life with them forever. I had always loved Jacob, but I had already determined that that love was not enough.

It was unfair that he should come back here now with some foolhardy idea that he could win me back after so much had happened, after I had married another man, had his child, and become a vampire. Nothing could ever be like it once was. Jacob should have stayed in Florida.

But how was I to tell him that?

"Jacob," I started the only way I knew how, "why did you come back here?"

His face took on a strange expression, as if I had just asked him why the world was round. His frown twisted into more of a scowl, and he looked away from me, only to look quickly back again when his gaze caught the piano, which did seem like a gigantic presence in the room with us.

"I told you, I'm looking for Ren."

His voice held none of the softness that I remembered. It was cold and hard and flat, almost so detached that it hurt. I reflexively winced away from it and the idea that he was still going to use my daughter as an excuse. Didn't he realize how unfair that would be to her? Jacob being even slightly aware of my daughter's existence had been news to me today, but even I could venture a guess that if Nessie had been with him all of this time, she would have some feelings on the line now as well.

I tried again, "Jake, why are you really here?"

Silence spanned a three minute gap between us, as Jacob seemed to take a considerable amount of time to realize what I was trying to say. Once he reached the conclusion I hoped he wouldn't miss this time, however, he released an almost disbelieving laugh.

"You think I'm here for _you_?"

I didn't like the way he asked the question. I lifted my chin and shrugged, folding my arms across my chest almost defensively.

"I haven't seen you in years, Jake," I said. "I had started to think that you weren't going to come back."

"Really? And you think I came back now just to try to win you over again?"

My response was slow. "Maybe..."

Jacob laughed again. "You really think I'm that weak? Or stupid? I'm pretty positive that I can't overlook the fact that you really chose Cullen this time when you've got a suit to match him."

He made a wide gesture, but I knew that he was referring to my skin. I felt the internal burning that would have once meant that my face was going scarlet. If there was anything to thank my new body for, it was the lack of its ability to blush and the fact that I no longer ran the risk of stumbling around like an awkward klutz anymore.

"I told you, I'm here for Ren," he repeated, "but that's probably what you expect me to say, right?"

I could feel his resentment like the glare of the sun. I couldn't avoid the heat no matter how far I tried to flinch away from it. He had never been this cruel to me before, and I almost—almost—believed him that maybe he really was here for my daughter and not me. But how could that be possible? How could the feelings he had for me be overridden so easily? Ren had, at most, spent a few weeks with him, and even I couldn't completely shed the feelings I still had for Jake, despite the marriage and the child. I had told Jacob before that I would always love him. He had never had to promise the same to me. We had both always known it would be so.

I had upheld my end of that bargain. I had felt and recognized it when I'd opened the door and practically ran right into him. The sight of him standing on my doorstep—a gift left so abruptly and so surprisingly—had been nearly overwhelming. For a few short seconds I had almost believed I'd stepped back into the past.

When Jacob was around, I was still Bella Swan.

"Yes," I admitted, "but it's okay. I told you before, I'll always love you no matter what, but it's all I can give."

Jacob's chest expanded gradually as he inhaled one, long breath. He drew it in like it was anchoring him to the world, like it would center his gravitational pull. I waited for him to take it in, to have those few seconds to acknowledge the truth of what I'd said.

"And," he said at length, "if nothing had changed, I would tell you that I know that, that I accept that, but that I also know that you love me. If nothing had changed, I would beg you to change your mind, to realize that, even now, Cullen wasn't the right choice."

_If nothing had changed? _

I didn't understand what he meant by this. I didn't understand the strange expression on his face, those dark secrets reflecting in his eyes that seemed incredibly sad right now. I had a moments weakness where I wanted to reach out and touch his cheek, but I hadn't touched him yet, and I didn't want to see him recoil away from the coldness of my skin. Even love couldn't brace him for all the changes.

"Yes, but you know that I love him too."

Jacob smirked, looking bitter and disgusted. "Yeah, I know."

He shifted, and the shadows danced across his face to rest in different dips and curves of his face. He was beautiful, really, in the partial darkness.

"I love both of you," I reminded him, "but I chose Edward, and I don't want to see you get hurt again. Edward's my husband."

"And you love him?"

I lifted a brow. "Of course."

Jacob shook his head, looking away from me, focusing on a far wall that had not been decorated with pictures or paintings, and one that would not force him to look at the piano.

"Then you're only upset, because you don't have all the attention anymore."

The words stung.

"That's not true! I've always loved you too! You know that!"

"Do I?" he asked. "_Did_ I? When did you become so selfish, Bells?"

The nickname took me back, made me sink into a momentary glimpse of the past, of days much brighter and more carefree. It hurt to hear him ask me that, to even wonder what he meant by asking such a thing. Was I selfish? I had never tried to be. It hadn't been my fault that I had fallen in love with him too, but that I had already taken that fall for Edward.

Didn't he think that if I could have gone back I would have changed something to have spared someone from this roller-coaster?

"I—I'm not selfish, Jake. I just... I want you to understand."

"Damn it, Bella, you're the one that doesn't understand!"

----

**Jacob POV**

Despite it all, I wanted to believe that Bella was still as amazing as she had always been in my fantasies. I wanted to feel the thrill of excitement I had expected to feel upon entering an empty room with her with all the open space to tell her the things I had wanted to tell her all of these years, but none of those things filled the room with me. I followed her into the room alone, feeling the enormous presence of the piano that took up the majority of the space like it was another person in the room.

I stared at Bella as she talked, taking in all the changes now that we were alone, drinking in the perfection like soured milk, wondering how something once so pure and perfect had changed so drastically, and when I had missed that change.

Maybe she was truly beautiful now. Maybe she didn't have a single blemish on her body, a single freckle or hair out of place, but she wasn't the girl she had once been. She wasn't the girl that I had loved for half of my life.

This Bella did not blush or stumble or stutter. She was graceful and almost ghost-like in the way she seemed to glide as she walked. Her face was perfect marble with no tinge of color or even the promise that there could be such a thing.

Yeah, maybe her breasts were fuller and her ass was now the perfect size to fit in my hand, but there was nothing alluring about that like the way I had found how she'd tripped over her own two feet alluring. She was strong and capable of standing on her own. She didn't need me there to protect her anymore. She was even more incapable of getting hurt than I was now.

I watched the light play across her face, noticing how it seemed to make her more frightening than beautiful, and I acknowledged how horribly wrong this entire scene was from the moment she began confessing her beliefs as to what had brought me back to Forks. She missed the mark by a mile. I was not here for her as she expected, and as I had once believed would be the only reason to bring me back.

I had envisioned this encounter a million times over the past few years. None of those fantasies had played out like this. However, in all fairness, none of those fantasies had included the reality that Bella was now a vampire. I had always imagined her back to life as the pale but blushing teenager who laughed and stuttered when she was nervous. And maybe that wasn't the only thing that was wrong. Maybe I couldn't have gotten passed the fact that Bella was a vampire now, but, like I had told her, too many things had changed.

My imprint had turned out not to be her. My imprint was, instead, her daughter, and that was now where my heart lay, like it or not. I couldn't call it back now and force it to remember Bella and my solemn promise to never love anyone else but her again.

For a few minutes, I might have actually indulged in the brief idea that this was a good change, that maybe loving Bella still would have been even more crushing, more fatal, than loving Renesmee now, because Bella had changed in more than just her physical appearance. She was no longer the same girl at all.

Back then, Bella hadn't realized that she was beautiful. Now, she seemed to be all too aware.

I was doomed to be alone forever. The girl I loved was loved by force, and the girl I wanted to love no longer existed. Talk about horrible irony.

Bella wasn't even aware of the extent of my suffering, and it became more and more apparent the longer our conversation went, the more she tried to justify her choice and her feelings, until, finally, I couldn't stand it any longer. I couldn't keep holding in the pain of what had come to pass and what was likely to come in the future. The stress, the love, the responsibility: it was all too much for me to handle. I was only a man.

Even when I was a wolf, I was only just a man in fur, a man in a temporary costume.

"Damn it, Bella," I growled, finally, "you're the one that doesn't understand!"

She didn't understand how it felt to be forced into a life you hadn't chosen, to lose the dream of the girl that was no longer what she had once been, to realize that nothing would ever work out the way you planned, and to find that you were destined to misery for all the mistakes you had made and the promises you had broken.

I wanted not to be that man. I wanted to be the carefree youth I had once been, so I did something drastic.

I stepped forward. I took Bella by the elbow. I pulled her against me, and I kissed her.

It wasn't fireworks or red-hot explosions. It wasn't even a whistling of steam or a small crackle of electricity. It was just a pair of lips against mine—cold, dead lips. It was just the corpse of the woman I had loved once.

But I held her against me anyway, because I had been so desperate for this moment, for the possibility that taking the kiss that had belonged to me would set the world right again and relieve me of my burdens and my fate.

However, like I had known, deep down in my gut, this one kiss was not my redemption. It did not set me free. It was still Renesmee's face in my hand, expanding until it took up the breadth of my skull and swelled my heart until it was almost ready to burst. It was her kiss I was remembering, her body pressed against mine. It was only her that I was thinking of, and my responsibility to her, and my desperate need to find her and protect her from the Volturi.

My moment with Bella had come and gone.

But even as I thought this, even as I started to pull away, I felt Bella's hands on me tightening, her nails digging into my shoulders where I hadn't realized they'd ventured. It was the moment of response that I had so long anticipated, but it was too late. I didn't feel the need to sink back down, to try the kiss again.

When I continued to pull away, carefully backing out of her grasp, I saw the look of hurt cross Bella's face. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt her now. It was the last thing I had ever wanted, no matter what had changed. Could she even understand how much I wanted to want to kiss her? To hold her? To take her away from Edward and keep her with me where she'd always belonged?

"Jake..."

The face and body might have changed, altering until everything was round and tight and perfect, but the voice had not. It was still Bella. It pushed against me, like something physically trying to hold me back.

I stared at her, suffering.

"You don't understand how crazy it makes me feel not to feel anything at all," I snapped.

I could tell that Bella didn't understand. I didn't expect her to. She didn't know about the imprint, and I had no intention to tell her. It was my secret to deal with in my time and in my way. She started to reach for me, and maybe I would have let her touch me again, despite how cold her hands had become, but both of us froze when a voice called to her from the doorway.

"Bella?"

Bella looked at me as her husband called her name in question. I stared back without an answer, unable to tell her the things I was keeping away from her, unable to vocalize how unfair I thought it was to have her need me, even for a second, when I could no longer respond to that need.

"Coming," she said, finally.

She gave me one last, sad look, and then she turned and led the way back out of the room. I followed her to the living room, not sparing Edward a single glance as I passed by him where he stood by the door. Bella paused to look up at him, and I distanced myself from them both, moving to the far end of the room. I made a weak effort to shield my thoughts, should Edward be looking in my direction, but, for the most part, I didn't care.

The exchange I'd just shared with Bella had drained me.

"Bella, what—?"

Edward's question was drowned out by the sound of a single, pixie scream that drew all of our eyes to the stairwell as Alice came racing down toward us.


	21. More Ways than One

"She's in Volterra!"

I saw Bella surge forward out of the corner of my eye. I didn't realize that she was falling, like dead weight, to the floor. I though that, like me, she was moving toward Alice, hands outstretched, about to shake the little sprite and ask her what the hell she was talking about.

As I took Alice's thin shoulders in my hands, Edward was the one to jump forward, to catch Bella in his arms before she could drop so gracelessly right onto her face. In my defense, I hadn't known that vampires could faint—if that was what you would call Bella's little swoon—and I was still being driven by my imprint.

It was obvious that Alice was distressed about Ren, that Ren was the one that was in Volterra, and that knowledge shot straight through my heart like an ice pick plunging into the frozen surface of a mountain, cracking all my defenses as I was seized with the idea that Ren was no longer in some unknown safe location. She was in the house of the enemy.

"Bella," Edward murmured, carefully placing his wife back onto her own two feet.

She sagged against him. All that strength in her granite legs seemed to mean nothing as she took in the enormity of the situation as easily as I did, reading between the vague lines of Alice's three word exclamation.

Alice, however, didn't see Bella fall. Maybe she was still caught up in whatever she'd seen in her head, or maybe she was overcome with the same sort of violent desperation as I was. Whatever the reason, she didn't spare Bella a glance as her sister-in-law pressed against Edward, her face ashen and drawn, a small, almost inaudible breath pressing past her lips.

"They got her?" I asked.

Alice shook her head, her eyes focusing on my face. I remembered a time when I would have done just about anything to keep a five foot, minimum, distance between us. I remembered how annoying I found her always-chipper voice and overly expressive eyes. Now, I watched her short-cropped brown hair sway around her face, saw the compassion she held for Ren, and felt the faintest of bonds between us.

I would have to remember to be disgusted later.

"No," Alice said. "She went right to them."

"_What?_" Edward and I demanded in unison.

I frowned at him in response, but Edward was focused on Alice. There was something in his face now that was even worse than Bella's look of grief. Where Alice was too expressive, Edward was the calm, impassive slab of rock, but now his eyes were reflecting something of his inner turmoil, and I thought that, if he really did have a soul, it was on fire right now, screaming inside of him.

Alice saw her brother's expression too. She lifted her hands to her face, pressing her palms to her cheeks and draping her fingers over her eyes. I thought she might have muttered Jasper's name in some sort of silent plea. I didn't know where Jasper was, so I squeezed her shoulders, hoping that I could be good enough for the moment.

"What are you talking about? Why did Ren go to the Volturi?"

Alice's fingers curled until they rested on her cheeks as well, her knuckles pressed into the purple blemishes underneath her eyes.

"They followed her when she left your house. She knew that they would keep following her and keep finding her, so she waited for them in Nashville, Tennessee," Alice said, talking like she was reciting lines from a book as she pulled her vision back out of her head. "She told them she would go with them. She figured that this way was better for anyone, so she won't be a burden anymore."

A burden? My fingers slid away from Alice's shoulders.

_Shit_, had I done this?

I had tried so hard to push Ren away that I had driven her right into the arms of her pursuers. I had crossed the line, that stupid line that had never been quite bold enough for me to navigate my way across.

Of course I'd crossed the fucking line! I'd had sex with her, and then I had told her that it was _just_ sex. She might have manipulated me into it, but I had went along. I hadn't fought that hard, and I had used her for it, and then I had made her ashamed of it. I had been her last hope.

"I'm going to Volterra."

Three pairs of eyes turned toward me at once. Only Alice's held nothing close to a hint of disbelief.

"That's not your place," Edward snapped.

Despite the fact that Edward had no idea that I'd imprinted on his daughter, those words were not the ones to say to me. As soon as the imprint swallowed them, it rippled awake, growling in possessiveness. It wasn't like I didn't want an excuse to deck Cullen. I felt the flash of anger like a hot iron prodding me in the chest. Alice must have seen it as well, must have guessed at something of what was between Ren and me, because she stepped forward quickly, placing a light, but restraining, hand on my chest.

"No, Edward, I think he _should_ be the one to go."

"What? Why?"

It was Bella's turn to become defensive as she stepped around her husband, who'd advanced toward me unwisely a second ago, to study Alice and I as if we'd both schemed Ren's disappearance up together. I scowled at Bella as she fell in line with her husband, forming a picture that seemed tarnished and not quite as attractive to me.

Funny that when her body reached physical perfection, it seemed like a downgrade to me. She wasn't who she once had been, and, whether because of my imprint or my own instincts, I felt a shift between us, a crack in the ground that was slowly yawning wider. At the moment, looking at her beside Edward, her arm on his shoulder as if she planned to restrain him as Alice restrained me, it was like looking at a stranger.

"Because," Alice said, "the Volturi guard will smell us and know that we're coming. Liam and Jane have had a brush with Jacob, but they're the only ones that know his smell, and I just—I know it has to be him to do this, okay?"

Bella looked up at me, evidently confused. It wasn't surprising, considering she'd felt this whole thing had been a scam I'd created just to see her again. Now she was having a hard time figuring out why I was still going along with the game, risking everything to go find and retrieve her daughter.

If she had any idea how badly my chest ached at the thought of the distance between Renesmee and myself at that second, she would have understood, and she would have forgotten any of her delusional ideas that I had come to Forks for her.

Thinking it might have been even part of the reason had been stupid on my part and on hers. I didn't know how to handle that yet. Maybe I never would.

"I don't understand," Bella murmured.

"Neither do I," Edward agreed, staring his sister suspiciously.

Alice returned his gaze. "We don't have time to debate this. Jacob has to get going before anything worse happens."

"I won't let anything worse happen," I promised instinctively, as my stomach tightened with nausea at the mere thought.

Alice smiled at me. "I know. Now, take this, and go."

Reaching into her pocket, Alice extracted a credit card and waved it in my face. I stared at it for a few moments considering rejecting. Regardless of the fact that I was feeling somewhat united with Alice at the moment, I still wasn't comfortable with taking anything from the Cullen's—especially money. I didn't want...I didn't _like_ the idea of being in their debt.

Edward shifted, showing nerves. "Just take it, Jacob."

I really didn't want _anything_ from Edward Cullen.

But the fact of the matter was that I was desperate to go after Renesmee, and I had depleted a good portion of my funds getting back to Forks. There was no way I could make it all the way to Italy on my salary. I might have been the best of the best, but I would never be upper class.

I reached out and took the card, stuffing it into my own pocket with a grimace. Alice gave me an encouraging smile, and I decided it was time to book out of there before things got any more strange and uneasy.

"I'll be back soon." I looked from Alice to Bella. "With Renesmee, I promise."

"I know," Alice told me.

She really did give me the creeps.

None of the vampires followed me to the door, which was fine by me. I let myself out and ducked into the misting of rain, averting my gaze from the dreary, gray sky that felt too much like a bad omen. I almost didn't see Sam, Leah, and Seth in my path until I was on top of them.

"What the--"

Sam caught me by the shoulders to protect us both from a collision. I stepped back after righting myself, looking at the three of them in confused suspicion. Leah and Seth were smiling smugly back at me, though Sam looked, as always, serious and grim.

"What are you guys doing?" I demanded.

"I told Sam that you shouldn't be doing this," Leah told me, "and he said that you could do whatever you wanted, so we decided that we were going to help you."

"Yeah," Seth chimed in, "so what are we doing first?"

I opened my mouth, closed it, and then looked at Sam in question. His expression remained the same, though he shrugged and gave Leah a quick glance, as if to say that she was the one making the decisions, and, perhaps, he'd agreed out of thought for his own safety. Leah did not like to be argued with.

This, however, was a different story.

"You guys can't help me. I'm going to Italy right now."

"Italy?" Seth choked.

But Leah only grinned. "I've always wanted to go to Italy. How are we getting there?"

"_I'm_ getting there by plane. The Cullen's gave me their card."

"_Oh_! Well! Looks like we're all going on a vacation thanks to a generous donation from the Cullen's!" Leah clapped her hands together in a girly, excited sort of way that was unusual for her.

If I hadn't detected her malicious intent to getting something free at the expense of the vampires, I might have been worried about her.

"No, Leah, this is my problem," I told her.

She snorted. Even Sam seemed amused.

"It's our problem too, Jacob. We've been having issues with these vampires for awhile now. We're all going with you. It's the best and smartest idea. You can't face a legion of vampires alone."

It was a good point to make, and one that had been smartly deployed to make me reconsider. I hadn't exactly enjoyed the idea of facing a coven of ancient vampires on my own, but I also hadn't given much thought to the danger, considering Ren continued to hang in the balance, and that was all that mattered at the moment.

I made a face at Leah, grimacing at the idea of involving the three of them. The problem was that, now that I was stopping to think it over, it _was_ the better choice. It was the choice with the better guarantee that the rescue mission would go over successfully. I hated the idea that I was willing to sacrifice the well-being of my friends to ensure the safety of Ren.

It made the acceptance of their offer harder to vocalize. It lodged in the back of my throat for several minutes as Leah continued to stare expectantly at me, her customary grin hanging across her lips. The urgency of time finally forced it from my mouth.

"All right. Fine. Let's go." I gestured to the three of them. "I'm sure the Cullen's won't mind the extra expense if it's a better guarantee for Renesmee."

Leah snorted. "Who cares about the expense to them! Did I mention I want to ride first class?"

"Nothing but the best for you, Clearwater," I responded.

---

**RPOV**

The cloak was the color of their blood lust.

Crimson was so much more than the shade of the Volturi's eyes. It was the thick shroud of their aura, the lust they felt for blood, the disdain they felt for humans, and the color of the royalty that made their spines rigid.

I didn't like it. I felt like a monster underneath the heavy cloth of the cloak. It made me shapeless and faceless as the sleeves slid inches past my fingers and the hood draped so far over my head that my face was a shadow, briefly showing faint mounds of shape if I turned in just the right light.

But there wasn't any light. The Volturi hid in the underground chambers in their fortress in Volterra, creeping through shadowy halls like phantoms with red eyes and vacant expressions. They were all so refined, so perfect. Nothing was out of place. Their clothes held no wrinkles but existed as if they had been permanently ironed flat. Their hair fell in whatever direction they wanted it, and it didn't move. Their makeup never smeared, and their teeth were never crooked. I had seen only one guard with a slight imperfection, but even the bump of his once-broken nose seemed to be intended.

I didn't like to be around any of them, and Aro sensed this—knew this. They let me occupy myself in the room they had given me without interruption the entire first day of my stay, and it put me more ill-at-ease than it would have if Liam had been sitting in the room with me, tapping his foot on the polished marble floor.

I was waiting for them to ask me to touch someone, to tell them what some stranger was thinking, to project my thoughts onto them. That was what they wanted, after all, tight? But the request didn't come, and I slept without being woken through my first night in the Volturi's haven, sprawled across silk sheets that made me feel like a foreigner.

I was actually glad the next morning when Liam came to fetch me from the room. I was starting to feel even smaller and more insignificant surrounded by the intricate vases propped on stands, the large, colorful painting of a landscape hung over an oak dresser, and, even, the draperies that hung around the four-poster bed I'd slept on.

To be sure that he'd retrieved me for the reason I was guessing, I brushed against him once—despite the fact that I would have rather have bitten off my own hand—and felt the shimmer of his thoughts skirt through my own. I smiled grimly.

Aro was preparing his speech, even now, to win me over to their side, formulating the best motivation to change my mind and heart, to convert me from the less prestigious ranks of vegetarian vampires to the ones with blood lust. Aro seemed to be entirely overlooking the fact that I was part human, that I had not, to this date, tasted human blood. He had told Liam his dream of me joining the ranks, and I saw that image inside of Liam's head as I brushed my arm against his, and I did not see how Aro could have imagined it as any more than a fantasy.

Despite my powers, I would never be part of the Volturi. I was part human. I stood for everything they disliked, and I felt all of those emotions they found so weak and foolish. I was also only half as strong as a normal vampire, and the only red drink I had ever cared for was fruit punch, not blood.

I didn't have anything to offer Aro. I had no interest in joining the Volturi. I didn't have the necessary drive or interest in my own personal gain to become like one of them.

But I did have something to ask of him. If this was the day that he felt like asking me for something, I felt that I had every right to ask him for something. He had, after all, completely ruined my life, chasing me away from my family, taking, more or less, everything I had for something that he wanted.

I pulled away from Liam. I stayed to the opposite side of the hall and did not brush him again, almost as if I was afraid that he could see my thoughts, that I might accidentally impress them upon him. I didn't want anyone to see the plan I had made by taking the thoughts I had pulled from someone else's mind a long time ago.

There had been moments in my brief life when I had seen my mother looking at my father in a very peculiar way. She would steal private glances at him when she felt that no one was watching, her expression becoming almost too painful to look at. It was something about the way her pupils would seem to dilate, her lips parting as if she was preparing to call my father back to her, though he was only a step or two away, sitting on the couch or leaning against the window to peer outside.

One day, I had seen this look cross my mother's face, and I had reached out and touched her on impulse. The flood of memories that had poured into my head had been overwhelming, colorful, and bleeding with the hurt that my mother could still feel aching raw inside of her from time to time.

The memory was brief and changed quickly, dancing through the streets of Volterra, past the red cloaks, racing to the clock tower as it chimed the hour. I saw her spot my father stepping out of the shadows. I felt the fear in her heart as she convulsed with the idea that she was almost too late, that my father would succeed with his death wish.

_One step,_ she had thought so clearly inside of my head, _and the Volturi would murder him like he had planned for them to. _

The rest of this memory would come in spurts, but only this part stayed etched into the filmy substance of my brain, because it had been the moment when my life had hung in the balance, when my mother had felt the most acute sense of pain, and the first time I had learned how a vampire could die.

Were there more ways to kill a vampire hybrid? I didn't know, but I only needed one. Maybe I didn't sparkle like a vampire, but there _were_ other ways to create a scene.


	22. Collectibles

**Author Notes: **Understand that this chapter is short, but that it's necessary. I had to convey a certain amount of information to you all from a certain vampire's viewpoint, and it was based more on information than action, so it's a tad bit short. But enjoy the ride anyway, because I had to go a little crazy to get into the vampire king's head!

* * *

**Aro POV**

"Do you think she'll accept?"

I glanced toward my friend, my esteemed colleague in the underbelly of Volterra—that was what he was: a colleague, not a henchmen. I respected my worker bees. Together he and I and all the others were the consistency of the soul of the vampire nation that lurked in the shadows of the human population.

"Demetri," I chided him gently, rolling the gold ring on my index finger with my thumb, "it's so much more than that now."

"More than that?" Demetri repeated.

Standing near her brother, Jane glanced my way. She was my little porcelain doll—the only baby ever robbed from the cradle aside from her brother. Little Jane with her golden hair and evil stare and her deliciously painful mind games. She was my favorite worker bee. She was the one that understood best how the hive functioned, and how she kept it functioning.

She turned her head just slightly, staring carefully in my direction when she had been, moments before, watching the door, waiting for Renesmee Cullen to appear with Liam. She was so smart—my little one—even smarter than Demetri. She had already guessed my game. I could tell by the downward curl of the left side of her mouth.

She did not like Jacob Black. She did not want him involved.

"Yes, yes," I purred. She would understand one day. "If we have little Nessie, we have Jacob Black."

I continued to roll the ring, smiling bemusedly at Demetri's blank expression. He still did not understand, but it was not his job to understand. That was why I was king, president, and leader of this little band of blood thieves, because I knew everything. I knew how to work all these lovely little happenings of life to my advantage. It was not his fault. It was why he was the worker bee.

He wouldn't understand the value of a werewolf—a shapeshifter. He saw only the bare essentials of what made up Jacob Black. He knew only that he was the enemy that required termination. He did not consider the advantages of all of that lovely raw power wrapped up in that smelly package of fur.

"Renesmee's gifts are magnificent, my friend, but Jacob is a rare gem himself. What would our greatest enemies think of Jacob Black?"

Jane's curling lip curled some more, furrowing into a frown that did not become her porcelain, child face. I smiled at it. I waved my hand as if to beckon it away, but I went back to rolling my ring and staring at Demetri, because those ancient cogs of his brain began to rotate once again.

"You want to use him too?"

I smiled. "Why, of course! Why not? Yes, it is a bit odd considering our natural aversion to one another, but could you imagine such an alliance? Could you fathom the benefits?"

Demetri could, I began to see, fathom such benefits. The smile that acknowledged this began to bloom as the doors to my audience chamber swung inward and in stepped Renesmee—spawn of witty Edward and quiet Bella—and Liam, my newest hunter. She looked rather nice, I did believe, in her crimson cloak. The colors of the Volturi suited her exquisitely!

To me, it was but a match set somewhere in the other realms of life—those far away, other worldly places that acknowledged those of us vampires, those of us dead humans, those of us soulless creatures. There was such a place, I did believe, but I would never visit it. I would live forever within the fortress of my vampire army, and, oh, if only a Cullen would join us. If only a werewolf would join our side.

It would be the thing of legends that far surpassed the name we had already made.

But I knew that these magnificent feats would not be accomplished easily. Like the image of her father several years ago, Renesmee Cullen held an expression on her face that I had seen before. I understood resolution. I respected the making up and keeping of a mind, but I sorely wished it was not a mind made up against _me_!

The things that I could offer her!

But I knew—Yes, I knew—that she would be tempted by none.

Like her father, Renesmee suffered from the human affliction of love. I had seen it in the touching of her palm upon her first arrival. I had learned of it through Liam, through thoughts of his own. I knew it now, as if I felt it too, as if my own affections resided where ever Jacob Black might be. I had not him to bargain with, and I knew that this was the only chip to win.

I pressed my fingers into an arching, white steeple, and I examined Renesmee over the top of them, offering her my most pleasant of smiles, my most indulgent of expressions, though I knew, already, how this conversation would end. We were both stubborn creatures. We would not meet in the middle today.

Oh, but soon! Soon!

I saw her face in the shadows of the hood of her crimson cloak. I thought again that she would make a lovely Volturi. One day soon. Yes, Renesmee—I would have her to replace my lacking Edward and Bella and Alice. Oh, the lengths I would go to!

"Ms. Cullen, I hope that our accommodations have been adequate?"

Renesmee nodded. Polite little girl.

"Yes."

I smiled wider. I smiled, because I already knew how this would end. I needn't touch her hand to see. That would be part of the fun, part of the excitement in discovering how she planned to do the same feat her father had once desired.

"I believe you know why I brought you here."

"Yes."

I leaned forward. "And?"

I knew. I knew already.

"I have to decline," she said. "I have other plans for my life."

I splayed my hands. "And those would be?"

"I come seeking death."

Ah yes. I knew this, and yet I couldn't seem to know this, so I stopped smiling, and I frowned as to be expected, and I played serious like she wanted to see to know that I took her seriously. I leaned back into my plump throne, resting my hands on the arms of the chair. I assumed my most regal, decision-deciding stance, and I studied Renesmee with quiet respect.

She was brave for all her weakness of being part human.

"Ah, I see, Renesmee, and how do you plan to find it?"

She did not hesitate. "I hope to have your help."

I drew in a deep breath, and I released it on a sigh. I put on my paternal face, and I shook my head sadly at her. Did she not see how valuable she truly was? Did she not understand the lengths I would go through to keep her? Silly girl, but, then again, she _was_ part human.

"I cannot do that, Renesmee, for you see, I find you far too precious to kill," I told her, sadly. "I urge you to reconsider your reasoning for coming to Volterra."

Renesmee seemed to have expected this answer, just as I had expected her question. She had other plans already. She did not need me in a very direct way to consent to her death. She was reckless like her father. She would try his methods. She was aware of the game.

"I'm not interested in joining the Volturi, Aro. My apologies."

"Yes, I see that now," I told her. "I fear there is nothing left to say then."

Renesmee shook her head. "No. I agree, there's not. I'll be leaving then."

She nodded her head to me in a parting gesture, and, when Liam moved to stop her, I beckoned him away. I made him allow her to leave. Renesmee would not go far. She did not plan to leave Volterra. I had seen this act before, and I knew that we would, shortly, be seeing her again.

I waited for her to leave the chamber, her long, red cloak sweeping the floor behind her. I turned to Liam, and I shrugged.

"Follow her. Discreetly. Do not act until she does. You will know the right time, and then you will bring her back to me, unharmed. Understood?"

"Yes," my worker bee said.

"Go."

He went. He followed Renesmee Cullen out into the streets of Italy, and I anxiously awaited to see what her end of the game would be.

I knew her secrets, and I knew her weaknesses. She was my pawn now, playing into my hand. I did not completely understand the complexity of an imprint, but I understood the bond that now bound a vampire to a werewolf, and I found it immensely interesting.

I would use this bond to my advantage.

And if that did not work? Well, unfortunately, I could only bend the laws to my will to such an extent. Rebellion past what I had planned for Renesmee and her wolf would result in the unfortunate initiation of deadly action I had, thus far, kept from occurring.

It would be a shame to see such a waste, but, in the end, Renesmee Cullen had already broken many of our laws. The first time had occurred when she had been born.

If she went on with her suicidal plan, she would break yet another. The first had already been attached with a warrant for death. The second would surely force it home.

Unless Renesmee played her part.

Unless her pet decided to come when he was called.


	23. Meet Me at the Clock Tower

**EPOV**

"Bella."

Alice had quietly left the room. She felt the tension as well as Jasper would have, had he and the others not been miles away hunting, and she understood that removing her presence was exactly what I wanted her to do. When she was gone, it left only Bella and I in the living room with the lingering smell of Jacob Black. I could taste, as well, faint licks of his blood in the air, and, for some reason, this made me aware—painfully so—of the absence of another scent, a different heartbeat.

All these years had passed, and still I wondered if I had made the right decision. Changing Bella had been one that had quickly left the grasp of my control, but the need to change her was one choice that I had inflicted upon everyone.

Perhaps if I hadn't wavered, hadn't faltered in that one desperate moment in Volterra before stepping out into the sun, struck with memories that were so painful I had been unable to decide whether I had wanted to live or die with them, I could have saved everyone from disaster.

Bella would have continued to live, and she would have flourished with the tender care administered by Jacob. She would have aged and loved and laughed, and she would have conceived and carried children to the normal term, children that wouldn't have risked killing her by their own raw strength. Her heart would have continued to beat. Her blood would have continued to spread through her veins and smell so honey-sweet.

Did she regret that decision to stop me now? Did she think back upon her valiant rescue underneath the clock tower with bitterness and despair?

"Yes?"

I felt the shield around her. I felt how it closed off her thoughts, and how my attempt to read them was but a tickling of feathers against a metal surface. I wished for the ability to see what she felt, to know, right then, what she was thinking, but her thoughts were only shown to me when she chose the moment to exert her shield to encompass me.

She did not choose so now. She kept the pain in her eyes concealed in her heart.

"Bella, I saw a few troubling images pass through Jacob's head."

I felt all of the years of my age pressing upon me in that moment. The two of us would live forever in perfection, but we would _feel_ the differences. We would _feel _many things.

Like how I felt, at this very moment, a great amount of guilt and apprehension. My daughter had disappeared, and I had been unable to find her, and now I knew her exact location and could do nothing to save her. Again, the life of someone I loved more than life itself was placed into the hands of Jacob Black.

Would I always play the unwilling villain in this dance?

"Oh?" She seemed to be feigning polite interest, though her thoughts were miles away. "What do you mean?"

Many would think it impossible for a vampire to feel fatigue, but I saw the way it was clinging to Bella in that moment, and my resolve began to crumble. I had seen only ghosts of thoughts in Jacob's head. He had concealed most of them from me carefully, keeping me out of his memories of the past few weeks that might have included my daughter.

But he hadn't, in those long minutes before his departure, been able to keep me completely out. Could I say that I didn't feel a hint of jealousy to know that they had shared a room alone, even for the briefest span of fifteen minutes? Even I couldn't turn a blind eye to the fact that Jacob and Bella had once been close.

And why had his thoughts been on a kiss for just a fleeting second after leaving the room? A kiss with lips that had no face. I could see nothing more.

Did it matter right now? When so much hung in the balance?

If Jacob would be the man to return Renesmee to us, could I begin to criticize him as I would have liked to? Those matters were for a different day, and, perhaps, a private conversation with Jacob.

"Nothing," I told her. "It was nothing."

Bella blinked, and she seemed to see me again. I could see my reflection in her eyes now. I could see right down into that chocolate expanse of iris, and I could see the way that she was weakening, the way that she was afraid.

"Bella..."

I stepped forward, and she ducked into my arms. The feel of her cheek pressed to my chest was the only thing in the world that I needed at that moment. I encircled her with my arms, carefully caressing the back of her head, the silk of her hair. I felt her breath in deep against my shirt.

"Don't worry, love. Everything will be fine."

Would it? It was my fault that we were here.

It was_ my_ fault that Renesmee had thought of Italy, of the Volturi.

---

**RPOV**

So this is what it felt like: that one moment before I cornered my prey. I felt my heart thumping against my ribs as I pulled my cloak closer, sliding through the crowd gathered in the street for some sort of festival or market or something that I hadn't quite paid enough attention to. They didn't notice me. To them, I was just another heartbeat, another face in the crowd, though mine was covered with a low hood that I hadn't yet had the guts to push back.

Did I want him to see my face?

He was not tall or muscular. He was short and thin and wouldn't pose much of a physical threat to me. He was tanned from a lifetime in the sunlight that would never be won from the orange glow of a tanning bed, but, rather, from hard work in a field, harvesting grapes. He had thick, curly black hair, but it was short, and it didn't cover his neck. He wore nice white pants and a shirt left unbuttoned to expose his strong, veined neck.

I felt my stomach roll in apprehension. I had never tasted blood.

But I was strong—stronger than any normal human though not an equal to pure-blooded vampires by any means—and I knew that I could take him in the streets, and I could sink in my teeth and spill his blood down the front of the t-shirt that I wore, and I would ruin his perfect white pants.

I would kill him so that _they_ would kill _me_.

I didn't have the nerve to look around, to seek a face of the Volturi in the crowd, but I knew that they were there. They were always watching and waiting. They kept order and peace and secrets, and I was about to destroy all of it.

Would they even let me get as far as to bite the man I had targeted? The short, thin man leaned easily against the brick wall of a building. Directly to the left of this building was a clock tower. It had tolled out the hour five minutes before. It was close to one o' clock in the evening. The sun was all but directly overhead. I could feel it burning down on me, making the crowd of humans sweat as they bumped and jostled each other, laughing and shouting and talking.

I wondered what his name was as I stepped into his line of view, and he smiled at me. For some reason, the smile made me think of Jacob, and I momentarily flinched away from my objective.

But wasn't that what this was all about? Jacob and my parents and their safety?

My continued existence would come with the threat of the Volturi's wrath. They would never leave me be until I had converted or been murdered, and I couldn't risk them punishing my family along the way. Jacob was yet another reason on a long list of why I had to bite the man with the white pants.

The love I had begun to feel for him was unbearable. It was almost as bad as death to know that he would not love me back. However the imprint worked, it was crushing me. I needed him to love me, and, if he wouldn't, I would solve the problem for both of us. I was being an overly dramatic Juliet, I knew, but Romeo had loved Juliet. Mine didn't love me. He wasn't even Romeo at all.

He was some random member of the chorus that had accidentally stepped onto the wrong stage and spoken the wrong lines.

White pants smiled at me, opened his mouth to say something, and I pressed a finger to his lips. He looked a little confused by this, but, thinking that I was flirting with him, his smile turned into an easy grin, and he lifted one eyebrow at me as if to say, "I'm waiting."

I didn't want to hear him speak. I didn't want to know the sound of his voice or hear what he had to say. I didn't want him to seem any more like a human being than he had to. He was the unfortunate victim of my tragic fate, and it was not his fault. With any luck, the Volturi would kill me long before I succeeded in killing him.

If not, I would kill him quickly and as painlessly as possible.

I was going to throw up. Could I really go through with this? This man had never done anything to me. Was it fair to pick him out of the hundreds filling the streets?

One of the hundreds bumped into me, pushing momentarily against my back, and I pulled myself out of my thoughts. It was the moment of action, to do or to flee. If I fled, I knew that the Volturi would pursue. They'd keep coming until I joined them or died.

At the very least, I wanted to be the one that picked my fate out of the two.

I pushed my hood back, letting it fall away so that my curls could bounce free, and the sun could shine directly into my face. No one would be able to mistake who I was. When I murdered this man, they would point at the bronze haired, brown eyed girl, and they would scream that I was the heartless killer, the monster, the demon.

I would be the devil that this city so greatly feared.

White pants puckered his lips to kiss the finger I'd forgotten to remove from his lips, and I flinched.

He wasn't Jacob.

Why was I so attached to the man that hated me? To the man I'd barely had time to fall in love with? Saddened by the thought, I let my hand fall to his chest, let my fingers curl around his open shirt collar and pull him forward. I had never exerted the full measure of my strength. In fact, I really wasn't sure how strong I was, but he moved forward obediently anyway, pressing his body against mine. He was simply a stranger looking for a bit of fun, maybe a night of love-making. To him, I was just a pretty girl that was coming onto him.

I couldn't help but to stare at his neck. I could see one well-defined vein. I wondered if I was hearing the sound of his blood or my own roaring inside my head.

He said something—speaking quietly in a language I didn't understand—but I barely heard him. I realized that I had already waited too long. I started to duck forward, and so did he, thinking I was about to kiss him. He had no idea I was already envisioning his death.

I felt my throat constrict. I didn't want to taste blood.

But I had to do it. I had to.

My lips parted, and I slid past his lips, past his cheek, toward the vulnerable neck. I thought of Jacob. That stubborn ass that fate had stuck me with like some cruel joke to laugh me to my death.

"He's not your type, sweetheart."

_What? _

A hand closed around my wrist, forcing me to release the man with white pants, and then it jerked me, forcing me around. The sun was a bright glare, and, for a moment, I only saw the tall, muscular silhouette.

But I knew who it was, even without having heard the voice. I felt his presence like it was part of my own soul, singing through my body until everything inside of me seemed to hum in desperate yearning.

"Do you mind?" I hissed, ridiculously angry, trying not to cry. "I'm trying to kill myself."

Jacob came into focus, the sun becoming his backdrop. He was so tall and broad and tanned like the man with white pants. Everything about him radiated heat and energy. I wanted to scream at him, to pound my fist against his chest.

What the hell was he doing here? Hadn't he already done enough?

I felt humiliated all over again. I heard white pants say something behind my back. I couldn't understand it, but it sounded irritated. I thought he must have been addressing Jacob, because he shot the man a look that would have made Aro flinch.

And then he looked at me, and I saw myself in his eyes, and I felt like I was being swallowed whole. I couldn't read his expression. I couldn't tell what he was thinking. I didn't know if he was angry or upset. I didn't even know why the hell he was here after having told me that I was the last thing that he wanted.

That was what was horrible about this. I hardly knew Jacob yet. I didn't know his moods or his expressions. All I knew was that I needed him like some horrible addiction, and it was going to kill me, I knew. If not now, then later.

"Kill yourself?" he repeated.

"Yes," I snapped. "I'm done being a pawn."

"Are you--"

Jacob's voice was choked with anger. That I could tell. It was too raw not to identify on the spot. I could feel it beating against me. It was all aimed toward me. I felt small and short and helpless standing there next to him, and it made me angry as well.

"Are you fucking_ stupid_?" he demanded.

I sucked in a breath. "_What_? You asshole! What do mean--"

I didn't see it coming. I didn't know how anyone could go from such possessive anger to passion, but I felt the change against my lips as Jacob caught me up by the arms and slammed his mouth against mine. His hands went to my face, clutching like I would dissolve, as he kissed me harder. It almost hurt.

Maybe it _did_ hurt. I couldn't tell, because my soul was sighing in relief, reunited with its other half that it had been yearning for. Even though I should have punched him right in the face. I should have knocked him out with whatever vampire strength I possessed. The insufferable, stubborn bastard.

"I don't know what to do," he groaned against my mouth. "_You're_ driving me crazy. _These feelings_ are driving me crazy."

He always had to ruin a perfect moment. I felt my heart wither. He was just reacting to his imprint. He didn't really want me.

"Why did you come?"

He wouldn't let go of my face. I felt him shake me a little.

"Ren, if you ever try to kill yourself again, _I'll_ kill you."

I looked up, frowning, hurting. Why couldn't he make up his mind? Maybe being bipolar was a wolf gene. I was standing in Volterra, Italy where he had chased and found me, and now he couldn't even decide whether or not he felt anything for me, because, I knew, without saying exactly that, it was exactly what he _was_ saying.

He didn't want to be a victim of his fate, and he was now preventing me from not being one of mine.

"Let me go, Jacob."

"No." He pulled me forward, into his arms. "Look, I don't know how to handle this. I don't know what to do. Just come back to Forks with me. Give me time."

I hated the fact that he could ask me to do anything, to go anywhere, and my heart was ready to obey, just like that. I didn't want him to know that he had such control over me when I obviously had no hold over him.

"Jacob."

I started at the sound of a female voice. Jacob turned automatically, and I saw, over his shoulder, the only female wolf of his pack, surrounded by her brother and Sam, the grumpiest werewolf of their pack.

The three of them looked out of place in the crowd. They were all tall like Jake, and something about them suggested more than natural strength.

"What?" Jacob asked.

Leah shifted, nodding her head to gesture toward a darkened doorway. Two of the Volturi guard stood there, watching the group of us with disgust and open curiosity. They were paying particular attention to Jacob's friends, as if they were a surprise they hadn't quite bargained on.

I suspected that they were waiting, watching for their chance to kill me or drag me back into the underground lair they called home, but the materialization of four wolves was not something that was in their game plan. With angry scowls, they disappeared back into the shadows of the doorway. I felt a chill race down my back.

"I'm taking you home, Ren," Jacob told me.

His hands had fallen, and one now took my hand firmly into its grasp, as if I would try to run away from him. I could feel the tension roll off of him at the close brush of a Volturi encounter. I thought, though, that he would be able to see that the Volturi hadn't been eager to deal with wolves.

"Jacob--"

"Whatever you want to talk about, we'll discuss it on the plane back. We're getting out of here. Your bloodsucking friends don't seem like the type to let anything go without a fight."

"They're afraid of you."

Jacob nodded. "To an extent, but that was only two vampires. I'm sure there are more of them here somewhere."

He was right. Everything felt very foolish now—the suicide attempt, the running away, the plotting to take my destiny into my own hands. All of my plans felt ugly in the sunlight of Volterra. I felt dirtied just by the idea of killing another human, and I felt like a puppet, like even that hadn't really been my choice.

Jacob was right, of course. The Volturi wouldn't take anything lying down, and, now that I had lost the opportunity for suicide, they would see me leaving with Jacob, and that was not one of their preferred alternatives.

I looked up at Jake, at the determined set of his jaw, and I saw how vulnerable he was.

"Okay, I'll go back with you," I told him.

But I hated how it felt like we were running in circles, that we would be back to this place again.


	24. Up In The Air

"Jake, you're hurting my fingers."

Shit. "Sorry."

I tried to ease the death grip I had on Ren's hand. I hadn't let go of that hand since we'd hopped the plane in Italy to head back home. I couldn't trust that Ren wouldn't disappear on those streets, sucked down into the mouth of the pit that the vampires kept underground. Reunited with her, my soul seemed content, but I was still in turmoil.

This was way too much to handle at once. I'd fallen in love in the flash of a second, lost her through my own stubbornness to accept the imprint, and suffered until I had found her again. I couldn't deny how right it felt to have her next to me, buckled safely into the seat beside me as the plane lumbered through the sky, taking us home.

I couldn't deny how much I wanted her, or how pissed off I had been when I'd seen her cuddling up to that Italian guy in Volterra, but that still didn't make things any easier. How could I accept something like this? How could I work through this?

It seemed like imprinting should have come with a manual.

Less than forty-eight hours ago, Bella had kissed me. Like some twisted rendition of one of my dreams, _she'd_ actually kissed _me_. I couldn't say that it had been rewarding, or that I could ignore the desperation I had felt in her lips, but it didn't dampen my curiosity as to why she had kissed me. Had she still had feelings for me all of this time? Or was she suffering from jealousy of losing the limelight?

I glanced sideways at Ren, who was staring uncertainly out the window at the clouds, and I couldn't make it matter _why_ Bella had kissed me. I had felt nothing. The one thing I had dreamed of had turned out completely insubstantial.

It didn't seem fair.

"I'm an asshole," I said.

Ren straightened, turning to look at me. "What?"

"I'm an asshole," I repeated. "I'm sorry for the things that I said to you. It was stupid. I wasn't thinking."

A variety of emotions traversed through Ren's eyes before her brows slowly began to bunch in the middle. She was staring at me like she didn't really know what to make of me, or whether or not she wanted to believe me.

"I just don't know how to handle this. I've been alone for a long time. I didn't want to fall in love with anyone else."

There were small bruises underneath Ren's eyes, contrasting dully with her pale complexion. She seemed wary of me now, as if even talking to me drained her strength. I felt guilty and annoyed with myself that I'd repulsed her like that. I really needed to start considering things before I said them. I kept getting myself into more trouble than I needed.

And I knew that I couldn't let Ren stay mad at me. Whatever I wanted to feel, or pretended to feel, she'd become a fixture of my life—an incredibly important one. Thinking that she might be pissed at me was torture. It made me want to writhe in my seat, and it made me want to be angry that I wanted to writhe.

"I didn't want this either," she reminded me, quietly.

"I know," I said, feeling like a creep. "I'm sorry."

She considered my apology, and then, very carefully, she turned her hand over so that our palms met, and she laced her fingers with mine. Warmth spread through me immediately, and my soul gave another little pleased sigh like it could melt into heaven right about then. This was so messed up, but it was what I seemed to want.

Home had become where ever Renesmee was.

"All right," she said. "I forgive you. We'll find a way to work through this, okay?"

She was a saint, or maybe she was just as bound by the curse of the imprint as I was. Maybe she was feeling as helpless as I did to feel anything other than what the imprint wanted me to feel.

"Okay," I agreed.

I would have agreed to anything for her. A sliver of sunlight peeked through the hole of the window, washing over her bronze hair, capturing her in the moment. I could hear Seth snoring in the seat behind me, though his sister had attempted to nudge him in the ribs to shut him up several times. Sam sat across the aisle from us, looking sternly in the other direction, still not quite comfortable with anything even part vampire or me being associated with it.

It _was_ messed up, but I thought that he should have understood it more than anyone else. Despite how I had loved Bella, it was a hollow echo compared to what I felt for Ren now. She was in my system, clogging everything up so painfully that it felt good. I could feel her heart beating. I could hear the breath she drew in through her nose.

When she looked at me, nothing else existed.

She shifted in her seat, edging closer to me, her face tilting back to look up at mine. I took the invitation wordlessly, taking her mouth against mine, tasting her lips. It was wrong for a lot of reasons, and there were plenty of excuses to be made, but an imprint was powerful business, and there was nothing I wanted more at that moment than to kiss her.

The little voice of protest in the back of my skull took several minutes to be heard. When I pulled away, I was regretful, reluctant. Part of me didn't want to fight this anymore. It was exhausting. Ren seemed to understand. I could see it in her expression, though she looked pretty tranquil now, as if everything had just fallen into place.

"I just need time," I told her. "I just need to think. I can't think when I kiss you. We have to slow down."

She squeezed my hand, her fingers pressing into my knuckles, and I saw a glimpse of us in the shower together, tangled up so that there was no beginning and no end to either of us. It wedged a hot lump in my throat, and it was gone as soon as I could blink.

"That's cheating," I told her.

But I kissed her again despite myself. I felt her lips curve against mine. The structure of my sanity was crumbling.

"We're making Leah angry," Ren whispered against my mouth.

"What?" I could only see Leah's arm through the space between our seats. "How do you know?"

Renesmee smiled. I was toast. This was it. There was nothing else outside of her. Someone was angry in the back of my head.

"She's digging her knee into the back of my seat pretty aggressively," she told me.

Leah hated vampires, even half-breeds. I hadn't understood why she had wanted to take this trip with me to begin with. I didn't figure that she really cared one way or the other about Renesmee. But I was glad that she had came. I was glad that all of them had come. It had proven to work immensely in my favor during my very brief encounter with Aro.

The sonofabitch.

I stared down at Renesmee's coy smile, feeling everything twist up inside of me. I had met with king vampire almost directly after arriving in Volterra. I'd gone looking for him, and his henchmen had found me. I'd had a brief conference with the fuck, and he'd told me that, but two seconds before I'd arrived, Renesmee had gone out into the streets to end her life, or attempt to.

I hadn't gotten much more out of my mouth than, "Stay the fuck away from her," before I'd taken off with Leah, Sam, and Seth trailing behind me. Aro hadn't tried to stop us. I had seen the apprehension in his eyes at the sight of four werewolves rather than one. I had a feeling he had been expecting me, but not my guests.

Whatever he'd been planning, we had ruined it.

I kissed Renesmee again, hungrily, anxiously. As much as my feelings for her freaked me out, I didn't want to lose her. I couldn't stop wondering what the vampire had up his sleeve.

I kept the thoughts carefully guarded in my head. I'd share them all at once, with everyone involved, and then we'd go from there.

---

I lingered on at the front door of the Cullen's place, hesitating as Ren tried to urge me forward by pulling me by the hand. Having to see Bella, Edward, and their daughter all in one place was a very skewed version of what I had once wanted. It was like stepping into an alternate reality that I didn't understand or know my footing for.

Not to mention, I wasn't too anxious to have the conversation I knew I would be forced to initiate.

I felt a bit outnumbered and overwhelmed stepping into the den of a small coven of vampires, and halfheartedly wished that the others hadn't copped out and went home. They'd done their bit by escorting me in and out of Volterra, so I couldn't hold it against them that they'd had their fill of vampires.

Still, I wished that I had someone to take my side when this all went over.

Like she was listening, Ren squeezed my hand, gave me another tug, and I knew that I couldn't hold out any longer. I followed her into the house, drawing in an anxious breath, and trudged my way into the living room.

Unlike my last visit, the house was full of all of the Cullen's.

Alice was perched on the banister of the stairs. Jasper was standing just a few feet away, watching her warily, though she seemed to have more balance than even the most skilled circus performer.

Emmett's bulk took up most of the couch, and Rosalie was squeezed in to what was left, staring sourly at me. Carlisle and Esme emerged from the kitchen. Bella and Edward were already standing in the middle of the room. I felt a stream of curse words run through my head.

"Dad," Renesmee said.

Edward didn't answer. It took me a full minute to realize that he was staring at my hand, noticing, right away, that it was holding his daughter's, and it was more than the hand-holding. I felt the change as well. It was almost imperceptible, but, when Renesmee caught on to what her father had fixated on, she'd taken an innocent step back, and she'd aligned herself with me.

I felt my chest swell with satisfaction, with proprietorship.

Renesmee was mine.

Edward's eyes lifted to my face abruptly, and I felt them burning me, darkening into an anger I had never seen on his face before.

Shit. I'd forgotten to conceal my thoughts.

Gloating over Renesmee's subtle move toward me, I'd allowed a flood of memories, of thoughts, of feelings, to transmit themselves through my mind like bright, neon lights flashing.

"You didn't."

His voice was flat and dangerous, barely more than a growl. I saw the way it took the rest of the Cullen's off guard, the way that Bella gave a start and looked at him like she'd suddenly realized that she was standing next to a stranger. I could feel the tension swelling.

Only Alice didn't look surprised.

I swallowed, tried to think of what to say. I didn't think that it would be the right thing to engage in a fight to the death with the father of the girl I might die without, even though I still felt like Eddie had it coming to him. Still, it wasn't the right way to go about this. We were all going to have to work together, in all likelihood, at some point in the near future, and hostility was not something we should have in the mix.

Unfortunately, Edward was reading my thoughts faster than I could hide them.

"You son of a bitch," he hissed.

I fucking hated working together.

"Edward," Bella gasped in disbelief.

She started to reach for him, but Edward waved her off, barely seeing her.

"Edward, what's wrong?" Carlisle asked.

Edward's hands were clenching, going limp, and then clenching again at his sides. I wondered if we would have to get the hostility out right then and there with a fist fight before we could move forward. I couldn't say that I would regret it.

"He—He imprinted," Edward told the room, his voice dark and horrified. "He imprinted on Renesmee."

The whole room was one, big collective intake of breath.

Except Alice. She was smiling.

I scowled at her as Renesmee took an apprehensive step sideways, tucking herself against me. It spawned a burst of heat in my chest, and it took everything I had not to think about our shower scene. I wished she hadn't taken that step. I didn't think she realized yet what every little movement she made did to me.

"You—You _what_? Are you—Did you really, Jacob?"

It was Bella. It was Bella asking me if I had imprinted on her daughter, Bella wondering if that included all the implications that I had, more or less, fallen in love with her, becoming her slave, to forever worship and love and idolize her in a way that was painful and passionate. It was Bella who was slowly computing what I had said to her in the room with the piano, and what it now meant.

She was putting two and two together to equal the idea that I didn't love her anymore, because I loved her_ daughter_. I could see her blanch.

Renesmee's hand was wound tightly into mine. With her palm pressing against mine, I felt the connection and the power of the simple gesture that Bella was swallowing like she would have swallowed rocks.

"Yes," I said, flatly.

Edward made a very feral noise that sounded like a growl resonating in his chest. I had heard it before, and I had seen that look before too. Both things had been reactions to a moment in the past when I had challenged him for Bella.

The difference was, that time, everyone knew that I would fail. This time, I was already the victor. I was already the winner of the thing he wanted to keep away from me.

"Oh my God," Bella mumbled.

She staggered sideways a little, receding back to a sofa not occupied where she dropped unceremoniously.

I couldn't tell which vampire in the room was taking this the worst.

Rosalie was glaring at me like I'd stolen her prized doll, Edward was about to the point where he looked like he would have drank my blood if only just to kill me, and Emmett was staring at me with a dutiful sort of distrust, as if he hated me because Rosalie did.

"It wasn't exactly planned," I told the room in general.

"We're working through it," Ren added.

"Yes," Alice chimed in as well. "We all know mating works in strange ways. I'm sure everyone will allow you both the space you need."

She was practically glowing. I really wanted to hate Alice. Embarrassment, awkwardness, and an incredible, gloating smugness were all weighing on my shoulders. I wasn't sure which one was going to balance, and which one would fall.

"Look," I said, "that isn't even what's important right now."

"Oh?" Edward snarled.

Time didn't change things. Edward was still on the top of my list of people I really wanted to sock right in the mouth.

"Yeah," I growled back. "What's important is the fact that the Volturi are after Ren."

"_Nessie_," Rosalie corrected me, as if by instinct.

I made a face at her. I'd call her whatever I damn well wanted to. She was _my_ mate after all.

"I spoke to the Volturi," I went on.

I felt Ren stiffen at my side. I glanced down at her to find her looking up at me. Her face had gone paler than normal, making her eyes look like two black orbs of fear. I felt slightly guilty for not having confessed on the plane about my really, really brief meeting with Aro, but there was nothing I could do about that right now.

"What do you mean?" Edward demanded. "What did they say to you?"

Bella had dropped her face into her hands on the couch.

"They didn't say much. It was more of me telling them to stay away from Renesmee," I admitted, "but I could tell what they really wanted to say. They weren't surprised that _I _was there. They were surprised that I brought three members of my pack _with_ me."

Edward's angry expression faltered, riddled with apprehension. It felt like he'd lowered the point of his blade away from my throat, and I could breathe a little easier.

"I mean that Aro seemed like he was expecting me, and they didn't try to stop me when I took Ren back," I told him. "There's something wrong with that scene if they've been chasing Ren all over the U.S. until now."

There was a pause, and then Carlisle spoke up, saying, "He's right."

Edward glanced at his father and then back at me. He looked like he wanted to go back to a few seconds before when all he'd had to worry about was how he'd wanted to murder me in the most painful way possible. I almost would have preferred that too.

"What are you thinking, Jacob?" Edward asked.

I was a little grateful that he didn't just probe my brain and find out, though that would have been easier.

"I'm thinking that Aro has something in mind for Renesmee, but he wasn't prepared to defend her from a pack of werewolves," I admitted. "I'm thinking that this is only a minor setback for them, and that the Volturi will be back in Forks again, and they'll be wanting Renesmee back."

It was the truth that no one wanted to hear.

Least of all, me.


	25. Sam Sees What I Don't

The airplane ride home from Volterra had signified a lot of things for me. More than anything, it meant the beginning of a relationship with Renesmee that promised to be filled with uncertainty, heat, and need. From the moment she had aligned herself with me in the living room of her parent's house, I'd felt the connection between us solidified. Regardless what choices I thought I had—or should have—in the matter, Renesmee was my only option for a love life if I so chose to have one. I knew that I wouldn't be able to love anyone else when my test with Bella had failed miserably.

A kiss from the woman I had gone to lengths to have, to hold to, had felt like a platonic kiss—something I would have received from a parent or relative. It was a brief thing that couldn't even force a stirring of feeling.

It sealed the deal for me in the love department. I would either love Renesmee, or I would be a miserable, self-loathing hermit for the rest of my life.

But my pride wasn't an easy thing to swallow. It never had been. It had, after all, been the source that had driven me to run from La Push rather than stay in the reservation and watch the woman I loved—or had loved—marry another man. Pride also made it difficult to concede to what fate had dealt me. It couldn't quite matter that I had begun to have feelings for Renesmee before that pivotal point, because it still hadn't been something that I had decided on with finality.

This argument, however, didn't make much of a difference. The feelings were there now, and there was nothing to do but embrace them or suffer for ignoring them.

And suffer was exactly what I would do. The ache I felt when Ren wasn't near me was excruciating. I needed to see her, to hear her. I had to be there to protect her. If anything happened to her, it would kill me.

That was why I decided to compromise.

I decided that I would not yet return to Florida, but I would also, not yet, throw myself headlong into the relationship that my imprint so desperately desired. I had to ease myself into it like one would lower themselves down a ladder into a frigid pool that had not yet lost the enthusiastic cold of spring. It was the only option that made sense to me, and the only one that would even begin to appease the warring sides inside of me.

So, after bringing Renesmee home and suffering through pointed glares and accusations from her family, I had waited until everything had settled, until we'd all, in some manner, agreed that we would have to work together and be on our guard to keep each other safe, and I had told Renesmee that I would be staying in La Push. I told her, in awkward, uncharismatic terms, that I wanted to start our relationship from the beginning.

If I decided to cave—once and for all—to the imprint, I wanted to do it on my terms and the _right _way. I wasn't old fashioned, but I did think that courting had its purposes, and I respected them. It also made me feel like I had more of a choice in the matter. This way, I could be near Renesmee and appease the beast of my imprint, but I could also have my space to mull things over and come to terms with them.

And maybe, eventually, this awful fucking sense of awkwardness would wear off.

It was something to hope for, even though my life seemed to be filled with little moments of awkwardness, including my decision to move back in with my father for the time being. When I'd showed up at his door, neither one of us had been able to completely ignore the thick presence of our unresolved conflict in the room.

Namely, this conflict sprouted from the fact that I'd deserted La Push, shouldered off my responsibilities to the pack, and had all but sprinted to Florida without a trace and hardly a word. I didn't blame him for feeling betrayed, but I also didn't know how to apologize for it.

So neither one of us said anything, which resulted in a lot of silence when we were in the same room together. It was how I spent my first week back. My pack gave me space to re-acclimate myself to my home, and Ren stopped by twice a day just to talk, to help me ease into our possible relationship. It was easier for her to come to my house, considering we didn't have a whole clan of vampires breathing down our necks with every word we spoke.

Ren told me that her family had started to adjust to the idea of me, though it was taking Bella and Edward longer. I had known that it would, but I didn't feel very motivated to go back to the Cullen house and attempt to smooth things over. I couldn't exactly swallow past grudges against Edward, and seeing Bella was the most awkward of awkwardness on my awkward list.

Plus, I was generally just trying to pretend like the Cullen's didn't exist, or, at the very least, that they weren't related to Renesmee. It made the whole courting thing a lot easier when I wasn't considering Renesmee's ancestry, and how screwed up it was that things had turned out this way.

For the time being, I just wanted to be Jake and Ren, and I wanted to imagine that neither of us were anything but human.

It was a wonderful little fantasy to indulge in, but it was complete shit, considering there was no possible way to pretend that I wasn't a werewolf, that she wasn't half vampire, and that her life wasn't constantly in danger with the ever-present threat of the Volturi. It made it hard to sleep at night. It seemed like I'd lay awake for hours, staring up at the darkened ceiling, apprehension gnawing at my insides as I wondered if Ren was safe _enough_ in the Cullen house.

I didn't feel as if I'd ever sleep for fear of something happening to her, but then I'd open my eyes, and my room would be washed with warm light, and I'd feel vaguely rested.

"Jacob."

I started awake, jerking so that my bed springs squealed in surprise. It was a small miracle that I didn't roll right off into the floor. The bed wasn't much more than a cot in size, and it hadn't taken well to my growth spurt a couple of years ago. I felt it sometimes wept for the days when I'd been five years old and reasonably sized.

Billy came into view directly to my right. He'd wheeled himself up to the side of my bed. He was already dressed for the day, his long, black hair combed and claimed by his customary black hat that sat tilted at an angle. Even just waking, I felt the silence between us and all the tension that had still not been addressed.

I also felt the absence of Renesmee, the gaping distance that separated my house from hers.

"Yeah, dad?"

"Sam's here."

His voice was gruff. It always had sounded like gravel, but it had once been smoothed with affection before I'd created that hole in our relationship.

He started to wheel away, having relayed his message.

"Dad?"

"Yeah?"

I pushed myself up, swinging my legs over the side of my bed, and waiting for my dad to at least spare me a glance. He gave a pause, and then he did, peering over his shoulder with a small frown.

"I'm sorry."

It felt like I was saying that a lot lately, but it worked at this point. I'd gotten my dad's attention.

"Yeah?" he grunted.

"Yeah," I said. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have run away from all of this. It was wrong and childish, I know that. I don't have an excuse. It just felt like the right thing to do at the time."

Billy nodded slowly, considering my apology. He shrugged.

"It's done," he said. "I didn't understand it, but I understand that you needed the time and space."

It was as simple with that as my dad. He wasn't a man for grudges. He preferred peace. He always had. I felt a weight lifting from my shoulders that had once been bruising. Maybe he was too forgiving, but it worked in my favor at the moment, and I wasn't going to reject it. It might have been cowardly, but I felt that most of the fight had left me as of late.

I started to speak, but my dad felt the conversation and problem had been resolved. He wheeled himself out of my room, looking a lot less stern than he had a few seconds ago.

"Sam," he reminded me, just as he disappeared through the door.

"I'm going fishing with Charlie," he called back as an afterthought.

I pressed the heels of my palms into my eyes, wiping away the sleep, hoping to drive out a little of the fatigue so that I could deal with whatever Sam wanted, because I knew that Sam hadn't come over just to visit. It was always business with him.

I hadn't packed any clothes when I'd come back to La Push. What I had to wear consisted of what I had left behind. It wasn't an impressive selection, but I pulled a not-entirely-clean wife-beater out of my closet. It was tighter than I remembered, and there were a couple more grass stains on it than I had bargained for, but I thought it went well with my equally worse-for-wear pair of shorts.

Sam was waiting for me on the front porch, sitting on the middle step that sagged in the middle and needed to be replaced. I had constructed a ramp at the side of the porch for Billy, however, and the actual steps had long since been forgotten. I sat on the next step down, wagering that our combined weight would be too much for the other one.

Sam acknowledged me with a nod. His hands were clasped together and draped over his knees. He was looking to his left, staring down the gravel road that led away from my house. The morning was already sweaty-hot. I figured it would be normal temperature for average humans, but the sun balancing above the treetops was always uncomfortable for me.

I was my own personal sun. I thought Bella had told me so once, a long time ago.

"What's up?" I asked.

Sam was weighing his words. It wasn't unusual, but it seemed more apparent today, though that could have been because of my heightened sense of awareness. You could pluck my nerves like guitar strings right now. I was a mess without Ren in sight.

I wondered when she would be stopping by today. The anxiety was almost worth going to her place first.

"We need to talk about the alpha," Sam said.

Everyone around me was really giving me too much credit. I wasn't quite sure how much pressure they all believed I could stand under, but they were starting to bet dangerously. How could I consider alpha talk when I was dealing with imprinting, and Renesmee, and wonky Italian vampires?

"Funny. You're not usually one to talk about yourself."

Sam didn't laugh. He was born without a funny bone. If Emily hadn't been in his life, I would have wondered if he was passionate about one damn thing other than being a werewolf.

"This is serious, Jacob."

I felt like the pubescent teenager again, coming into my own on my first phase. Sam was the elder again, teaching me how to deal with my growth spurt, all the new hair, and the voice change. He didn't have time for nonsense.

"Everything's serious anymore," I mumbled.

Sam didn't comment on that. It seemed like he'd lived his whole life seriously, but I guessed it had to have been difficult to have been the first member of the pack to phase. No one had been there to guide him. He was the anomaly before any of us had known such things existed.

"This has always been your destiny," he told me, and I tried not to flinch. "Even though I've tried to shoulder it for you, you're the alpha, not me."

I'd told him a million times before that I hadn't fit the job description like he had. It didn't seem worth mentioning again. This conversation had been coming for years. I had happily pretended like it wasn't.

"I thought you liked being the alpha."

Sam shrugged. "I dealt with it. I was the first. I had to be the leader for awhile."

"You don't want the job anymore?"

I glanced skyward. The sun was steadily climbing. It felt hotter out here already. My two-tight shirt was starting to really stick to me.

"It's not that I don't want it," he admitted. "I came to terms with it a long time ago. The problem is that you can't just come to terms with being the alpha. You were destined to be the alpha from birth. It's starting to slip away from me, Jake. Since you phased again, I feel it leaving me."

I looked at him. He was scowling down the road now, looking unsettled and annoyed by the information that he was sharing with me. I didn't understand it. I hadn't known that the alpha command could become aware that it wasn't with the real alpha. I thought that I was perfectly entitled to bequeathing my power to Sam.

"What do you mean?"

Now Sam looked at me.

"I mean that it's leaving me. The elder's are very, very old now, Jake. It's become the logical time for the changing of the seasons, so to speak. It's almost time for the new chief."

I was scowling now too. "So you're saying that the alpha command can sense that?"

Sam shrugged. "You've gotten the ability to block us from your mind, Jacob. That's a powerful command. You had to notice that night, when you told us all to get out of your head, you _commanded_ us. You blocked _me_."

I didn't want to accept this. I couldn't handle being alpha right now. I couldn't be the support structure that they needed when my own life seemed to be hanging precariously at the moment, like it was all posed to crumble if I made the wrong move and stepped through some rotted flooring. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to stay in La Push permanently.

"It was an accident."

"Either way, it's something to consider," Sam said. "I've taken this burden, Jacob. I've accepted it, but even I can't control it if it chooses you."

I opened my mouth. I was trying to think of a logical excuse, some way to keep myself from falling into yet another pit in which there seemed to be no end, but I was struck by a sensation that drew my thoughts elsewhere. I stiffened with it, inhaling deeply, hungrily, as I caught a scent that carried on the morning breeze and tied me up with the skilled knot of a boyscout.

"What is it?" Sam asked.

A small blur had formed far down the road. It was moving steadily in our direction in an unhurried pace. I could see the bronze curls reflecting in the sunlight even at this distance. I could practically see the uncertain tinge of a smile on her lips. I felt the imprint seize me around the heart, clamping till I could barely breathe.

"Renesmee."

Sam looked and saw her too.

"I would have never thought it to be possible," he admitted, quietly. "It seems strange to think that one of us could imprint on the enemy."

Enemy? Renesmee wasn't the enemy. She was everything that was right and solid and true in the world. She was the most beautiful creature, the most sincere. I was in love with her. I could feel it swelling in my chest and floating up my throat. It began to solidify and catch painfully in the inside of my neck. She was wearing a t-shirt and shorts and sandals. She looked as normal as any other human.

I could hear her heartbeat from here.

"But we have no choice, I know," Sam went on. "I thought it would kill me when I imprinted on Emily. I thought I would die for hurting Leah. I never wanted to hurt Leah."

I felt that such a thoughtful, painful admittance deserved a response—some sort of condolence to let Sam know that I understood what he meant completely—but I couldn't form speech at the moment. Everything inside of me was taking awhile to settle back down into its rightful place as it growled in delight to have Renesmee so near again.

"We have no choice," Sam repeated. "We were destined to love them. There's always a reason."

I didn't believe in destiny. We had been created with the ability to act on freewill, but unfortunate fools like Sam and myself had had a sour roll of the die that had cast our lives in a different direction.

Because we weren't entirely human. We didn't have the same laws and structure.

"You can't fight the imprint, Jacob," Sam told me, rising to his feet. "Believe me. This is_ it_. She is your destiny."

He dusted his pants off. Renesmee had reached my mailbox and was walking down my driveway.

"Think about what I said about the alpha, Jake. I'll be in touch."

Sam nodded at me, waved to Renesmee, and left, walking across my yard toward the trees rather than taking the road. Renesmee arrived just as he disappeared through the thicket, and I stood up and caught her hand in mine. Sam's prophetic speech was still ringing in my ears.

"What did he want?" she asked me.

Her hand was warm and snug inside of mine. All was right in the world.

"Werewolf business," I told her.

I didn't think she'd had enough time to swallow the definition of an imprint. I didn't want to overload her by explaining the complexities of being the alpha. I didn't even want to tell her that that was what I was, and what I was apparently going to have to deal with in the near future. I didn't want to think about it.

"Oh," Ren murmured. "Well, how do eggs sound?"

We had developed a routine in the past week. Ren would come in the mornings and cook me breakfast, and in the evenings we would sit outside and talk or catch a movie on the television if my dad wasn't watching a game. It was typical, almost High School stuff, but it felt comfortable and safe to me, and I had fallen easily into it. Dad hadn't objected to Ren's presence either, considering she was more than a decent cook, and he and I were less than adequate.

"Actually, I wanted to do something different," I told her.

The routine _was_ safe, and it _was_ easy, but I wasn't in high school, and this wasn't some silly crush. Every second I spent away from Ren felt like the worst kind of torture. She filled my system in so many ways that the only way to cleanse myself would be death.

"You don't like my eggs?"

"Let's just talk."

I led her by the hand through the house. Billy had left just before I had met Sam on the porch, destined for the fishing trip he had mentioned this morning. The floorboards creaked beneath our feet. The television popped in the other room. The hall to my room was more narrow than I remembered it in years past, and my room was a lot smaller. I'd only ever managed to fit a dresser and a bed into it. The rest of the space had been overrun by dirty clothes that missed the hamper, CDs, scratch paper, and an assortment of other useless junk.

Someone had cleaned it since I'd left, and it was just the bed and dresser now.

I sat down on the bed, pulling Ren down next to me. The springs squeaked again. I wished—too late—that I'd made the bed before going to meet Sam. Despite its rumpled state and the lack of décor in my bedroom, Ren seemed perfectly at home there, as if she could belong anywhere and make it look appealing.

"What do you want to talk about?"

"This." I gestured from Ren to myself. "You've been indulging me, and I appreciate it. I liked thinking that we've become friends. I've liked hanging out with you."

Ren smiled. "Me too."

"I treated you like shit in Florida."

Ren stopped smiling. Now, she was wary.

"I thought we agreed to start over," she said.

I nodded. "We did. We have been, and it's been nice."

She lifted a hand to my lips, pressing a finger to my mouth quickly. I jolted a little as the touch sent an electric current through my system. I felt my skin warm, inside and out. A jumble of thoughts rolled through my mind, none of which seemed coherent. It was just a blur of images, colors, and smells with her.

"Don't, Jake. You helped me, no matter what you think. You took me in without explanation. Things went bad, but what could I have expected?" she said. "Neither of us were ready for what happened."

I pulled her hand away from my mouth.

"You don't understand," I told her. "I did it wrong. You deserved better."

Ren looked up at me from under her long lashes, turning a pretty shade of pink, as I placed my hand on her side, just above her hip.

"Did—Did what wrong?" she asked.

My hand skimmed up over her ribcage. It cupped her left breast, and I rubbed my thumb over her nipple. It had gone taut against the thin material of her shirt and bra. Renesmee shuddered, her brown eyes going to midnight black. She sucked in a breath.

"It's wrong. I shouldn't rush this. I didn't do any of this right," I told her, "but do you understand when I tell you that I can't stop? I can't think coherently when I'm around you. I just know that I need to be with you."

I kissed her softly on the mouth. She leaned into it.

"Make it up to me," she whispered against my lips.


	26. A New Taste of an Old Thing

"Jacob?"

"Yeah?"

"Your skin is roasting hot."

Renesmee's hand was tracing its way up my side, grazing my ribcage. Her hand was cool to the touch, but what it did to me was anything but. There were hundreds of little sensations crackling through my body, each one threatening to engulf me in blind need. It was an effort all on its own to keep from sinking into it and taking Nessie as carelessly as I had before.

My body wanted the union. It didn't care how it achieved it.

"It comes with the territory," I told her.

"It's part of being a werewolf?"

Her hand was tracing the crevices of my abs, drawing closer to the region where I really wished she would focus. Laying underneath me, her hair fanned out around her head, Ren was carefully watching the voyage her hands were making. Her lips had started to pucker, like she was giving a lot of thought to where and how she touched me. I wanted to laugh, but I couldn't, for fear that it would sound almost hysterical.

All of these light caresses were maddening.

"Yeah." My answer came out in a rasp. "Does it bother you?"

Renesmee shook her head, disturbing her bronze curls.

"No. It's nice."

I wanted to go slow to draw out the experience and heighten all of the sensations, but looking at Renesmee made things difficult. We'd undressed together and had taken up the space of my bed in an almost awkward sort of shyness. It felt like the first time, where I wasn't really sure what I should be doing, where I should be putting my hands and mouth.

My week of getting to know each other had seemingly worked better than I'd planned. It felt like we really _were_ starting from the beginning again. It made it even more strange that I was already in love with her. We were strangers, but, at the same time, we were already an old, married couple.

I wanted to know if she felt the same way, but she wasn't transmitting any of her thoughts into my head as she touched me.

"Okay," I said, sounding dumb.

Gingerly, I cupped her left breast in my hand. This caused Ren's fingers to curl suddenly against my stomach, scratching me a little. I swallowed a grin as her breath caught, admiring the way that she fit so perfectly into my hand. Her nipple was taut again, but, this time, there wasn't a layer of clothing to shield it. I rubbed my thumb across it, and then, carefully, took it into my mouth.

Ren's hands moved quickly up my chest to my shoulders where she dug in for support.

The simple action made me hurt, hardening against the inside of her thigh. I flicked my tongue across her nipple, and she arched.

Shit. It was going to be difficult to be slow.

"Don't go slow," Ren hissed, fingers digging.

I lifted my head, arching a brow. "Were you peeking into my head?"

Her face was flushed prettily. She smiled.

"Maybe."

"What do you want then?"

She lifted her hand to my face, pressing her palm to my cheek. What she made me see in a span of three seconds was hot, sweaty, and everything I could have wanted. I looked down at her, a little stunned by what she was asking for, thinking that maybe she really _was_ the girl of my dreams.

She'd projected a scene of the two of us twisted together, of the bed sheets wrapped around our legs, as she moaned and writhed and arched against me. I sucked in a breath.

"You can't do that to me," I told her. "I'm trying to be gentle here."

Ren grinned at this, slid her hand in between us, and took me right by the dick. I grunted a little in surprise, though it wasn't unpleasant. When she gave me a gentle tug and started leading me in a familiar direction, I felt myself grinning too.

"Well, okay, if that's how you want it."

Despite her leading hand, I was gentle and in control as I slid inside of her. I felt her around me—tight, warm, and wet—and I thought I might go temporarily insane from the burst of ecstasy it triggered. Ren's lips parted a little, her eyes going dark and round.

She felt like silk underneath me. I wanted to nuzzle against the crook of her neck and hold onto this moment with the two of us together, while I was still inside of her. I had never been one for overly tender feelings or sentimentality, but a whole new world had been opened up with Renesmee and the imprint. It was difficult and a little scary.

I watched her face as I drew out and then pushed gingerly back in. She drew in a breath, one hand trying to find my shoulder. I'd left my bedroom window open earlier, and a cool, moist breeze blew in. It shifted her curls on my pillow. I could smell rain. It mixed well with her scent.

"Jacob?"

Both of us froze. I could see Ren's shock and terror spread very quickly over her face, accompanied by a rosy blush of embarrassment.

"Jacob?"

_Shit!_ What was that? The shortest fucking fishing trip ever? I could hear Billy calling from the living room, hear him moving slowly toward the hall that led to my room. I was still buried inside of Ren, and we were both completely naked. The heat of the moment cooled as we both started to panic.

"What do we do?" she hissed in a whisper.

How the hell did I know? There wasn't time to get dressed.

"Jake, it's getting ready to be a monster of a storm. Help me shut all these windows."

_Window_.

I glanced toward my open one. Not the best idea, but it was going to have to do. I rolled off of Ren, gathered up our clothes and shoved them at her just as she was starting to sit up. She gave me a questioning look, and I jabbed my finger towards the window.

"Hurry!" I whispered. "Climb out. I'm right behind you."

Billy was coming down the hall, and I had to give Ren a nudge to get her moving. It was definitely not how I pictured our makeup sex. I would have never expected we would start only to be forced to evacuate out of my bedroom window.

Not that it wasn't incredibly hot to see Ren's ass as she climbed clumsily out.

I followed her, dropping to the ground just behind her. I grabbed her by the arm, pulling her back next to me so that both of us were pressed against the outside wall of my house, just underneath the window. We had to crouch low. Ren was bent over our clothes that she held in her arms. She looked at me, and I pressed a finger to my lips.

"Jacob?" Billy had reached my room.

It was starting to sprinkle, and I could see the storm he'd come to warn me about gathering quickly in the sky. It must have been just about on top of us when he'd come back with the news that had obviously drawn his fishing trip to a quick close.

I could hear him sigh. A few seconds later, my window slid shut. Something clicked.

Ren's eyes widened. "Did he just lock that?"

Thunder rippled through the sky. I saw the apprehension on Ren's face as she looked toward the gray and black clouds.

"Er—yeah, I think so."

"What are we going to do?" she demanded.

I looked at her. She looked pretty sexy all frazzled and naked, her toes digging into the grass. The smell of the earth was around her. It was enough to rile me up, despite our awkward predicament. I didn't want it to end, or to miss the sex that we'd been preparing to have, but it looked like my dad had just delayed my plans.

"Get dressed," I told her. "I'll think up an excuse, and we can get back inside before it--"

A waterfall had just manifested itself in the sky. One second it was drizzling a little, the next, it was pouring rain like nobody's business. Renesmee gave a little squeal as the clouds ripped open and pounded us with it, rolling thunder and flashing lightning. The wind picked up, to top it all off, and the rain started coming down in a slanting fashion. It was kind of cold, and it stung a little.

I was drenched in two seconds flat, and so was Ren. Her bronze girls had darkened with it as the rain plastered her hair to her head. Though she tried to save our clothes by tucking them against her stomach and hunching over them, it was a lost cause. They weren't much more than wet rags in her hands.

It was raining so hard and so fast, I could hardly see much more than Ren's face and the wall of my house. The garage that had once been like my second home was indistinguishable, though it was only a few feet away from the house. I couldn't see the forest either, or the sapling that I had noticed sprouting near the back of the house.

"Jacob!" she cried. "What are we going to do_ now_?"

For some strange reason, I started to laugh.

"I have no idea!" I told her, having to shout a little just to be heard.

She looked at me like I was crazy, and then she laughed too.

"You asshole! Climbing out of the window was a terrible plan!"

"I know!" I agreed. "The plus side is that you look really sexy when you're wet."

"You mean when I'm drowned?" Ren's smile became coy. "I was thinking the same thing about you."

She dropped our clothes and pushed me to the ground. I'd been balancing on the balls of my feet, and a little nudge from her toppled me. My back hit the ground with a wet, sucking sound as it met grass and mud. I laughed, starting to get back up, thinking that she was playing with me, but the next thing I knew, Ren was straddling me.

I wasn't ashamed by the fact that I'd gone hard again, looking at her in the rain, naked, and Ren took advantage of that. I was inside of her again by her own doing, sheathed with my full length. She rocked back on me, her head tilting back, her lips parting in a surprised, delighted cry. She rocked again, and then again, and then again. I just laid there, like an idiot, dumbstruck and fucking loving it as she took me by complete surprise.

The rain was hitting me in the face. I blinked it away, trying to keep Ren in my sight.

I rolled and pinned her underneath me, running my hands across her slick body. The mud slurped at her, but she laughed at it as I landed her in a puddle that might have the guts to turn into a small river by the time it stopped raining. I caught Ren's nipple in my mouth, and she stopped laughing. It tasted like rain.

I licked it.

"Jake?"

Her voice was husky.

"Yeah?"

"Don't stop."

---

**RPOV**

Jacob had reached some deeper part of me that I hadn't known existed. I could feel him there, pressed so firmly into me. Each time he drew out, he always pushed back into that secret lair that made stars blink into my vision. I could feel the wet grass beneath me, like seaweed in the rain. There was mud on my back and on my elbows where I'd dug them in as Jacob drove into me.

His black hair was slicked against his head. I watched rain pearl on the end of it, and then splash down onto me.

I caught his face in my hands, pulling him down so that I could taste his mouth.

Whatever had made him decide to give me a chance, I would worship it. In Volterra, I'd thought that he would never come to me, that I had been imprinted on only to die alone and in misery. I'd never been so suicidal and bleak, but the imprint had changed me, too, in ways that I would have never have believed.

Jacob had become the sole focus of my universe.

It made me ache.

But then he had come for me. He had brought me home, and he had started courting me. I still felt like I was dreaming, winning over this brooding man that had so much luggage. I wanted to whisk it all away. I hadn't believed in destiny or fate until I'd met Jacob.

My birth had been a miracle and a curse to many lives, but part of me wondered if my purpose hadn't been to be with Jacob all along. It was bizarre. I still couldn't remember how I'd gotten here.

I traced my tongue across his bottom lip.

I arched against him, trying to find footing in the slick grass and the yielding earth. Jacob caught my hips in his hands, using them for leverage as he sought still deeper into me. My arms knotted above my head. I groaned, tried not to writhe.

"Renesmee."

"Yes?"

Jacob's eyes caught and held mine. I saw a lot of things in them that I hadn't seen before.

"I love you."

I started crying, but it was impossible to tell with all the rain.

---

Making love to Jacob was a life-altering experience. I was reeling with it, still, when he half-carried me to the garage when it was done. The rain hadn't let up, and our clothes ruined, and we were caked with mud, but I couldn't have cared less.

The garage was warm and dry, though it smelled musty, and it groaned a little with the wind of the storm. An old truck took up most of the space. It looked like it'd been used for parts and forgotten. It seemed to bear the grimace of something that would never run again.

Jacob opened the passenger door of it and nudged me into the cab. He took an old blanket from the top of a tool chest and scooted in after me. The worn bench seat was comfortable despite its age, and Jacob pulled me into his side and draped his arm over my shoulders after covering us both with the blanket.

I felt safe and content for the first time in years.

"We can wait out the storm, and then I'll figure out a way to get us back inside."

I shrugged, resting my head on his shoulder. "I'm not in a hurry."

"Me neither," he admitted.

His freehand had wondered to my stomach. It was tracing circles around my belly button. I wasn't embarrassed to be naked like I thought I would be. Everything felt natural with Jacob, and I enjoyed it, very much, that he was naked too. His heat was delicious.

"I want to make love with you again," he said.

I smiled. "I can live with that."

He laughed, but then sobered quickly. "Ren, I want to be with you."

The rain was rattling against the roof of the garage.

"I don't know what that means yet, but I'm starting to find it really painful to be away from you," he continued.

"I told you I'd give you time," I reminded him.

I felt his lips press against my wet hair.

"I know. I've decided to stay in La Push for awhile, until we figure everything out."

I felt warmth curl into a ball in the pit of my stomach. It was almost too good to be true. It seemed like a mirage that would vanish when I blinked. I turned my face so that my cheek pressed to Jake's hot chest, acknowledging that he was real.

He was the most real thing in the world.

"I think that we should be in a relationship. I'd like to be your... your boyfriend."

I almost laughed at that. It seemed very absurd to think about that. I was already in love with him. I was pretty certain that we'd already passed that level of the relationship, but I also understood that Jacob needed a plan and boundaries to feel safe. He was still wary of me, despite his best intentions.

"Okay," I agreed.

It was all very pleasant to think about. It was almost pleasant enough to block out the darker aspects of my life, and the danger that always seemed to be present and possible. For the past week, I had managed to ignore it, to live like a normal person, but it would always be there, considering who and what I was.

"What about the Volturi, Jacob?"

His arm around me tightened. "No one's going to touch you, Renesmee, I promise. If the Volturi are stupid enough to come back again, I'll handle them."

---

**JPOV**

Renesmee fell asleep against me in the cab of the truck as we waited for the storm to pass. I was wide awake the entire time, still charged with the remnants of sex, and how my acceptance of her, of our relationship, had seemed to electrify all of my senses like a jolt of thanks from the imprint. I had finally really conceded to our relationship.

It was something to think about as I waited for the rain to stop, and as I carried Ren back to my house. I'd caught sight of Billy in the living room through a window, watching television, so I snuck through the kitchen door and crept back down the hall into my room without being noticed. Football was on, and Billy cranked it up loud enough to wake the dead.

Renesmee woke only to drift back to an exhausted sort of sleep as I dressed her in my own clothes, which were baggy and sexy on her. I tucked her into my bed, pulling the covers all the way up to her chin, and then I crept back out of my house, phased, and went to talk to Sam.

When I came back an hour later, it had been determined that I would accept the responsibilities of the alpha if I decided to stay in La Push. I told Sam I needed one month to consider everything, to work out my relationship with Renesmee, and then he would have his answer. I didn't know what motivated me to do it, other than the idea that it might come in handy at some point. It felt right now, like being with Renesmee felt right. The bolster of power was also comforting to think about in a way, like it could somehow make me stronger, making me strong enough to protect Renesmee against anything.

If I stayed in La Push, I would be embracing my werewolf counterpart anyway, so I might as well embrace all of it. Besides, who was better to keep the peace with the vampires than the one werewolf in the pack that had emotional ties with them?

Well, except with Edward. I didn't really believe I'd ever even be able to fake friendship with that bastard.

When my house came into view, I saw Renesmee sitting on the porch, waiting for me. My clothes hung on her in a funny way, but she would probably always be appealing to me, I figured, even if she wore a sack.

I watched her studying me, her face tilting slightly to the side, and I realized that I was still in wolf form. I paused, thinking that maybe I should phase back, but she pushed to her feet and started walking in my direction, so I waited for her instead.

When she reached me, she seemed even smaller than normal compared to my size.

"Jacob?"

I dipped my muzzle, growling softly. She reached a hand out, pressing it to my forehead. I felt her fingers curl into my fur, testing me.

"You're really beautiful, you know?" she whispered. "You scared me though. You've been gone for awhile."

I made a small noise that I hoped sounded like an apology, and I nudged against her palm. She obliged by running that hand over the fur on my head, stroking one of my ears. I'd never been petted before, but it was sort of nice in a weird way.

"If I'm away from you for more than five minutes, it feels like my world's falling apart," she murmured. "I guess I'll have to get used to it."

She smiled.

I knew how she felt.


	27. Paradise Nonexistant

I was starting to feel at home again in La Push.

For a long time, I'd seen it only as a place of boundary lines: the lines the vampires couldn't cross, and the lines that held me back from my potential and any chance I might have had to flourish in the real world where vampires and werewolves didn't exist. This strain had become too much, and I had fled, thinking I might never return again. My father lived here, and so did my friends. I had grown up here and become who I was here, but it had been filled with tragedy and loss and the ghost of one woman that I couldn't give up.

Now that Renesmee was here, however, all of those dark shadows were gliding away. I didn't feel the hollowness of the loss of Bella, and I felt the strength, for once, to stand up underneath the weight of the pack and my possibilities as alpha. Nothing seemed as grim as it once had.

Two weeks into our new relationship, and Renesmee had me feeling like a new person. I had thought the imprint was a disaster, a life ruining event, but now I was starting to see it as a savior in disguise. It released me from all of my old bonds, and the new ones it inflicted didn't seem as bad.

Maybe I would have fallen in love with Renesmee even if the imprint hadn't existed. We had common interests, a similar sense of humor, and an appreciation for each other that made us friends.

I was so wrapped up in her, it was hard to think of anything else. My problems and worries seemed to vanish, disappearing underneath the sight and smell and feel of Renesmee.

I lifted a hand to wipe my forehead. I flung the gathering beads of sweat to the ground, shifted the ax on my shoulder, and set another stub of wood on its end.

I had given some thought to the cold weather that had been forecast for the next couple of days, and I'd decided that spending them in front of a toasty fire with Renesmee sounded like a very appealing idea.

She'd confessed that she'd never eaten a s'more before, and I thought that that was one life changing treat that everyone should experience. Plus, I wasn't above using a cold night as an excuse to put my arm around her and keep her warm.

I grinned stupidly at myself. I was really turning into a gushy, romantic fool over this girl. It was mildly embarrassing. Especially when I was sharing a mind with the pack, and Seth took to snickering about how I couldn't seem to smell anything outside of the shampoo Renesmee used, which made it difficult to scout the land.

Sam assured me that, after I'd taken some time to get used to it, it wouldn't be so bad. Eventually, I'd start smelling other things again.

Then he'd went to thinking about the smell of the muffins Emily baked, and how he liked it when she fed them to him piece by piece, licking her own fingers seductively, and I'd evacuated his mind pretty quick.

Shaking that disturbing recollection out of my head, I gripped the handle of the ax, took in a breath, and swung it as I exhaled, splitting the log in front of me in two. I felt the vibrations of it dancing up my arms, and I enjoyed the physical labor. Aside from fixing cars in Florida, I'd gotten sort of lazy in the physical exertion department while away from La Push. It was nice to test myself again, nicer to think about how more muscle definition would be a plus where Ren was concerned. She liked to trace her fingers across the lines of definition, and I liked to feel her do it.

I lifted the ax onto my shoulder again, and then turned to study the line of trees at my back, sensing before I saw the person there. I felt the change in the atmosphere. There had been moisture in the air already, the breeze cool with a storm approaching, and it hadn't been anything unusual. It rained often in Forks and La Push, and I was accustomed to the cold, and the way it skirted over my heated skin.

But this... this presence felt colder. It muddied the fresh scent of rain, seeping into my senses gradually. My lips curled in the beginnings of a snarl as it overrode even the memory of Ren's scent. How had I not smelled it before? Sensed it coming?

This vampire had stepped over the boundary lines of La Push, and I hadn't felt or sensed it until he'd appeared through the line of trees, a few feet away from me. I felt the hair on my arms and the back of my neck prickle, felt the recognition of the dark-haired bloodsucker trigger a growl in my chest that was low, deep, and feral.

"Jacob Black." He grinned, tilting his head back.

I wasn't sure how I'd walked into the fantasy land where the Volturi had stopped existing, where Ren and I lived in a perfect bubble, and I forgot that she was a vampire hybrid, and I was a werewolf. At some point in the past two weeks, I'd temporarily forgotten that there were vampires out for Renesmee.

"Liam." I spat on the ground. "What do you want?"

"I think we still have unsettled business, don't you?"

"I warned you guys to stay the fuck away from Ren."

Liam clucked his tongue, shaking his head.

"A warning from a wolf and his three little friends isn't going to frighten away an entire coven of vampires."

I gritted my teeth. "Then you're all idiots for instigating a fight you'll lose."

Liam laughed. "Silly boy, you don't yet understand what exactly you're dealing with, do you? The Cullen's have gotten away with far too much over the past few years, and, if you choose to meddle in our affairs with them, we will have to punish you as well."

I dropped my ax. The head of it hit the ground with a thud, burrowing its nose into the soft earth. I could feel the anger growing inside of me, feeling the urging of my instincts attempting to persuade me to phase and deal with this asshole once and for all.

"Renesmee is mine. If you touch her, I'll kill you. By default, if you try to even hurt _Edward_, I'll murder your stupid ass."

He sighed, shaking his head.

"I was afraid you'd say that." He grinned. "Actually, that's a lie. I was sort of _hoping_ that you'd say that."

I opened my mouth, thinking to tell him to go to hell, but stopped when I heard someone yelling. It took me a minute to realize that it was coming from the direction of my house, took me another minute to register that it was coming from _inside_ of my house, and then I heard glass shattering and more shouts, and a very agonized scream.

There was a moment of blind terror when I thought that Ren had arrived early, missed seeing me on the lawn, and had went inside to whatever sort of trap Liam's thugs had set up for me there. However, as the scream went ragged, I realized that it wasn't a feminine scream at all.

It was my _father_.

I felt bile rise up my throat, felt pain shoot through my skull like the sound of my father's shout were equivalent to someone actually beating me on the head. I wanted to run for the house, but my legs wouldn't quite work, and all I could hear was Liam's taunting laugh.

"What the—What the _fuck_?"

"I told you that you would be punished if you chose to fight against us."

The heat of anger warred with the ice of fear. Part of me wanted to turn and fight Liam, the other part was desperate to get to my father. Something else in the house shattered. Billy shouted again.

"JACOB!"

The sound of him howling my name finally got me moving. I ran, as fast as I could, to the house. I stumbled up the stairs of the front porch, flung open the front door, and raced into the entry hall.

A long, thick arm shot out, clothes-lining me. The thick band of muscle caught me against the Adam's apple, tilted my whole world upside down, and slammed me against the floor. I couldn't so much as choke as the wooden floor of the entry hall slammed against the back of my head.

I saw stars.

"How nice of you to greet our guest of honor, Felix."  
"It was my pleasure, Jane."

I could hear the girlish peel of her laughter underneath loud, pained groans. I knew that those groans were coming from my dad, and it was that that got me to roll over, that forced me up onto my knees.

I swallowed. I gasped in air.

I saw Billy on the living room floor. His mangled wheel chair had been thrown against the wall. It lay, deformed, on its side, its usual occupant in worse condition. He was face-down on the floor, writhing as Jane stood over him.

What were they doing to him?

"Dad!" I rasped.

Someone grabbed the back of my shirt and lifted me roughly to my feet. I was guessing that the bulky vampire that did this was Felix, who had flattened me upon my entrance into the house. I tried to pull out of his grasp, but the hulking asshole held on, and I couldn't get to my father.

The way he was writhing was unnatural. Those sounds he was making squeezed my heart with fear. He was just an old man—just a fucking old man—and I knew that he couldn't withstand something like this. Bloodsuckers had no honor. They felt no remorse for attacking those that couldn't defend themselves.

I had to stop them, or they'd kill him.

I swung out against Felix, almost blindly, and caught him across the chin. He stumbled back, a surprised, pained look crossing his face, as if he wasn't used to getting punched and having it hurt.

It allowed me the chance to lunge for my father.

"Get away from him!"

Jane watched me, a smile spreading across her face. I had almost reached her when my dad went limp, a hand caught me around the throat, and I was airborne. Felix had recovered quickly. He was the biggest fucking vampire I'd ever seen, but I still didn't expect his strength. He'd thrown me like I'd been as weightless as a football.

I hit glass.

The living room window caved around me, bursting into pieces that rained onto the grass outside as I tumbled with them.

The gigantic fuck had thrown me through the window!

I wasn't sure which way was up or down, but I hit the ground outside with unmerciful force. Shards of glass cut and dug into my skin. My head bounced off the ground, which wasn't at all forgiving despite the rain the previous day that had softened it.

Shit. I was in trouble. Two against one.

I groaned, finding gravity against with my face in the grass.

The two vampires had followed me outside, and I could only be thankful that they were away from my dad. I didn't want to think about how he'd gone limp, or what that might mean. It was going to be fine. In a second, I'd be able to breathe again, and I'd fight these assholes and send them packing.

I could take them. I _could_.

"Aro was a little wary of your kind when you came to Volterra, but he will be pleased when he learns how easily you can be dealt with."

The little girl vampire—Jane—was taunting me. I'd never hit a girl before, but I was more than fucking ready to make an exception as I sucked in a breath and spit dirt and blood onto the ground.

"Taking someone by surprise isn't exactly a fair fight," I told her, "but I'm getting ready to show you why your master has every reason to fear us."

I'd taken a decent beating in less than five minutes, and I could feel it in my bones. It was an effort to get my hands underneath me to attempt to push myself to my feet. I spit more blood and dirt. Somewhere along the way, I'd busted or cut my lip. It also felt like a piece of glass might have been stuck in my palm.

I couldn't put weight on it, so I lifted it to my face, turning it over. A shard of glass was definitely wedged in near my thumb. Felix snickered as he saw it, but I concentrated on pulling it out so that I could get myself off the ground and knock that smirk off of his face.

"Looks like you've already given him quite the beating." Liam had joined the party again. I could sense him somewhere to my left.

"Good," I growled. "Now I can kick your ass too."

I had pushed up onto my hands and knees. Keep talking like I wasn't unnerved to be outnumbered, and maybe the conviction would help me really win this fight. It was something to hope for, seeing as how I couldn't just sit around and hope that the pack would show up already.

Where the hell were they?

"I appreciate your enthusiasm, Jacob, but we have other plans," Liam told me.

I was going to get up.

That was what my brain told my legs. That was what _I_ kept telling my brain. But everything reacted in reverse to this command. The pain _made_ everything move in reverse. I wasn't sure where it had come from, or how it got to me, but I felt the knife of it root underneath my skin, sink its fangs into my veins, and squeeze my heart and lungs until blood roared in my head. I was face-down on the ground again. The grass wasn't soft enough to cushion the fall. I felt the gravel and the dirt underneath it digging into my cheek, but those sensations were barely distinguishable against the screaming of my bones as they ground together.

"I like you best on the ground," Jane hissed.

The sound of her voice was like the noise of a television playing in a different room. My scalp was prickling. My hair was standing on end. What was happening? I couldn't think straight. Everything in my brain was scrambled. I heard someone laughing. A toe dug into my ribs.

My vision was blurred. I blinked, and it cleared and doubled.

"In case you were wondering, Jacob," Jane said, "what you're feeling is me. That is my power. Hurts, doesn't it? The only one that can save you now is Isabella Cullen, but it doesn't appear that she's the one on her way."

Gravel shifted. I heard the soft hiss of slacks as Liam crouched beside me. I was scrambling to keep up with what Jane had said, knowing that it was urgent that I understood the threat, but my brain was hopping and skipping from point to point.

Bella could save me? _How_?

Jane could do this. Jane could hurt someone without even touching them. My dad. That was what had happened to my dad. Was he all right? Fuck! How could his heart withstand something like this? I was going to burst inside, every organ exploding into a liquid mess as my blood seeped out my mouth and nose. The pressure wouldn't stop building. I could barely breathe. I--

_Who was the one on their way?_

Like he had read my mind—like he was Edward-fucking-Cullen—Liam forced my head up by clenching a large amount of hair. As he jerked my head, my neck groaned uncomfortably. I felt a few strands of hair pop loose in protest, screaming relief.

I gurgled out a noise. All the veins in my neck stood out in stark contrast.

"Lookie, lookie," Liam taunted. "Look who's coming to join the party."

I blinked rapidly, trying to see, knowing this was crucial.

I could make out the blurred form that was running in our direction, the pale face swam in and out of context. I blinked again, and it vibrated to a stop, becoming the soft lines of an oval face, blinking in brown eyes and hazel hair, and the look of fear on Renesmee's face.

No.

_NO!_

I tried harder than before to get to my feet, but gravity was working against me. Even flexing my pinky finger hurt like hell as it tried to work against whatever Jane was doing to me.

Ren was running too fast. She'd make it here before I could get to my feet to defend her. Was she crazy? Couldn't she see that this was a trap?

It was a fucking trap. A stupid fucking trap that I had walked right into! They'd used my father to bait me, and now they were going to use me to bate Ren. They were going to take her from me again, and who knew what they would do?

I didn't want Ren to feel whatever it was that I felt now. Jane was crushing me from the inside out. I was pretty sure—as much as it pissed me off to admit—that much more of this would kill me, and I would die defenseless, and Ren would be at their mercy.

Where was the pack? Where were the Cullen's?

"Jacob!"

She was screaming my name. She was almost to us. The bitter gray light of the day was all over her, shining sadly in her bronze curls that spun wildly behind her as she ran to me. I tried to yell back, to warn her away, but I couldn't unlock my jaw. I could only growl, low and feeble, and she was too far away to hear that.

If I could just... _phase_.

She was coming to save me. That idiot. That beautiful fucking idiot, the love of my life. The fear for what they planned for her was worse than the pain. My heart was ripping at the seams. I wasn't sure how much longer I could hold it together before my chest split open, before my skull cracked wide.

I was a _failure_.

I was going to die. My father was probably already dead, and who knew what they would do to Ren? Hot tears of frustration were wedged in my throat, and I felt like a fool because of them, but they were the only signs of fury that I could trigger underneath Jane.

I had to get off the ground. I had to protect Ren, and I couldn't do it from here. If I didn't get up, she would reach us, and Jane would be able to touch her with the pain as well. And what would I do if I had to watch Ren writhe on the ground like I had had to watch my father?

I couldn't take that.

I tried to force my legs to work, and Liam pulled his leg back, and he kicked me in the head with the tip of his leather boot.

I saw stars and tasted blood, and I heard Ren shriek.

The force of the impact rolled me. My hands went limp underneath me, and my whole body seemed to go slack at once. I was afraid that I was paralyzed or dying or dead.

"Jacob!"

Someone was shouting my name again over the ringing in my ears, but it wasn't Renesmee or the other vampires. It was Leah. I forced my eyes to open. I saw gray fur streak past me. I could hear the pounding of the pack's paws against the ground. I could tell that the others were with her.

Cool hands were on my cheeks. Renesmee's face appeared above mine. A tear slid down her nose and hit my cheek. It was cold, and it touched the nerves that Jane had oppressed. Where had Jane gone? I didn't feel her.

I thought of gray fur. Had Leah lunged at her as she flew past me?

"Renesmee!"

Ren didn't look away from me as her father called her name. The Cullen's had finally arrived too—late—and I could smell them even with blood in my nose.

Ren kept staring down at me. I hated to see the pain in her face, but that was all that I could see: her face and the gray sky above her. Both seemed sad, like they'd lost something that they were afraid that they'd never get back.

I could feel the movement of the others fighting around us, but I couldn't see anything besides Renesmee. I knew that I needed to move to defend her and help the others, but I couldn't seem to convince my feet the same thing. My whole body was numb. Only portions of it tingled as it tried to reawaken itself.

Ren's thumb pressed against my mouth, wiping something away.

It felt good to be touched by her, to know that, while I could still see her, she was safe, even if I was too weak to get up and make sure of it.

"Jacob," she sobbed. "Jake, I love you."

It filled all of the crevices in my heart, mending the wounds that Jane had inflicted, and even touching back to those old scars from Bella. I felt it—warm and steady—building inside of me like a slowly stoked fire. I wished that I could lift my hands to touch her face. My toes and legs were tingling now. Maybe I'd be able to move and do that soon.

I opened my mouth to tell her that I loved her too, that I had been stupid not to realize that that had been the case all along, but I coughed instead. My throat was raw and weak.

Ren winced as if the cough had wracked her body and not mine. I swallowed, wishing to moisten my dried tongue so that I could try again, but the expression on Ren's face stopped me.

It was the light of war in her eyes as fury spread across her face.

_No_, I wanted to tell her. _Don't. Please._


	28. The Loch Ness Monster

It was raining.

When wasn't it raining?

The cold drops hit my face, making me blink. I felt startled, like I was being woken from a dream. My whole body was tingling. I could hear growls and snarls, hisses and shrieks, fists pounding granite, and teeth tearing through clothes. The ground was alive with the movement, vibrating as vampires and werewolves fought around me.

I had to phase and help them, but everything ached.

I watched the fury spread across Ren's face with a great deal of anxiety. The rain, only having just started, had already soaked her hair. The bronze curls allowed the rain to slide through, collecting and pearling so that they could drip into my face as she knelt over me.

"Jacob."

_Renesmee_.

I flexed my fingers. They groaned a little at the joints, irritable now that they'd been locked in pain only minutes before. I had to touch her to let her know that I was okay. I had to start small and work up until I could move my legs again and get up. I was going to kick some serious Volturi ass in a few minutes.

"Nessie! Watch it!"

Emmett's voice boomed almost as loud as the thunder. One second Renesmee was there, the next second she wasn't. My neck screamed in pain as I craned it back automatically, watching as Ren was jerked away from me. Liam had grabbed her by the arm.

I could see his plan for escape in his eyes. The Volturi were strong but outnumbered. Even Jane seemed a little unnerved. She was staring Bella down with an indescribable look of hatred. I wondered, fleetingly, what it was that Jane had meant about needing Bella to fight her.

The smart thing to do then would be to flee with a hostage: the one they came for all along.

I started to roll, to voice my sluggish body into action. The ground was slick and muddy underneath me, making it difficult to create traction, but I pushed against the muck wildly, frantic at the sight of someone touching Renesmee.

I'd gained my knees when Ren lashed out.

She let out a frightening yell, swinging back and lunging into Liam, leading with her right hand. The palm of it smashed into his nose, causing his head to snap back. Despite Ren being half-human, she had a considerable amount of force in the blow, and I watched Liam stagger back, dazed.

I almost laughed, a little hysterical, but the hit seemed to send a surge of confidence through Ren, and, before I could do anything about it, she was running and sliding through the mud, headed for Felix's massive form where he was slugging it out with Emmett.

"You bitch!" Liam roared, only just shaking off her hit.

He started to chase after her, but my legs locked beneath me, and I pushed off the ground and dove for him. I caught him around the waist, sending us both to the ground. The mud sucked at my shoulder and splattered over my shirt. Liam hissed wildly, and we began to grapple.

One good punch to his wounded nose, and I thought I'd have enough time to phase without worrying about him taking that brief second to go for Ren.

I'd finally gotten the sleazy fuck pinned and was straddling him, preparing to deck him into the next century, when I heard someone scream.

I looked up automatically, saw several of the Cullen's leaping for Felix at once, but something fell between them, and everyone froze.

Time ground to a painful halt.

I could see Ren's rain-drenched bronze curls fanned out across the mud. Her face was in the grass. Her body was limp and sad looking sprawled across the ground. I waited, holding my breath, trying to see if she moved as she breathed, but she was completely immobile. Felix was towering over her, looking grimly satisfied. The Cullen's and my pack were grouped around, but I saw Edward standing closest to Ren, his eyes glazed with something painful.

"Nessie," Bella breathed from where she stood, a few feet away from Edward.

And then she seemed to crumple in on herself, and, whatever had been holding Jane off, broke, and the little vampire knew it the second it happened.

And the pain was back.

Everyone fell with it as Jane targeted the group as a whole, flattening vampires and werewolves alike into the mud. Edward and I were the last ones to go down. We looked at each other, both with identical masks of agony, and then our knees buckled underneath the weight of Jane's power, and we fell.

I barely saw the ground. Somewhere underneath the forced pain was a great deal of _real_ pain. Somewhere in the back of my skull, I was registering the fact that Ren had fallen and wasn't moving, that she might be...

That she might be... That Billy might be...

"Let this be a lesson to you all," Jane hissed through the gloom. "No one defies the Volturi."

It was a hollow warning. Rage was filtering in around the pain. It was hot and bitter and too late. I wanted to scream and curse and tear everything apart.

Instead, my body gave in to the trauma of what had happened, of being underneath Jane's hold for the second excruciating time in a row, and I blacked out.

---

_Someone was crying._

_ My own throat felt raw, my eyes hot, but I didn't think that it was me. I felt that I should comfort them. Maybe we could be solace to each other. I felt that I had just lost something dear to me, like I might never survive what had happened. _

_ What had happened?_

_ My room was still. Billy must have been gone fishing, because the television was silent, and the house groaned a little with its emptiness. Gloomy sunlight filtered through the blinds, reflecting off of dust motes. I watched a few of them drift lazily, my eyes straying repeatedly to the window, thinking of something significant about a girl that smelled like soap and flowers, and maybe a little like strawberries. _

_ I brushed a hand across the dresser, collecting dust and grit against my fingers. My room felt like the room of a dead person, long since evacuated, left to be consumed with dust and memories. _

_ "Jacob."_

_ I shifted, turning. A short, slender brunette stood in my doorway. Her brown eyes were watching me sadly. There was a smile on her face that seemed to be there by default. I felt the emptiness in it mocking me from here. _

_ "Bella?"_

_ I heard a soft drumming noise. I listened to it quietly, feeling the space between us, trying to savor it, and then I realized that the sound was Bella's heart beating. It was like the soft flutter of wings, pounding hopefully against the air. It was like music to me. _

_ Bella stepped toward me, seeming to glide across the floor. She tucked herself against me, resting her head against my chest, her right ear pressed near my heart. She took a deep breath and then exhaled. _

_ Her heart stopped beating. _

_ I felt a chill run up my spine, a moment of very real fear, and Bella lifted her head again. She looked at me, no longer smiling. Dust motes danced around her head. _

_ "You failed me, Jacob," she whispered. "You failed us both."_

_ I tried to step away from her, but my back hit the dresser just as Bella's face changed into someone else's, someone very similar. _

_ I tried to scream._

I sat up straight. My limbs screamed automatically, stiff. I was covered in sweat, bedsheets tangled around my legs, making me feel trapped. I flailed a little, rocking dangerously on the bed so that I almost ended up in the floor. My mouth had already opened to release the scream, but I swallowed it with effort. 

_ What the hell_?

How did I get into my room? Where was the mud, the grass, the rain? What had happened to the vampires? To... To Ren?

My bedroom was silent. Gloomy light was leaking through the blinds, the dust motes from my dream were still dancing. I tried to swallow the panic that was rising as I attempted to disentangle myself from the bedsheets.

The house was silent, but I felt an immense presence with me. I didn't know if it was a physical presence, or some other sort of mental burden. I strained to hear. The television wasn't on, but I thought I heard voices.

It hadn't all been a dream. I knew that. The cuts and bruises the sheets revealed as I kicked them away proved it. The Volturi had been here, and I had fought them—or tried to—and something had happened, something very bad.

I rolled off the bed, started for the door.

Leah stepped in just as I tried to step out. Her hands came up to my chest, and she pushed me back into the room despite my best effort to get around her.

"Jacob, stop. Sit down. We need to talk."

"Leah," I hissed. "Leah, what the hell is going on?"

She was still trying to hustle me back into the room. I thought she was trying to get me to sit down, but I caught her wrists and stopped her. It wasn't a good thing when Leah avoided looking you in the eye. She never backed down from anything. Panic was rising again.

I saw all the answers I didn't want to see on her face. It was pale and strained. There were circles underneath her eyes. If not for her scent, her dark eyes, and tanned skin, I might have thought Leah looked a little like a vampire.

For some reason, I recalled Edward's face as we both fought to stay on our feet, as we shared the same look of anguish before crumbling. I wondered if he had howled or if it'd been me, or if it'd just been in my head.

I felt myself sliding as the dark, sprawled lump of Renesmee in the mud resurfaced.

I squeezed Leah's wrists tighter.

"Jacob!"

My knees had buckled. Leah pulled her wrists free so that she could attempt to catch me. Her arms went underneath mine, and, though I was too big for her to hold me up, she helped ease me back onto my bed so that I didn't flat out fall.

"What happened? What happened?" My throat was going dry. "Leah. Please."

She continued to hold onto me, like she was afraid that if she let go I should shatter into a million pieces. I held onto her arms, because I was thinking the same thing.

"Jake." Her voice cracked. It felt like a stake to the heart. "Jacob, I'm _sorry_."

I tried to get her to meet my gaze, but she was looking at my chin, her own chin trembling slightly. I'd never seen Leah look so weak. It was more frightening than having her avoid my question. I shook her. I needed an answer. I had to know what happened. I had to know what I needed to do.

"Tell me what happened! Damn it!"

"It happened so fast," Leah choked. "None of us could stop it. Felix. He...Renesmee... Oh God, Jake, I'm so sorry. Renesmee... She... She was bleeding so much."

My heart was throbbing. I stared at Leah, barely seeing her. A black hole was opening up in my chest, sucking at everything crucial. I tried to breathe. I couldn't remember how.

"The Volturi left. The Cullen's... Edward was very angry. He yelled a lot. He—He sort of blamed _you_." Leah paused, scowling. "He's a dumb ass. We both know that. It wasn't your fault, Jake."

She licked her lips. I watched her tongue flick out. I filled my lungs with something that was too painful to be air. Leah seemed to be far away. I watched the dust motes in my room dance around her hair.

The dust motes were impartial. They didn't care who lived or died.

"Sam was angry. Edward said a lot of cruel things. It's going to be rough to keep the treaty after this."

I tried to care about the treaty.

I couldn't.

"Leah, where is Renesmee?"

My voice seemed strangely detached considering what was going on inside of me. I was starting to think that the imprint was self-destructing, that I was going to implode any second now. If Renesmee was...gone, I would disappear to. I would fade right off of the face of the earth in misery.

Was this punishment for taking so long to realize that I loved her?

Tears were welling in Leah's eyes. She was a beautiful, broken girl.

"Jacob, she—She's gone."

I sucked in a breath that felt like fire. I felt the scream surging toward the surface, the urge to self-destruct and to destroy everything around me. Everything was going numb. I was fading, falling, dying.

Renesmee. Renesmee.

I had failed. I had failed.

Why had I been so weak? Why had I laid in the mud and let the love of my life di--. Oh, _fuck_. Oh, _shit_. Oh, _Christ_.

"The Cullen's took her body. They warned for you to stay away. We tried to fight them, Jake, but you were hurt. And...And..."

Leah's tears spilled over onto her cheeks. She fell forward against me, throwing her arms around my neck, burrowing her face into the crook of my neck.

"Jacob, I'm sorry. I'm so s-sorry."

There was something else. I felt her grief multiplying. I felt it spilling over onto me. I felt myself drowning in the despair that we shared.

"Leah?"

A sob rocked her. I held onto her, feeling like my own tears were coming, and yet that they were miles away, buried in some hollow I could not explore. The pain was too immense to shed, to speak, to feel. I _was_ the hollow. I was empty.

"B-Billy's dead, Jake."

The darkness consumed me.

I fell.


	29. Girl in the Attic

**Carlisle POV**

My home had become a place of shadows and whispers. The appearance of the Volturi had rocked us all in many different ways. Their arrival had been unexpected, their fight with all of us— unnecessary and treacherous considering the friendship that Aro and I had once shared. They'd been sly and malicious. Their intentions for Jacob had been unforeseen by Alice, because they dealt with the werewolves that she could not see. If Renesmee hadn't been on her way to Jacob's, hadn't sensed the Volturi, Alice would have never been struck by the vision that set us all in action. Unfortunately, we had been late. The fight had already started, and Jacob had been lying in the mud with our Renesmee crying over him.

The bad news had only escalated from there. Jane's presence was always a deadly one, one to be feared and taken into consideration, but none of us had had time to do any planning. None of us had foreseen the moment that Renesmee would be critically wounded and defeated.

We had done the only thing that we could have done at that point: retreat.

I had been the only one, beside Alice, that had felt guilty for leaving Jacob unconscious and unknowing. It was unfortunate that this action had insulted and enraged his pack members, tearing at the delicate strings that held our treaty together, but even more unfortunate that I understood the extent of what the werewolves termed "imprinting". I understood that it would be something similar to how I felt for Esme, and I would have felt if I had been in Jacob's shoes.

However, the Volturi, though having, by all appearances, retreated, hadn't left completely. Aro's henchmen had not taken into account that I was an elder, that I had a great deal of experience in tracking, though it wasn't my forte. Jane's, Felix's, and Liam's scents had not completely vanished. They had tarried to make certain that they had finished the job with Renesmee, severed our ties with the werewolves, and had thoroughly taught us the lesson that they felt we deserved.

The choice I had to make for everyone had been difficult. It put many things on the line that I was wary to risk, but it had been the only logical option. If the Volturi felt that their job had been unsuccessful, they would try again, and I felt that the affects of a second try would be much worse.

So I had taken my family, I had thoroughly angered the werewolves, and I had hidden my small clan inside of our house for the past three days. No one went outside, no one turned on the lights, and no one spoke above a whisper. We were a family in mourning.

I inhaled—more out of habit than necessity—and blew out a tired breath. The floor-to-ceiling window that took up the expanse of our living room was being pelted with rain. Outside, the day was as dark as the latest hour of night, and the wind howled against the window panes, chasing the rain drops at an anger across the glass. I watched their progress in the darkness of my own living room.

I knew, somewhere inside the border of pines that circled us, the Volturi guard still lurked. They continued to watch my house, as I was certain they would for some time longer, until they were absolutely certain that they had taken from us, permanently, one member of our family.

I felt the lump of hatred in my chest growing. Such emotions were for animals, for beasts. I lived on the idea of peace and tranquility, but now my foundations had been rocked, and I had been wronged by a man that I had not completely trusted, but had assumed was a man of his word. I had been wrong, I supposed, for thinking that he was a class above beastly.

He had hurt my family, perhaps in a way that would never heal, and he had destroyed the treaty that I had spent so much time focusing on protecting. It would be the one debt that I would always yearn to settle, I was positive, but there were greater matters to attend to now.

Renesmee's wounds had been extensive and critical. Being part human, she had lost a great deal of blood. Her life had teetered in the balance, and I had fought like I had never fought before to save a life.

However, despite what the Volturi thought, despite what I myself had believed, Renesmee was part vampire, and maybe there was more vampire in her than I had ever chosen to notice. She didn't possess the need to consume blood as we did, but she shared many of our other common traits, such as strength and speed—though not to the extent of ours—and now, it seemed, she'd exposed one other trait.

Blood transfusions had been necessary, as had stitches and medication, but Renesmee had a wound that would have killed a normal human regardless. It would have killed her too, if Renesmee hadn't been her father's child, if her genetics hadn't acted to heal her. If she had been left unattended without the blood or stitches, she might have died anyway, but, with my help and medical knowledge and her vampire genes, Renesmee had _lived_.

She had survived, healed, and become herself again. Only several degrees angrier.

A hand touched my shoulder. I turned and drew Esme underneath my arm, and we faced the window and the storm together. She leaned into me, and I felt more at ease than I had in the past several days. Though we didn't imprint, our mates were no less significant to us.

"How is she?"

"Irritable," Esme said, "as she has been since she woke up."

I sighed, frowning. "She doesn't understand. _Everyone_ must assume that she's dead, even Jacob."

I felt Esme nod against my shoulder, but her silence spoke volumes. I could feel her sadness like it was my own. It was a taste of its own, hanging in the air. For some reason it made me recall the day that I had turned her, tasted her blood for the first and only time, in an effort to save her and, eventually, keep her.

"Billy's funeral is today."

Perhaps it was my greatest regret, after Renesmee being injured, that Billy Black had passed. We had never been on the best of terms, considering that we belonged to two very different allegiances, but his death felt as much my responsibility as it was the fault of the Volturi. In some inadvertent way, I felt that I had brought this upon everyone.

I had not been prepared.

"It's cruel to Jacob to make him think she is dead, I know," I said, "but what else is there? Renesmee cannot leave this house, and the Volturi saw us fight with his pack. I can't risk a word being spoken about her being alive. We must wait until we are certain that they've returned to Volterra satisfied."

Esme took my hand in hers, squeezing it.

"I know. We all know, but she knows that it's Billy's funeral, and Jacob _is_ her mate. It's difficult for her. No one can tell her how long she must stay away from him."

"It's difficult," I agreed. "I can only imagine, but we have to keep her in that room and out of sight. Who's with her now?"

"It's Emmett's turn," Esme sighed. "He's such a callous boy."

"He is," I agreed, "but he'll get the job done. We have to keep her hidden, and we have to be the family in mourning."

"I think Edward and Bella accomplish that better than any of us."

I frowned. "Yes. Bella's upset that her friend is in pain, and they are both upset at how close we came to losing Nessie."

"Everything will be all right, Carlisle. This is the best choice for us."

---

**Renesmee POV**

I could hear the rain, but I couldn't see it. I was the little girl locked in the attic these days, or close to it. The upstairs room I'd been kept captive in while healing didn't have any windows. It was a storage room, at best, that had been cleared out and furnished with a bed. It smelled musty and sad in the room, but maybe the misery was just because of me.

Despite being healed, everything continued to ache. I hadn't seen Jacob in almost a week, and he thought that I was dead. How must he feel? Worse than I did now, knowing that he was alive but couldn't see him. As far as he knew, I was long gone, never to be seen again, and we had only just found each other.

And today, of all days, he needed me the most.

Tears welled as I thought of Billy's tragic death, of how Jacob would have to stand at his grave alone. His pack with him or not, I was the only one that could be there for him, to fill that hole that was now in his chest. At least, that's how it felt for me.

How could I have ever been so foolish? Attacking Felix in rage and all but blindly had been setting myself up for disaster. He was a skilled fighter, and I had never physically fought anyone before. The next thing that I knew, I was falling to the ground, a hole in my stomach, all of my blood pooling in the mud.

I'd thought that I was dying, that, when I hit the ground, I was dead. The space between Jacob and I had felt enormous, and my dying thought had been that I was going to die feet away from him, without his hand to hold me.

Everything had gone black shortly after, and I'd waited to see what would come next.

I'd spent two days unconscious, and I'd woken up in my house, alive, to my surprise, and apparently more vampire than I had ever thought that I was.

But being alive didn't mean anything if I couldn't be with Jacob, if I couldn't, at least, let him know that I was alive. I understood the risks that were involved with outing myself, but Carlisle didn't understand this imprinting business. He didn't understand how volatile it was.

I slid off of the bed, regretful that I had spent the last three days in a large nightgown without much of an excuse for a shower. I didn't want my reunion with Jacob to look like this, but I was willing to go in a paper sack if I could just see him and touch him again.

The need for him was intense and painful.

I would take to the rain and mud and storm with my nightgown and house shoes for Jacob. I just had to be sneaky. They couldn't keep me here away from him. I'd rather face the Volturi again than live without him a second longer.

I held my breath as I crept to the door, opened it, and slipped outside.

I ran right into Emmett's expansive chest, bouncing off feebly and falling against the door frame. He was grinning widely, obviously pleased that he'd ended what was, by all appearances, my first escape attempt.

"Emmett," I hissed.

"Hey there, little niece, where do you think you're going?"

I couldn't get around him. He was so big, he took up most of the hallway. My escape was thwarted, and I knew it, but I was desperate to get to Jacob, especially today, on the day of his father's funeral.

"Emmett, please, I have to go. I have to get to him," I pleaded.

Emmett's grin faded a little, turning toward a frown. "I'm sorry, Ness, but no can do. You know the rules."

My lower lip trembled. I didn't mean for it to, but I hoped that the effect would be the same.

"Emmett, don't you understand? What if it was Rose?"

Now Emmett did frown, but he didn't move out of my way either. Carefully, he drew me to him in a hug that was as close to warm as any vampire could get. I sagged against him, defeated and angry.

"I would be trying to escape too, but you would be the one here stopping me, right? You would make this choice too, you know. It's what's best for your, our family, and even Jacob. They have to believe that you're gone, Ness, or they'll never leave us alone."

I started crying, but I knew that he was right.

I had as close to losing Jacob as I had to dying that day, and drawing the Volturi back would risk it all again. If I could just hold out—just a couple more days—I could see him again, and we would be safe. I wouldn't have to run anymore, and he and I could really be together.

I just couldn't allow myself to think about how painful it was not to be near him. My whole world felt broken without him.


	30. I Died For You Once

**Author Notes: **Sorry I haven't been replying to all of my lovely, lovely reviews, but I've been in between several projects, using all of my time to keep things updating regularly, and, with school and work too, everything becomes a big blur. However, I do read and cherish each review, and they really keep me going, especially on days when I feel lacking in the ideas department. So, I just wanted to give one big, all-inclusive thank you to my readers and reviewers! I'll try to be more responsive in the future. ;)

As a special gift, enjoy my longest chapter yet! ;P

* * *

For the first time in weeks, the sun was shining.

It felt like God laughing in my face as I stood over the mound of freshly turned earth, underneath which lay my father. There wasn't yet a gravestone to mark him, but I was sure that this was the one location in the world to which I would never need a map. Half of my soul lay to rest here, and all of my guilt was aimed in this solemn direction. I'd stood in the rain on the day of his funeral with the pack surrounding me, as well as most of the residents of La Push. I could have been alone for all I knew.

The significant presences that I yearned for were gone forever.

The worst part was that I had no grave over which to mourn for Renesmee. It was a lot like she had always been some twisted figment of my imagination. She'd been in and out of my life in the blink of an eye, and I had no way now to prove that she had ever been real. Unless I could take my own tattered feelings for proof.

All of this—this great disaster that was my life—was my fault. If I hadn't been so consumed by my feelings for Renesmee, so lost in her scent and the memory of her, I would have realized that the Volturi were encroaching on my precious territory, that they were even already inside of my house.

How could I have not felt them? How long had they been able to torture my dad before I'd gotten to him? I'd let him _die_.

Consequently, I had let Renesmee _die_. If I'd foreseen the attack, if I had been prepared, they would have never have gotten to Renesmee while I lay like a fool in the mud. I had failed as a son, a lover, and an alpha. The enemy had been knocking at my door, and I'd been too lovesick to notice.

I started walking away from the cemetery.

It was a quiet place near the beach. I could hear the ocean at my back as I turned away. The grass in this place was the greenest, a sad contradiction to the dark, wrought iron gate and the general gloominess of a place of death. Plus, it was covered with the shadow that I assumed was my father's eternally disappointed ghost.

I wanted away from there.

Away from his unmarked grave, the fresh dirt that had moistened close to mud with the light shower that had past the night before, the flowers that were beginning to wilt, and the depressing cement angel someone had brought to the funeral. It knelt in the mud and green grass, bowing its head over its clasped hands, eternally frozen in prayer.

I felt its sightless eyes on my back as I cut across the cemetery and headed for the woods, accusing me of a multitude of unspoken sins. The undergrowth was thick through the first line of trees, growing wildly away from the tamed and manicured lawn of the cemetery. Roots and weeds and thorns pulled at my jeans. A few low-hanging branches tried to snag the navy button down shirt I was wearing. I'd worn it to Billy's funeral. I hadn't taken it off since.

It was wrinkled, and maybe it smelled a little, but it was like holding on to my dad in some weird way that I couldn't explain, and it felt like a punishment that I should bear.

I felt moisture on my cheeks and knew that I was crying like the pathetic mess that I was, though I felt no physical convulsing of my throat or burn around my eyes to signify that I was actually shedding tears. I knew that this was the case though. It had been the same way at the funeral when Leah had taken my arm, looked up at me, and had brushed a few away with a Kleenex she'd been holding by the handfuls.

It was strange to find support in Leah, and I was reluctant to lean on her. I didn't felt that I deserved to be held or embraced or forgiven.

The Cullen's had definitely made their point about not forgiving me. From what Leah had told me, Edward had damned me to hell, but the act of restraining me from seeing Renesmee and of taking her body away to some grave I would never be able to find, had spoken volumes. Didn't that asshole understand that I needed to know where she was buried so that I could bury myself there too? I thought that he would relish the idea that I would cease to exist just to be near her again.

The emptiness her death created was massive. Where there should have been pain, there was only hollowness, as if I'd passed on to some higher level of grief that couldn't be categorized or even felt. I was someone beyond myself.

I wasn't Jacob Black anymore.

The pack didn't see it. They were trying to hold me together during the days that I should have been holding them together. I was supposed to be alpha, and though that command was slipping away from Sam, I was still skirting around it. I was now positive that I couldn't handle that responsibility. I could barely remember how to support myself.

Leah came over to cook me meals, to do my laundry, and to remind me to keep breathing. Sam took over patrolling, warned me that the Volturi seemed to be lingering, and told me he was sorry for my loss in at least seven different ways. I was tired of seeing them, of seeing the looks of sympathy on their faces. I was tired of_ everyone._

I pulled free of a few thorns, one tearing the arm of my shirt. It felt like a flesh wound, and I looked at it mournfully, stepping out of the tangles of the forest and into a small clearing. A cottage rested several feet away. Smoke furled up from its chimney.

In the distance, the Cullen's house rose up with modern structural beauty that seemed out of place where every thing else looked rustic and worn.

Edward Cullen stepped out of the cottage, faced me, and snarled.

"What are you doing here?"

I stood there, shoulders sagging, almost wishing that he would attack me. I craved the physical beating to beat my senses back into me. I was already wary of being so numb and disconnected, of hearing the ringing in my ears where I used to hear the echoes of Renesmee's voice.

"I need to see her," I croaked.

Edward stiffened, his spine straightening so that he seemed several inches taller. He was the god that Bella had always claimed to imagine that he was, looking like one of those sculptures of ancient dead men who were facing war, calculating their opponents weakness in preparation of attack.

"She's _gone_, Jacob," he hissed.

I shook my head. The hollow in my chest was vibrating as if it was trying to feel something, anything at all. I wished that I could feel my customary hatred for Edward, but I felt nothing but guilt and the large absence of pain.

"I _need _to see her," I repeated. "You took her from me before I could—Before I had the chance to—"

"_You_ took her from _us_!" Edward shouted, and I winced. "_You_ did this, Jacob. It's your fault that she is where she is! If you had stayed where ever the hell you went, none of this would have happened! What else do you want to try and take from me next, mutt?"

I felt the blood drain from my face, though it was salvaged by the faintest glimmers of anger.

"No!" I shouted back. "No, I didn't mean to! Just tell me where she's bu—Where she's at! Please? Damn it! Please?"

I hated begging him for anything. I hated being at his mercy. I should have killed him years ago, taken Bella, and lived a happy, normal life. Now I was stuck in some broken triangle that had gone up in flames. I would have rather lived in Florida for the rest of my life, in misery, still pining for Bella Swan.

"Get the hell away from here!" Edward snarled. "Get off of my property! Stay the fuck away from here! Leave! Now!"

I blinked, turned, and started walking away. It felt like I was letting him order me around, but that wasn't it at all. I left Edward seething by his cottage, at his broken home, and I started walking in a different direction, not back the way that I came, but on farther, towards the boundaries of Forks. It was like Edward's enraged banishment of me had filled in an answer in a space that had been blank, like it was the answer to a question I hadn't asked.

He blamed me. All of the Cullen's, I was sure, blamed me, and rightly. If I'd been able to stand on my own two feet like a real fucking man, I could have protected Ren. She would have never become involved in the fight. It was the same for my dad. If I'd acted faster, he'd still be alive.

I didn't belong in La Push or even in Forks. I didn't deserve to live amongst friends and the people that I had hurt the most in my failure. I couldn't fix my mistakes. I couldn't bring back the dead. I couldn't be alpha, or even a functional member of society anymore. I was broken and hollow and numb. Somewhere along the way, I'd lost myself, and I was only the shell of what had once been, walking and talking and acting without any acknowledgment from a heart that had stopped beating.

Renesmee was really gone, and so was Billy. There was nothing left for me here. I'd lost my lover, my father, my honor, and my heart all in one day. I wanted to curl up in a grave next to my father and disappear.

But I couldn't.

Because I was incomplete, and I was being punished, and I deserved that punishment. I had to redeem myself, I had to set something right, before I could rest, before I could ever forgive myself.

I took to the side of the highway and kept walking just outside of the white line, heading for the city. I stuck my thumb in the air, mechanically, as cars began to pass. I listened to them blow past in a blur of exhaust and cranked stereos. I knew that it would take a few cars until I found someone not so wary of hitchhikers, especially ones that looked like they'd just gone for a hike in the woods in nice clothes.

Their instincts would tell them to keep moving beyond me, not to stop for the man on the side of the road with the dirty, ripped clothes and the look on his face that was so blank and bleak that it was frightening.

But someone would have to pick me up eventually, or I would walk all the way there if I had to.

My plan was already there, unfolding in the back of my mind, as if it had already been decided the moment I'd woken up in my house to find Leah attempting to console me.

I couldn't bring Renesmee or Billy back. I couldn't continue to face the pack or pretend to be their alpha. I had lost direction and meaning in life and hurt many.

There was only one thing for me to do now, one cause that might save me from the fiery belly of my innermost turmoil and hell, and that was revenge.

I was going to go to Volterra again.

Alone this time, broken, and beaten. I was going to go there a hollow man, and only a faded imitation of a wolf, and I was going to _kill them all_.

---

The streets of Volterra were significantly less crowded. My venture to the clock tower did not take as long as it had on my previous visit. Hours had passed since I'd left Forks, gotten a ride in a beat up Chevy from a man originally from Pennsylvania, made it to the airport, and landed in Volterra, but it felt like I had stepped over the boundary line of Forks and straight into Volterra.

I was having an out of body experience. I was no longer the man that moved my arms and legs or spoke with my mouth. I was just the soul that followed helplessly along, uncertain as to what was real anymore.

I watched with almost casual disinterest as Jane appeared in a darkened doorway that led to the underground home of the Volturi. I remembered it from before. I barely acknowledged her as I followed her inside, as she led me down into its depths.

I was moving now from instinct and necessity. I was here for revenge, but I was thinking more clearly than I ever had in my life. My murderous rage was buried and waiting for opportunity, and I followed Jane quietly and was civilized and calm as we went to Aro's chambers.

All the while I wondered how this idea had cropped up inside of my head, spread, and planted itself there, but, if I was going to die, and if I was going to actively seek that death, this seemed to be the way to go. I would take at least one of them with me for Ren. Hopefully, it would be Felix.

Oak doors swung inward, and I stepped into the room where Aro sat on one of three thrones like some undead king of long ago times. What a pompous asshole. Maybe I would kill him instead of Felix.

"Jacob."

Aro inclined his head, and he smiled.

He actually _smiled_.

Anger swelled, fast and volatile, so swiftly I barely had time to register and contain it. The strong taste of emotion seemed to bring me briefly back to life, and I was almost startled to find myself in Volterra, but it was where I knew that I was meant to be, regardless, and I was ready for this fate, as I had not been ready for many others.

"Aro."

Aro chuckled.

"Ah, young friend, I need not touch your hand to see your motive for coming to us," Aro said, "and I do not entirely blame you for it, so let me begin by saying that I apologize for Renesmee Cullen's unfortunate death."

I hadn't expected this, yet that other being was still in control of my body, and, as I spoke with Aro, my voice was cold, but emotionless, as if I had no real stake in this conversation at all.

"Felix murdered her."

Aro sighed.

"Unfortunate," he repeated, "though I had warned the Cullen's, in my defense, that their actions would not continue to be tolerated."

"I see." Maybe I _would_ kill him instead, for talking about Ren as if her life had been insignificant and unnecessary. "Is that all?"

"No, actually," he said. "I wanted to tell you that this whole mess could and should have been avoided. The orders I gave my guard were to bring you and Renesmee back to Volterra, where we could settle all our debts."

I blinked. "What?"  
"You see, I thought that, if you would agree to work for me, young Renesmee would as well, and thereby would settle all of the debts the Cullen's owe us," Aro explained, very matter-of-factly. "Admittedly, Renesmee is the only one, by blood, that was indebted to us, but I imagined that the two of you would not go anywhere with the other."

I blinked again, swallowed. What was this? What was Aro talking about?

"You wanted us to work for you?"

"Yes," Aro said, "as I had once wanted Edward, Bella, and Alice, though I imagined that you and Renesmee could more than satisfy my need. Your particular abilities are very fascinating."

"I don't understand."

"I was sorry to hear that your pack and the Cullen's interfered with my original intentions, and that Renesmee and your father died in the process."

Bullshit. They had been torturing my father from the beginning.

Or had he been their bargaining chip against me? Along with Renesmee?

They wanted me to work for them. That was what this was all about? Some idiotic desire for werewolf strength? I wanted to laugh, but I knew it would be chased by a bubble of hysteria that would consume me. Having one of us would have meant having the other, and that was what Aro had been after: a way to expand his army that would impress and intimidate anyone that thought to stand against him.

I suddenly wished that I had never gotten on the plane to Italy. I would have rather have thought that Renesmee's death had been on purpose, and not some accident in the midst of the Volturi trying to win me over to their side. It made the guilt worse, so much worse, to know that the entire attack had been motivated by the fact that I was a werewolf.

I should have stayed in Florida, miles away from the vampires. Renesmee would have been better off if she'd never come looking for me, awakening the dormant genes that Aro so admired.

"So, it's as easy as that for you?" I croaked. "Just saying that you're sorry, and that it was an accident?"

"Yes, sadly, that is the case, but..."

Aro rose from his throne, agilely stepped down the few stairs between us, and crossed the marble floor to me.

"I feel that we can still find some sort of solace in this misfortune."

Before I could object, Aro reached out and placed his hand on my arm. I knew that I was imagining the stinging sensation underneath his palm. His touch was cold and dead, but it had no physical power as Jane's did. It was just the _idea_ of him touching me that was revolting.

I didn't flinch or duck away, though, because retreat felt like a weakness at this point. I didn't want the man that had been the cause behind Ren's murder to think that I was afraid of him. I wanted him to see the strength that he had admired, so that later, when I killed him, he would be able to thoroughly appreciate the extent of it.

And I _was_ going to kill him. Though Felix had done the deed, Aro had ensured that it would be a possibility through his own greed to collect a pawn or two for the game he played. What better way to die than to take the head vampire with you?

I looked down at the vampire, noticing that his eyes had become almost glazed, his lips parting with a look of hushed surprise. He had not removed his hand, nor spoken a word of how he expected to accomplish any sort of solace, and it took me a few minutes to realize what he was doing.

Was he like Ren? Could he touch me and see the things I guarded?

In response, Aro licked his lips, and then he dropped his hand, taking an almost unnoticeable step backward. He looked up at me then, his eyes clear again, and seemed to be both amused and thoughtful at the same time. He was the strangest vampire I had ever met, and, possibly, the most worthy one to choose to die.

"You loved Bella Swan too?"

Of all the things I might have expected for the freak to say, that hadn't been one of them. Though those emotions had been torched and swept away by the imprint, the frank question was a little like a slap in the face. I winced, despite my best intentions, wanting, immediately, to shrug away from that question.

"You read my mind?"

Aro shrugged. "More or less. I felt that it would help us find common ground, though I'm afraid to admit that your feelings for Edward's Bella took me slightly off guard."

"I love Renesmee."

The response was almost purely instinct, and felt, almost, forced, as if it was my default response to everything that involved love now, as if I felt defensive about this fact, like I had something to prove. I scowled, and, for the first time in a few weeks, Bella's face popped clearly into my head.

But that was a_ lifetime _ago.

Aro shrugged again. "Of course. I was just noticing your past was all."

"And what did you gain from prying?"

I _had_ gotten defensive, despite telling myself that there was no reason to feel that way. My feelings for Bella had been real—maybe more real than many things in my life had been—but they were gone now.

"You've lost your sense of purpose," Aro said, "so let me help you find it again. I mean, yes, you could try to kill me, but how far do you really think that you would get? Shall we not do something more productive with the rest of your life?"

I hated him more for the fact that he had looked inside my thoughts, and that he had effectively ruined my last great plot for revenge, my last stand before the death I craved to have before I could join Renesmee. I felt the cold distaste running through my veins. It tasted acrid in the back of my throat.

Was that it then? Had I failed in everything, completely?

"And what did you have in mind?" I asked, darkly.

Aro smiled, exposing his teeth. The fact that I had ventured far enough to question him seemed to be more than pleasing to him, as if he had expected me to instantly rebuff him before he had a chance to explain himself. I should have, I knew that, but what other choices did I have at the moment? I was riding the crest of this one last wave, and whether I made it to shore or drowned in its depths was all to be decided by how this conversation went.

"Join me."

I snorted. "That's it?"

Aro chuckled. "You feel you have no purpose. You cannot return to your friends, and you are stricken with guilt. However, I do not care about your past or the responsibilities you don't want. You can start a new life here with us and live lavishly."

Who did he think I was? A greedy bastard? What about my memories made him think, even for a second, that material possessions or power had ever meant anything to me?

"What do I have without Renesmee?"

Aro's smile faltered. "You would die instead? When I can give you wealth, power, and a clean slate? What then? Can I tempt you by the idea that joining me would strike the blow of revenge you've always craved against Edward Cullen?"

"It would also strike my pack and Bel—the rest of the Cullen's. You expect me to turn against many just to piss one off?"

Now, Aro was scowling. The man liked to wear a pleasing mask until he was disagreed with. I could tell that he wasn't used to being rejected, or, if he was, that he didn't deal with rejection in a civil manner. I had a feeling that, if I didn't attempt to attack him, and if I did try to leave peacefully, I would be killed anyway. That was the way he played his game.

And how could I win? I'd been a fool to think that I could attack him on his own ground. I didn't know anything about Volterra or nearly enough about the Volturi themselves. I didn't know any of their weaknesses, or if they even had any.

"I attempt to reason civilly with Renesmee, with her parents, and now, with you, but my patience wears thin, Jacob Black."

I straightened my spine, glaring down at him.

"If you saw my thoughts, then you know that I've become more than resolved on my trip to Volterra. There's nothing waiting back there for me."

I saw Aro's jaw clench, his dark eyes flickering with annoyance. I imagined that this was the evil face that his human prey saw right before they died painful deaths. He deserved to die like that, and I only wished that I could be the one to ensure that he did, but it looked like this was the end of my road.

I wasn't afraid. The loss of Renesmee had severed my ties from the world. There was nothing but emptiness left here without my imprint.

I looked up as Aro inhaled deeply, saw that his face had gone livid, that he was angrier than I had given him credit for being. I wondered how slow and painful my death would be. I waited for it, but Aro didn't seem to be done speaking.

"If you wish to bring it to this, then I will," he spat. "If you do not join us—if you will not help us—then I will personally go to Forks, and I will take Bella Swan, Leah Clearwater, Sam Uley, and the rest of your friends from this world. I will murder them all for your refusal, for the continued embarrassment you and your friends cast upon the Volturi."

I felt my heart spiral, in one, clean drop, to my feet.

---

**Leah POV**

I pounded on the Cullen's front door so hard that I thought it was going to splinter and cut up my hand. I hadn't planned to scream too, but I found that I was shouting Edward and Bella's names at the top of my lungs as I slammed away at their door. Impatient, I had half a notion to break through a window, but the door swung inward less than twenty seconds after I'd arrived there.

It was Edward there, on the other side.

Furious, desperate, I flung my cell phone at him. He must not have expected the attack, because the phone bounced harmlessly off of his chest before he could swat it away, and he blinked in a startled sort of way, like a fly had just bumped against him while he wasn't paying attention.

"Leah..."

Bella stepped into view beside him, and I stared wildly back and forth between the two, feeling my heart pound in my throat. My friend was in danger—my alpha was in danger—all because of these two, and their little demon fuck.

"Leah, what's going on?" Bella demanded.

I hated them both. I wished I'd thrown something more substantial and heavier at Edward.

"Jacob disappeared yesterday," I spat, "and you know why? You know where he fucking went? He went to Volterra, to that shit hole in Italy where your kind breeds like fucking rabbits, and you know what? You dumb shits! He called me today. He told me he's not coming back!"

Neither of them spoke for several minutes. I could hear my own loud, labored breathing in my ears. I was panting, though I ran miles and miles every day and never lost my breath like I had now.

"W-What?" Bella stammered.

I was glad that she, at least, was getting the picture.

"He said—He said he's staying there!" I sobbed. "He's so messed up, because of your stupid kid, he says he's going to become part of the _Volturi_!"

The confession made me choke and then gag. The sound of Jacob's voice wouldn't stop echoing in my head, sounding hollow and dead. He'd hung up on me directly afterward, and, when I'd try to call him back, an electronic voice had told me that the number was no longer in service.

Jacob was gone.

_He'd crossed over._


	31. The Volturi's Pet

"_We've found that Lorelei is invaluable to our cause."_

_ A family of three was huddled together in a little villa on the outskirts of Volterra. The villa was old and overgrown with ivy. Nature had taken control of it, and the family's limited wealth had not been able to stave off the weeds that entangled the structure of their home. The ceiling leaked when it rained. Their floor was lined with rusted buckets. _

_ "But—She's my wife."_

_ Aro's chuckle sucked the life out of the room. It sucked the life out of Michael, the slender, Italian vampire who owned the villa. His marble face folded in on itself, and I looked away in disgust. _

_ "Michael, you realize the honor in my request." _

_ Michael was shaking. "No. No, you can't have her."_

_ No one ever denied Aro anything. Even I had learned that. He would take everything from you, even when you felt that you had nothing left to lose. He would steal that last bit of something that you had never known you needed to survive. I felt my own loss ache in the center of my chest. I felt as weak as Michael. _

_ "Michael, have I introduced you to Jacob?"_

_ Michael's eyes flicked toward me. They were dark and nervous. They danced from me to Aro and back again. His tongue flicked out, and he licked his lips anxiously. _

_ "What is he?" _

_ Aro laughed. "Ah, my friend, I knew you would perceive the difference. Jacob is a werewolf."_

_ Michael froze. His eyes, glazed, stopped on me. The nervous twitch of his fingers—fingers that had been curling and uncurling—went immobile. I watched his chest expand as he tasted the air, tasted my scent, to see if Aro was lying. _

_ Michael's voice was hoarse. "He smells like a dog."_

_ "He is," Aro agreed. "He's a very large dog, a very large wolf, in fact. Jacob is my friend. He has accompanied me on my voyage to ensure that you agree that Lorelei joining my guard is of the utmost importance."_

_ Someone was crying in the other room. It had started out muffled when we'd first arrived, but now it was loud, as if the person crying had passed some barrier behind which she could not again retreat. Her footing had slipped. She cried brokenly. She had been listening to the entire conversation. I knew that she was Lorelei, though I couldn't see her. Aro had said that she could make any human do her bidding as long as she looked them right in the eye. She was a human puppet master. In Aro's hands, she would be deadly. _

_ My stomach lurched, nausea rolled thickly. I didn't want to help Aro take Lorelei. I didn't want Lorelei to exist at all. I wanted to tell Michael to do whatever he had to do to keep Lorelei, and I wanted to tell Aro to go fuck himself. _

_ But I couldn't. _

_ The love of my life was gone, and so was my father, but Aro had found another weakness through which to control me, and, as broken as I was, I couldn't disobey Aro's command without risking that he would kill everyone that I had left: My pack, Bella, even the Cullen's. _

_ Michael released what sounded like a sob, glaring at me, and dropped to his knees. He covered his face with his hands. Aro advanced and patted him paternally on the shoulder. _

_ We took Lorelei with us when we left. _

"Fuck," I hissed, starting awake.

Reality was no better than the nightmare I'd surfaced from. Waking, I was still in the Volturi's palace. I was still locked inside the room they'd given me, ensuring that I wouldn't get any brave ideas and escape. I was the wolf slave of the Volturi. I was the dog that did Aro's bidding. I sickened myself, but I had no escape.

If I left, they would hunt me down, and they would punish me and everyone that stood with me in return. They'd made that very clear the first few weeks that I'd stayed. Entering my seventh week with the Volturi, I hadn't overstepped any of the boundaries they had set after Liam had paid me a visit on my second week to inform me that it was his business to keep the Cullen's under surveillance, and that he could tell me what color Bella's underwear were, and what time Carlisle took his lunch break at work in the hospital. He also mentioned knowing Leah's favorite cereal.

One wrong move, and the Volturi would pick someone off that I cared about. They would massacre them without hesitation, as I had already seen them do to several of their own kind that had refused to oblige to Aro's wishes, even with me in tow.

Peter Flanagan, a Canadian vampire, had been beheaded for biting his neighbor while the mailman witnessed the attack. David Carraway, a vampire that kept to the underbelly of New York, had refused to out his friend that had been running around creating newborns, and he'd been dismembered. There were also others—like Sarah Adams, Jessi Cleaver, and Sam Ashby—that had been similarly dealt with.

If I could do nothing else for the memory of Renesmee, I would protect her family.

So I stood by, and I watched him kill his unruly vampire comrades. I even watched and did nothing when Heidi brought the human tourists through the underground catacombs to face their unknowing death. I stayed locked inside my room, and I didn't speak, and I didn't act, and I tried not to fucking feel.

I'd been forced to bully, belittle, and torment more than a handful of strangers. I'd even been forced to phase to physically intimidate them.

Phasing was the worst torture that Aro could bestow. I had to hear the dim, distant voices of my friends in my head. I had to listen to them begging me to come home, to fight back, to not let another innocent person die. I tried my best to block them out.

I was doing all of this for them. I was doing this, and I was forgetting myself and my morals and my life, so that they would be _safe_. I was losing myself, and it was frightening, but maybe it was better to become someone else if I had to live this life. The man I had once been couldn't stand underneath the pressure of this life, and I couldn't allow myself to break, so I retreated into myself, and I became the fucking monster I had never wanted to be, that I would always hate.

Flat on my back, I watched shadows dance on the ceiling. I'd left the lamp beside my bed lit when I'd went to sleep, and, as it flickered, I saw different shapes expand on the ceiling. I watched them, trying to feel vacant and detached. I tried not to think about the things I'd been forced to do the day before. I concentrated, instead, on the satin bed sheets, the way they hissed when I moved my arms or legs, how they always felt cool and light against my naked back and chest.

_I had to get out of here. _

I listened to the lock in my door click suddenly. The door opened and then closed directly after. Was it that time already? Had a whole night passed? What would they have me do today? Who would I have to watch being murdered?

My expression was blank. I continued to watch the shapes on the ceiling. I would never move from the bed again. If I willed myself to die, maybe I would.

"Jacob Black."

I wasn't expecting the voice to be female. Surprised and wary, I sat up. If Aro had sent for me, I would have to go.

A female vampire stood at my door. She looked vaguely familiar, but I couldn't place her name, so I had to figure that she wasn't part of the main guard. Her body was hidden underneath a scarlet cloak, but her face was in plain view. She had a wide mouth that was a little thin, and her cheekbones were very prominent. Her nose made a gentle slope, and her hair was loose brunette curls.

She smiled at me.

"I've heard so much about you. You're Aro's pet. His very muscular, handsome pet." She pursed her lips. "Though you do, sadly, smell."

She took a step forward, and then another. She reached out, taking the oak bedpost in her hand, and swung herself around to the right side of the bed. She walked along the side of it, trailing her fingers across the satin sheets. I watched her, leery, noting the way she swayed her hips.

Who the fuck was she?

"Sorry to wake you. It _is_ awfully late."

"What do you want?"

Her hand was traveling up my leg over the covers. I looked down at it, and then back up at her. A few blond curls had fallen in front of her face.

Blond? Hadn't they just been brown?

Her hand was on the inside of my thigh. I blinked. Her hair was... brown, blond, gold? I lifted my hands to my eyes, wiped them, and looked again.

"Jacob..."

Her hair was bronze. _Bronze_. Bronze ringlets. My stomach twisted.

"Who the fuck are you?"

Her hand skimmed over my waist, went up my stomach, and rested on my chest.

"Who do you want me to be, Jacob?"

_What_? I was dreaming. I had to be. I closed my eyes again and told myself to wake up. Her eyes were red, not brown. Not brown like they had suddenly turned. Her hair was what was brown, not bronze. What the fuck was going on?

"Jacob," she called my attention. "Who do you want me to be?"

I opened my eyes.

"Renesmee," I choked.

The girl at the side of my bed was a bronze-haired goddess, a ghost come back to life. I didn't believe it. There was no way, no way at all.

But it was her face, and her hair, and her smile. It was her eyes, and nose, and it was her dimple in her right cheek. It even _smelled_ like her. I couldn't breathe. The room itself felt tighter and smaller. There was a buzzing noise in my ears, and it was growing louder and louder. I was sitting in a bed in Volterra, but I was suddenly millions of miles away.

Her hand felt heavy on my chest. The nerves in my body that I thought had all died, vibrated to life again. They sizzled and burned. They made me sick and excited and delirious.

"What do you want?"

"Renesmee." It was all that I could say.

Renesmee was what I wanted. She was all that I wanted. I wanted her to be alive again, to be with me again, to hold me and love me again. I needed her to live, or I would be this hollow shell forever. I would be Aro's brainless slave until I died lonely and miserable.

And now, here she was. Maybe she was a hallucination, or a dream, but she was here, and she was touching me, and I could feel all those nerves again that had been fried before.

"Who are you?" I whispered.

"Renesmee," she answered.

_No_.

I lifted a hand, touched her face. I ran my thumb over her cheekbone, down over her nose. She continued to smile. When I drew my hand away, it was shaking. Where was I? What was real? I tried to swallow, but my throat had gone dry.

"Who are you really?"

She sighed, chuckled.

"Jacob, I'm Renesmee. You know that."

Christ. I knew that it looked like that, but how? I could feel her underneath my palm. Her skin was smooth and soft and real. Her cheek was a little cold, but she was dead, wasn't she? So what did I expect?

Her chin rested between my thumb and forefinger. I pulled her gently toward me. Her lips were puckered slightly. I stared at them, wanting to taste them, but afraid to as well. What did a mirage taste like?

"You can't be real."

"Why?"

"Renesmee is dead."

She chuckled. She lifted her freehand to the clasp of her cloak. Her fingers worked it loose, and it fell away. I gaped a little to find that she was completely naked underneath. She was thin. She had shapely hips and ample breasts. Her nipples were taut. She looked like a pale, beautiful illusion. My body tried to respond immediately, but some part of it held me back. Maybe it was the whisper of ghosts.

She lifted her knee to the bed and started to climb up next to me.

I caught her by the hip, causing her to grin as my thumb grazed the bone that protruded there.

I swallowed, cleared my throat, and looked her straight in her chocolate brown eyes.

"You're not Renesmee."

I shifted my thumb, exposing a mole that Renesmee did not have, that I clearly remembered her not having.

The woman caught sight of my focus, and, immediately, her face changed.

In more ways than one.

I blinked, and she was the brunette woman again—the brunette vampire with gleaming red eyes. The shift was like a physical vibration through the air, forcing shock waves that rolled over me as Renesmee disappeared and the woman—whoever she really was—reappeared.

I didn't know how the fuck it was possible, but losing Renesmee, again, even in this unexplainable way that didn't make any sense to me whatsoever at all, was like losing her for the first time. I felt the loss tear through me. For a moment, it was almost blinding.

"What the hell is this?" I growled.

I reached for her wrist, intent on forcing the bloodsucker to fess up to this sick, fucking game she was playing with me. She saw it coming, easily avoided, and then came at me on her own. Her face was contorted in fury that I didn't understand, and, as she lunged for me, I saw the knife in her hand.

I rolled to avoid, dropping to the floor on the opposite side of the bed, scrambling away as she tore after me.

I hadn't exactly expected to be attacked after waking up this morning, so I was a little bit slow. She knocked over the nightstand as she came after me, slamming it to the floor. Something glass broke. She let out a feral growl, lunged again, and I caught her by the wrists, slung her around, and slammed her against the wall.

"What the--" I panted. "Who are you? What the hell are you trying to do?"

The vampire slammed into the wall, grunted, and then shook it off. She hissed at me.

"You killed him, you bastard!" she snarled.

When she came at me again, her nails scratched the side of my face.

Killed him? Killed _who_?

I deflected the fist she swung at me next, sidestepping her, ducking, and dodging as necessary. I was too confused to think to fight back.

"Who? Who are you?"

"Vanessa!" she shrieked. "Vanessa Carraway!"

_Carraway_.

Her second swing hit me again, catching my chin. I reeled backward, knocking over a vase.

"David," I grunted.

"Yesss!" she hissed. "My husband, you filthy mongrel!"

I let her hit me again. My back hit the solid, stone wall. I felt the impact rippled up my spine, saw a flurry of dark hair as she slammed into me.

"You killed him," she repeated, hysterical. "You murdered him. I loved him. He was my life. My life! Do you understand? I'll live forever without him. How can I bare that?"

Something inside of me shut down, like a light switch being flipped off. She pounded a fist against my chest, and I barely felt it. I would have let her kill me, as I stood there, stupefied, thinking only of Renesmee, of how I felt losing Renesmee.

Maybe I would have even been glad if she did, but I wasn't able to find out. The commotion drew the real Volturi guard. I heard the door swing open, and someone lifted Vanessa off of me. She was livid as she was refused her victim, kicking and screaming as Felix and Demetri carried her out of my room.

As her screaming faded down the hall, I found myself alone and bloodied, with Liam. He leaned smugly against the door frame, watching me with a smirk on his face. Vanessa's attack had drained me of all of my energy. I couldn't even hate him like usual.

"Ah, Vanessa Carraway," he snickered. "Has a lovely talent, doesn't she?"

I swallowed. "She can make herself appear to be whoever she wants."

"She can make herself appear to be whoever _you_ want her to be," Liam corrected. "You see anyone interesting?"

I wanted to kill him, but I didn't have the strength.

"Fuck off," I said.

Liam laughed. "Right. Aro wants you. He's going to be seeing someone soon that he feels he'll need your help with. You up to ruining someone else's life?"

One day, I was definitely going to kill him.

---

I stood rigidly at Aro's side, just to the left and behind his throne. His other minions flanked him, but I didn't really see any of them. Their rotting smell curled in my nostrils, but I'd grown used to it, and it was something else I'd learned to detach myself from.

I stared blankly at the floor, hating myself more than I had in a long time. Vampire or not, Vanessa had a human's face, a human's pain, and a human's right to feel anger. I hadn't been the one to kill David, but I might as well have. I had stood there and allowed it to happen, just as I had for other people on other occasions. I had lost my sense of right and wrong and become an unwilling participant in the same thing that had taken Renesmee away from me.

I was a miserable excuse for a person. I wondered what they had done with Vanessa. She had deserved her revenge. The scratches on my cheek stung, but they would heal quickly. It wasn't good enough.

Aro cleared his throat, signifying the approach of his guest, and I looked up.

Today was the apparently day to see ghosts.

The doors swung open, and into Aro's court walked Isabella Cullen. We stared at each other as she approached Aro, and I felt my heart constrict.

I felt myself dying.


	32. My Life in Ruins

**Bella POV**

My marriage was in ruins, my life: hanging by a few flimsy threads. After the death of my daughter, everything had spiraled wildly out of control. Guilt had amassed, had loitered uncomfortably in my household, and then had been shouldered in my direction by none other than my own husband. Of course, my affiliation with Jacob was the center of this disaster. If, years and years ago when Edward had disappeared to Italy, I hadn't given Jacob a large amount of false hope, the boy would have strayed back to his side of the boundary line, and a casual relationship would have ensued that would not have entangled him in our lives.

In essence, it was my fault that Renesmee had found Jacob, that Jacob had imprinted, and that the Volturi had wanted to teach us all a powerful and sobering lesson. Edward would never forgive me for Renesmee's death, or for what he thought was my own betrayal.

I still had feelings for Jacob. Hadn't I seen it? How could I continue to live underneath Edward's roof, lie in his bed, and still have feelings for another man? I had been a hopeless, lost cause from the beginning, and Edward had mercifully ignored my shortcomings until the unbearable had happened.

And, now, here I was in Volterra, ready to do the unthinkable.

At least, this was the story that I recited to Aro upon entering his underground castle while I was careful not to glance at my friend, Jacob Black, until the moment was perfect, and I conceded to the feelings that I was going to pretend that I still had for him in order to thoroughly trick Aro.

I almost regretted this part of the plan as I saw the expression that crossed Jacob's face. It was wrong. It shouldn't have had to come to this. Mercifully, I was no longer human, and I couldn't blush as I felt I would have otherwise at the thought of my last encounter with Jacob, of how foolish and conceited I'd been. Here I was again, playing with his emotions, watching him suffer. Though it was to save him, it didn't make the idea any more tolerable as I watched him flinch.

I was starting to wonder if it'd been the correct plan to go with at all. Watching Jake's face, I wasn't completely sure that he could handle what I was saying now on top of his idea that Nessie was dead. I wished that I could shout the truth at him, but I closed my mouth the second I was done with my little story, and I didn't allow myself to speak another word.

As Aro silently considered, I thought of how I'd been an idiot to believe that Jacob had returned to Forks for me. His suffering over the loss of Nessie was so painfully evident that I must have gone temporarily blind during that moment in the room we'd shared alone with the piano. Maybe I had wanted to be blind. It was, and had, been difficult to relinquish my relationship with Jacob. His warmth was something that I would always miss.

I wondered how it could still continue to exist in a place like this, doing the things that I had heard that Aro was forcing him to do. This wasn't Jacob. My Jacob would never have been able to do these things. He'd been driven to the edge, and he'd suffered. I could see it in his face and the sour curve of his mouth as he stared at me. I wanted to reach out to him, to tell him that he didn't have to be this person.

"Hmm," Aro murmured. "I suppose your feelings for my friend here are still rather evident."

Again, had I the capability, I would have turned scarlet. I looked away from Jacob and didn't look back. We had been best friends. Was it wrong to still love him in some ways? Never like I loved Edward, but still present, still warm when all else was cold.

"Poor Edward," Aro went on. "I fathom this has all been quite unpleasant for him."

Edward was in Forks, sitting on our couch, waiting anxiously for my return, hoping, as the rest of the family hoped, that I would have Jacob in tow. Though it was unlikely that anyone could be as anxious as Nessie, who remained heavily guarded in her room by Emmett.

"Yes."

"Well, what exactly is it that you desire from me, Isabella?" He smiled. "I assume it's too much to hope that you wish to join me? To put your exquisite talent to good use?"

I took a deep breath.

"I come wishing for death."

Jacob went pale. Aro merely frowned with annoyance. I tried not to fidget, to keep my face blank, but serious. I wanted to be the solemn vampire yearning for death, not the one that was becoming anxious that she would be called out as a liar, be seen straight through.

"This seems to be a common desire with your family and friends," Aro noted sourly. "First Edward, then your daughter, then Jacob, and now you."

I looked up at him, hoping that my gaze seemed vacant and lost, yet still determined.

"Perhaps this is because you, at some point in time, stole something from us that we could not live without?"

Aro seemed surprised by this. His eyes widened. He glanced over his shoulder at Jacob, whose face had gone impossibly dark and withdrawn, and then back at me, and then he laughed, as if it was all a joke. The laughter echoed against the stone walls, sounding harsh and vindictive until it faded away.

"That's what you wish?"

I swallowed. "Yes."

"Very well then," Aro snapped. "Your wish has been granted."

I nearly choked. _What?_ That wasn't how this was supposed to happen! Aro always refused. Alice had _assured_ me that he would refuse. Even Carlisle had agreed, recalling that Aro found my particular talent admirable. They had all told me that Aro would disagree, that he would send me away or attempt to persuade me to stay, and then I could squeeze a word into Jacob, and we could both be out of this nightmare.

Aro snapped his fingers. Felix advanced from his place against the wall. I gasped a little, taking a frightened step back as he approached.

"No!"

Everyone in the room jolted at the sound of Jacob's roar. He jumped off the small platform where Aro's throne sat and was in front of me before anyone could do anything about it. Momentarily, I closed my eyes. His warmth was still present. I felt it brushing against me as he became my personal shield.

"Jacob," I whispered.

How many times would he save my life? I had come here to save _his_.

Aro rose from his seat. His face was full of contempt as he stared at the two of us. We had pushed our luck with him—all of us—and I should have known that my request would be the one not to be refused. I was the one, after all, that had caused this entire mess.

First by learning that Edward was a vampire, and then by carrying his hybrid child. I had started this domino effect, taking everyone else out along with me.

"What are you doing, Jacob?" Aro demanded.

Jacob continued to stand between Felix and me, but he turned his head to stare at Aro. I took a tentative step forward, tucking myself against Jacob's back, holding on to the loose material of his shirt. I needed a way to tell him something without the others hearing, but it was impossible.

"Don't do this," I whispered.

He ignored me.

"I'm not going to let anyone kill her," he snapped. "Did you forget that that's why I've stayed here, doing as you bid?"

He had become part of the Volturi for _me_? I stared at Jacob's back in disbelief, wishing, for the first time in a long time, that I still had the ability to cry. A painful knot wedged in my throat instead, and it burned without the possibility of expressing itself through tears.

"Yes, I recall, but you should also remember, Jacob, there are other lives that I can take from you. Shall you save Bella now and let the rest of your friends perish?"

Jacob didn't move.

"She's just as important as them."

I didn't deserve Jacob. I pressed my forehead against his back.

I needed to tell him about Renesmee. How?

"She asked for death! I grant it to her! Why are you saving someone that wishes to die?"

_That was it_.

I released Jacob, pulling away.

"He's right, Jake. I'm sorry."

I was sorry for a lot of things.

Jacob whirled toward me, his expression full of anguish and disbelief.

"No, Bella."

"Let me speak to Jacob in private," I told Aro. "Afterward, you'll have your minion back, and I'll be ready for...for my death."

"No," Jacob hissed, reaching for me.

As his hands closed around my wrists, I felt his warmth. It was nearly unnerving. The sensation that I needed—wanted—to cry returned, but I still couldn't. I could only frown at Jacob, visualizing the tears that wouldn't come.

Aro, convinced maybe only by Jacob's desperation, finally shrugged.

"Very well, but make it quick."

He gestured to his guards, and they escorted him from the room.

"Bella, what are you doing?" Jacob demanded, shaking me a little, the second they were gone.

"You're always trying to save me."

It broke my heart.

"Why wouldn't I? I—I love you, Bells. I always will."

It was harder for him to say, because it was less of the truth than it once had been. He was in love with my daughter. Maybe the love he felt for me had always sprung from what would someday be: the bronze-haired girl that would one day live. Nessie was his fate, as Edward was mine.

"You have to escape this place, Jake."

I could visibly see him withdrawing from the idea, and it upset me. How had he gotten to this point?

"There's nothing else out there for me, Bella, and I can't anyway. If I leave, he'll kill everyone."

I shook my head. "No. He's afraid of your pack, Jacob. If you have them, he won't touch you. Alice told me. They caught you off guard last time, Jake. He won't have the opportunity again, and he knows it. Not with us there too."

He was still unconvinced. "What do I have to return to, Bella? An empty house?"

I dropped my voice to a whisper, "Renesmee."

Jacob blinked and abruptly released my wrists.

"What did you say?" he demanded.

I reached for him instead.

"Jake," I whispered, "Renesmee is _alive_."

He pulled away from me, shaking his head.

"Why would you tell me that? That's cruel, Bella. I saw her fall. The pack told me..."

"They told you what we wanted them to believe! What we needed even you to believe! The Volturi had to believe she was dead."

"But I saw Edward before I came here, he—"

"He was acting!" I snapped. "Acting, Jake, just acting! We were being watched. We didn't know that you would do something crazy like this!"

"Bella..." Jake's voice had grown desperate. "Bella, please. Please, don't lie to me."

I reached for him again, this time taking his face between my hands.

"I swear, Jacob. I swear, I'm not lying. Renesmee has been in the attic of our house the entire time. She's waiting for you."

"She is?"

"Yes. That's why I'm here. I came to bring you back. We have to get out of here."

The door opened, and Aro and Felix returned. Only five minutes or less had passed, but our time was evidently up. As Aro cleared his throat, Jacob searched my face. His own was coming to life again, resurfacing from the dark mask it'd been when I'd arrived. I saw a gleam of hope in his eyes, a sparkle of determination.

But what were we going to do? Neither of us had a plan.

"Step away, Jacob. It's time that this is done," Aro ordered.

Jacob said nothing for a moment, and we stared wordlessly at each other. I wondered if our luck had run out, if we would both die here, despite all of the thought that had went into this rescue mission. I had failed us both.

"Bella," Jacob whispered, "tell her—"

He leaned in, pressing his lips directly over my ear. He spoke so quietly that I could only just barely hear what he was saying. I didn't understand his request, but I nodded anyway. It wasn't as if either of us would get out of here.

"Jacob," Aro warned.

I listened to him draw in a breath against my ear.

"You still smell like strawberries," he told me.

I smiled against his neck. "You smell like dog, I'm afraid."

Jacob laughed. "You better start running, Bella. Don't look back. Get out of here."

I opened my mouth to ask him what he meant, but Jacob abruptly shoved me away. I stumbled back several feet from the force of his push, but was thankful for it when, a second later, Jacob ripped out of his clothes and landed on all four.

He let out an ear-splitting howl, craning his neck so that his massive head lifted into the air. It shook the walls of Aro's fortress, vibrating underneath the soles of my feet. It continued to echo long after Jacob stopped, ducked his head, and began to growl.

Aro and Felix were stunned, both staring fixedly at his numerous long, sharp teeth.

Briefly, Aro glanced at me, and the gesture cut straight through the haze of my own shock. As Jacob lunged for the two vampires, I ran. I ran before the rest of the guard could show up, before one of us missed the chance to get out, to get help.

I ran, because Jacob had told me to.

---

**JPOV**

I saw Bella streak past me as I lunged for Aro and Felix. I could only hope that she made it out, that she delivered my message to Renesmee.

Renesmee was alive.

_She was alive._

I had to get back to her. I _would_ get back to her.

But, first, I was going to do what I had told myself I would do all along: I was going to kick some serious Volturi ass.

* * *

**Author Notes:** I've done a bit of altering on my story outline, changing things up a bit, so I hope that you guys approve. Nothing too major, just a little action sooner than I had planned it. Why? Because this was going to originally be a Bella/Jake fic. xD Yes, I confess! Somewhere along the way, I changed my mind, so it required a bit of tweaking. Anyway, now that you've had your daily dose of angst, may I suggest some giggles and smut? And I mean _smut_.

On part of my own need to shamelessly self-promote, I'd like to suggest reading my latest, currently one-shot, fic, "Revenge Cake."

www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5793332/1/Revenge_Cake

It's currently in a contest, and the voting will open up on April 5th, so please do take a look, and vote next week if you like it. ;) It was just a bit of a break for me to get away from the drama of my usual fics. Anyway, thanks, as always, for reading my latest chapter of Phased. Hope you enjoyed!


	33. How to Beat a Vampire

**Author Notes:** I hate, hate, _hate _writing fight scenes! Which is why this chapter is set up in varying points of view. I tried to think of the best way to show the action, contrary to my usual methods, because I've always been unhappy before with my fight scenes. Anyway, thanks as always for your support and reviews! =) You guys are great! And don't judge me too harshly on this chapter. xD I really tried to give you guys something to enjoy!

* * *

**Jacob POV**

The first thing Aro did? He sunk back against the walls, snapped his fingers, and sent Felix to do his dirty work, but, this time, I was ready. As Bella fled from their underground fortress, I phased, mid-air, and caught the burly vampire by the arm.

I sunk my massive teeth into his marble bicep, locking my jaw. Felix shouted curses at me, but I held on as he swung me around, trying to break free. He hissed and shouted, jerking me around until I felt like I was on a carousel from spinning so many circles.

I would have held on forever, like a challenged crab locking his claw, but a surprise attack from Liam—fresh on the scene—forced me to release him. I skidded across the floor, by claws hissing as I ground myself to a stop, and then I lunged for Liam.

Felix be damned for the time being, I was going to kill this fucker.

---

**Leah** **POV**

I whined noisily, stuck in the audience of Jacob's head. What the fuck was he doing? Was he nuts? Three vampires against one werewolf? Those were poor odds, even for bad-asses like Jacob.

_"Do something."_  
Sam shot me a belittling look from where he sat, on the opposite side of the circle from me. Our pack had formed a small group, surprised in the middle of our daily scouting party by Jacob's sudden intrusion into our mind.

_"What do you expect me to do, Leah? He's half the world away,"_ Sam reminded me. _"He's still the alpha too. I can't _make _him do anything." _

I whined again, lowering my muzzle to the ground where I swiped my paw over it. Shit. Jacob_ was_ the alpha. Of course the transition of the power would have taken place when he was all the way in Italy, doing all sorts of God-awful shit. For the past several weeks, all of us had taken to aborting our phases the second that Jacob popped up, none of us wanting to witness what the Volturi made him do.

_"He'll kill everyone if I refuse,"_ Jacob had continued to insist, each time any one of us tried to tell him to stop, to come home.

I'd started to think that we would be an alpha-less pack the rest of our existence, Jacob lost to us forever in the icy grip of the Volturi, but today, fate had changed. Little Isabella Cullen—the sick freak—had gone to his rescue. Of all people!

Listening to the events replay over in Jacob's head, I found myself increasingly agitated—No, actually, I was _pissed_—to discover that the Cullen's had lied to all of us, and that Renesmee Cullen, the source of all this misfortune, was actually still alive.

The news had been, obviously, too late. Jacob was already hundreds of miles away, torturing vampires in a way that even made _my _toes curl.

_"Jacob," _I groaned, _"be careful!"_

---

**Jacob POV**

I slammed Liam to the ground, pinning him with my paws against his chest. His head bounced off of the floor like a rag doll, and, for a moment, his eyes glazed. He shook it off and hissed at me, swinging his fists. I caught one in my mouth, and I bit down.

Vampires tasted like shit, but, this one time, I would ignore that unfortunate fact, and relish in the feel of Liam's fingers breaking as I closed my mouth down onto his curled up fist. The moron had obviously underestimated my strength, underestimated the fact that werewolves were as strong as vampires, and that, when it came down to it, vampires weren't all that immortal.

They could be killed.

Liam screamed as his bones crunched, writhing underneath me, attempting to pull his hand loose. He tried swatting at me with his other hand, but those hits bounced painlessly away, too feeble from the infliction of pain on his body to be concentrated enough to do any damage.

After I felt that each bone had been effectively shattered, I abruptly released him. I recoiled away, hugging his limp hand to his chest, hissing and spitting in fury and embarrassment. He cursed at Felix, however, when the mammoth tried to come to his aid.

"Stay back!" he snapped. "I'll deal with this dog!"

I grinned inwardly, recklessly. That was what I wanted. I would take him down and then Felix and then Jane. I would kill each vampire that had anything to do with my father's death or Renesmee's nearly fatal injury, and I would do it slowly and painfully.

---

**Bella POV**

I should have stayed to help him.

Jacob was strong—stronger than I'd ever given him enough credit for—but he wasn't unbeatable. There were too many vampires in the Volturi coven, and, worst of all, they had _Jane_. Jacob had no way to defend against her. Only I could deflect her powers. Only with my help could Jacob avoid death.

They were calling my flight over the intercom.

People with suitcases shuffled past me, all oblivious to the fight to the death that was occuring underneath their streets. I held my cellphone in my hand. I turned it over once, twice, and then I flipped it open.

I dialed quickly with my thumb. I listened to the monotone ring. I waited three seconds, then five, and then ten. On what I feared would be the last tone, Emmett answered.

"Yeah?"

"Emmett? Give the phone to Renesmee."

I waited, holding my breath.

"Mom? What's happening?"

The phone shook in my hand. How close I'd come to losing my daughter. How close I was coming now to losing my best friend. I had to fight, for once. I had to protect what was mine. If anything happened to Jacob, it would be Renesmee who suffered the most. Her feelings for him were like mine for Edward. The pair of us had fallen in love at first sight.

Funny how that worked.

"Nessie, listen closely to me and do everything I say. Jacob wanted me to tell you—"  
I closed my eyes and recited Jacob's instructions. Hopefully, they wouldn't be given in vain.

---

**Jacob POV**

I was panting. The fight had been grueling. Breaking every one of Liam's bones had been exhausting. Ripping the sick fuck in half had been real _work_. His mangled, broken body lay in a heap on the floor. Minus his right arm, which I'd ripped off and thrown into the far corner of the room while Felix howled in rage.

I turned to him, snarling, reeking of dead vampire, feeling the filth like a second skin.

The fools. They'd all underestimated me. Despite the visual evidence, they hadn't tried to stop me as I murdered Liam. They'd really believed that he would fight back, that he would somehow win even after he lost his first limb: his right arm.

_This is what you get_, I wanted to say, _for hurting the people I love. I warned you. I warned you to stay the hell away. _

Despite the labor of killing a vampire, I was ready for the next as Felix made to come after me. However, just as he took his first step forward, and I growled in welcome for the onslaught, Aro lifted a hand and restrained Felix.

What? What the fuck now? I wanted this over with. I wanted them all dead.

"Let me!" Felix roared.

_Yes, let him_.

Aro shook his head. "Let's deal with this properly."

He glanced to his left. Someone else entered the room. She was short and small, blanketed in her dark cloak. Blond hair knitted back in a tight bun, she glared calmly at me with her hungry, furious red eyes. I growled, though, internally, I betrayed my own fear to myself.

_Shit_. I'd forgotten about her. How the hell could I fight against her?

"Jacob Black, your life will end today," she told me. "Right _now_."

She inclined her head, and I recoiled despite my best intentions, waiting for the pain that would come, that would pin me to the floor, that would _kill me_. I nearly closed my eyes. Had I, I would have missed yet another key presence in the room as she stood at my side.

_Bella_.

No! What was she doing?

"Not today, bitch," she hissed. "You won't hurt Jacob again."

I wanted to tell her to run. Hadn't she listened to me before? I'd told her to escape! Not to be an idiot and try to fight too. This wasn't her fight. This wasn't her death. I wouldn't be responsible for that.

I waited for it—for that unavoidable moment where we'd both be flattened by Jane's power, and I'd be stuck, helpless, watching another woman I loved die.

But it didn't come.

"Kill her!" Jane commanded. "She's blocking me!"

There was a grin on Bella's face as I looked up at her. Her hands hung at her sides, and she stood relaxed, uncaring. Like she wasn't afraid of Jane at all.

And then I remembered...

Bella had a power of her own. Jane had taunted me about it before. Bella was the only one that could stand against Jane.

"I can block her power," Bella told me, smugly, as if she'd read my mind, "and I can keep it from touching anyone that I want. I can block _all _of their powers."

I stared at her, trying to remember the clumsy human that had always had to fight just to stay alive.

"Let's finish this, Jacob, and then, let's go home."

---

**Edward POV**

I felt myself receding into a very dark place. How foolish of me. How could I risk the safety of my wife like this? How had I not expected Aro to change his mind, to taunt us, to punish all of us—especially me—by taking Bella's life? I should have foreseen the possibility that he would have become vindictive after all of this time.

When Alice broke away from her vision, crying to us all that Aro had _accepted_ Bella's plea for death, I had become a dying man myself. I walked to the executioner's block with her. I could have killed _myself_. Such idiocy had made me blind! All of us so confident that Aro would not hold true to his always altering mood swings, that he wouldn't find it even a little amusing to kill Isabella, the love of my immortal life.

He would want to injure me like that. My daughter's death had not been enough.

When I started for the door—intent to take a plane to Italy, to fight and win or die too—Emmett and Jasper held me back. My brothers pinned me to the couch. Carlisle tried to speak reason. Esme looked anxious and worried, her hand hovering near her mouth.

It was only Alice that stopped me—that really, truly stopped me.

"Edward, don't. If you go, it will all end poorly. They will see through our lies. They'll guess that Nessie is still alive."

I slumped into the cushions of the couch, going limp against Jasper and Emmett's hold on me. Alice was right, of course. Going to Volterra to save the woman I was supposed to not love anymore would blow our entire cover to smithereens.

I could not save her. My wife's safety rested on Jacob Black's shoulders once again. How many debts would I owe him before this was over?

"Alice...I can't let anything happen to her."

Alice shook her head. "Jacob will protect her."

"Will he?" I choked.

Of course, she didn't know. There was no way to tell for sure. She couldn't see Jacob's future. She couldn't see Jacob _at all_. She could only see the Volturi and snippets of Bella when she wasn't standing too close to Jacob.

If anything happened to Bella, I wouldn't be able to survive. An eternity without her was an eternity spent in hell.

"Nessie?" Alice squeaked.

I looked up. My daughter stood at the bottom of the stairs, a small suitcase in her hand. I felt suddenly exhausted as I studied the angle of her chin.

"Where are you going?" I asked, weakly.

Her chin tilted further. "To Jacob."

---

**Bella POV**

"Jake!" I squealed.

Ripping the material of my shirt, Felix had lifted and thrown me after I'd torn a generous chunk of flesh from his chest. I slammed against the wall, a large painting stabbing into my shoulder before I dropped gracelessly to the ground. I saw only stars for a moment, my world lurching out from underneath me.

My focus slid for only a second, and Jane pounced on the opportunity. I heard Jacob whine as she attacked him, blinked away the stars, and saw him fall. In desperation, I exerted my shield so forcefully that it might have spanned all the way back to Forks as I fought to protect Jacob.

It worked, regardless, and Jake was back on four paws in no time.

I staggered to my own feet, locked my knees underneath me, and lunged back into the fray, wondering, fleetingly, if either of us would survive this battle.

---

**Jacob POV**

Bella fought valiantly. Both of us exerted ourselves to the limit, but Bella—shit—she took down Felix. As I sparred dangerously with Jane, I caught the sight of him falling out of the corner of my eye. Bella stood over him, her eyes wild, and another pile of vampire carnage was added to the floor.

The victory was short-lived, however, because reinforcements had finally arrived to help cover Aro's suddenly vulnerable ass.

I was human when I yelled, "Time to get out of here, Bells!" and wolf again as we ran together, hoping against hope for a clean escape.


	34. The Final Phase

**RPOV**

The waves rolled in as noisy whispers, hissing quietly against the sand. They kissed my toes gently as I sat at the edge where sand met water, scooping that sand into my hands and then letting it slip easily between the cracks of my fingers. I drew in a breath of the salty air and continued to wait. I'd been waiting for three hours now. Each minute that passed was torture. Each second that slipped away warned of a truth I didn't think I could ever accept, even if I had to sit on this beach for the rest of my life, glancing over my shoulder now and again to see Jacob's empty home.

A seashell surfaced upon my next handful of sand. I rubbed my thumb across its ridged surface and then tossed it away.

I hated waiting, not knowing. My mother's instructions had been brief and vague: Go to Panama City, stay at Jacob's house, wait for news.

My father hadn't exactly agreed with this plan, but I couldn't have been stopped for anything. After going forever without seeing or hearing from Jacob, I was ready to go to desperate measures to be near him, to do anything that might _put_ me near him. I'd clung to the second-hand instructions that I'd received, because they'd been from Jacob.

I had nothing to do but to wait, so I set on the shore, and I did just that. I counted the waves like the minute hand on a clock. Each time they rolled in, it signified even more passing of time. Each wave seemed more gruesome than the last, until I could hardly stomach watching them.

What had happened in Volterra? What had happened to my mom and to Jacob?

The sun was starting to set. It was becoming a purple bruise on the horizon, smudging colors in a sad and lonely display. The colors made me ache, each cresting wave made me ache. I wouldn't survive the night if he didn't show up.

But I didn't know what to expect. I was running only on assumptions now. I was _assuming _that I was in Florida waiting on Jacob. My mother hadn't said that this was what I would be waiting for. She had only told me to stay here for news. News of what? I hoped not of death.

I was becoming more and more pessimistic as time waned, as the sky darkened, as the waves crashed.

I leaned back into the sand, looking up at the sky. The closer it got to night, the cooler the weather was becoming. A breeze filtering through the beach brought a chill, and I thought, vaguely, of retreating to Jacob's house and waiting for him inside.

I closed my eyes and fell asleep.

"Ren."

Something pressed to my mouth. It was warm and soft. It smelled like earth and musk. I wanted to lean into it. I wanted to fall right down into it and be warm and safe forever. I sighed and opened my eyes. It was dark then, and it took a moment for Jacob to swim into my view.

I sat up with a start.

"Jake!"

I scrambled to my feet. I flung myself at him, hoping he wasn't a mirage.

"Ouch," he laughed.

"Oh. Oh, I'm sorry."

I pulled away, saw the dark lines of scratches and the coloring of bruises on his arms and neck and one on his cheek.

"What happened? Are you all right?"

He grinned. "It was a rough escape, but I'll be fine. I heal fast. It doesn't matter. There's something I need to tell you."

"Yes?"

"I love you."

He kissed me and lit my world on fire.

---

**JPOV**

Saying we'd narrowly made it out of Volterra was an understatement. It was only because we were fast, only because we'd surprised them by defeating Liam and Felix, that we'd gotten the advantage. Once we'd made it to the surface, we'd been almost home-free. Maybe I'd had to throw Bella's cloak over her and carry her most of the way to keep her out of the sunlight, but I'd made sure that we _stayed_ in that sunlight.

The vampires wouldn't follow, wouldn't risk a public scene.

And then I'd gotten Bella onto a plane. I'd made her several promises that I planned to keep, and then I'd kissed her, tenderly, on the forehead. She'd laughed when I'd told her that she was my hero, but I'd left her to board her plane while I went to hop mine with the confession that I would always love her in some way, and that I was sort of glad she'd dragged me into her bizarre world. I'd left her with that as I'd climbed onto my own plane, and I'd headed straight for Florida. I'd hoped that Ren would be there waiting, and I hadn't been disappointed.

Seeing her real and whole and alive, sleeping peacefully on the beach, I'd been a little overwhelmed. Near-death experiences were eye-openers. Realizing how much time I'd wasted fighting against something that could be perfect was painful to admit. I'd almost missed my chance. I wouldn't let it pass again.

"You have a lot of explaining to do," Ren murmured against my mouth.

I pulled her, gently, away. "First, tell me you'll give me another chance. Tell me that I haven't ruined everything."

She looked surprised. "How could you have ruined anything?"

"I didn't fight hard enough for you. You almost died."

Renesmee frowned. "It wasn't your fault, Jacob. No one was prepared for that."

She took my hands, looking incredibly sad.

"Tell me that you'll forgive me for not being there for you for... for Billy's funeral."

I sucked in a breath. I'd needed her then. More than I had needed anyone else.

"Your family was right to fake your death. It was better that you weren't there."

"Jake..."

"Look," I interrupted, "it's all over. Let's put it behind us."

"But—But what are we going to do? About the Volturi?"

I smiled. "If it's what you want, I'm going to move back to La Push. I want you to live in my dad's old place with me. We'll be safe there, with the pack and your family. I think your mom and I really intimidated them."

"M-My mom?" Renesmee shook her head. "Are you sure that's what you want? This is your choice, Jacob, not what you should feel forced to do."

"It _is_ what I want. I want to be with you," I told her. "I don't want to make any more mistakes. I want to be there for you and for my pack. I want to make up for everything."

She smiled. Her fingers drifted over my forearm, skirting around the cuts, though she rubbed past them tenderly.

"They hurt you, but you fought to come back to me."

I looked down at the cuts. "Yeah, but I'm a wolf. Everything will heal quickly. You're avoiding me though, Ren. You're changing the subject. Why?"

"I'm not changing the subject." Ren looked up at me. "I'm just gloating in the idea that you went through all of this for me. Selfish, right?"

I smirked. "As long as we're being selfish here, there's something I'd like to make up to you."

She lifted a brow. "Oh yeah? What's that?"

I slid my fingers underneath the hem of her shirt, skimming the smooth skin just under her bellybutton, and carefully pulled the shirt up and over her head. She gave a surprised squeak as I tossed the material to the sand, whipping her arms up to cover the mounds of her breasts that peaked over her bra.

"What are you doing?"she hissed.

She looked really beautiful in the moonlight as it washed over her alabaster skin. I stepped forward, hooked a finger at the top of her pants. Her eyes widened.

"That day that the Volturi showed up at my house, I was cutting firewood. I was going to make us a little fire, roast some marshmallows, and make love to you. It didn't get to happen, so you can see why I'd feel cheated, right?"

Ren licked her lips. It was probably an unconscious action on her half, but it certainly didn't go unnoticed by me. I'd spent the last several weeks swearing myself off as a permanent bachelor, thinking that Renesmee was dead. Now that I knew that she wasn't, a world of possibilities was opening up for me.

"Sure, I guess so," she murmured.

I worked the button of her pants loose.

"Any objections?"

She glanced down between us, watching my hand slide into her pants, between her skin and her panties.

"Nope," she breathed. "Not one."

---

**Two Days Later**

"Jacob...please. You realize your thoughts are broadcasting very clearly, I presume?" Edward choked. "I understand that my daughter...that Renesmee is your—your imprint, but understand, also, that it is taking some getting used to."

Leah snickered. I cast her what I hoped would be a silencing glare, but I could barely contain that grin that was fighting its way toward my mouth. Thinking about the airplane ride home with Ren hadn't been intentional, but, when you'd fucked in an airplane bathroom for the first time, it was sort of hard to stop yourself from reverting back to it, even if you_ were_ in the middle of forming a new treaty with a clan of vampires.

It'd been really hard to fit in that tiny bathroom. Ren had been precariously perched on the edge of the tiny sink, her panties around her ankles, her skirt parted for me. Sliding into her had been the most amazing fucking thing since our reunion sex on the beach.

"Jacob," Edward hissed.

Ren elbowed me in the ribs, her cheeks tinging pink. There was a coy smile on her lips that she attempted to cover by staring determinedly at the floor.

I coughed. "Sorry. Anyway, it's agreed then, right? Same treaty, a little more flexible. Being alpha, I think I can successfully negotiate any changes that might need to be made later."

Carlisle nodded from his place near the window. He kept turning, often, to glance over his shoulder, to stare out into the forest that lay on the other side of the glass. The Cullen's had all been anxious about the idea that the Volturi would retaliate.

Bella and I had assured them that they wouldn't. Not with the Cullens and the Quileutes working together. At least, not for awhile. Either way, Alice would see it coming, and, this time, we'd all be ready.

"It's agreed," Carlisle said. "Thank you, Jacob, for renewing the treaty."

I shrugged. "It's the right thing to do."

Ren snaked her hand over my leg and intertwined her fingers with mine.

"And I have sort of have personal reasons, of course."

Bella slid her arm around Edward's waist. "We're happy to add you to the family, Jake."

I smiled at her. Memories of unrequited feelings, of nightmares of her lost mortality, no longer surfaced. There was a tranquility between us that had not existed before her team-up in Volterra.

"I just can't believe that you guys fought the Volturi and made it back," Rosalie spoke up for the first time.

I smirked. "I was sort of surprised myself."

"Yeah, yeah, that's all great and all, but there's still one thing I just can't believe," Emmett said.

Emmett had obviously held a grudge against us for fighting the fight he had often dreamed of partaking in himself, a real test to prove his skill. I lifted my brows at him, sinking into the couch next to Renesmee, feeling more whole than I had in a long time.

Everything was perfect.

I glanced down at our hands clasped together.

_Almost perfect_, I amended, rubbing my thumb over her bare ring finger. It could be fixed.

Emmett shifted so that he sat at the edge of his seat, studying Bella curiously.

"Bella..." Emmett made a strange face. "Bella _killed_ someone? Seriously? You have to be shitting me. This pipsqueak killed _Felix_?"

Everyone laughed.

* * *

**Author Notes: **

So yeah, sorry to drop the bomb on you guys, but this is the end. ;) Or, almost! I have an epilogue in mind, but, for the story itself? This chapter is very end-like. Yes? I hope it's not as abrupt as it feels like, but this was the ending point for my outline, and the ending point the more I considered it.

My next project? Revenge Cake.

http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/5793332/1/Revenge_Cake

I'm allowing myself a small break though, until the contest ends on April 20th. So, until then, I'll just be floating around relaxing. Other than that, leave me reviews, let me know what you think, and don't flame too hard. Remember, there's an epilogue in the works to appease those that feel the ending wasn't enough.


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